I hope you Crazymofo332 aren't that mad at me... ( Well, you had to wait quite a while before I finished this. ) But I kept my promise. Here's the one-shot you requested. Hope you ( and everybody else ) have fun reading it!
There's a reason you dissect DEAD BODIES, not IMMORTALS... And Simon learned it the hard way.
Warning! M rated for:
mild gore...
blood...
disturbing content...
black humor...
Brittany's jokes...
Simon's surgeon skills...
Ki being himself...
Jeanette fainting...
Read at your own risk!
"Simon, I told you many times before, just because I'm immortal doesn't mean I'm going to be your experiment!" Ki was annoyed by the blue clads constant pleas. Seriously, how many times in your life a friend asked you if he can dissect you? That's definitely not normal.
"It's not an experiment! Just a simple dissection. How many times do I have to remind you?" He mentally groaned. "Besides, you owe me a favor, remember?"
"I do, but... Why the hell do you want to do that for? ... I can't accept that."
"Do I have to remind you what I saved you from? Or rather WHO I saved you from?"
"NO! I still have nightmares... okay, fine. What do you want to do?"
"Not much. Just observe your anatomy."
"I get a feeling I will regret this..."
"Who's our patient nurse Jeanette?" Simon pulled on his rubber gloves and turned his head to his fiancee. It took him a lot of persuasion to make her and Brittany assist him in the operation, but he wanted to make it seem more 'realistic'. He always dreamed of being a surgeon and today he could make that dream be a whole lot easier to achieve.
"A 18 year old male named Ki Miller."
"What is wrong with him nurse Brittany?"
"He has been diagnosed with an unknown disease. Surgery is necessary." She scribbled something down on a small notepad with her pink pen. "Simon, do we really need to act so official? We all know you just want to cut him open." Brittany and Jeanette both chuckled a bit at that statement.
"That's true, but I really want to make it seem as real as possible." He answered, before getting his tools ready. "You both know how important this is to me."
"Yeah, we know. You are trying to get on Harvard."
"That's been my dream since childhood."
Ki was already laying on the table for 20 minutes and he's been getting really impatient. "Simon, hurry up! That table is so freaking uncomfortable and cold!"
"I'm coming in a second!" The voice echoed from the next room. "I still need to prepare the scalpels!"
"Why do you bother!? You know as well as me that those could even be rusted! You know I can't get tetanus or any other disease, infection or illness on that matter!"
"How many times I have to tell you, I'm practicing! Everything has to be PERFECT!" Simon's silhouette slowly appeared from the doorway... with two others.
"Hey, what are Brittany and Jeanette doing here!?"
"They are my assistants. Any other questions?"
"I could've guessed it... What are you planning to do?"
"First, I'll open your chest and check in what condition your organs are." He said, completely emotionless. He already learned it by watching videos from live operations and various gory movies. "Okay, I'm going to start cutting. Nurse, the scalpel." He commanded.
"Aren't you going to put me to sleep or something?"
"Aren't you immune to any kind of coma-inducing substances?" He calmly said, not even looking at him, keeping the scalpel the only point of his attention. "I'm starting cutting." The very second the scalpel touched Ki's skin he screamed, startling everyone in the room. Simon threw the scalpel high up in the air, resulting in it getting stuck in the ceiling. "What happened?"
"I was joking." He grinned. "Continue?"
"JOKING!? Ki, be serious for once!" He sighed. "Nurse Jeanette... another scalpel please." Simon said, slightly annoyed. "And this time, don't do nothing unnecessary, okay?"
"Okay."
"Thanks for cooperating so far Ki... Ki?" He didn't respond. "KI!"
"What?" He took something out of his ears. "I'm listening to my MP3 Player."
Simon wanted to facepalm, but he'd rather not do it with his blood stained gloves. "Ki, I think we both agreed to something."
"What are you listening to?" The pink clad asked. She was so bored that she'd do anything to remedy that. Even if it meant going against Simon's instructions, or how he called himself, Seville. Dr. Seville. That was so cliché...
"Some classics. You want to listen too Brittany?"
"Sure. It's not like I have much to do. Your organs aren't too interesting to watch." He chucked.
"I doubt your organs are more interesting than mine." Now it was her turn to laugh.
"You'd be surprised."
"Am I interrupting something? Please don't forget why are we here." The blue clad was getting angry. "Now, inhale deeply so I can see the condition of your lungs."
"You know my lungs are okay. I don't smoke or anything." But he did as Simon commanded. "And?"
"They are okay... What about your kidneys?"
"My kidneys are okay."
"I beg to differ. You are constantly partying..."
"So what? Look." Despite everything Simon told him beforehand, Ki ripped off both of his kidneys and put them inches away from the blue clads face. Jeanette fainted, while the blue clad fell flat on his ass. "See?" But 'Dr. Seville' was already kneeling beside his girlfriend. Brittany bursted out laughing.
"Jeanette, are you okay? KI, WHAT THE HECK YOU DID THAT FOR!?"
"Proving my point." He answered quickly. "See? Brittany found it hilarious."
"I don't care about that! You and I had a deal!"
" 'Ki, let's strike I deal. You will play a dead body and I'll dissect you.' " Ki said, mocking Simon's voice. Brittany's laugh got much louder.
"That's not funny! I have to take Jeanette out of here."
"Okay, but be back before I bleed out." Ki said as Simon was leaving, putting his kidneys back in their place. Brittany was now laying on the floor laughing.
"Oh my god... I can't breathe!" Was all she menaged to say before needing to grasp for air.
"Just don't suffocate."
"I'm back... What the heck happened to Brittany!?" Simon said, seeing her laying on the floor, unconscious.
"She laughed too hard."
"And you haven't done anything?!"
"What? You expected me to give her CPR or something? Take a look, I look like a walking bag of organs right now. Besides, you have forbidden me from standing up before you are done." Ki explained. Despite the fact that Simon was furious, he had to continue. With or without assistants. But that had to wait for a little longer.
"She's just unconsious."
"Hello? I just said that."
"Ki, shut up! You've already done enough!"
"Okay, okay. I'll try to stay calm for a little bit longer... What's left?" He asked, though the answer was pretty obvious.
"Your brain. But I want to inspect it thoroughly."
"Okay, okay. But don't break it."
"I can't break something that's damaged." Simon said, chuckling.
"Yeah, very funny..."
"Are you ready? I need to take the upper part of your skull."
"Why don't you let me do it? It'll go way faster." Ki proposed, but Simon was nowhere as desperate to agree.
"No. I have to do it myself. Besides, how can you mutilate yourself so easily? Don't you feel bad when you do it?"
"Hey, I thought you were the surgeon, and Jeanette was the psychiatrist?"
"That would be correct if you haven't knocked her out with your organ juggling." They both laughed again. "Okay, ready? I'm starting cutting." After Simon was done, Ki's brain was clearly visible. "Nothing out of the ordinary." After about 15 minutes of Dr. Seville's inspection ( and Ki's boredom ) he finished.
"So fast?" His surprise quickly disappeared, leaving with a sigh. "Finally. That was so boring."
"Well, usually people don't complain."
"Next time you want to practice, go murder somebody."
"Hey, that wasn't funny! I'm not a killer!"
That's it. The ending might be a little cut off, but that's because there wasn't anything else to put in. ( I mean, Simon took his stuff, Ki fixed his chest and head. Pretty boring. ) ...
Ki: I think he forgot the scalpel that he got stuck in the ceiling.
Simon: It's not my fault! You scared me!
Hey, no point arguing because of some ceiling scalpel...
Ki: * Bursts out laughing. * CEILING SCALPEL!