Chapter 1
I wait in line next to the Abnegation girl and Amity boy. My heart beats faster than ever. I didn't know it could beat this fast. I see people walking forward, grabbing a knife, cutting their palm and squeezing their blood into a bowl. I can't hear anything apart from my heart beating. I have never been this terrified. I have never had to make a decision like this. I've always had other people make my decisions for me; I never liked it. But right now, I can't help but wish someone would take this responsibility. I don't want to make an unwise decision that I will later regret. Is it because I don't want to hurt anyone? No. My changing of factions would hurt no one. Nobody would get hurt. Nobody and nothing, except my father's reputation. His reputation was what got me hurt all these years, and now it's what will get him hurt.
I suddenly wake up from my trail of thoughts when I see the Abnegation girl beside me stumble in front to get her knife. I watch her as she slits her palm with trembling hands and holds her hand over the Abnegation bowl. It's that easy. Twenty seconds. That is all it takes to decide your future.
"Eaton, Tobias"
I suddenly find myself moving forward. I don't remember deciding to do that, but I soon find myself with a knife in my hand. I walk forward so I'm standing between the bowls, and I see Tori. Tori, who told me to make my own decision. I turn to the other side and I see Marcus. Marcus, who pushed me to make his decisions. I want to get away from him, and I want him to hurt. Choosing Dauntless may be the only way to do that, but choosing Dauntless to get away from what I fear is cowardice. I can't be Dauntless if I'm a coward. All my life I've leaned towards safety. I'm not about to let it go because of fear. I'm going to face my fear, and the only way to do that is to stay.
I feel a sharp sting and I look down and realize that I had pushed the knife into my skin and it went far deeper than I intended for it to go. I lift the knife and my trembling hand, and hold it over the Abnegation bowl. I watch my blood drop onto the gray stones and I feel a suffocating sensation in my chest. Did I make the wrong decision?
I walk away from the bowls and into the crowd of the Abnegation. I don't look at my father, but I can still see him smirking. Images of his wicked face are instilled in my head and I do not need glances to ignite the memory. His face is all I can see. But I'm not looking at it; I'm not looking at anything. The room suddenly vanishes and I'm standing in my bedroom. I see him come toward me with his strangling expression. He doesn't have a belt with him, but I think I would prefer the belt to whatever is coming my way. He wraps his hand around my throat and squeezes tighter than ever, tighter than I knew he could. I cough and wheeze and choke and I blink my eyes and the image is gone. But the feeling isn't. I feel suffocated. I feel choked. I didn't choose safety; I chose death.