That FUCKING Argonian
By Aeroxx1337
Last Seed 27, 3E 433
Cyrodill has the shittiest jails imaginable. On my way down there we passed at least THREE empty cells, and the idiots still insisted on putting me in a cell that was already occupied. Not only was the cell occupied, it was apparently supposed to always remain empty so the Emperor could use it as an escape route. So maybe Cyrodill just has a bunch of retarded jailers. They also have a pretty shitty royal guard service, because the Emperor is dead as fuck. I guess that was technically my fault, the two of us were supposed to guard him after all, but what kind of moron leaves two random prisoners to guard the most important man in Tamriel? Load of incompetent louts, that's what they are.
He seemed pretty content with the whole dying thing, though. He handed the Imperial an amulet, told him he needed to save the world, then one of those nutballs killed him dead. The other guard, Baurus I think his name was, took the swords I had looted off the dead ones, so it was a chore stabbing our way through those vile goblins with nothing but a slightly rusty sword and a weak ass Flare spell. Of course HE knew Cold Touch and Shocking Touch, but still made me use my utterly pathetic magic while he took the sword. I guess I did have a dagger, but those were always unusually shit so I didn't use it.
Anyway, now we're at an inn in the Imperial City, which has a name I don't care enough to remember, and he plans to start on his 'save the world' quest sometime tomorrow. I figure I'll go with him, he seems the adventuring type, and adventurers always stumble into mountains of valuables. The good ones do, anyway. The rest die horribly, alone and forgotten in a hole with the rats. I hope he's one of the former.
"Well, that's an impressive first entry." Aero muttered to himself as he closed the book. He had found it, along with some other supplies, in a torn backpack near the border between Cyrodill and Skyrim. It had been about an hour before that nonsense with the dragon back in Helgen, so he hadn't had an opportunity to read it until just now.
He briefly wondered why he hadn't followed Ralof and Hadvar to the comfortable town instead of killing some bandits and sleeping in a tent, but he had never considered himself someone that made particularly good decisions. Regardless, it was late and he was tired. He rested his head on the pillow he had fashioned out of the bandits fur armor and fell asleep.
Shelia's stomach growled. She hadn't eaten in at least 12 hours, and it had been even longer since she had fed properly. Every living thing she had encountered for the past few miles had been non-sentient, so she wasn't able to feed. The sun had been coming down on her harder than before, so she knew it had been at least 24 hours since she last fed. It was night now though, so it was time to find some poor soul to feed on.
The Argonian scanned the area, looking for signs of life. There was what appeared to be an entire town burning in the distance, but she had ruled that out hours ago. Fire tends to make things stop being alive, and she needed something that was still kicking. There was a smaller fire much closer by, which she assumed must be a camp. She took off at a sprint, hoping to catch whatever bandits surely owned the camp unaware.
The camp was covered with bodies, and she could tell there was blood everywhere. Someone must have killed all the bandits already, Shelia thought, hope falling. Then she noticed that one of the tents was occupied. She smiled, It must be my lucky day. She slipped into the annoyingly small tent and took a look at her prey. He was wearing Imperial armor as he slept, which must have been uncomfortable. The helmet was laid out next to his head. His blonde hair was short, so she had a clear path to the Imperial's neck. She awkwardly maneuvered herself into a position where she could reach his neck and sunk her fangs into his flesh.
After contemplating just tearing the stupid cramped tent down, she managed to get out of it without waking him up. She sighed as she felt the blood reinvigorate her. It was this feeling that she LIVED for, even though she was technically dead. She paused for a moment, feeling the unusually strong rush she was getting. He must have had really good blood, because her heart was pounding. It was pounding a bit too hard actually. She clutched her head, feeling dizzy. She felt like she was going to vomit, but instead decided to scream as her head exploded in pain before passing out on the ground.
Aero awoke to someone shouting at the top of their lungs. He grabbed the sword he had looted from that guard captain bitch and stood up. He tried to stand up, anyway. The tent he had been sleeping in was shorter than he was, so he ended up hitting his head on the top pole and collapsing the damn thing on himself. He tried to cut his way out but lost his patience and set the stupid thing on fire with a Flame spell. He picked up his helmet from the ashes and turned his attention toward the source of the shout.
There was an Argonian woman lying about 5 feet from the ashes of his tent. He walked over to check her for a pulse before realizing he knew nothing about Argonian anatomy and was only about 72% sure they had hearts in the first place. He swore under his breath, sat down on a convenient log, and decided to wait and see if she woke up.
Shelia woke up. She immediately regretted this decision as her head exploded again. It was more tolerable this time though, so she just groaned.
"Huh- what?" Aero sputtered as he woke up. He grabbed the sword from the ground next to him and held it ready. "You awake?"
"Yes, I'm awake. Augh!" Talking made her head explode again. It was starting to get on her nerves.
"Who are you? Why were you passed out by my tent?" Aero asked.
"My name is Shelia Quintep, and I was passed out by your tent because there is something seriously wrong with you." Shelia managed to spit out.
"I was asleep, what did I do?" Aero asked.
"You apparently have dwarven oil for blood. I think you might want to know this, because your blood is roughly equivalent to being sucker punched by a giant." Shelia attempted to sit up, but decided that would probably blow her head up again.
"Blood? You're a vampire?" Aero questioned.
Shelia turned her head toward him, "I presumed you had figured that out from the holes in your neck, or the fact that I have fangs."
Aero checked himself. He felt blood on his neck, "Huh. You're oddly up front about the whole 'bloodsucking abomination' thing."
"There's no need to be racist about it, you jackass."
"What? No, I'm not being racist, I'm just- I mean-" Aero stopped himself. "You're screwing with me."
"Yes, I'm a sarcastic vampire. The centuries start to wear on you after a while." Shelia felt a bit better, so she tried sitting up. Her head disagreed with this course of action, but she just ignored the whiny little thing. "Now, the fact that my head is still attached to my body tells me that you are more reasonable than most people in Skyrim, or at least worse with an axe. Do you have any potions of cure disease on you?"
"Uh, no. But I do have some hawk feathers."
"You should eat them then, just to be safe. You may or may not have Porphyric Hemophilia and it's better safe than sorry."
Aero swallowed the feathers before speaking again, "Can you stand?"
Shelia stood up, the pain in her head finally fading, "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." She steadied herself as Aero grabbed his backpack. "You're reacting oddly well to the whole 'vampire' thing."
Aero shrugged, "You seem reasonable enough, and you seemed to care enough to warn me about catching it. Besides, you need to eat or the sun starts killing you, right?"
"Yeah. It's a bitch to work with, but bad sunburn for eternal youth and immortality is a fair trade off in my book." Shelia said, rubbing her neck.
"Fair point. Where were you headed?"
"Riften. Heard they have a thieves guild there and I like to have connections."
Aero cocked an eyebrow, "You're a vampire and a thief?"
She shrugged, "The skill sets complement each other well."
"Huh. Makes sense, I guess. I'm headed to Riverwood, just down the road. Figure I can get some food there. You're welcome to come with, I'll buy you an ale." Aero offered.
"So, you wake up to find a vampire that admits to drinking you blood and being a thief and your first thought is to offer to buy them a drink?" Shelia asked.
"Yep."
"You are fucking insane." She said. "I like that. Sure, I'll take that offer."
Aero nodded, "Good. I'll probably need some help dealing with the dragon."
Shelia stopped, "The what now?"