Whatever Mommy Dearest has planned, it better be good. I've been standing in the freezing cold for longer than it takes me to get out of my fear landscape. Yeah, so it's not that much time, but I'm not happy to be here in the first place.
It's late morning, approaching afternoon, but the sky is made dark with overcast clouds. It might as well be late at night. Thinking about it, that would have made more sense. Why is she making me, a Dauntless, venture so close to another faction's compound and into the factionless sector at a time like this?
I lean on an old and out-of-use train car. According to the coded letter she'd sent me, she was supposed to be here thirty minutes ago. My impatience is reflected in my foot tapping restlessly and my grumbling to nobody in particular. Just as I'm about to give up, I see several dark figures, all huddled together to escape the cold, quickly approaching.
One hooded figure steps away from the rest of them and makes a small gesture. I almost didn't catch it, but the others take it as a signal to leave. Her eyes glow as she sees me, and I recognize her green ones instantly. Evelyn. Mom.
No, she stopped being my mom a long time ago. She's as great a relative as Marcus was. I didn't come here for her; I came here to satisfy my own curiosity. I tell her this with my eyes as they glare holes into hers.
"Tobias!" She says my name jubilantly as she pulls me into an embrace. It's nice to hear it again, but I can't allow it. I do let her hug me, though. My arms remain at my sides.
"Four," I correct her snappily. I'm ready to get this over with. She frowns, but accepts this, and quickly takes on a business-like demeanor. Interesting how she can change so instantly. This puts me even more on edge than I had been.
"Four," she clears her throat, getting used to the new name. "You see that I'm alive, and I can explain. You'll know everything in due time-" She cuts off as she catches the look on my face. In due time? Nine years isn't "in due time"?
She attempts again. "I will tell you later, I promise. For now there're more pressing issues to be addressed." My eyes stay narrowed, but I decide to hear her out, for my own sake more than anything else.
"I left Abnegation nine years ago. In that time, I've made much progress with the factionless. They've elected me their leader. We have great plans." I freeze, knowing what's coming next. It doesn't take an Erudite to figure it out. "I want to know if you'd like to help me. Some former Dauntless initiates who failed initiation had informed me of your success in that compound," So that explains how she knew where to send her letter, and why my black getup didn't confuse her. "And I know that your skills could help us deal with the faction system."
I find that my nails have been digging into my crossed arms. As I stare, I can only choke out one word at first. "No!" I uncross my arms and clench my fists. I somehow conjure more words from all of the conflicting thoughts in my head. "You left me with that monster! I actually show up here, thinking you want to make amends, but all you want is my alliance? I guess I should have expected that from you." I spit out the last sentence as if it's poison.
"Tobias," she says meekly, her voice wavering. She's on the verge of tears. I. Don't. Care. "Don't call me that! Don't call me anything. If you contact me again, I'll forward your letter to Dauntless officials." Without another word, I turn to leave her. I can hear her sobs, and I want to feel satisfaction. After all, she'd ignored my sobs when Marcus would beat me up. I can't. I'm still Abnegation, even after a year of acting Dauntless. I ignore that impulse and keep walking.
I ignore the tears spilling over my face and keep walking.
I curse myself as I begin sprinting out of the train yard. This is the first time I've cried in years, and it's over someone I've grown to hate. This is different, though; there aren't any sobs wracking my body, no shuddering breaths as I attempt to calm down. Only tears.
I walk through the factionless sector of the city quickly, not wanting to breathe in rancid garbage and rat crap for much longer. As I walk, I pass the Abnegation sector, with their bland gray houses contrasting against the crumbling buildings inhabited by failures.
I'm almost to the train, so painfully close, when I see her. She's a short and skinny girl clothed in Abnegation gray. She couldn't be older than twelve.
I try to get past her without being noticed too much, but of course she decides to be a little Stiff about it. "Hello, sir. Can I help you?" She doesn't seem quite as timid as the rest of them. Her words are very Abnegation, but the way she delivers them isn't.
I lift my head and look her in the eye as the tears stop flowing from mine. My gaze is intense, daring her to comment about my weakness. "I don't need help from a Stiff. Isn't it selfish to not mind your own damn business?" I snap. Her eyes immediately flicker to life. Where have I seen them before?
I remember now. Her name is Beatrice, daughter of Andrew Prior, a leader and close friend of Marcus. That doesn't help with the automatic dislike I have toward her. However, it's somewhat diminished by what happens next.
"Well, I'm sorry for trying to be kind!" She spits angrily. If it were anyone else, I would turn into Four the Monster, but she's a Stiff; her outburst stuns me into silence.
"I'm sorry for wondering why some Dauntless boy is wandering so close to the Abnegation sector with tears in his eyes!" She continues. I want to be angry, and it seems like it should come easily considering the circumstances and everything that's happened tonight. I should be boiling over with rage, but I'm not. A huge grin instead overtakes my face, and Beatrice seems as bewildered as I had been.
"Careful, Beatrice," I say, my smile fading. I turn to leave, but I first feel compelled to thank her. It's refreshing to see someone with her attitude, from any faction. I wonder, would she fit into any one of them? Is she like me? I push the thought away. It's not like it matters. I shouldn't hope for it, either, for anyone to have to go through what I do. Divergence is dangerous.
"Thanks." I mutter the word quietly, and the sound is almost lost as I step around her, as if it's part of a distant memory. I wonder how she will interpret it, but I don't stick around to see. By now, I've confused her more than she's stunned me, and I wish to leave it like that.
I can feel her eyes on me as I walk toward the tracks, barely getting there in time to hop on the train as if it's nothing. I wonder where she'll transfer to when the time comes, but I know that she won't be staying here. I lean out the train door and let the wind drown out the thoughts in my head, only clinging to one: Hold on.