Holly made a show of gasping as her face appeared on the communicator, talking to a Mud Man from miles below the earth's surface. "And thus, he speaks!" she cried, feigning surprise.

"Hello, Holly." Artemis replied dryly.

"Hello, Artemis. I've been trying to contact you for weeks! What's happened?" she asked, shooting Artemis a stern glare from the screen. Artemis rubbed the back of his neck nervously; a completely uncharacteristic thing and something you would never usually catch Artemis Fowl II doing. "I've been busy." He said.

Holly snorted. "You're always busy, but that doesn't mean you don't have time for friends!" she retorted from the tiny speakers in the communicator. "Anyway, I have something to tell you!"

"Aren't you going to tell me?"

"Guess."

"Opal Koboi has risen from the dead, Mulch has joined her services and he's shot Butler?"

"That's a wild guess, but no, that's not it."

"Really? I thought it would have been rather close." Artemis said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. Holly rolled her mismatched eyes.

"Anyway, I just called up to tell you, Trouble has proposed!" she squealed. One thing you should know; Captain Short-soon-to-be-Kelp never, ever squeals. Normally, anyway. Artemis guessed that Trouble's show of affection had temporarily put Holly in a squeamish-girlish faze that she would soon grow out of… hopefully. He smiled his vampire smile at Holly, who was waiting for his answer. "That's wonderful news, Holly." Artemis said. "When's the wedding?"

"I have no idea." Holly answered. "We've only just got engaged, do you really think people like us would have a wedding within the next few months of engagement?"

Artemis sighed. It was true, being a Recon officer meant you didn't have time for such frivolities all at once. "Oh, it was so romantic!" Holly continued. "Trouble took me up to the surface, can you believe that? Told me it was an extra important top-secret mission. He brought me up to a beach in Ireland, oh, we walked and we talked, then he got down on one knee and- Artemis, are you even listening to me?" she demanded. No, in fact, Artemis was not listening to her. Things have been… stressful recently, and Artemis had a lot of personal matters on his mind.

"Sorry Holly, my mind was elsewhere. Things have become rather strenuous as of late." He admitted. Holly's face visibly fell on the screen.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure it will sort itself out soon, things usually do. So enough about me, how are you doing?" she asked.

Ah. This was the question he had been dreading, and one that he was not all too willing to answer. "Umm… I…" Artemis couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence.

"Am I really seeing this? Are my eyes playing tricks on me? Is Artemis Fowl II actually lost for words? Oh, good gods, this is a moment I need to capture in my mind forever." Holly paused, holding up a finger to silence him as she pretended to be concentrating. Artemis probably wouldn't have talked anyway. He wasn't amused. "Done." She said triumphantly after a while. Artemis just looked at her, silent. Holly caught on. "You're acting rather uncharacteristic today, Captain." He noted, trying to swerve the subject to something other than the one he could tell they were heading.

"My boyfriend's just proposed and we haven't spoken for weeks, what did you expect? With that big brain of yours surely you must be able to figure something out."

Artemis did not respond. He just stared at his feet, contemplating how on earth no snide remarks and clever comebacks, any words at all, really, weren't popping into his head at this particular moment in time, like they usually do. "I'm not the only one acting strange, Artemis, what's up?" Holly said as gently as she could.

No answer came into Artemis's mind, to his dismay. "Is it about Minerva?" she asked tentatively.

Artemis flinched. Minerva. D'Arvit. Holly realised she had hit a sore spot. "Gods, Artemis, what's happened?"

"I'm… I don't know." He finished flatly.

"Well, that's not a very sophisticated sentence for someone of your IQ, Artemis, it's got to be something!" she exclaimed.

"No, it's not. That's exactly it. It's nothing. Nothing's happened. That's what I'm worried about."

Holly just stared at him confusedly. "Stop speaking in riddles, Artemis. Spit it out."

"Mine and Minerva's relationship…" Artemis paused, "It's moving very slowly."

"Artemis Fowl, out of all the geniuses in the world, you're not very bright when it comes to relationships. That's nothing to worry about! Don't be silly." Holly said calmly.

Artemis just looked at her, his hazel and blue eyes sad and longing. Holly didn't recall ever seeing Artemis look like this. "Holly, when I said earlier that our relationship is not progressing much, I meant that it isn't progressing. It's stopped altogether. It's not just slow-moving, it's not moving. Nothing has happened. I'm worried, Holly. It's something I've never experienced before, and it's quite odd. It's also rather disturbing.

I'm nervous that she's going to lose interest. The spark has died. What if she finds someone else? What do I do then? I feel so hopeless. I'm Artemis Fowl II. I am a criminal mastermind, performing illegal acts no one could even dream of. I have the highest recorded IQ above the ground. I have saved two entire species and stopped an interracial war from erupting. Yet how is it, that I finally have a relationship that has developed into something unique and the step above mutual friendship and it's not working? I… I don't know what to do anymore." His voice nearly cracked, but he still had a reputation to upkeep. Holly stared at him, dumbfounded.

Never in the entire period she had known him had Artemis displayed signs of emotion this high. Sure, he had definitely opened up and had had emotions generally the same as a normal teenager, but this was so un-Artemis-like Holly couldn't help wondering if something had happened, and this wasn't really him. After what she had been through, she wouldn't be surprised if it was.

Artemis's monologue was nothing like Artemis. He was so overwhelmed with emotion he had struggled to keep up his sophisticated, intelligent vocabulary, sounding almost normal.

Almost.

"Artemis… I- I don't know what to say…" Holly managed. Through her side of the communicator, miles down below on the tiny screen, she saw Artemis hang his head in his hands. It had only just occurred to her that he had looked sleep-deprived, messy and weary and very different to Artemis. He no longer held his composure like he did, and had a very different feel about him. She could even sense this through a lousy communicator.

Perhaps she hadn't noticed at first because she was so excited about her own news. Holly desperately wanted to reach out a hand and comfort her friend, but that was impossible. "You don't have to say anything." He mumbled.

"Yes, Artemis, I do. You're my friend, and friends help each other in times of need. Now sit up and do try to look more Artemis-like. Does anybody else know?" she asked, making a start. Artemis sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"No. Butler is naturally very suspicious that something is wrong, and Minerva is worried but that's it. My parents are away, so they don't know anything."

"Good, we're making progress. Now at least try to maintain your high standards of vocabulary, because it's creeping me out. I'm even suspicious you're not the real Artemis."

Artemis forced a half-smile, but saying though Artemis rarely smiled anyway, Holly didn't mind the absence of the 'vampire smile.' "Do not worry, I assure you I am the real Artemis."

"That's better! You're beginning to sound more like yourself. Now, you've got the brains, what do you propose we do?" she suggested. He thought for a moment. A very long moment.

"I don't know."

"Brilliant answer, Artemis, that gives us loads of options!" she said sarcastically. "But seriously, if that's the best answer you can give us, something is very, very wrong."

"For once, I do not know what steps to take. Being me, I have never experienced a relationship this involved until now."

"Well then, take the easy option. Make a move. Make her interested again." Holly suggested.

Artemis raised an eyebrow. "That is the easiest option, but I have to say I do not think it would do me much good; it does not suit me. I have always thought I was unique, both physically," he glanced at his left hand, where his index finger and his second finger had swapped round, "and characteristically. Therefore taking the easy option would be most unlike myself."

"Well, obviously, because you're well… well, you're Artemis."

"Thankyou, for pointing that out."

"Gladly. So, what do you think would be the best option?"

Artemis was not respondent.

"Wow, we really do have a problem. Look, why don't you just talk to her about it? I'm sure she's having the same feelings, and I bet she knows what to do better than you do."

"I hate to say it, but I suspect you might actually be right. Shall I speak to her about our… situation, then?"

Holly smiled. "That would probably be best, but do what you want."

It was Artemis's turn to smile, however vampire-like. "Then that is what I shall do. Thank you, Holly. I am grateful for everything."

"Your welcome."

"I have to go now, but thank you, again. And congratulations with Trouble."

"Thanks. Bye!" Holy finished, switching her side of the communicator off. Artemis's screen went grey and crackling, like an old TV. He switched it off, and stood up, brushing his smart, designer trousers down. Thank you, Holly Short. He thought. I shall sort things out with Minerva.

Once again, he owed Holly a great deal. But he had to sort things out with his… what was Minerva to him? Girlfriend? No, that was definitely not the right word. Ah well, he would ponder on that later. For now, he was hopeful as to what the future might bring, as he set off down the halls of Fowl Manor.