I feel my voice catch in my throat as it goes to voicemail and I slam my phone closed. What was I thinking? Who calls a child after you have been dumped? A loser, that's who and I am a big, stinking one, complete with neon sign I might add. He is a child and too immature to understand the complexities of something so big, so world-shattering, so… who am I kidding? I am the child. He may be young but the compassion and understanding he shows in his old soul is one I will always envy.
I am scared, petrified of what is to come. I always thought I was alone but now I know I am truly living this life alone for my safety net was shattered tonight. I have often felt that people are not given more than they can handle but as my world shatters below my feet I know that too often that is not the case. Temperance Brennan shattered tonight. Lying dead and broken on this park bench, I know it is just the beginning and all my fault.
I love him. Why isn't that enough? Why am I not enough? Was I ever the one he spoke of so fondly or just another mark on his bedpost? Was his love mantra just a lie to get me to sleep with him?
No. It can't be. That is not the man I know, not the man I love. Was it me? Am I that much of a dysfunctional reject that I couldn't see all signs? It has to be me, it just as to.
I look up from feet to watch the man I love walk slowly away. He didn't need to tell me this was the end, it was written all over his face. No words were ever needed with us; our bodies just did all the talking but as I sit her on the cool park bench I know that my body just wasn't enough. Maybe if I would have said something he would have stayed but it is too late to live in the realm of possibilities now. He is gone.
My mother always told me when my day came I would know what to do but as the sun starts setting on my shining moment, my one true salvation I feel my world slipping through my fingers. Maybe I have one last chance.
"Booth…" I whisper and briefly he pauses, "I… I…" My voice falters as the tears overtake me.
How can the one who always said he would stay leave me? What did I do that was so unforgivable?
I watch him walk to his car and drive away before I do the same. Staying there will only remind me of all the good times we had and now that seems so unobtainable. Being happy will forever be out of reach. The drive home is short and I find myself standing at my doorway before I know it. My tears being my only confidant tonight, I know this will become the new norm. For I will cry every night until I am reunited with the man I love. Even if I die before then, I will mourn what we had until my dying breath.
Cold, broken and a shadow of what I once was is all I have left. For he took my heart and soul tonight. He may have never known it but he has had my heart all along. I was always his and will always be. Even if I never see him again, he was my one shot at happiness. Now that my chance as come and gone, it was worth every heartbreak to see his smile shine brightly or just to hear him laugh once. I'd give anything to make him happy. Anything. My phone vibrates in my palm and I answer, not caring if the world sees how broken I truly am.
"Hello?" My voice is horse as I slump against the wall, barely making in my apartment before my legs give way under me.
"Bones…" Parker's voice is a slightly frantic whisper, "My daddy is crying…"
"I know…" I lightly choke up, "I… I just…"
"Did you tell him you love him?" He asks earnestly without hesitation.
"Parker it is not that simple." I try to pacify the child as quickly as I can.
"But did you? Did you tell him you love him? Daddy needs to know you love him. He NEEDS to know, Bones." His voice hitches, "He needs to or else. You're the only one who makes daddy happy and I… I can't see daddy not happy. Bones, please?... for me just this once?"
"Parker… I…"
"You tell me you love me all the time. Why can't you tell him?" He tries to use logic on me and if I wasn't on the verge of a breakdown I might find it endearing but it just makes the pain that much deeper.
"Park, we are adults and it is… complicated."
"You always tell me to tell the truth. Why won't you? You and daddy seemed so happy last night… why can't you go back to then? I won't even say anything when you sleep in daddy's bed… I'll knock, I promise I will!" I hear sorrow filter through his voice and it breaks my heart to cause him this much distress, "After mommy died, you're all I got left. Please Bones… please. Tell him you love him. Make him happy… please." The boy pleads.
"Park… I…"
"You want money?" I hear coins slide across the table and a sigh, "I got five bucks and sixty three cents. That enough?"
"I don't want your money Parker," I lightly chuckle. "Put it away."
"Then what do you want?" He desperately pleads.
"I… I want him to love me back." I candidly slip.
"He… oh hi dad." I hear Parker's voice softens and the phone jerk between the two Booth boys.
"I am sorry but my son cannot have any phone calls this late at night." His voice is stern and I can hear the glare through the phone line.
"Booth… I… I…"
"Bones?" His voice strains and squeaks, "Park we are going to have to have a talk about calling her. Her number is off limits, you hear me boy?" He practically barks and I cringe at the sight. What have I done?
"I… I…" I stutter, trying to force the words out before I hear him hang up but the click seals my fate, "I love you… I love you more than I ever should… more than I ever thought possible. Booth… you… you complete me." I whisper into the dead line.
I slowly walk to the bathroom, make it just inside and slam the door shut before I crack. My body falls into a heap on the floor, trying to force myself to believe he will come back but I know the truth. I have lost him… for good and that is a weight I cannot bear.
My world begins to spin and I close my eyes against the tile, praying for this hell to end. I wake up from my haze to find my head pounding in sync with the knocking on the door and I am sent out of my revere. I slowly walk to the door, open it and gasp.
"Parker… what are you doing here?" I look around but find only the child before me.
"You love dad…" He places his hand in mine and smiles, "and he needs to know."
"Parker, how did you get here?" I follow the young boy into my apartment and shut the door behind us.
"It doesn't matter." He walks to fridge and grabs a juice box, "All that matters is I am here now."
"Parker…" I glare as he situates himself on my couch, refusing to leave.
"He needs to know, Bones. And you need to tell him." He looks up at me and a single stray tear falls, "He told you. I know… I hear it."
He shifts in his seat and finishes his juice box before looking up again.
"You will tell him, Bones. You will tell him you love him tonight."