Quinn POV
It has been five years since I last saw everyone. It was the five most miserable ones of my life so far. I'm not the same Quinn Fabray anymore, even though I wish I was. So many things have happened over those past few years, and they made me a completely different person. I wish that was a good thing but I don't think it is. I really don't.
When things got tough five years ago, I ran away. I didn't want to face my problems; I wanted to hide from them. Maybe you think that makes me a coward, but you have no idea what I've been through. Nobody does, not even the people I once considered family.
I was only nineteen years old when all hell broke loose and I had to leave everything behind. My life had just started and things were looking up, or I thought so. After my car accident in my junior year of high school, I thought I would never get the chance to fulfill my dreams and become a lawyer. However, not only did I completely recover from that accident, I also got a scholarship to Yale in my senior year. It was like a dream come through, and for some weeks it really was. Unfortunately, my life started falling apart a few months later and I had no choice but to drop out of college. At the time, it broke my heart because I was being forced to give up my dream. But now, I realize that there are far more important things that I've lost beside my scholarship.
What I regret most is leaving everyone behind and not telling my friends everything that was going on and destroying me inside out. Maybe I also regret not reaching out to them, because I know that they would have helped me. They would have been there for me, but I didn't deserve their pity. I still don't deserve it, not after all that I've done.
I've done some horrible things, and I don't think that I'll ever be able to forgive myself. However living in regret is slowly killing me, which is why I finally want to turn things around again. I can't change my past, but I can start focusing on my future.
I want to get back in touch with the people I once called my best friends. These past few years, I've missed them more than they'll ever know. I realize that I need them back into my life, if I don't want to continue this solitary existence. I've been lonely for the past five years, even though I tried making new friends. That didn't work out because I never trusted others enough to get to know the real me, a person with a lot of flaws and a lot of emotional baggage. The only people who wouldn't mind all of that or judge me for it, are my former friends.
A part of me believes that I still don't deserve their friendship, or at least not anymore. Not after leaving them behind without even saying goodbye. But I have to try and rekindle our friendship, 'cause if I don't then I don't think that I'll ever be able to move on and stop thinking about them. They are the only friends that I have ever known, and they're the only ones who might be able to understand the terrible burden of my past.
Sometimes I try to imagine what their life looks like right now. I wonder if Rachel graduated from NYADA, whether or not Blaine and Kurt got married, if Puck got a decent job, what happened with Mike and Tina,… But most of all, I wonder about Santana. Does she still think about me and what happened the night of Mister Shue's failed wedding? Because I do every single day, and I don't think I'll ever forget. How could I forget, if she's all I ever think about.
A/N: Thoughts? Continue or not?