Title: Flashbacks
Author: Forsaken2003
Pairing: S/X
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon
Comments: Always welcomed!
Summary: Spike and Xander both have past relationships. They accept it. It doesn't mean it's easy.
Warnings/Spoilers: Post NFA
Beta'd by: Unbeta'd

Prompt #465 from tamingthemuse- Flashback

Note: From now on most of my tamingthemuse stories will be named as the challenge.

Spike and Xander never talked about their past relationships. They didn't need to. They were traumatic in one form or another. That didn't stop jealousy turning its head though. Especially when something caught one of their eyes that made them think of the past. It didn't happen often but once in a while something would catch one of their attention and flashbacks would happen. With Xander it was whenever he saw a wedding dress. Which was happening more and more over the last few months due to Buffy getting married to Angel… a very human Angel. Buffy had him more part of the bridal part of the wedding since he was one of her best friends. If he could help take down 'Big Bads' he could help her plan her wedding.

The first time Xander saw Buffy in a wedding dress he almost had a complete meltdown. Luckily he was able to hide it from the girls. It wouldn't be fair to ruin what was supposed to be a good time. When he got home though, Spike knew something wasn't right.

"It's nothing, Spike. Really," Xander lied. "Buff just looked so amazing. I don't know how she's going to decide on a dress. I still can't believe she's getting married.

"I bet she looks gorgeous in all of them," Spike agreed. "But that doesn't explain why it looks like you saw a ghost."

Xander frowned. He didn't know how to explain it to Spike. He didn't want Spike to be mad. "It's just that the dresses made me think…"

"Of Anya," Spike interrupted.

"Yeah," Xander said guiltily. "I keep seeing her in her dress and how happy she was… until I screwed it all up and ended up hurting her so bad. So bad that I drove her back to being a vengeance demon. I think that if we had gotten married maybe somehow she would have survived the first and uber vamps. But at the same time I wouldn't have you. I'm sorry."

Spike gripped Xander's chin. "Don't ever apologize for wanting someone you care about to be alive."

"I love you, you know that, right?" Xander asked, looking for reassurance.

"Of course I know that, git," Spike said fondly. He wasn't shocked that Xander missed Anya, hell he missed Drusilla occasionally. It didn't mean he wasn't a little jealous though. He wondered where he would be if Xander was still with Anya. Would he have stuck around in England? Maybe gone off on his own. Though he never did well on his own.

"Spike? What's wrong?" Xander asked worried.

Spike shook his head. "Nothing, pet. Just thinking about how things would be different is all."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for that," Xander apologized.

"I think of Drusilla on occasion," Spike confided. He saw the green eyed monster turn its head.

Xander swallowed. "You do?"

Spike nodded. "Especially if I see a doll. I'd never go back to her though," He reassured. "She's everything that I was. You're everything that I am."

A huge grin appeared on Xander's face and he kissed Spike. "I love you so much."

"I love you too. It's okay to think about Anya. I'd never ask you to forget about her," Spike said as he ran his hand through Xander's hair. He was due for a haircut.

"And I'd never ask you to forget about Drusilla," Xander replied.

"You feeling better, luv?" Spike asked.

Xander wrapped his arms around Spike. "Yeah, I do. Have I told you today how amazing you are?"

"Yes, but I love hearing you say it," Spike murmured against Xander's lips.

"You're amazing," Xander said and kissed Spike. "Absolutely amazing."

Spike gave Xander a good snog. He was very good for Spike's ego.

The End