"Come on, Kakarott! You never want to do any of the cool things I do," Vegeta groaned in restlessness. "And it's just a harmless joke for crying out freaking loud. It's not like it's actually going to hurt any of your dumb human friends." And even if it was, they'd totally deserve it for being such insufferable losers, he thought wickedly to himself.
"Uh, no," came his past nemesis's annoyed response. "You don't seem to understand how fragile humans are in comparison to us saiyans, Vegeta. A fall on a hard surface could break their backs."
Vegeta suppressed the urge to scoff. He glared at his obstinate subject, who continued to flip from channel to channel—pretty much just ignoring the commanding presence of his prince. "If we were on Planet Vegeta, I could totally have you crucified for defying me like this," he fumed under his breath, bewailing the unjust fate that enabled this country bumpkin to completely disregard the other's regal authority.
All that received was a disinterested grunt from the insolent peasant.
"Alright, fine!" Vegeta spat, fed up. "Be a baka. See if I care. I'm never helping you come up with an April Fools' prank ever again." He stomped noisily out of the Capsule Corp living room, but quickly glanced back. Nothing. The idiot did nothing but gape idiotically at the blaring idiot box that sat before his disloyal idiocy's idiotic face.
Stupid goody-goody, Vegeta seethed, glowering at the placid non-sinner as he sprawled out on the couch in carefree delirium and emitted a drowsy yawn. I guess ignorance really is bliss. A sudden smirk tugged at the left corner of the prince's lips as a new plot came to mind.
Vegeta popped back in through the open doorway and casually leaned against the wall, filing his fingernails and playing it cool. "You know, Kakarott, to be perfectly honest I'm rather glad you won't behave like a saiyan."
"Hm," came yet another inattentive response.
The prince fought back a tremor of outrage and took a deep breath. He reclined against the wall again, looking casual as ever. "If you did," he calmly droned, "I might very well have to show you some degree of respect, Kami forbid. Imagine that… prince of all saiyans respecting a third-class baka." He snuck a brief glance at the other saiyan. "Heck, I probably wouldn't even be able to call you that anymore," he mused. "If you were up to the task, I'll bet you could earn your way into the elites. Blows my narrow, twisted mind just thinking about it."
"Not working, Vegeta," Goku stood up and paced toward the kitchen, intent on obtaining a buttery bowl of popcorn from Mrs. Briefs if possible.
"I might even have to step down from my title," speculated the prince, raising his voice ever so slightly. "Picture this: Kakarott, prince of all saiyans… no, no—make that king of all saiyans. Thaaaaaat's right. Kakarott, king of the whole saiyan race. Damn, I never would've thought…"
An involuntary smirk contorted Vegeta's lips as the allegedly 'pure-hearted' warrior came to a sudden halt just two feet from the doorway leading to the kitchen.
"It's like rags to riches, y'know?" exhorted the cunning elite, unyielding as ever. "You'd be more than just a living legend, my dear foe—err" he cleared his throat, "I mean… friend."
The prince paused, taking a moment to painfully swallow his pride. "Technically," he reluctantly began, "you did become a Super Saiyan first. And if you actually started acting like a saiyan… well, all the parts would just fall into place, now wouldn't they?"
Goku remained still.
Vegeta kept a sly eye on the back of the other saiyan's head. "Wouldn't they… Kakarott?" the prince reiterated, noting the nearly imperceptible flinch in the other figure upon accentuating his name. Vegeta gave a brief laugh. "Yup," he jested, "that would sure teach my arrogant royal ass a lesson, wouldn't it? Seriously, Kakarott… how could maintaining the lame-O friendship of a bunch of pitiful earthlings possibly compare to winning the respect of a cocky asshole like me? I want you to think about this now, really stew over the possibilities."
Goku spun on a heel and glared at the relentless pest. "Look, Vegeta," he spilled. "I don't want to subjugate you, but…" he paused.
Vegeta had to suppress a smirk.
"Quite honestly…" Goku construed, apparently with some degree of reluctance. "It would be nice to get just a tad more respect from you."
"I bet it would, Kakarott. I bet it would," the prince needled.
Goku made a disgruntled noise and rolled his eyes in exasperation.
Vegeta ignored him and continued the charade. "But to get either," he chirped, using a singity-songity voice to further goad the other saiyan, "you're going to have to act just a little more… saiyan, shall we say."
"Alright, Vegeta, what are you up to?" Goku charged, giving the prince a reproachful glare.
Vegeta hung his shoulders in response, as if he had finally decided to spill the beans after much deliberation. "Well… it's just that…" he began hesitantly. "It's just that I don't really have anyone to… well… to just be a saiyan with, you know?" he rued, forcing on a look of helplessness before meeting his subject's eye. "All you earth-dwellers act so civil 24/7 and, for me, well… being an absolute depraved animal on the inside with no depraved animal companions to fraternize with… it can get rather lonely. If you know what I mean." He paused to let out a sigh. "In fact, it can really tear you apart, K-Kakarott," he rehashed, making every effort to appear as afflicted as saiyanly possible.
"Funny…" Goku chided, narrowing his eyes. "You certainly didn't seem to spare any time or thought when it came to exterminating your only other saiyan companion Nappa," Goku reminded him, aspiring to shoo the pesky prince out of the room before Bulma returned for movie night.
Vegeta suppressed the urge to roll his eyes, not discouraged in the least by the trifling criticism. "I hate to break this to you, Kakarott," he paused, feigning a look of grief. "But… but Nappa was a traitor. When I was a kid, he was supposed to be my bodyguard and… well, let's just say he betrayed me. Many times, in fact. I had to get rid of him for the sake of self-defense," he construed, pulling it all straight out of his ass. "Don't worry, I won't burden you with all the… with all the disheartening details."
The punitive look immediately dropped from Goku's face. "Oh…" he stammered. "I'm… I'm sorry, Vegeta. I didn't realize all that."
"It's okay… it's just… now you know," sighed the prince, internally gleaming that his theatrics had worked.
There was a long pause as Goku stared at his feet, feeling guilty about the brash remarks he had made.
"For what it's worth," Vegeta consoled, "your brother was comparatively quite the comrade. Both in battles and in bars."
"Really?" Goku peeped, looking up at the prince blithely.
"Yup. One of the best, Kakarott. One of the best. That's why I had such high hopes for you. I pray you forgive me for my silly optimism."
Goku looked at him sadly. "Aw… it's okay to be optimistic, Vegeta," he countered, taking a step toward him.
"No, no!" the prince howled, turning away with mock devastation in his eyes. "I was a fool, Kakarott. A naïve fool. I even dare say a damned fool. I should never have projected your awesome sibling's rambunctious nature onto you." He looked down at the carpet and sighed.
Goku did the same.
"You see…" Vegeta spoke again. "I've just come to realize that… that I've been living with this crazy idea that you…" he gave the other saiyan an indicative glance.
Goku readily met his gaze.
"…that you, Kakarott," he continued, "might very well harbor a sort of deranged party monster on the inside—a deeply repressed beast I prayed to Kami might inevitably break free one of these days." He fell silent and turned away again.
Goku thought he heard a sniffle.
"I now know…" the prince shakily began. "I n-now know that…" he stammered, pausing to take a gulp.
"Yeah?" Goku encouraged.
"I now know that this b-beautiful creature of my wildest saiyan fantasies must have been wiped clean out of existence the day you banged your head," he cracked out, finishing tactfully with an "all those many years ago."
Goku's frown deepened as he peered at the back of the prince's head for an extended moment. He had never meant to be the cause of so much longing and disappointment in his fellow saiyan.
"I won't require you to tolerate my absurd idealism any longer," the prince abruptly blurted. "P-please excuse me." He started to trudge away, appearing totally dejected.
"Wait!" Goku cried, grabbing him by the right bicep before he could leave.
Vegeta concealed an insidious curl of the lips. "Yes?"
"Okay," Goku relented. "I'm not so sure about the banana peel gag, but what was that other thing you wanted to try?"
The prince's smirk widened.