./So Long and Goodnight…

Pre-Author's Note: Yeah. I just HAD to throw this together really quickly 'kay? So no complaining about me writing this instead of updating alright? Anyways, this is a birthday present to Jediempress.

Why?

1: It's her birthday (duh).

2: She's a good writer and updates very frequently.

3: "Hearts and Scars". "Mitternacht". Enough said.

4: She's been complaining about not having written enough angst lately. So… I gave her an angsty!songfic as a present. :P

Disclaimer: Pish… Legal rights… What good are they anyway? All they allow you to do is make money off of controlling the outcome of games and stuff…

-:Long ago

Just like the hearse you die to get in again:-

There was a time when Riku was willing to give himself up, just to leave the Islands. Sometimes people would wonder why he hated it there so much. But whenever they asked Riku he would respond like so:

"We live on Destiny Islands," he would state, "Destiny means fate. Destiny is what's going to happen to you. It means 'lack of freedom'. You can't change Destiny. So… I think that's a pretty stupid name to give a place… Destiny. So, are they saying we don't have a choice? We have to live on these Islands and die on these Islands? Is that it?

And another thing; Islands. Islands are secluded and cut off from the rest of the world," Riku would usually scoff at this point, "all in all, the entire name 'Destiny Islands' is completely… It's just as cut off and ignorant as the rest of this place."

Riku's answer tended to confuse people. But then, they figured he was just getting hormonal due to puberty. So instead of actually considering his take on their comfortable Island life, they'd just pat him on the head and say the same thing each and every time…

"Good for you."

And of course, those words only furthered in angering Riku. And as he would watch whoever it was walk away with that vile look of blank, ignorant, idiocy… He'd glare after them and spin on his heels.

He really hated it there. He hated how obsolete the entire world was as a whole. He hated how ignorant the people were. Didn't they have any ambition? Didn't they ever think about what else might be out there? The possibilities? And why, oh why, did they have to be so fucking stupid?

Was it really too much to ask for one decent conversation?

-:We are…

So far from you-

Most of the time, Riku was able to get over his despise towards the place of his birth. Most of the time. He would just breeze through the day, trying not to think about things like how insignificant the things people made big deals out of seemed.

But the fact of the matter was…

He didn't care if Mr. Oribello changed the awning of his grocery store from a blue one with white stripes to a red one with yellow stripes. (Does the fucking colorreallymatter that much

He didn't care if Aqua and Ven broke up. (It's a stupid high school romance for God's sake… It's not like anything was going to come out of it anyway…)

He didn't care if Mrs. Fulara had been promoted from Destiny Mart's cashier to "store supervisor". (Like either job is important…)

And the more he came to think about it… He didn't really care about Destiny Islands in the slightest. He was tired of the trivial conversations. He was sick of the daily activities that made up the very dull and overall pointless routine of Destiny Island life. And he was just plain fed up with the fact that, aside from him (and maybe Kairi and Sora at times) no one on the Islands seemed the least bit unsatisfied with their meaningless lives.

When he turned fifteen, it had gotten to the point where many people viewed Riku as someone abnormal. Whenever he was brought up in conversation, he was easily identified as that boy.

"Oh, how was school today Terra?"

"It was fine Dad… But social studies was really annoying…"

"Oh? What happened?"
"You know Riku?"

"Oh… That boy."

"Yeah. Him. Well, we were studying the geography of the Islands and he-

"Let me guess? He started asking the teacher about the rest of the world too?"

"Unfortunately. Gods, why can't he just let it go?"

"Ah well, he's just difficult. Don't worry about it though, someday he'll wake up and realize that he's just being foolish."

"I guess…"

Not that Riku could blame the Islanders. By the age of thirteen he had begun using condescending tones with them. He tended to give back sarcastic answers, he was… Difficult. Ah yes… And then of course, there was the ever-present question he would always, always ask people. And he'd always use it according to the following:

"The new awning looks great Mr. Oribello. Much better than the old one." (Polite, empty, compliments about something so minor.)

"Yeah, this one's way cooler!" (Enthusiasm about something that will never make an impact on… anything.)

"Why thank you Sora and Kairi." (Empty, polite responses and thank yous.)

"Why does it matter?" (A fair question.)

"I'm sorry Riku, I don't understand your question…" (Ignorance.)

"Why does the color of your awning matter? Who cares if it looks better? In the big scheme of things, is it really going to make a difference?" (The fact of the matter.)

"Riku that's rude!" (So what?)

"Yes, Riku you're being rather cruel." (Big whoop, have your precious feelings been hurt?)

"I mean, think about it… If this world were to end tomorrow, would the color of your awning really matter all that much?" (So true.)

"Riku just… Let it go…" (They don't want to deal with it. They don't want to deal with the reality that their lives are purposeless.)

It's all so empty. It's all so menial. What's the point?

-:Burning on, just like the match you try to incinerate…

The lives

Of everyone you know:-

He didn't give people straight answers anymore. He just sort of brushed their questions off. Or sometimes he'd use that twisted tongue of his to make their comments and questions seem stupid and meaningless.

Finally after years of struggling with basically everyone and making things hard for them, the thought entered his brain. And at first it scared and worried him. It made him stop and think to himself.

"What the hell am I thinking? This has gotten way too out of control… I can't believe I even thought something so… cruel."

"Hey Riku!"

"Hey Selphie…"

"We're heading over to the beach to celebrate!"
"Celebrate?"
"Yeah… Mrs. Stirbu's cat had kittens! They're so cute! C'mon…"

"Whatever."

And as he had followed her to the beach, completely irate with the stupidity of the whole party, the thought just seemed to continue echoing through his head. Almost like it was foreshadowing what was to come.

"It wouldn't even matter if the entire Islands was destroyed."

-:And what's the worst you take?
From every heart you break

And like a blade you stain

Well I've been holding on tonight:-

That's how the real hatred started. Prior to that thought Riku's scathing comments and obvious distaste for the Islands could've just been written off as… Well the thoughts of a very opinionated teenager.

But that all changed once that thought entered his mind.

It seemed the revelation that maybe (in the grand scheme of things) Destiny Islands wasn't necessary had awakened an even more powerful hatred in Riku.

He used to hate the Islands. But now? He resented them.

He resented all that they stood for. Mediocrity, ignorance, stupidity… Menial things. Stupid things.

And then after that… Well… Anyone on the Islands could tell you what happened next. Next thing anybody knew, Riku had become obsessed.

A goal had become planted into his brain. He was fixated. Fixated on that one thought.

"I am going to get off this Island."

And that was when the raft came into play. Yes, it seemed in his desperation to escape the r o u t i n e that was life on Destiny Islands, Riku was ready to sail away at sea. It didn't even matter to him if Sora and Kairi came along. He'd go without them if he had to.

Nothing would ever keep him tied down to Destiny.

Nothing.

-:What's the worst thing I can say?

Things are better if I say

So long and goodnight:-

And then… It happened. His chance came. Riku could've cried with relief when it happened.

A storm (no, THEE storm) came. It came, and as Riku was leaving to check his precious raft (his own pathetic attempt at escape) that voice entered his head. Telling him and reassuring him, that he could leave the Islands. That it wasn't impossible. And all he had to do was open a door.

If, and only if, he was willing to sacrifice the lives of each and every person on the Island.

Well… Talk about your crossroads in life.

And for a moment, Riku hesitated. He stopped and thought about his family, his friends, teachers, and the people who had become parts of his life… And he almost (almost) stopped there. He almost told the voice to shut up and go to hell.

But then he paused, and considered the number of times those people had told him to "let it go" and "move on with life". And then it dawned on him that if he didn't take this chance now, he would most likely be sucked into life on Destiny Islands.

And in an instant Riku was opening himself up to the voice and allowing himself to be dragged down through a dark portal. Very conscious of the fact that he wasn't ever planning on coming back for a visit (not that there would be anything to visit).

-:So long, not goodnight:-

It was an exciting feeling. Being on another world. At first it just seemed so surreal. He couldn't believe he was free.

Free.

Free from his prison. Free from his captives.

Free.

But apparently, like all things, freedom came with a price. Because when Riku woke up with his face pressed up against a hard, cold, stone surface, the first person he ran into was Maleficent.

Maleficent was very different from any of the people on Destiny Islands. She was tall (freakishly so). Her skin was green (she obviously didn't tan). She had horns on her head (that was a new one for Riku). She dressed in a long, black cloak (on Destiny those dark colors would lead to heat stroke). And she talked to her pet raven Diablo (people kept fish and exotic birds as pets on the Islands).

Overall, she was as different from the Islanders as was possible.

And after a while, she offered Riku something he just couldn't say no to; not after being cooped up for fifteen years on the same godforsaken rock.

A d v e n t u r e.

-:Came a time
When every star fall brought you to tears again
We are,
The very hurt you sold:-

That's when the real action began for Riku. Suddenly he found himself in the middle of… Something out of a fairytale. And he loved it; oh there was no denying how much he enjoyed every second of it.

He positively reveled in the rush of a battle; not knowing for sure if you'll come out on top. He loved the way he went back to Hollow Bastion everyday; exhausted from wiping out Heartless and anything else that stood in his way.

But then… There was Sora, and Kairi. Both of them.

When Riku found out they'd escaped too, he'd been initially happy. Ecstatic really. Now he had some oldfriends with him, and together they would have gone off and conquered countless quests together… right?

Would have.

Yes, there would have been so many things they'd done together. They could've explored so many worlds. Vanquished so many villains. Saved so many lives…

But then it came along.

It was the thing that ruined everything. It came along, inflating Sora's ego as it went. The Keyblade.

It just wasn't right. It didn't fit into all of Riku's equations. And even if he did somehow make room for it in his plans… It should've gone to him. Riku. He deserved that thing more than Sora. Sora didn't respect what a huge, big deal it was.

After all, if Sora was still lazing about on Destiny Islands, would he have gotten the Keyblade?

((No.))

Well then, how did he get off of Destiny Islands?

((Riku was the one who saved him from that cage

So maybe it started off as jealousy on Riku's part. But there are two kinds of jealous. The jealousy that wears off after a while because the person realizes they're being foolish. And then there's the jealousy that takes a hold of people's minds and bodies; tricking them into believing they have the right to be jealous.

And so it was, things unfolded into an entirely unfortunate series /chain/ of events /memories/.

Riku's jealousy turned into a hatred; hatred that he knew all too well. And thus his hatred reverted back into that thought.

"It wouldn't even matter if the entire Islands were destroyed."

"It wouldn't even matter if Sora was destroyed."

And then things just sort of fell apart at Riku's feet. All his plans, hopes, dreams, wishes… Crumbled. Shattered. Gone.

At first he launched a pretty strong attack against Sora. He took the Keyblade for starters. And things seemed to be going smoothly…

But then Sora came back. How the hell did he do that?

And took the Keyblade. That was when Riku reached the end of his rope. His actions were driven purely by desperation. It was like being a fish caught on a hook. You knew you were going to eventually be pulled in (cause there's no way in hell you're losing the hook), and yet for whatever reason, you'll never stop struggling. Not until the very end.

And struggle Riku did. He kicked and screamed, denying reality the joy of knowing it had succeeded in pounding the one thing in his life he'd wanted more than anything else (badly enough to kill for).

Freedom.

-:And what's the worst you take?

From every heart you break
And like a blade you stain
Well, I've been holding on tonight:-

And when Ansem conquered Riku's mind and body and soul, yanking Riku from his own flesh, Riku's motivation broke. Just snapped in half, right down the middle; nice and clean.

And for the first time in his life, Riku learned exactly what it truly meant to have no freedom.

Living on Destiny Islands was "lack of freedom".

Watching Sora wield his Keyblade like a shiny, new toy was "abuse of freedom".

But not being able to even control your own body? Knowing that some madman is using your body to kill your friends and destroy so many lives? Knowing that even if you by some miracle, got your body back, you'd have nowhere to go? Mainly because your friends will never accept you now and you've destroyed the only place you could ever call home…?

That is what it means to truly, truly have absolutely no freedom.

And that was when a miracle happened. Because it seemed Sora had managed to kill Ansem, thus scourging Riku's body of the demon. And now Riku was faced with a choice. Just a choice. He didn't really have much freedom (for there were only two options). But it was a choice nonetheless.

He could give up and lock himself behind the gateway to Kingdom Hearts; and in doing so give his life to save many others. Or he could jump through the door and try to live his life out.

The problem with the latter was: What life did he have left to live? Where could he honestly go? Who could he possibly turn to? Sora? He had just gotten through attempting to kill the boy. Kairi? She would stand by Sora. Destiny Islands? Impossible.

And then, nodding grimly to himself, Riku clenched his jaws and prepared to fling all his weight into pulling back the door.

He was ready and willing to give up his freedom.

As the door swung behind him, sealing his fate, he turned in time to see Sora. And that was when he felt the biggest shock he'd ever felt in his life. Sora seemed upset.

"Why is he so upset? It can't be because I'm getting trapped behind the door… I-… I tried to kill him. Why is he…? Is he actually going to miss me? Why"

Yes. Riku realized it just in time. Yes, Sora was going to miss him, Sora had forgiven him. Sora had forgiven him for everything. It was then and there that Riku vowed he would do anything, anything, if it meant helping Sora and Kairi.

And once again he decided to give up his freedom. Since it was clear he had no right to freedom anymore, he decided: Fine. I won't be free. I'll just-... From now on I'm going to livejust to help Sora and Kairi.

And that was that. He made a pact with himself, left Sora with a few choice words (Take care of her.), and went off to face the rest of his life.

-:What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I say
So long and goodnight
So long, not goodnight:-

When Riku entered Castle Oblivion, he perceived the whole thing (cards, villains, adventure) as an opportunity. A chance for him to earn the right to aid Sora and Kairi. Because honestly, those two deserved someone better than him. Someone worthy.

So he went through the entire basement region of the Castle, purging himself of the things that haunted him, atoning for past sins…

And then, when he reached the end of his journey through Oblivion, he saw Sora. Sora asleep. Sora unconscious. He found out what Sora had been through; trauma and confusion.

Later on though, he found out that Sora couldn't wake up. That something was wrong. And that something was Roxas. So, it seemed it was finally time for him to live out his promise. His goal. His reason.

He fought Roxas. And nearly lost too. But then it occurred to him that maybe (just maybe) he could use his darkness as a tool. Sure it would mean giving himself up once again… But it was for Sora. So it was worth it.

And it worked too. He brought Roxas to DiZ and Namine was a little disappointed in him… But that didn't matter. Sora would be okay now.

When Sora woke up the danger seemed to increase in all the worlds now; the Organization was rising, their determination sparked by the events of Castle Oblivion.

Sora and Kairi were now back in action, each making their own way to the end of the road. The World that Never Was. Riku stood back and watched. He watched them struggle, he watched them continue with their journeys. And he helped them too.

Rather, he looked out for them.

Like when Kairi was traveling through a dark portal. He opened up the other end for her, he made sure that she wasn't jumped by Nobodies or Heartless. And when Sora and the others got sucked into the realm of darkness. He gave them the ice cream that got them out. He warned everyone about the Heartless in the Land of Dragons.

It was all him. So to speak.

Between looking out for the both of them and watching his own ass, Riku was pulling double duty all around.

And then it happened. Kairi and Namine were under attack. And as prepared as they were to fight (and die), it was obvious they stood no chance. The time had finally come for Riku to directly intervene.

It wasn't long after that he met up with Sora and his friends. And then DiZ went out kamikaze style, taking Riku's added powers with him. In any case, Riku wouldn't miss them (as helpful as they were), he liked having his body back.

Riku first noticed it however, when they were fighting the last battle against Xemnas (just he and Sora). And then it hit him again when they arrived back at the Islands. As the time they spent back home stretched out, Riku became more and more aware of it.

"It wouldn't even matter if the entire Islands were destroyed."

"It wouldn't even matter if Sora was destroyed."

…

Would it matter if I left?

…

No. Definetly not

-:Well if you carry on this way
Things are better if I say
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight:-

So Riku left. He packed his bags and left. Sora and Kairi didn't need him anymore, they had each other. They would be fine. Perfectly fine.

Without him.

It was the middle of night, he packed light (just some clothes and food). As he was leaving he almost woke up his family, but still, he managed to sneak out in the end. After that it was relatively easy. There was no such thing as "night life" on Destiny Islands, so no one was around to see him quietly sneaking down to the beach.

Once there, he took in his surroundings one last time. For he knew he was never coming back. Despite everything, he still couldn't help but, at the very least, dislike the Islands. Though he had come to appreciate their peaceful nature more so than ever… It still wasn't what he wanted.

He'd been practicing for a long time now, and it seemed he had finally found a way to utilize his darkness without letting it affect him in any negative way. So, it seemed he was, for the first time in his life…

Truly and utterly free.

There was no oppressing Island life-style hanging over him, no manipulative villains trying to take advantage of him, no friends to look after, and no mission from King Mickey to complete.

He smiled to himself, whispered a good bye to Sora and Kairi, and without further ado, stepped into his new life.

-:Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend to leave and then
we'll meet again:-

Author's Note: …It's done. Hurrah! Okay, but seriously people, you have no idea what a pain this was to write. I mean it when I say I SLAVED over this story. I think this little one-shot nearly killed me. It just refused point blank to be written.

I swear when I started this (a WEEK ago!) I thought it would just be a short lil one-shot… But now look at it. Ten pages long. Ten fucking hard pages to write long. Grr.

On another note, happy birthday Jediempress! I hope you enjoyed this present! Thanks for being awesome!

Mr. Harlequin: Don't worry, your present is on its way (just as soon as I post the next chapter for Macarena). Also, I have the whole plot charted out (it'll be a romantic comedy)… I just want to know… What pairing should I make it? Your options are: Axel/Riku (preferably), Demyx/Riku, and Marluxia/Riku. Personally I think it'd work out better if it were Axel/Riku. But it's your present so choose away. :D

Please review everyone. I'm really unsure about how I feel about this story. On the one hand I love it. On the other, I hate it. Maybe I'm just holding a grudge against it because it was so hard to write…?

In any case, please review and give me input!

bliss