Hi! Ok, this is my very first fic for this fandom, so be gentle?

Oh, yeah, reviews are very much apreciated...

St. Mary's Convent, Ilchester Maryland

Hey, Dean?

Remember when I was five and you let me crawl into your bed after dad left us on our own in that motel in Arizona for the very first time? I didn't know what was going on at the time and I never realized Dad was even gone because at nine years old, you had become the most important person in my life.

Remember when dad taught me how to swim? It was at that lake in Oregon right after you turned eleven. It was so cold that my teeth nearly clattered themselves to pieces. You had already had swimming lessons in school, but you jumped into the freezing water anyway without anyone asking you to. You told me that swimming in cold water built character. We were both sick with the flu for nearly two weeks.

Remember the first time you taught me about sex? Oh man, dad had scared the hell out of me then, with his clumsily explained birds and the bees story. I was so confused by the time he was exasperated with my questions that I realized that I should've gone to you in the first place. And you, on the other hand, were rather crude and blunt about it, but I somehow got it so much better than the bewildering explanations dad gave me. Little did you know that by un-romanticizing it for me, you had given me the best advice on how to treat a girl; with the respect and dignity the act itself lacks when you know you'll probably end up breaking her heart by leaving without a goodbye.

Remember what you said to me when I told you I wanted out? And I know how hard it must've been for you to say it, but you never knew that you gave me the most valuable life lesson that I would ever come to learn. You told me that if I wanted to leave that you couldn't stop me, but that you would never make me stay. I realized in that moment how much you really cared about me and that like always you only wanted what was best for me even if it killed you to do it. You'd be there for me, take care of me, accept me and love me.

No matter what.

I'm so sorry I didn't find the strength to let you go when you asked me to, but how do you quit on someone like you Dean? It was only when you were gone that I realized how much I had been depending on your friendship and trust over the years. I can't ever be half the man you are Dean. My brother my partner and my very best friend.

I'm sorry you were stuck with someone like me, Dean, I really am. God knows I haven't made it easy for you. I've never gotten close to repaying you for everything you did for me; I've only repaid you with ingratitude and selfishness.

I'm sorry I'm fucking sorry because nothing made sense when you were gone. Nothing felt real without you. It was like the light had disappeared from this world. I wish I had listened to you but the silence after you were gone was so unbearable and I got so confused.

I can't believe you're here now, standing right next to me when you know what's coming, when you know what I've done.

But like the coward I am, I'm feeling so grateful and shamefully relieved that you're here with me.

Here, at the end of all things.

Thanks for Reading!

-BDP-