NEW TEACHERS AT HOGWARTS!
(A/N: I got this idea from fellytone's 'Priori Incantatem'. Actually it was from one of the lines, I quote: 'Many of the professors had trouble tolerating her presence in their classrooms; Professor McGonagall found an excuse to kick Bellatrix out of her class every day that week.')
Disclaimer: Nothing you recognize belongs to me. Tanya and Sian belong to themselves. I belong to me.
We now return to your regularly scheduled programming. Presenting . . .
NEW TEACHERS AT HOGWARTS!
:HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY
Dear Ms T. Ritard, S. Blower, and J. Fridge, (A/N: 'Ritard' comes from a term in music (it was only after I typed it that I realised it's similar to 'retard'; the spellchecker even tried to make me change it to 'Retard'. No Tanya, I didn't do it on purpose (why'd Spellchecker try to change it to 'did' instead of 'didn't'? I didn't!), get your hands away from my neck). 'Blower' and 'Fridge' comes from combining 'Flower' and 'Bridge'.)
You have been selected as the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. You will be given a choice of whether you want to rotate shifts, or you can work together at the same time, assisting each other, particularly with the more . . . shall we say, frustrating classes.
Please report for your teacher's training as soon as possible, preferably within the next week.
Professor M. McGonagall Deputy Headmistress:
Jamie finished reading the letter, rolled it up, and tossed it to Siân. Siân caught it, unrolled it, and read it quickly, then passed it to Tanya. Tanya scanned it and lowered the letter.
'So . . . now what?' said Jamie, once she saw that Tanya had finished.
Tanya shrugged. Jamie turned to Siân.
'Why were WE selected to be professors anyway?' Siân mused. She looked up and Jamie and Tanya, as though expecting them to have the answer.
Tanya shrugged again as Jamie said, 'How the heck am I supposed to know?'
Tanya finally spoke up. 'Who cares?! We're professors at Hogwarts! I'm going to pack,' she said, rushing upstairs. Jamie and Siân looked at each other. Jamie raised an eyebrow. They both got up and followed Tanya upstairs to pack.
AFTER SOME PACKING AND STUFF LATER
'Parchment?'
'Check.'
'Quills?'
'Check!'
'Robes?'
'Check.'
'The letter?'
'Check!'
'Okay, that's pretty much it, right?'
'Yeah.'
'Check!'
Siân lowered the checklist to stare at Tanya.
'Right,' said Jamie. 'How are we supposed to get there?'
'Check!'
Jamie turned to stare at Tanya, too.
'Um . . .' said Siân.
'Check!'
'Apparition?' suggested Jamie.
'Check!'
'No, there are Anti-Apparition wards around Hogwarts, remember?' said Siân.
'Check!'
'Oh, right. I forgot. So how?' asked Jamie.
'Check!' Tanya chirped.
'SHUT UP!' said Jamie and Siân simultaneously, wheeling around to glare at Tanya.
'Check!'
AFTER SOME ATTEMPTED STRANGLING AND WAND-WAVING LATER
It was now Tanya's turn to glare at Siân and Jamie, having been put under a Silencing Charm. Her wand was now hidden away somewhere. She had also been bound by a Limb-Locker (A/N: There is no such thing, I made it up, heh), and was unable to move her arms and legs to injure Jamie and Siân.
'Why don't we just ask Dumbledore to lift the Anti-Apparition Wards for a couple of minutes?' suggested Jamie.
'And HOW is he going to do that? There must be hundreds of wards, the school is huge!' said Siân.
'Well, how else are we going to get there? The Hogwarts Express doesn't start up until September the first!' countered Jamie.
'Ugh,' said Siân, putting her face in her hands. 'It's too far away to go by broom . . .'
'Hey, where's Tanya?' said Jamie, glancing around the room.
'I'm down he-ere!' came a cheerful cry from below.
Jamie looked out the window. Tanya was in the garden, petting something invisible.
'What are you doing?' Jamie yelled.
'I bumped into something invisible! It feels like a horse kinda animal,' Tanya shouted back.
Siân looked up.
'It's invisible?' said Jamie.
'That's what I said!' yelled Tanya in annoyance.
Siân got up and went into the garden downstairs.
'Must be a Thestral, then,' said Siân. 'Are there any more?' she asked Tanya.
'How am I supposed to know?' said Tanya irritably.
Jamie joined them. 'Well, can we just ride this to Hogwarts, then?'
'It's not tamed,' said Siân.
'All you have to do is be nice to them,' said Tanya.
'But there aren't any more,' said Jamie, looking around. 'How'd it get here anyway?'
'Oh, I found a pesky gnome in the garden,' said Tanya. 'I forgot how to get rid of gnomes properly, so I just . . . er . . .'
'Disposed of it?' suggested Jamie helpfully.
'Kind of, yeah,' said Tanya.
'How are we going to get to Hogwarts?!' said Siân, effectively ending their conversation.
'Where's Sausage?' said Jamie suddenly, looking around the garden.
'Out back,' said Tanya. 'I'll go get him!'
Sausage was their pet Hippogriff. As they lived in a Muggle neighborhood, they had to put Disillusionment Charms on him.
The name 'Sausage' was a very odd name for a Hippogriff. Tanya had first suggested 'Birdie', as he was half-eagle, kind of, but that didn't seem to fit very well. Then Jamie had come up with 'Borse', a combination of the words 'Horse' and 'Bird'. Then 'Borse' became 'Borsch', which reminded Siân of sausages, for some reason, so they called him Sausage.
Jamie and Siân followed Tanya to the hidden backyard, which was invisible to Muggles, and Tanya untied Sausage from the fence.
'Well, that's pretty much the transportation solved, then,' said Jamie. 'What about our stuff?'
Tanya summoned their trunks into the backyard and bewitched them to make them feather-light, then Jamie and Siân helped tie them onto Sausage and the invisible Thestral from nowhere. It was difficult with the Thestral, as they couldn't see it, but they managed it in the end. The trunk helped them get onto it, too.
Soon, Tanya was on the Thestral, and Jamie and Siân had climbed onto Sausage and renewed the Disillusionment Charm, just in case. They also Disillusioned themselves and their trunks.
AFTER SOME FLYING LATER
They landed near Hagrid's cabin. They got off, tied Sausage to the nearby post (the Thestral seemed tame enough not to wander away too far; besides, there were plenty of tamed Thestrals anyway, they could just ask Hagrid), and went up to Dumbledore's office.
AFTER SOME WALKING AND COMPLAINING OF HATING GOING UP STAIRS LATER
'Um.' said Tanya.
'What's the password?' said Jamie.
'Let's just guess,' said Siân. 'Um, Sugar Quill.'
'Acid Pop?'
'Cockroach Cluster?'
'Chocolate Frog?'
'Jellybean?'
'Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans?'
'Sherbet Lemon?'
'Blood Flavoured Lollipop?'
'Starbucks Coffee?'
Tanya and Siân stared at Jamie.
'What?' said Jamie. 'It worked, didn't it?'
'What?' they turned to face the gargoyle. Sure enough, it had moved. They stepped onto the moving staircase.
'I didn't know Dumbledore liked Starbucks,' said Tanya.
Jamie knocked. The door swung open. They walked in.
'Welcome,' said Dumbledore. 'Please, sit down.'
They made themselves comfortable.
'Would you like a latte?'
'Um . . .'
'No, thanks,' said Siân. 'So when are we going to start the training stuff?'
'Can I have some?'
Siân glared at Tanya.
'What?' said Tanya defensively.
'Of course,' said Dumbledore, a hint of amusement in his eyes.
Tanya took a sip and almost spat it out.
'The training thingy?' asked Jamie.
'Ah, yes,' said Dumbledore. 'Here are your timetables. You will begin tomorrow, at ---'
'SIX O' CLOCK A.M.?!' cried Tanya, this time really spitting out her coffee all over her timetable.
'Why, yes,' said Dumbledore. 'I do hope you don't mind.'
'MIND?!'
Dumbledore's amusement was barely concealed now. He smiled. 'Well, I suppose I could change it to eight ---'
'Thank you!'
'--- but I'm afraid Professor McGonagall wouldn't be most pleased.'
'WHAT?!'
'Thank you for your time,' said Dumbledore hastily. 'You really must get to bed now, it's getting late, I'll see you tomorrow.'
'Bye,' said Jamie, trying to restrain, with Siân's help, a furious Tanya from lunging at Dumbledore.
They finally managed to get her out the door with the help of a Stunning Spell and a Levitating Charm, so no harm done there.
'Oh, where are we going to sleep?' said Siân, poking her head back in briefly.
'The teachers' wing is on this floor. Just turn right at the first fork, then go straight at the second intersection. Then turn right again. The password is Sherbet, followed by your last name,' said Dumbledore.
'Okay, thanks!' Siân's head disappeared again.
AFTER SOME FOLLOWING OF DIRECTIONS LATER
'We're here,' said Jamie, stopping in front of a dead end. 'Sherbet Fridge,' she said. The wall opened. She stepped in, taking her trunk with her. The wall sealed again.
'Sherbet Blower,' said Siân. She revived Tanya first before disappearing into the wall, leaving written instructions on how to get in. Hopefully by the time she'd finished reading the note, they'd have found a safe sanctuary.
Tanya woke up, read the note, got in, taking her trunk with her, and went to find Jamie and Siân.
(A/N: Five pages.
I had originally planned to make this a one-shot fic, but then I remembered the teacher's training thing, and I wanted to get some of their classes in there as well, and I think people would lose interest in this if it was too long. So I'm making it several chapters. Tanya and Siân may chip in from time to time.)
(A/N: I got this idea from fellytone's 'Priori Incantatem'. Actually it was from one of the lines, I quote: 'Many of the professors had trouble tolerating her presence in their classrooms; Professor McGonagall found an excuse to kick Bellatrix out of her class every day that week.')
Disclaimer: Nothing you recognize belongs to me. Tanya and Sian belong to themselves. I belong to me.
We now return to your regularly scheduled programming. Presenting . . .
NEW TEACHERS AT HOGWARTS!
:HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY
Dear Ms T. Ritard, S. Blower, and J. Fridge, (A/N: 'Ritard' comes from a term in music (it was only after I typed it that I realised it's similar to 'retard'; the spellchecker even tried to make me change it to 'Retard'. No Tanya, I didn't do it on purpose (why'd Spellchecker try to change it to 'did' instead of 'didn't'? I didn't!), get your hands away from my neck). 'Blower' and 'Fridge' comes from combining 'Flower' and 'Bridge'.)
You have been selected as the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. You will be given a choice of whether you want to rotate shifts, or you can work together at the same time, assisting each other, particularly with the more . . . shall we say, frustrating classes.
Please report for your teacher's training as soon as possible, preferably within the next week.
Professor M. McGonagall Deputy Headmistress:
Jamie finished reading the letter, rolled it up, and tossed it to Siân. Siân caught it, unrolled it, and read it quickly, then passed it to Tanya. Tanya scanned it and lowered the letter.
'So . . . now what?' said Jamie, once she saw that Tanya had finished.
Tanya shrugged. Jamie turned to Siân.
'Why were WE selected to be professors anyway?' Siân mused. She looked up and Jamie and Tanya, as though expecting them to have the answer.
Tanya shrugged again as Jamie said, 'How the heck am I supposed to know?'
Tanya finally spoke up. 'Who cares?! We're professors at Hogwarts! I'm going to pack,' she said, rushing upstairs. Jamie and Siân looked at each other. Jamie raised an eyebrow. They both got up and followed Tanya upstairs to pack.
AFTER SOME PACKING AND STUFF LATER
'Parchment?'
'Check.'
'Quills?'
'Check!'
'Robes?'
'Check.'
'The letter?'
'Check!'
'Okay, that's pretty much it, right?'
'Yeah.'
'Check!'
Siân lowered the checklist to stare at Tanya.
'Right,' said Jamie. 'How are we supposed to get there?'
'Check!'
Jamie turned to stare at Tanya, too.
'Um . . .' said Siân.
'Check!'
'Apparition?' suggested Jamie.
'Check!'
'No, there are Anti-Apparition wards around Hogwarts, remember?' said Siân.
'Check!'
'Oh, right. I forgot. So how?' asked Jamie.
'Check!' Tanya chirped.
'SHUT UP!' said Jamie and Siân simultaneously, wheeling around to glare at Tanya.
'Check!'
AFTER SOME ATTEMPTED STRANGLING AND WAND-WAVING LATER
It was now Tanya's turn to glare at Siân and Jamie, having been put under a Silencing Charm. Her wand was now hidden away somewhere. She had also been bound by a Limb-Locker (A/N: There is no such thing, I made it up, heh), and was unable to move her arms and legs to injure Jamie and Siân.
'Why don't we just ask Dumbledore to lift the Anti-Apparition Wards for a couple of minutes?' suggested Jamie.
'And HOW is he going to do that? There must be hundreds of wards, the school is huge!' said Siân.
'Well, how else are we going to get there? The Hogwarts Express doesn't start up until September the first!' countered Jamie.
'Ugh,' said Siân, putting her face in her hands. 'It's too far away to go by broom . . .'
'Hey, where's Tanya?' said Jamie, glancing around the room.
'I'm down he-ere!' came a cheerful cry from below.
Jamie looked out the window. Tanya was in the garden, petting something invisible.
'What are you doing?' Jamie yelled.
'I bumped into something invisible! It feels like a horse kinda animal,' Tanya shouted back.
Siân looked up.
'It's invisible?' said Jamie.
'That's what I said!' yelled Tanya in annoyance.
Siân got up and went into the garden downstairs.
'Must be a Thestral, then,' said Siân. 'Are there any more?' she asked Tanya.
'How am I supposed to know?' said Tanya irritably.
Jamie joined them. 'Well, can we just ride this to Hogwarts, then?'
'It's not tamed,' said Siân.
'All you have to do is be nice to them,' said Tanya.
'But there aren't any more,' said Jamie, looking around. 'How'd it get here anyway?'
'Oh, I found a pesky gnome in the garden,' said Tanya. 'I forgot how to get rid of gnomes properly, so I just . . . er . . .'
'Disposed of it?' suggested Jamie helpfully.
'Kind of, yeah,' said Tanya.
'How are we going to get to Hogwarts?!' said Siân, effectively ending their conversation.
'Where's Sausage?' said Jamie suddenly, looking around the garden.
'Out back,' said Tanya. 'I'll go get him!'
Sausage was their pet Hippogriff. As they lived in a Muggle neighborhood, they had to put Disillusionment Charms on him.
The name 'Sausage' was a very odd name for a Hippogriff. Tanya had first suggested 'Birdie', as he was half-eagle, kind of, but that didn't seem to fit very well. Then Jamie had come up with 'Borse', a combination of the words 'Horse' and 'Bird'. Then 'Borse' became 'Borsch', which reminded Siân of sausages, for some reason, so they called him Sausage.
Jamie and Siân followed Tanya to the hidden backyard, which was invisible to Muggles, and Tanya untied Sausage from the fence.
'Well, that's pretty much the transportation solved, then,' said Jamie. 'What about our stuff?'
Tanya summoned their trunks into the backyard and bewitched them to make them feather-light, then Jamie and Siân helped tie them onto Sausage and the invisible Thestral from nowhere. It was difficult with the Thestral, as they couldn't see it, but they managed it in the end. The trunk helped them get onto it, too.
Soon, Tanya was on the Thestral, and Jamie and Siân had climbed onto Sausage and renewed the Disillusionment Charm, just in case. They also Disillusioned themselves and their trunks.
AFTER SOME FLYING LATER
They landed near Hagrid's cabin. They got off, tied Sausage to the nearby post (the Thestral seemed tame enough not to wander away too far; besides, there were plenty of tamed Thestrals anyway, they could just ask Hagrid), and went up to Dumbledore's office.
AFTER SOME WALKING AND COMPLAINING OF HATING GOING UP STAIRS LATER
'Um.' said Tanya.
'What's the password?' said Jamie.
'Let's just guess,' said Siân. 'Um, Sugar Quill.'
'Acid Pop?'
'Cockroach Cluster?'
'Chocolate Frog?'
'Jellybean?'
'Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans?'
'Sherbet Lemon?'
'Blood Flavoured Lollipop?'
'Starbucks Coffee?'
Tanya and Siân stared at Jamie.
'What?' said Jamie. 'It worked, didn't it?'
'What?' they turned to face the gargoyle. Sure enough, it had moved. They stepped onto the moving staircase.
'I didn't know Dumbledore liked Starbucks,' said Tanya.
Jamie knocked. The door swung open. They walked in.
'Welcome,' said Dumbledore. 'Please, sit down.'
They made themselves comfortable.
'Would you like a latte?'
'Um . . .'
'No, thanks,' said Siân. 'So when are we going to start the training stuff?'
'Can I have some?'
Siân glared at Tanya.
'What?' said Tanya defensively.
'Of course,' said Dumbledore, a hint of amusement in his eyes.
Tanya took a sip and almost spat it out.
'The training thingy?' asked Jamie.
'Ah, yes,' said Dumbledore. 'Here are your timetables. You will begin tomorrow, at ---'
'SIX O' CLOCK A.M.?!' cried Tanya, this time really spitting out her coffee all over her timetable.
'Why, yes,' said Dumbledore. 'I do hope you don't mind.'
'MIND?!'
Dumbledore's amusement was barely concealed now. He smiled. 'Well, I suppose I could change it to eight ---'
'Thank you!'
'--- but I'm afraid Professor McGonagall wouldn't be most pleased.'
'WHAT?!'
'Thank you for your time,' said Dumbledore hastily. 'You really must get to bed now, it's getting late, I'll see you tomorrow.'
'Bye,' said Jamie, trying to restrain, with Siân's help, a furious Tanya from lunging at Dumbledore.
They finally managed to get her out the door with the help of a Stunning Spell and a Levitating Charm, so no harm done there.
'Oh, where are we going to sleep?' said Siân, poking her head back in briefly.
'The teachers' wing is on this floor. Just turn right at the first fork, then go straight at the second intersection. Then turn right again. The password is Sherbet, followed by your last name,' said Dumbledore.
'Okay, thanks!' Siân's head disappeared again.
AFTER SOME FOLLOWING OF DIRECTIONS LATER
'We're here,' said Jamie, stopping in front of a dead end. 'Sherbet Fridge,' she said. The wall opened. She stepped in, taking her trunk with her. The wall sealed again.
'Sherbet Blower,' said Siân. She revived Tanya first before disappearing into the wall, leaving written instructions on how to get in. Hopefully by the time she'd finished reading the note, they'd have found a safe sanctuary.
Tanya woke up, read the note, got in, taking her trunk with her, and went to find Jamie and Siân.
(A/N: Five pages.
I had originally planned to make this a one-shot fic, but then I remembered the teacher's training thing, and I wanted to get some of their classes in there as well, and I think people would lose interest in this if it was too long. So I'm making it several chapters. Tanya and Siân may chip in from time to time.)