Hey there! It's been a fairly long while since I took a foray into the world of fanfiction, but I've had this chapter in the works for a little while now, as I have recently managed to slip back into this fandom pretty hard, so I just decided to pop it up to see what was made of it. I'm fairly certain my writing style has changed in the time I've been away, since I was last writing fanfic's seriously in...04 - 05 I think. But hey! It' can't hurt to try! So here we go.

Disclaimer - The standard of course, not mine.

Warnings - Homosexuality, or at least talking about it at this point. Angst I suppose?

That thin line.
There's a very thin line between love and hate.

Chapter One :: Unforgiven.

"I think I died the day you left me. " The words slipped as a quiet murmur from the downturned lips of Heero Yuy.

He knew it couldn't really be true. He couldn't have died a physical death. He could hardly be standing leant against a wall thinking these thoughts if he was really dead, at least he didn't think he could. On top of that he figured he'd probably feel a little different as well, being dead couldn't be the same as being alive. Then again... he didn't really feel very alive.

He had been talking very quietly, not really intending to speak the words aloud, but even his quiet, very distracted voice had been enough to catch the attention of his companion that day. Said companion was a man built more slightly than Heero was, with a softer frame, softer skin, softer hair and softer eyes. Soft eyes coloured somewhere between blue and green which were now fixed on him, a look of curiosity in them as they took in Heero's unusual mood.

"Oh Heero..." Quatre wished there was more he could say. "Try not to be so bleak."

The other young man ignored the blonde however.

"It's a beautiful day today, but I really don't care Quatre. Outside there are people walking and talking, arm in arm, hand in hand, wrapped up in each other. But I really don't care. There are so many smiling faces, we're only one floor up and yet you can still see right down to the street, you can hear them talking. They all sound so happy. But I really don't care."

"Heero... please be quiet." Not something he ever thought he would have to say to Heero Yuy. Though once again he was staunchly ignored by the other ex pilot. "This isn't going to help..." Quatre knew it was pointless to try. Currently his words were falling on deaf ears.

"Or maybe I do care. Maybe I care more than I want to admit." He shifted his pose to look right at the blonde. "In fact... I think I care so much that I hate them. Every single one of them."

"No Heero."

"I hate them for their smiles."

"They've done nothing wrong..."

"I hate them for their laughter."

"They're only living their lives."

"I hate them for their happiness and their love."

"Oh Heero please don't."

"I hate them all for having something I don't even care to want any more."

"They're just happy... they're enjoying the peace... I wish you could enjoy it as well."

"Well I can't. And I'm surprised you can either."

"Of course I can." The remark was delivered in a rather dismissive tone. "You know it's what I wanted for the world Heero, and I still believe it's what you want now even with all your talk of hate and disinterest. I still believe this is how you want the world to be."

"Of course you do Quatre. You'll always believe the best. It's a failing."

"No it's not. I have to believe it. I have to believe what happens is for the best. It's the only way to go through life with a smile."

"So stop smiling."

"No."

"Why not? It's annoying..." The darker haired young man turned to look out the window again, eyes fixed on the street, one dark blue and angry, the other cloudy, paler in colour, a white film covering the intense iris. One could see. One could not.

The blonde shifted himself up to his feet, moving over to his friend. "Because I like to smile. It makes me feel better... and I like to be able to smile for him when he's here." He reached a hand out to touch Heero's arm.

"Of course... think he likes your smile... though he never says it. He never tells you anything." Heero's tone was bitter. It often was on days like this.

"He doesn't have to... I understand him." Quiet word intended to explain slipped from the blondes' lips in response. They were only met with a cruel rebuttal though.

"You're pathetic." His tone was flat.

"I'm not. I'm in love." Once again, gentle understanding softened the reply.

"It's pathetic."

"Then you're just as bad as I am."

"...I know." Finally the deadpan voice softened again, as the young Asian turned his eyes back to Quatre. "I didn't mean to be cruel..."

"You did, but it's okay. I forgive you." Quatre replied. "I'll always forgive you."

"It's a bad day."

"I know."

"Every day's a bad day..." Heero's tone was drier than usual, the blonde chuckled very slightly.

"I know Heero. Every day since he left."

"I don't forgive him, you know that?"

"I know..."

"And you're only keeping me around because he asked you to." An accusatory note had touched his voice again.

"That's unfair." The words actually sounded a little upset.

"It's not. It's true. If he hadn't called you and asked you come, you wouldn't have. You wouldn't have known a thing."

"It was two years ago Heero, and I've not thrown you out have I? It's true that he did call me, and it is also true that if he hadn't I might not have come to find you... but it wasn't for his sake that I did... I was angry with him as well, for a very long time, and you know I still can't really accept his choice, but I have to keep trying."

"You think I should as well..." Heero's tone was laced with accusation.

"I think it would make you feel better if you didn't let it affect you so badly..." A very careful reply.

"And if you were me?" It wasn't so much a question as a demand.

"I know that if it was me, to this day I still wouldn't have stopped crying." Quatre's voice had fallen almost to a whisper as he answered Heero's demand.

"I never cried."

"I know you didn't. We're very different people Heero."

Heero sighed then, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, leaning slightly towards the smaller man, who lifted a hand to push Heero's hair from his eyes. The taller man shifted his head to the side, out of reach, so Quatre once again dropped his hand.

"You can't ask me to accept what he did if you wouldn't be able to Quatre." Heero stated, his tone almost tired. "We've had this conversation so many times, and every time you make yourself a hypocrite."

"I know." Quatre replied sadly, a bittersweet smile touching his lips. "And I'm sure it won't be the last time either, you know us. We're going end up having it again... I never know what else to say, so I say the same thing as the time before."

"Nothing you can say can make this any better Quatre." Heero's words were quiet again. "I don't know why you try."

"Oh Heero!" For just the barest moment the blonde actually sounded irritated with the Japanese man. "You know why! Because you're my friend for all that you're rude, hurtful and utterly awful to me sometimes." He gave the Asian a firm push in the arm, it was half serious, half an attempt at being playful. Heero had the grace to react to the shove and actually took a step away.

"I know... sorry. I just... last night..."

"You were dreaming again, weren't you? I thought that had stopped?"

"It has, mostly..." Heero's eyes were once again fixed on surveying the happy people walking up and down the street. Half way down it a couple were having a fight... they didn't register though, they'd make it up, they'd be fine again... happy. In love. "They just come back from time to time." Quatre was simply nodding at him, but all of a sudden even the blondes quiet presence was more than Heero could cope with, and he turned away, quite sharply from the window, bumping Quatre aside. "I'm going to read. Don't disturb me." His tone was utterly cold again, and rather harsh.

Quatre didn't fall however, this was... fairly normal. This was who Heero had become after the war. "Okay Heero." He stated as his friend reached the door that would take him out of the large living room and opened it, the blonde turned himself to go back to the sofa, but was halted by his name.

"Quatre...?"

"Yes Heero...?"

"Thank you."

"Ah... no problem Heero, enjoy your book." The door closed and Quatre settled himself down. Gosh Heero Yuy could be a difficult friend at times...He had been getting better though... up until the... incident. From then it was worse... but things had taken a real downwards spiral two years ago... the day Duo Maxwell left.

So there is the end of the first chapter. I'm going to write up more, hopefully at the weekend, as I'll probably post a few more chapters even if there's no real interest, just for the fun of it. But if you feel like dropping me a review, that is of course always welcome!

Thanks for reading!

Lora Helen. x