Cleaning out my Closet.
Author: AmaroqWolf
Amaroq's Notes: This is not what you think it is. I stole the name from an Enimen song, did I spell that Right. Meh and it is loosely based on Some past Actions by Matt. This is totally Future AU.
Dedication: To my three B's as always.
May 10 2025.
It's been a long time fella's. One long fucking road that needed to be taken to get where we are today. I've decided to write this shit down so everyone will know I wasn't the saint I made myself out to be. I'm not perfect and I've hurt so many people in my life. I guess it started when I was a Child but hell isn't that where everything starts? I was like 12 when my Mom died, so I guess I could blame my Lack of Better judgement on not having a Mom around. Who knows? My Dad was great at first but then every chance he got he would wail on me for some stupid ass Mistake I made. I guess I was about 15 when I started turning around and taking my frustrations out on My Brother. He was the quite type especially after Mom died. He never cried or told Dad what I was doing he just would take it then go off to some corner and be alone.
I'm not saying I didn't feel bad for what I did to him, I did swear to god I felt horrible for what I did to my little brother. But, I was an angry frustrated teen whose dad saw him as an Idiot. So I did what at the time I thought was right. I know now my Dad was acting the way he was out of his own frustrations, that of loosing our mom. We were well into High School when He started fighting back. I think it may have been cause of what I did to his friend that set him off.
It was right before spring break I'm sure that he remembers this. He had this buddy of his over and well, one thing led to another and we were out in the back acres on the makeshift Ring we had made. I was on it with his buddy teasing him and such. Telling him, he was too weak to even take me on. Well, the Little shit took my challenge. He hopped up there and put his fists up. I kicked him hard in the knee dropping him. Grabbed his hair and flung him across the ring. He lay there for a couple minutes and I figured I had him whipped and whipped good. I always thought of him as a little weakling. I turned my back on him and the little shit attacked me from behind drove me face first into one of the ring posts. I snapped everything became a red haze. By the time my brother dragged me off the guy his nose was busted as was his arm and leg. But the little twerp had the balls to say. That he wanted to go again as soon as he could walk.
Shit, that fucker is one of the biggest names out there now but that's beside the point. That night brother and me were sitting in his room discussing what we were gonna tell Dad when he got home and wanted to know what happened. I was all for telling Dad he fell off the ring, but Brother dear wanted to tell Dad the truth. To tell ya the truth I was getting pissed my face still hurt from where I had had it run into a Metal pole that morning by the little fucker, and he wanted to Tell Dad the truth.
I instinctively reached out to slap him to set him straight and into my mode of thinking. And he ducked hauled off and punched me. It was on we tackled each other at the same time and were rolling across the floor punching kicking beating the living shit out of each other when Dad Walked in. He hauled us apart forced us to tell him what the FUCK happened and then he left the room. We both knew we were in deep shit for this one. Sure enough Dad came back with that Belt and wailed on us both. I think my brother even actually cried that night. Something he hadn't done sense Mom had died.
My brother and me we came to an understanding after that night I would never lay a hand on him again. So, I had to find someway to let out my frustrations. I took up football in less then a year I put three promising guys in the hospitable lets just say I got cut from the team so again I was with out an outlet for my frustration. I was sitting at my desk one night doing my homework.
Dad had gone somewhere can't remember where maybe he does but I sure don't. My brother came into the room listening to some crappy ass music and it grated my already edgy nerves. I told him to turn the shit off but he ignored me. I continued on attempting to finish my homework but, the music was just giving me a headache and I couldn't concentrate. He walked by on his way to the couch with a sandwich or something can't remember that either when I stood up grabbed him and slammed him into the wall. I ripped the headphones from his head and smashed them into his face. I felt the anger flowing through my veins and I wasn't going to stop. I had caught him by surprise; I hauled a fist back and buried it in his stomach doubling him over. That's the last clear memory I have from that night,
Dad told me later he came home to find me wailing on my brother and I wouldn't stop. He had to knock me out he was scared shitless that he had killed me because it took me four days to wake up. DCFS showed up after that and were watching us constantly till I turned 18 graduated High School and went off to college.
Everything was pretty calm for a couple years after that sense I was only home on the weekends and shit, but then Dad got sick and it scared me and my brother to death we thought he was gonna die. I dropped out of school and moved back home. It was only a blood clot but if it hadn't been caught sooner Dad would have died and my brother would have had to go to a Boy's home for the last two years of his child hood. Cause DCFS sure as hell wasn't going to turn him over to me. The guy who beat the shit out of him three years ago. I started going to public college in the city an hour's drive twice a week. We continued working out in that damn ring each week to.
You remember the little shit I told you about. He kept his promise as soon as he had healed up he showed back up rearing to go. But, he wouldn't get in the ring with me. So, I let a buddy of mine train him. My buddy and me we got the same temperament. Will snap at the slightest thing. But, he can control his rage a little better then me. He's never beaten the shit out of someone for just breathing to loud. Yes, I've done that to.
We were all pretty cool for awhile no more eruptions of my anger at anyone. I was really starting to think I had a handle on it. God was a wrong, one night my brother informed me that someone had called looking for me. He gave me the name and he acted like it wasn't important. I informed him of who this person who had called was and he was all like so what.
I snapped god I think if Dad wasn't there who knows what I would have done to him. I did get a few good licks in before Dad came and pulled me off him. My brother had just curled up on the couch and let me hit him. I was shaking with rage and I stormed off to my room and called the guy back. And I still I know this sounds egotistical got my brother and me the jobs we hold now.
Things went well I mean the fans loved us.
Years yeah, it was quite a few years before anything major happened again. I kept an Ear to the ground about my buddy and my brother buddy, they made it into another company and were doing pretty good on their own.
Things started getting kind of cloudy about 4 years later when our company bought out theirs and we were all jammed together in one company. I started lashing out; I smacked my buddy one-day just because he was irritating the hell out of me. And the little shit, my brother friend he grated my last nerve.
Then came the company split. They sent a shit load of us down to a smaller version of the company for some new training My Buddy went with one end of the company and I stayed where I was. The rising anger in me though still wasn't abated. My Brother seemed to be the shining star of the company and it pissed me off to no end.
I lashed out again and nearly tore my brother to pieces he didn't fight back not once he just let me do it. The bosses though were not happy they told me I had to choices either quit, get some help, or they were gonna send me to the other company away from my brother. I took the second choice and went to work for the other company a week later.
I had a fresh start away from my brother and the competition of the larger end of the company. It was good for awhile just working alone. Then they decided they wanted me to just work with one person. It turned out they had decided to bring "Little Shit" As I shall call him through the rest of this, up from the Smaller company. They wanted me to show him the ropes.
God, this parts gonna be hard cause I'm sure someday you will all look at me like I'm sick for doing what I did to "little Shit" To say I abused him would be wording it wrong. I beat the SHIT out of that kids every chance I got. I.I..Went as far as to.to Jeez how to word this with out sounding wrong as shit.
It was a Friday I remember that specifically cause I was watching some Friday movie on some channel. "Little Shit" Kept asking me questions and it was annoying the hell out of me. I told him to shut the fuck up and he did for awhile and I was just getting into the movie again when he opened his fucking mouth. I snapped I lost control I was off my bed so fast that he had no time to react. I pinned him to the other bed and glared down at him. I don't know what possessed me but I told him not to move as I went searching for some supplies. I blacked out at one point don't remember doing anything, But when I came back to reality I saw I had trussed him up with duck tape and even gagged him. He looked scared shitless.
Oh, God how can I say this. The look in his eyes the pure undying terror that seemed to burn from his very soul. It turned me on. It made me as horny as fuck and I needed release of some form. I grabbed him and rolled him on his stomach and that's when he began fighting. I beat him about the back of his head a few times till he lay still. I may have knocked him senseless I don't know if I did or not. I did then what I will regret for the rest of my life doing.
I raped him, not just once but three times. I beat on his back shoulder head everything just to get rid of my frustrations. When I finished I re- clothed him and undid the restraints I did on him. I went back to my bed and went to sleep.
I came out of a half daze some hours later to the sound of the shower running. I lay there trying to remember what I did but I couldn't then. I'm only now excepting what I did and I can't believe that "Little Shit" Never said anything to anyone about it. God when I think about what I did to him, I wish I could get his forgiveness even though I know I don't deserve it.
Hell, I don't deserve forgiveness from anyone who I've done things to over the years. That's not the purpose of this not at all. No it's not, not one bit. It's for me to say I'm sorry and I know I don't deserve anything I have. I don't deserve the friends, The family any of it.
I know now even as I write these last few lines of this letter that my time here on earth is short. I had to beg the nurse to get me this pen and paper just to write all this down so I could go. So I could feel lighter then I have in years.
I'm sorry, Jeff for every time I ever hit you and you didn't fight back, I wish you could of I swear to god I never meant to hurt you.
I'm sorry Shane for being such an ass those last few years. I was an ass and never deserved you as a friend.
And most of all, "Little Shit," Shannon.I'm sorry for damageing you beyond repair. I know you've lost a lot of your life because of what I did to you. I'm so fucking sorry for the pain I put you through. I wish even now you had told someone what I had done. Because I deserved to be punished.
I'm sorry to anyone I can't remember off the top of my head just yet. I'm so sorry. Don't forgive me because I don't deserve it. Just let me feel at peace for realizing my sins. I'm sorry.
Love Always, Matthew Moore Hardy.
Author: AmaroqWolf
Amaroq's Notes: This is not what you think it is. I stole the name from an Enimen song, did I spell that Right. Meh and it is loosely based on Some past Actions by Matt. This is totally Future AU.
Dedication: To my three B's as always.
May 10 2025.
It's been a long time fella's. One long fucking road that needed to be taken to get where we are today. I've decided to write this shit down so everyone will know I wasn't the saint I made myself out to be. I'm not perfect and I've hurt so many people in my life. I guess it started when I was a Child but hell isn't that where everything starts? I was like 12 when my Mom died, so I guess I could blame my Lack of Better judgement on not having a Mom around. Who knows? My Dad was great at first but then every chance he got he would wail on me for some stupid ass Mistake I made. I guess I was about 15 when I started turning around and taking my frustrations out on My Brother. He was the quite type especially after Mom died. He never cried or told Dad what I was doing he just would take it then go off to some corner and be alone.
I'm not saying I didn't feel bad for what I did to him, I did swear to god I felt horrible for what I did to my little brother. But, I was an angry frustrated teen whose dad saw him as an Idiot. So I did what at the time I thought was right. I know now my Dad was acting the way he was out of his own frustrations, that of loosing our mom. We were well into High School when He started fighting back. I think it may have been cause of what I did to his friend that set him off.
It was right before spring break I'm sure that he remembers this. He had this buddy of his over and well, one thing led to another and we were out in the back acres on the makeshift Ring we had made. I was on it with his buddy teasing him and such. Telling him, he was too weak to even take me on. Well, the Little shit took my challenge. He hopped up there and put his fists up. I kicked him hard in the knee dropping him. Grabbed his hair and flung him across the ring. He lay there for a couple minutes and I figured I had him whipped and whipped good. I always thought of him as a little weakling. I turned my back on him and the little shit attacked me from behind drove me face first into one of the ring posts. I snapped everything became a red haze. By the time my brother dragged me off the guy his nose was busted as was his arm and leg. But the little twerp had the balls to say. That he wanted to go again as soon as he could walk.
Shit, that fucker is one of the biggest names out there now but that's beside the point. That night brother and me were sitting in his room discussing what we were gonna tell Dad when he got home and wanted to know what happened. I was all for telling Dad he fell off the ring, but Brother dear wanted to tell Dad the truth. To tell ya the truth I was getting pissed my face still hurt from where I had had it run into a Metal pole that morning by the little fucker, and he wanted to Tell Dad the truth.
I instinctively reached out to slap him to set him straight and into my mode of thinking. And he ducked hauled off and punched me. It was on we tackled each other at the same time and were rolling across the floor punching kicking beating the living shit out of each other when Dad Walked in. He hauled us apart forced us to tell him what the FUCK happened and then he left the room. We both knew we were in deep shit for this one. Sure enough Dad came back with that Belt and wailed on us both. I think my brother even actually cried that night. Something he hadn't done sense Mom had died.
My brother and me we came to an understanding after that night I would never lay a hand on him again. So, I had to find someway to let out my frustrations. I took up football in less then a year I put three promising guys in the hospitable lets just say I got cut from the team so again I was with out an outlet for my frustration. I was sitting at my desk one night doing my homework.
Dad had gone somewhere can't remember where maybe he does but I sure don't. My brother came into the room listening to some crappy ass music and it grated my already edgy nerves. I told him to turn the shit off but he ignored me. I continued on attempting to finish my homework but, the music was just giving me a headache and I couldn't concentrate. He walked by on his way to the couch with a sandwich or something can't remember that either when I stood up grabbed him and slammed him into the wall. I ripped the headphones from his head and smashed them into his face. I felt the anger flowing through my veins and I wasn't going to stop. I had caught him by surprise; I hauled a fist back and buried it in his stomach doubling him over. That's the last clear memory I have from that night,
Dad told me later he came home to find me wailing on my brother and I wouldn't stop. He had to knock me out he was scared shitless that he had killed me because it took me four days to wake up. DCFS showed up after that and were watching us constantly till I turned 18 graduated High School and went off to college.
Everything was pretty calm for a couple years after that sense I was only home on the weekends and shit, but then Dad got sick and it scared me and my brother to death we thought he was gonna die. I dropped out of school and moved back home. It was only a blood clot but if it hadn't been caught sooner Dad would have died and my brother would have had to go to a Boy's home for the last two years of his child hood. Cause DCFS sure as hell wasn't going to turn him over to me. The guy who beat the shit out of him three years ago. I started going to public college in the city an hour's drive twice a week. We continued working out in that damn ring each week to.
You remember the little shit I told you about. He kept his promise as soon as he had healed up he showed back up rearing to go. But, he wouldn't get in the ring with me. So, I let a buddy of mine train him. My buddy and me we got the same temperament. Will snap at the slightest thing. But, he can control his rage a little better then me. He's never beaten the shit out of someone for just breathing to loud. Yes, I've done that to.
We were all pretty cool for awhile no more eruptions of my anger at anyone. I was really starting to think I had a handle on it. God was a wrong, one night my brother informed me that someone had called looking for me. He gave me the name and he acted like it wasn't important. I informed him of who this person who had called was and he was all like so what.
I snapped god I think if Dad wasn't there who knows what I would have done to him. I did get a few good licks in before Dad came and pulled me off him. My brother had just curled up on the couch and let me hit him. I was shaking with rage and I stormed off to my room and called the guy back. And I still I know this sounds egotistical got my brother and me the jobs we hold now.
Things went well I mean the fans loved us.
Years yeah, it was quite a few years before anything major happened again. I kept an Ear to the ground about my buddy and my brother buddy, they made it into another company and were doing pretty good on their own.
Things started getting kind of cloudy about 4 years later when our company bought out theirs and we were all jammed together in one company. I started lashing out; I smacked my buddy one-day just because he was irritating the hell out of me. And the little shit, my brother friend he grated my last nerve.
Then came the company split. They sent a shit load of us down to a smaller version of the company for some new training My Buddy went with one end of the company and I stayed where I was. The rising anger in me though still wasn't abated. My Brother seemed to be the shining star of the company and it pissed me off to no end.
I lashed out again and nearly tore my brother to pieces he didn't fight back not once he just let me do it. The bosses though were not happy they told me I had to choices either quit, get some help, or they were gonna send me to the other company away from my brother. I took the second choice and went to work for the other company a week later.
I had a fresh start away from my brother and the competition of the larger end of the company. It was good for awhile just working alone. Then they decided they wanted me to just work with one person. It turned out they had decided to bring "Little Shit" As I shall call him through the rest of this, up from the Smaller company. They wanted me to show him the ropes.
God, this parts gonna be hard cause I'm sure someday you will all look at me like I'm sick for doing what I did to "little Shit" To say I abused him would be wording it wrong. I beat the SHIT out of that kids every chance I got. I.I..Went as far as to.to Jeez how to word this with out sounding wrong as shit.
It was a Friday I remember that specifically cause I was watching some Friday movie on some channel. "Little Shit" Kept asking me questions and it was annoying the hell out of me. I told him to shut the fuck up and he did for awhile and I was just getting into the movie again when he opened his fucking mouth. I snapped I lost control I was off my bed so fast that he had no time to react. I pinned him to the other bed and glared down at him. I don't know what possessed me but I told him not to move as I went searching for some supplies. I blacked out at one point don't remember doing anything, But when I came back to reality I saw I had trussed him up with duck tape and even gagged him. He looked scared shitless.
Oh, God how can I say this. The look in his eyes the pure undying terror that seemed to burn from his very soul. It turned me on. It made me as horny as fuck and I needed release of some form. I grabbed him and rolled him on his stomach and that's when he began fighting. I beat him about the back of his head a few times till he lay still. I may have knocked him senseless I don't know if I did or not. I did then what I will regret for the rest of my life doing.
I raped him, not just once but three times. I beat on his back shoulder head everything just to get rid of my frustrations. When I finished I re- clothed him and undid the restraints I did on him. I went back to my bed and went to sleep.
I came out of a half daze some hours later to the sound of the shower running. I lay there trying to remember what I did but I couldn't then. I'm only now excepting what I did and I can't believe that "Little Shit" Never said anything to anyone about it. God when I think about what I did to him, I wish I could get his forgiveness even though I know I don't deserve it.
Hell, I don't deserve forgiveness from anyone who I've done things to over the years. That's not the purpose of this not at all. No it's not, not one bit. It's for me to say I'm sorry and I know I don't deserve anything I have. I don't deserve the friends, The family any of it.
I know now even as I write these last few lines of this letter that my time here on earth is short. I had to beg the nurse to get me this pen and paper just to write all this down so I could go. So I could feel lighter then I have in years.
I'm sorry, Jeff for every time I ever hit you and you didn't fight back, I wish you could of I swear to god I never meant to hurt you.
I'm sorry Shane for being such an ass those last few years. I was an ass and never deserved you as a friend.
And most of all, "Little Shit," Shannon.I'm sorry for damageing you beyond repair. I know you've lost a lot of your life because of what I did to you. I'm so fucking sorry for the pain I put you through. I wish even now you had told someone what I had done. Because I deserved to be punished.
I'm sorry to anyone I can't remember off the top of my head just yet. I'm so sorry. Don't forgive me because I don't deserve it. Just let me feel at peace for realizing my sins. I'm sorry.
Love Always, Matthew Moore Hardy.