Her skin felt glorious underneath my stone cold hands as I flitted my fingertips along her collarbone. She looked up at me, her head resting on the pillow beneath her, her chocolate brown eyes reflecting into mine. She was trying to read me, that I know, yet the mass self control I was trying to protrude didn't get to her. It bothered her not even minimally. And yet it tore at me, thrashed my inner being until I ultimately didn't want anything to do with myself.
I tried anything to distract myself of the animal-like things I was capable of. And like a faucet being tightened, my soul was being clamped, silenced, as the thoughts of what my out of control diplomacy's can do to the great love of my existence. Like trying to lock your mind and physical senses out when you want something. Something like my love laying beneath me on her bed. I brushed a stray hair off of her forehead and lowered my minty lips to the middle of her eyes.
"Edward.." she said through parted, succulent lips, her arms entwining their hands into my hair. I was brought down once again to her face where I placed feathery kisses on her cheeks and jaw line as my hand found its way beneath her shirt. Like the blood thirsty animal I am, I lingered on her neck and licked it ferociously and if my body had the ability to warm up, it would of combust by now.
The blood pulsing beneath your tongue, the only barrier being her skin. I inhaled her scent a bit too roughly and mentally slapped myself as I made my way off of her.
Her eyes darkened into a blur of shady skepticism and as I perched myself on the edge of her bed I felt her tiny hands rest themselves on my upper back. I flinched as her lips found a path to my neck and I picked her up with one arm and let her straddle me.
"I just can't." I told her simply. The plentiful grotesque feelings inside of me trying to domesticate themselves, punishing themselves, hating me.
"I know you can do it. Edward please. I want you" I should of got up and left, ought to of stopped it all right there and of told her that I was going to see her tomorrow. I once again peeled the straps of her burgundy tank top, concentrating on the task at hand and knowing that this is was we mutually wanted. I didn't need any convincing in knowing we both wanted this. The convincing was on my part. As in convincing myself to not fall through with these evasive plans. I swallowed laboriously, and shot my self a look of abhorrence. She shivered at my cold touch, my devilry, and no matter how used she thought she was at my icy touch times like these where a sensual stroke took over would damn her into a world of volatility.
I saw her eyes flicker to the various places on my face and she yanked the other side of her tank top off. The smile that carved her face at that moment was like no other and as if all guilt swam out of my body I forced her down onto the bed. I wouldn't let us be like that. Wouldn't let myself loose control like that. A giggle escaped the back of her throat and I pinned her arms above her head as I once again made a trail of kisses from her jaw line all the way to the neckline of her shirt. She was going to be safe with me always. No matter what happened. Never would she leave my eyes. She playfully tried to escape my grip and I let my hands fall to the waistline of her shirt. I tugged it slowly over her head and soon after unclipped her bra.
You can do this I thought to myself through a clouded mind while I lifted myself up a bit and her tiny hand fumble with the clasp on my jeans. I chuckled lightly and noticed the blush in her cheeks.
"Allow me love." The words were a realization. A sentence of a self fulfillment to love. I grasped my belt buckle and slid it out of the belt hoops swiftly before dropping it to the floor beneath us. I then squirmed out of my jeans, following the undressing of my shirt. Her protruding breasts smiled out at me and I cupped them ever so gently caressing the hardness on them.
"Cold hands, your erecting me Mr. Cullen." The words caused me to laugh quietly and her poor attempt to maneuver herself on top of me made beam. She stroked my hard chest and I could perceive the sound of the adrenaline and blood selfishly revering themselves through out her. Her lips slammed into mine and I swiftly tugged down her pajama bottoms soon enough followed by her underwear. I raked my teeth in between the valley of her chest and she gasped for hair harshly. Her legs shot into a brace around my waist and she pushed her center self up to me signaling to me what she wanted. What I wanted. The thoughts of self-hatred inundated their selves inside of me once again but were quickly injected out of me as I felt her tiny grasp on the center of my body.
The physical part of me was exploding, soaring, flailing, loving every part of my life at the moment and I once again pinned her down kissed her hard on the lips.
"Edward please…" she was begging. And as much I loved every part of it, it bothered me immensely. The hated beast was once again inside of me. Suppressing me. Killing me……