This shouldn't be happening.

How in all the hells didn't he know about this sooner?

The first time that he'd heard of the child's existence, that had been Kylo's one and only question. How could he possibly not know?

She must have found a way to hide it from him. She must have had help. Kylo knew exactly who to blame for that, though perhaps his mother had a hand in keeping this secret from him as well.

It had been five years since he'd last seen the Scavenger. Five years since he'd had her so close but she'd still somehow managed to slip away. To leave him utterly alone and move on with her life like he and the Bond had meant absolutely nothing to her.

And now the proof of just how far she'd moved on is laying unconscious on a small bed in front of him.

How could she have had a child and managed to not only keep it secret from the universe but from him as well?

No. It wasn't possible. It simply wasn't.

And yet there he is. Her son. Her son with someone other than him. The sum of all his innermost fears merged together into a living, breathing thing.

Kylo kneels down next to the cot, confidant both in the potency of the Force sleep that he's put the boy under as well as that his men will leave him well alone for this. He had felt their thrums of curiosity and bewilderment when he'd ordered the boy to be spared during the siege and brought to him.

Perhaps they had thought him to be Kylo's own child?

It would be an understandable mistake. Even despite knowing better, the similarities between he and the boy were striking. As if the Force was trying to apologize to the Universe for allowing Rey to bear another man's child by bestowing upon him the traits that he should have carried to begin with.

Kylo reaches out and turns the limp body slightly so he can see him clearer. The boy he has his dark hair, a shade lighter than Kylo's own now but close to what he himself had at that same age. And his skin is lightly tanned, matching his mother's.

Rey. She had put up a vicious fight, exactly like any momma bear defending her cub would do. Many were lost from both sides, but he had ultimately succeeded in his goal: find the child and take him away from the woman who would dare to do this to him.

Rey's time will come too. Or at least that's what he has to tell himself. She will come for him, and this time Kylo will be ready. For now, he will have to settle on having just half of the equation.

When he touches him, he's very careful about it. Gently taking the boy's shoulder and turning him over fully despite knowing that he does nothing will wake him yet. The child feels substantial, despite his small frame. He feels… real. But he's not.

Kylo leans closer, taking a longer look and debating which of the million different threads of possible action to take. The boy has his mother's features. A small, pointed nose. The same chin, jaw, and even the same scattering of freckles over his cheeks. It comes as a sharp relief, though Kylo couldn't say why.

Knowing that the child looks more like Rey than his wretched father is… faintly comforting. But only just.

He can't actually exist, can he? None of these last five years spent searching, searching, searching can be anything more than an unending nightmare. A trauma punctuated by finally finding him and seeing the truth first-hand.

He doesn't even know the child's name. He should have asked for that. Maybe, if he allows boy to wake up, he'll ask him.

Kylo pushes slightly into his mind, careful not to go too powerfully or hurt him because he's almost never done this to a child before and doesn't know how much or little of the strength to use.

And there it is: the first strum of energy within the child. Bright and endless with so much of the Light and barely even the faintest traces of shadows to sully a pristine mind. The boy is filled with the power of the Force, even if he probably doesn't know it yet.

Of course, with his mother being who she is, it should come as no surprise. The powers that she passed on are surely so great that they will outshine even the contamination of his father being a lowly pilot.

Gods, that fucking pilot… Even thinking of Dameron ruins Kylo's moment of quiet awe, and he slips out of the child's mind before he loses his temper.

All those years ago, Kylo should have never let the pilot live. So much could have been avoided if he'd simply snuffed out his life when he'd had the opportunity to.

An odd pull at his mind and Kylo frowns before realizing the origin. The Force inside the boy is yanking at him, having latched on to the presence of the intruder even if their mental link had lasted for just a few seconds.

It's like he's already learning, working to free himself of the hold of sleep inflicted upon it by trying to untangle from Kylo's will. And he's nearly done it, too. Nearly broken out of the Force sleep by pure instinct alone.

His powers, though untrained and only barely starting to develop, are nothing short of remarkable. Impressed doesn't even begin to describe how Kylo feels to the effort, clumsy and uncertain though it is.

To be so young and to have so much power… it's too dangerous. Kylo knows what Snoke will ask of him. How long will he be able to keep him secret? Wouldn't it be kinder to simply kill him now before he is used, dangled, as some sort of bait in his master's tangled web?

It's not like Kylo hasn't killed children before, either directly or otherwise. But this is different. This is Rey's son. A piece of the woman that he's forever bonded to. What would killing him do to her? To either of them?

Kylo reaches out, hovering his open palm over the boy's head and shrugging back the sudden impulse within him to stroke the hair out of the small face. If he were to do this...do it now. Do it quickly. That would be the only way.

The boy's eyes shoot open then to that thought.

His power eclipsing Kylo's own as he pushes through and breaks out of his artificial sleep. Though, to be fair to himself, Kylo had done nothing to stop him from freeing himself. Almost welcomed the effort because it took such a horrible decision out of his hands.

Rey.

And the child has Rey's eyes. The same beautiful color, and they're glaring up at him. Terrified and full of tears ready to be shed, but also resilient. Vibrant.

Kylo drops his hand. Stares down at him in silence and allows the boy to poke at his mind with his own, feeling for the nature of the black presence looming over him but then recoiling at the first touch of darkness that he encounters.

He's terrified, Kylo realizes. Confused and afraid and wanting his mother. He knows she's not around, and Kylo can't help but feel a mean sense of relief that he doesn't even try once to seek out his father.

"Can you speak?" Kylo asks, wincing inwardly at how nonhuman his voice sounds through his vocoder. "What's your name?"

The boy stays still and says nothing. Of course he can speak, a child his age certainly should be able to, but he's choosing not to. Too afraid of Kylo and his perhaps knowing the thoughts that had been going through his captor's mind just moments before he awoke from his unnatural rest.

Kylo can see his own reflection, masked and ferocious, reflected in the boy's eyes. The seals the deal for him. He can't do this. Can't bring himself to even lift a finger against this child. Because, if he were to, he would lose his mother forever. Rey might even sever their bond, and she'd be well within her rights to.

"You're safe," he tells the child, dropping his hand away and standing up.

The boy doesn't move, doesn't blink. No outward emotions to Kylo's promise, but he means it nonetheless. He will take the boy under his protection. Find a way to keep him safe from his Master. Somehow.

Kylo turns away abruptly, summoning in two stormtroopers. They are apprehensive about entering the room. Fully expecting to have to remove a small dead body. Do they really think he's that much of a monster?

He nearly was. Nearly.

But now he's every bit as relieved as the troops when he tells them to take the boy to a cell and to be watchful of him as he is strong with the Force. His cell should be comfortable, but very secure. If the child is anything like his mother, and Kylo is willing to wager that he is, then he's a natural born escape artist and will need to be watched very carefully.

Snoke… Snoke will understand. Kylo will by himself as much time as he can, but when he inevitably finds out… Kylo will make him understand. He will find a way.

Kylo opens his eyes.

He'd been asleep. Deeply and having the strangest of dreams. It had been so vivid, felt so real, more like an omen in warning then a true nightmare. As if the Force itself was telling him to get his act together and go get his girl before it's too late.

Part of him wanted to go back to sleep. See how the rest of his vision would play out and how much he could change it now that he knew what it was. But then something had changed. Something in the real world had awoken him.

He's in his own bed on his ship. Sweaty, tangled in his sheets, and with a heart racing so fast that he is amazed he hadn't woken up sooner.

And Rey is still there, in the room that he'd given her but won't permit her to leave.

He reaches out to her on instinct, completing the first stage of his morning ritual as soon as his mind is coherent enough. Her presence is as soothing as ever, especially after such a troubling night. He can feel Rey so close to him, just a few short minutes walk from his own room. Her soul glows like an ember that will never fade in the back of his mind.

And, with his head still reeling between two worlds, he reaches out for the boy. Seeks to see if he's awake and upset or is still sleeping peacefully, forgetting already the dark presence that had loomed over him in threat.

Nothing. Oh. Of course there's nothing.

He was just a figment of his imagination, after all. A mute token of Kylo's diseased mind.

That knowledge creates a dull pain somewhere deep in his heart. He really is hopeless, isn't he? Mourning the loss of a child that never even existed to begin with.

Not that there will ever a child in his life, and he's come to accept that. Still… It's a bitter pill to swallow. A few moments spent in a false world of if-only made for a pleasant distraction from the darkness he surrounds himself by.

Darkness indeed, but it hasn't been so bad recently. Much better for these last few days and he can't remember a time he last felt so content.

Because he still has her. She's there and she's real and this is the closest he's ever been to her, both in body and in soul.

Last night had been special. He'd thought they'd had a breakthrough. They must have, in fact, because now… now she's trying to run away.

Master?

He can hear her call it out through the universe, seeking out Skywalker to come rescue her before she falls in too deep. Silly girl, she already is so far past the point of no return. They both are.

But when such an opportunity arises, he must take advantage of it.

Kylo pushes all thoughts of his strange dream to the farthest corers of his mind. It truly hadn't meant anything, just a byproduct of having his bondmate so close but still so far away. He can analyze it later, or perhaps not at all.

For now, it's a simple matter to drift off into a meditation trance and spy on what that duplicitous little Scavenger girl of his is trying to get up to.

author's note:

Not sure if I like this or not. I think this premise worked better in my head than it came across in writing, but I've been wanting to write an angsty DaddyKylo story for a long time. And this way I get to do it but keep it firmly in the dark and deranged space between Kylo's ears so it doesn't mess up the main storyline of the series.

Next chapter: Dream Kylo and Rey's son have their first meeting, prompting him to plot ways to bring MommyRey over into snatch-and-grab distance. We're pretty much talking about bag over the head & shove into a trunk territory. Meanwhile, Realife Kylo has just been dumped by his special lady and has all kinds of issues to work through.