Disclaimer: I do not own these characters….I just love them.
Author's Note: My problem with Moonlighting season 5 is that I could never figure out what might have happened to make David take up with Annie. I wrote a scene years ago for one of our episodes of Virtual Moonlighting, called The Seven Year Switch, and used much of this material, but in rethinking, I came up with this "What might have been" scene. Maybe you'd like to take a peek at both, and see which you like best. (You can find the link on my author's page.)
The scene takes place the day after "Shirts and Skins"…which ends with Maddie and David signing a partnership agreement.
SPARRING PARTNERS
SCENE: Blue Moon Detective Agency
Agnes is behind the desk, on the phone
AGNES: A new day has dawned, with changes galore.
Our sole proprietor has expanded the store.
Two bosses, two owners, don't that sound great?
And it was accomplished without much debate.
So when you use Blue Moon, for the rest of its days,
Make out the checks to ADDISON and Hayes!
Sorry? No, thank you. We like our telephone carrier! They're one of our sponsors.
As she hangs up the phone, Maddie enters.
AGNES: Good morning, Miss Hayes. How are you this morning?
MADDIE: Just fine, Agnes. Any messages?
Agnes hands her a few pink slips.
AGNES: There are a few from newspapers, asking about the new partnership agreement. Everybody here is really thrilled about it. And look at this great article in the newspaper.
She hands Maddie the paper, and she reads, the furrow in her brow growing deeper by the minute.
AGNES: Isn't it great?
MADDIE (sarcastically): Just marvelous. I bet that will bring new clients in droves.
She drops the paper onto the desk as if it is full of germs. She shakes her head at Agnes, who looks back…bewildered as always.
MADDIE: I'll be in my office. I'd like some peace and quiet this morning.
AGNES: Yes, Miss Hayes.
Maddie exits to her office, and shuts the door emphatically. While not a slam, it has the potential of growing up to be one.
Agnes looks from that sound, to the one coming from the door from the corridor.
"I've got the world on a string….sitting on a rainbow…..got that string around my finger…"
David approaches the desk.
DAVID: Good morning, Miss DiPesto. And aren't you looking lovely today?
Agnes blushes a little.
AGNES: Thank you, Mr. Addison.
DAVID: So anything I should know? Any checks come in that I get half of?
AGNES: Not yet. But there is an article about the partnership announcement in the
paper.
He grabs for the paper.
DAVID: Let's see! Hey this is a pretty good article. Lots of good publicity for old
A&H…..H&A…oh, maybe we better just keep the old Blue Moon moniker.
AGNES: Mr. Addison, Miss Hayes didn't seem so thrilled about the article.
DAVID: You're kidding, right?
Agnes shakes her head "no" emphatically.
DAVID: Jeez - what the hell could I have possibly done between her big announcement, and coming in here this morning? Cripes, I slept most of the time. I'm on time, I shined my shoes – not even one tiny kamikaze to celebrate last night! I gotta start reading the script more carefully!
He shakes his head, truly bewildered, then takes a deep breath, and turns toward
Maddie's door.
DAVID: Well, here goes nothing! If I'm not out in 30 minutes, you might want to call the paramedics.
David flings open the door, singing…
"Takin' care of business, every day.
Takin' care of business, every way
Takin' care of business, it's half mine
Takin' care of business, and workin' overtime
Work out…"
He reaches Maddie's desk, and proceeds to pound out a drum solo, finishing with a final
flourish.
Throughout this performance, Maddie has been staring at him as if he were an alien.
David forges on.
DAVID: Good morning, boss!
Maddie remains silent, still staring.
DAVID: Hey, Goldilocks, this is where you are supposed to say, "Good morning, boss" back.
Maddie responds automatically, with little emotion.
MADDIE: Good morning boss…..back.
DAVID: Something bothering you? What is it today, princess, somebody shove a pea under your mattress? Ooooh, looks like we need to do something to get rid of the icicles in here. Let's see what Uncle Dave's magic fingers can do?
Maddie blatantly ignores him, shuffling some papers. David circles the desk, and stands behind Maddie. He starts to massage her shoulders.
DAVID: That's my girl….wow, your knots have knots.
David continues his ministrations, all the while continuing to speak in soothing tones
DAVID: Yep, getting a little warmer in here. In fact, it's an honest to God thaw –
It's dripping on my feet. Let's see….I'll need to check the temperature.
David leans in and nuzzles her neck, rediscovering familiar territory. Maddie is caught
unawares, and closes her eyes for a split second, leaning back into him, and releasing a small sigh.
DAVID: Yes ma'am, now this is more like it. Partnership – just the way it used to be.
Maddie's eyes fly open and as she takes in his words…we can see she is struggling with
herself. When she finally does speak, it is not quite what we expected.
MADDIE (softly):David?
DAVID (preoccupied): Yesssssssssss…..
MADDIE: David, what are we doing here?
DAVID: I know I've told you this before, if you've gotta ask, I must be doing it wrong.
Maddie smiles a Mona Lisa smile.
MADDIE: No, you're definitely doing that right.
She turns her head and finds her lips inches away from David's. They stand frozen in time for a moment and we can almost see the multitude of conflicting emotions that each is going through. Breaking the tension, David reaches over and brushes a strand of hair away from Maddie's face.
DAVID: Although this may not be the time or the place, it sure does feel good when your work is appreciated. Wouldn't you agree, partner?
Hearing the word "partner" seems to snap Maddie into reality. She shoves her chair back into David with some force. He goes crashing, off balance, into the credenza.
DAVID: Yo, Maddie, watch it, will ya? Were you attempting to inflict permanent injury? What gives?
MADDIE: There really are a few things we need to discuss about this partner ship thing.
DAVID: More? After all that legal mumbo jumbo and all those papers yesterday? Hope all that writing hasn't permanently damaged my craps shooting hand.
He shakes his left hand in the air.
MADDIE: Don't worry, you can shoot crap with the best of them. Also pile it, and shovel it.
DAVID: Thanks. If I weren't in such a great mood, I would be wounded! So what is it? Oh, I know….you're volunteering to be the "silent partner"…right?
He looks over hopefully…raising his eyebrows. Maddie rolls her eyes.
MADDIE: Not unless I get hit by lightning and struck dumb.
DAVID (cajoling): Dumb? You? Never – intelligent, and beautiful, and tremendously sexy….all the requirements I want for the other half of my team.
Silence…silence…silence…
DAVID: So what'd you think of our picture in the paper – aren't we the perfect example of success?
MADDIE: Some article too. Seems you made an impression on that little Brenda Starr wannabe.
David proudly brushes his fingers on his chest.
DAVID: Shucks, ma'am, it was nothing. In fact, I think I might just make a pretty snappy press liaison – just think of the new clients we could attract.
MADDIE: Attract being the operative word. No thanks. I'm pretty sure I don't want our reception area to look like the Playboy mansion on a hot time Saturday night.
DAVID: Spoilsport! I know for a fact that it would improve O'Neill and Jergenson's productivity.
MADDIE: Or reproductivity. I repeat, no thanks.
They laugh together, sweetly and naturally. David reaches over and takes her hand.
DAVID: I like this…just like the good old days…well, maybe it's not quite like the good old days, but it's a start.
A shadow crosses Maddie's face. She seems conflicted, but forges on.
MADDIE: What kind of a start, David?
DAVID: Towards getting back to where we used to be, where we should be…rewind back to "I Am Curious" – everything since then has been such a mess!
Maddie stares at him for a moment, and then speaks, almost reluctantly.
MADDIE: David, I don't want to go back there.
DAVID: You're kidding, right? Those were our best moments.
MADDIE: Do you remember it that way, really?
DAVID: Sure…it was easy, and we loved each other.
MADDIE: You can't possibly use those two phrases in the same sentence. Sure we loved each other…but God, David, it was never easy!
DAVID: OK, maybe not easy, but don't you enjoy a challenge?
MADDIE: Why does it have to be a challenge?
David hits himself on the side of the head and makes a rattling sound.
DAVID: Isn't that what I have been saying for four years?
MADDIE: Maybe you were right….maybe you were right about a lot of things…
She falls silent, thinking. David, meanwhile, casts his eyes towards heaven, and addresses an unseen being.
DAVID: Man, I don't know what I did to deserve this, but please don't let me be dreaming.
He reaches towards Maddie, and pulls her towards him, holding her around the waist.
DAVID: So, what lets do tonight? How about if we pick up a couple of steaks, a bottle of prime vino – I build a fire, and we can wrestle on the sofa and fight about the names of our first six kids.
Maddie's voice is barely audible.
MADDIE: Next six kids.
DAVID: What, honey?
MADDIE: Nothing…David, I don't want to do that.
DAVID: Well, OK, you can build the fire, but the wrestling is non-negotiable.
MADDIE: David, I don't think we're on the same page here.
David pulls a script out of his inside jacket pocket, and begins to rustle through the pages as Maddie disentangles herself from him.
MADDIE: No David – I mean, mediocre minds…the same wave length…two minds with but a single thought?
David leers.
DAVID: Don't worry babe, I'll get you there…
He realizes that she is not budging.
DAVID: Ok Maddie, wanna tell me where you're driving this bus? You can't fool me. I'm having an outstanding day! So I guess that means in this little life drama of ours, any minute now, the bluebird of happiness is gonna fly right over and leave a souvenir on my shoulder.
MADDIE: Well, I just think you are misinterpreting our situation.
DAVID: Our situation? Pray tell, what exactly is our situation? Answering that question would be like solving one of the great mysteries of life – why is the sky blue, why is the grass green, why sometimes is Maddie Hayes such a coldhearted…
She cuts him off.
MADDIE: David, that's enough. I don't know what has gotten into you today, but I don't get what you think has changed since yesterday.
DAVID: What's gotten into me? I think the problem is what hasn't gotten into you recently, if you catch my drift….
MADDIE: I'd just as soon ignore your crudeness. Let me ask you, did you misinterpret the offer I made you? What is it about "business partners" that you don't understand?
DAVID: If you're gonna yank out the Webster's, I'm not sure you'll find your definition of business partners….at least as far as I can see. You change your mind so often, the printer couldn't keep up with your version.
MADDIE: Change my mind?
DAVID: Yeah, you, Maddie, change your mind. What was that little scene about when I signed the papers? You intimated that you might like to, what did you say, "negotiate the terms"?
MADDIE: David, I was just playing with you. Where's your sense of humor?
DAVID: Probably in the same place where the pieces of my pride, my personality, and my self esteem are hiding? I'm not a Big Wheel or a G.I. Joe…quit playing with me. I've had it with your games.
David is obviously furious. He continues.
DAVID: So what was it, Maddie? Scared yourself, huh? Woke up this morning and realized that this is just another way of being permanently tied to me?
Maddie regards him silently, then walks behind her desk, her back to David, in a classic
Maddie avoidance pose.
DAVID: That's it, isn't it? Can't live with me, can't live without me. Can't toss me out with the trash, so why not toss me a bone? "David, be my partner, please?" Think that'll pacify me?
MADDIE: You're getting this all wrong.
DAVID: Oh am I? Then, in the cold light of day, it doesn't seem like such a great idea any more. Wanna reevaluate, Maddie? Want a do over?
MADDIE: No. David, listen to me…
DAVID: Not a chance…I'm tired of listening. Now I'm doing the talking, and you need to listen to me. This is not about the job at all, not about my achievement, not about your sense of fairness. It's all about us. Why am I not surprised? It's always about us.
Maddie whirls to face him.
MADDIE: David, I want you….
David interrupts.
DAVID: You want me what? Dead, disease ridden, boiled in oil?
MADDIE: No, David, I want you. God knows I wish I didn't, but I do.
David starts towards her.
MADDIE: You stay right there. You always make it seem like this is only tough on you – like you're the only injured party. Can't you see we're both the victims of this train wreck we've gotten ourselves into?
DAVID (quietly): But honey, you were the engineer.
She exhales a loud and shaky sigh.
MADDIE: Want to know why I was so mad this morning? I was so jealous, I was contemplating taking that little reporter from the Tribune and pulling out every dyed red hair right out of her head. So what did I decide to do? Make it your problem, of course.
Maddie continues.
MADDIE: I had this big argument all ready for you – about your lack of professionalism, and how your testosterone was not necessarily the best method of advertising this agency could find. Pretty nice, huh?
DAVID: You have no idea. Keep going, Maddie. There may be hope for you yet.
MADDIE: So, maybe you've got my number. I offered you the partnership because I didn't want you to go away.
DAVID: Is there a happy ending to this tale?
MADDIE: I think there could be. How about if we just go along and see what happens – enjoy working together and just see what else transpires? I'm open to….well, just about anything.
David looks directly into the camera.
DAVID: They've switched the names on the script again. Did I just hear Maddie Hayes, poster girl for anal compulsive people everywhere, suggest that we maintain a rather….shall we say…spontaneous relationship?
Maddie smiles.
MADDIE: So what do you say, sailor, want to make this one of your ports of call?
DAVID (emphatically): No!
MADDIE: Huh?
DAVID: I said no! I'm not getting on that roller coaster again – I've already had that ticket punched.
He shakes his head.
DAVID: Didn't you learn anything from that spontaneous marriage of yours? Maddie, spontaneous only works when you practice at it. You just can't come out of left field like this!
MADDIE: David Addison, scoffing at spontaneity – look out, I don't think my heart can stand it!
David observes her curiously for a moment, and then responds solemnly.
DAVID: Trust me, you'd be amazed at what your heart can stand.
They avoid each other's eyes.
DAVID: I can't do it again – not under those conditions. Maddie, I'm not your prom date and we're not talking about making out in the back seat of my car. We've been through plenty together. I would have bet my life we would have crashed and burned months ago. But we're still here, working together. That's gotta count for something.
David looks at her for a moment, then continues.
DAVID: We've got to move forward. Maybe your idea of moving forward is offering me your lily white body on a silver platter. But that won't resolve anything – kinda like calamine lotion…..it doesn't cure poison ivy, it just stops the itch.
MADDIE: And what's wrong with that? We're both adults. Who gets hurt?
DAVID: I don't want to find out. And I don't want to be intimate with you only on a physical level. God, Maddie, you're always accusing me of being reckless – I really think you've lost touch here!
He walks towards her, invading her space, until they are almost nose to nose.
DAVID: I won't take the memory of what we've had…what we've been, and let it deteriorate into a little slap and tickle.
He steps back, waiting for her to speak.
MADDIE (a bit arrogantly): Well, I'm very sorry. I never expected to upset or insult you.
DAVID: I'd feel a lot better about your offer if I felt like your heart was in the right
place…..maybe in time.
MADDIE: What does that mean?
DAVID: It means I'll work with you, and I'll work on you – but I won't sleep with you…..or go to bed with you and not sleep with you….until it means as much to the two of us as it has before.
MADDIE: And how do you know that will ever happen?
DAVID: I guess I don't, do I?
He waits, but gets no response.
DAVID: Now, if you don't mind, I'm going into my office and try to figure out whether it's freaky Friday….or whether I'm on Candid Camera…..
He starts to leave the room.
MADDIE: David, I might have forgotten to tell you something….I really do care for you.
DAVID: I know you do, Maddie. That's probably the only reason I'm not walking out the front door right now.
He smiles a small, sad smile.
DAVID: Hey, let's not talk about this later.
David exits, and Maddie slumps in her chair as if all the wind has been knocked out of her sails.
She mutters to herself.
MADDIE: Well, so much for a little truth…..why can't I seem to tell him the whole truth?
She leans her head back, and closes her eyes as music start to play:
You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie.
And who am I to judge you
In what you say or do
I'm only just beginning
To see the real you.
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold you till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides.
The scene switches to David's office. He leans back in his chair, his feet propped on his desk. He starts to laugh, but it is not a happy laugh.
DAVID: I just turned down sex with Maddie Hayes, one of the most beautiful women in the world…the woman I love. If the men with the white coats stop by, send them in here.
He groans, and the music starts again.
Romance and all its strategies
Leave me battling with my pride
But through all the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth.
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much.
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold you till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides
Time has passed, we move to a split screen, showing David and Maddie, each in their offices, staring out the window into the dusk, as the music continues.
At times, I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At time I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly
At times I understand you
And I know how hard you try
I watched how love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by
At times, I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother and a sister
And then the passion flares again.
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold you till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides.
The music fades and we
FREEZE FRAME