Love is a drug, which is best given up
AN: I'm going to apologise for the angst in advance. Slight AU, where Jacob didn't imprint on Renesmee, set post Breaking Dawn.
Enjoy.
One look was all it took and Seth knew; knew that he would never be the same again. He had imprinted. Under most circumstances this would be a joyous occasion, a time for celebration and sheer perfection, but not this time; not for Seth. How had this happened? Why him? Of all the people in the world he could've imprinted on, why did it have to be Jacob?
He hadn't known that it was even possible to imprint on another wolf, especially a male one. He was sure that it had never happened before, or if it had it had never been mentioned in the entire history of the wolves. He had always believed the purpose of imprinting was reproduction, a way of continuing their species. It didn't make sense to imprint on someone who couldn't reproduce, as well as another wolf. It must mean that the reason for the imprint was so much more than had been originally assumed.
Seth had always thought that he would never imprint; he was gay so had thought an imprint to impossible for him to experience. In a way that had made him glad, he would be able to go through life without any worries that the person he was with was or wasn't right for him. Of course fate had to intervene to make his life complete and utter hell. Logically he knew that if a male imprint was possible then it would happen to a gay werewolf such as himself.
However, this didn't explain how he had managed to imprint on another wolf and Jacob of all people. While it was true that he had always admired and looked up to Jacob, hell he'd even harboured a small crush on the Alpha, he never expected to imprint on the guy. If Jacob ever found out, he would hate Seth, and Seth couldn't even bear the thought of that happening to him.
Jacob had always been a source of strength and great comfort to him. He couldn't lose him; it would kill him. Especially now the imprint had taken hold. In the space of mere moments Jacob had become the single most important thing in his life, a fact that made him feel both fearful and ecstatic.
Seth knew that without acknowledgement and acceptance of the imprint that he would suffer considerable pain and heartache. But to him it was worth it, if it meant his secret would be safe. Better complete ignorance than hate and rejection. If Jacob found out and then rejected him (which he would) then Seth would have to leave the pack completely. He didn't know where he would go but knew he would have to get away or die.
He'd heard stories of rejected imprints where the wolf had gone insane, locked in their own minds by their own agony and suffering, before withering away into nothing. He couldn't even begin to imagine that happening to him, and he knew he wouldn't be strong enough to make it through; Jacob was the strong one, not him. The best thing that he could do was keep quiet. By saying nothing his heart should be protected against rejection, loss and complete insanity. It was better this way.
However, hiding the imprint from Jacob would be exceptionally difficult, every time that Seth shifted, his thoughts would no longer be his own, so there would be a strong possibility that Jacob would find out. Hiding something while in wolf form; especially from his Alpha would almost impossible. Seth would have to remain in human form nearly all the time until he had perfected blocking off his mind from the rest of the pack. Blocking required perfect concentration and drive in order for the barriers to be successful.
Another less obvious problem was Edward. Seth had always enjoyed spending time with Edward, not caring that he was a vampire, more concerned with the person that Edward was, not the monster many perceived him to be. But from now one he would no longer be able to visit Edward, the vampires mind-reading abilities would surely catch onto the worry in Seth's mind about the imprint. Edward was the only one who knew Seth was gay on the first place so would make the whole alienation all the more difficult. Now that he had come to the conclusion, that he should not shift and couldn't see either Edward of Jacob his heart plummeted. He had to give up doing the things he loved in order to hide his devotion to Jacob.
If doing all this meant his secret was safe then it would be worth it. If it meant that he could still hold on to Jacob's friendship and respect then he would do it. For if Jacob ever found out, their previous friendship would be in tatters; Seth would be alone with his broken heart that would never mend.
The days that passed saw Seth isolating himself from his family and his friends. He spent days locked away in his room, never allowing anyone in to see him and barely leaving his room; except to use the bathroom. He barely ate or slept, he just lay there hoping his suffering would lessen. He knew that everyone was worried about him, the constant phone calls and texts off the Cullen's and stream of werewolves visiting his house demanding to see him were proof of that, but he never replied or let anyone see him.
More days passed by and Seth became weaker, he hadn't shifted in over a week and had spent even longer away from Jacob. His heart had completely shattered and his body had all but given up. Now he barely managed to get out of bed at all anymore. The once chipper and happy member of the wolves had broken, nothing but a mere shadow of his former self.
His once healthy, glowing skin had now become paler; almost greying, lacking its usual glow. Unhealthy, dark circles lined his eyes, giving him a haunted and sunken look. But the most striking change was Seth's eyes. Those eyes that used to sparkle and radiate joy; that could look into someone else's eyes and pass on his happiness had dulled. All the life they had once possessed was gone, replaced with anguish, pain and loss.
TBC