Warning(s): Attempt at suicide. Implied man/man relations. The f-word once or twice.
Author's Note: I have absolutely NO idea how Rin actually died. I sort of like this, and I sort of don't. I like the first few paragraphs, but I don't really like the ending. This is horribly out of character.
Something woke him up. What it was, he would never know. But it made him shoot into a sitting position in his bed, gasping for the cold night air to fill and sting his lungs. A freezing wind brushed over his sweaty skin, leading a chill down his spine. His eyes seemed to take their time adjusting to the moonlight filtering in through the half-open door. His mind took a second to comprehend what he was looking at until another frigid breeze swept across his body.
A shadow from outside the door was present for just a second before it moved away again.
Minato turned to the empty side of the bed, confused as to why the younger boy wasn't there. Swearing softly, he roughly pushed the thin sheet off of his sticky body and harshly pulled on his discarded pants, tripping as he tried to move forward at the same time. He caught himself on one knee with a hand wrapped onto the door and pulled it open, nearly ripping it out of the sliding track.
Kakashi stood facing the moonlight, casting a dark shadow over Minato. His silver hair was shining white while his bare, pale arms seemed to take the silvery blue color of the moon's rays. His headband was tied behind his head in its usual tilted way, covering his Sharingan; he had changed into his sleeping shirt with the adjoining mask over his nose and mouth. Minato watched in bafflement as the boy's right arm came up in a wide arc and something in his hand glinted as it caught the light. A black kunai, one of the Hokage's that he kept around the house, was slowly raised to his neck.
"Kakashi!" He yelled. Minato wasted no time in jumping to his feet and lunging forward, tackling the boy's body off of the patio.
They hit the soft grass with a heavy thud, the Jonin's body being drained of air. He recovered, though, to try to lift himself off of the ground, in turn having to lift the man lying on his back. He accepted he couldn't pick him up after a few seconds, only to start reaching with his hands to get the small knife. His fingertips brushed the metal, but it was quickly pushed away by a larger hand.
The younger boy let out a growl of frustration. "Get off," he said through clenched teeth, voice holding a quiet desperation. He struggled again and managed to maneuver to his side, extending his arm's reach by only a fraction. "Hokage-sama, please." He tried again to break free.
They wrestled toward the kunai, Minato mostly pinning his former student in awkward and painful positions. He had fleeting thoughts of breaking a small bone or using a pressure point, but he couldn't convince his body to inflict that kind of pain into the Jonin. He noticed tears welling, suddenly, in his only visible eye, shining in the silver light but never falling.
In watching the boy, the Hokage's grip on his arms faltered for just a second, so Kakashi took his opportunity to spring onto his hands and knees. He could have ran, but Minato's hand wrapped around his ankle and pulled him back to the ground just as he lifted one foot. He fell hard onto his knees and elbows, but he recovered quickly to scrabble to grab the kunai out of the grass. The minute he did, he roughly pulled his leg from the elder's grip and stood, pointing the dagger at his chest with both hands.
He took a deep breath and forced the kunai to his heart with all of the strength he had in his body. As it came closer to his torso, he shut his eyes. He felt the resistance of skin breaking under the deadly point, but it didn't hurt; nothing happened. His unblocked eye snapped open and looked down, he gasping at the sight.
The Hokage had pushed his hand up at the last second to block the kunai, allowing it to go straight through the center of his hand. He was looking up at the silver-haired boy with his teeth clenched in pain. Red blood, black in the moonlight, ran down his pale arm in jagged lines.
Shocked, Kakashi didn't fight back as he was knocked to the ground from a leg behind his locked kneecaps. In the same motion, Minato ripped the dagger out of his hand and threw it across the yard into a tree. It hit with a thud and sunk halfway to the hilt.
Minato was a blur as he leaned back over his former student, grabbing him by his shirt and shaking him when he spoke. "Damn it, Kakashi!" he screamed. His eyes sparkled with tears and blood soaked Kakashi's shirt where the Hokage's hand was wounded. "What the fuck were you thinking?" The boy looked away, saying absolutely nothing. Calloused fingers gripped his sharp chin and turned it harshly so he was looking into frustrated blue eyes. "Answer me," he demanded.
"The mission was a failure. She's gone," he said in his monotone voice.
It hit him. He'd read the mission report, filed by Kakashi, who'd been the leader. Everything went smoothly until an unexpected enemy ninja appeared behind their group. Rin was stabbed through the chest; Kakashi had fought off the opponent before he and the third member of their group attended to her. She tried to lead them through the steps to heal her, but she was beyond help. She ended up bleeding out in both of her teammates' arms. They ended up giving her a quick burial and had to leave the area before the mission was completed.
He continued to speak, more tears slowly filling his eye as his voice wavered. "She told me that she loved me just before she died. She could barely speak, but she forced it out." He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. "I lost Obito and Rin in two years. How many more people do I have to lose?"
Minato stared at him with sorrow, tears burning his bright eyes. His bloody hand stroked the white hair and pale skin of his former pupil, streaking dark blood. "It's not your fault," he assured. "No one blames you." His thumb lightly skimmed under the mysterious eye, slightly shaking his head. "You haven't even cried for any of them yet."
Kakashi nodded, just a bounce of his head, and his chin quivered beneath his mask. "We're not supposed to cry," he said. "It's a sign of weakness. We shouldn't have weaknesses."
The elder man shook his head in unhappiness. "On the battlefield. Not when you're alone, or with someone who cares. You can't keep everything inside…it'll come to this every time if you do." He paused to study Kakashi's face; he laced his free hand with the Jonin's. With the hand that was stroking the hidden features and spreading blood, he slowly pulled the mask down so that it bunched around his neck.
Kakashi bit his lip and looked away, voice quiet when he spoke. "Why did you bring me here tonight, Minato?"
Minato answered, "I knew what happened and I knew you needed someone that you could at least talk to. I didn't know we'd…" He trailed off, referring to what they'd been doing more often than not. "Kakashi," he said, "why did you come?"
The boy shrugged and his body shook as he used all of his willpower to hold back his sobs. One tore free of his throat and it was like a wall breaking – tears poured from his free eye and leaked from beneath his forehead protector. "I needed to be with someone," he said between harsh breaths. Then he added in a whisper, "Someone who could protect me."
Minato's tears spilled over his eyelids and he leaned closer to press his lips against Kakashi's chapped lips. When he pulled back, their lips still touched as he said, "I love you so much. But please don't ever, ever try that again.
Kakashi nodded, attempting a smile through his tears. Minato smiled and wiped his tears before getting to his knees and picking up the Jonin under his legs and around his shoulders. He carried him back into the darkness of the house, sliding the door shut behind him.