I do not own the characters from Emergency!, although I have certainly had a lot of fun hanging out with them. This story is strictly for fun.
Author's Note: Thanks to the magic of DVD I recently became re-acquainted with the gang at Station 51. I used to love the show during its original run, but as a little kid I don't think I ever really registered the difference between Johnny at a scene and Johnny around the station. I got to thinking about possible explanations, and then realized the one I came up with also explains to me why Johnny doesn't mind the Phantom nearly as much as I would have expected.
This is my first effort at fanfic in several years, and is unbeta'd--I originally wrote it as a joke for myself and then got sort of... obsessed with it. (Sound like anyone we know??) No action, just a few characters talking, mostly about various events from the first three seasons of the show. The earwigs are my own insertion, and the earwig facts given are, in fact, factual!
Partners, Planes, and the Phantom
It was Bernie Grissom's third shift of field training at 51s. The first two had been so busy he hadn't had a lot of time to think about anything except procedures. Which was a good thing, since the responsibility of being a paramedic, even a trainee, would have been a little overwhelming if he'd thought about it much. He was grateful for the busy shifts, which kept his mind fully occupied. He was also pretty grateful he'd been assigned to the A shift paramedic team at 51s for training.
Roy DeSoto and Johnny Gage were a walking illustration of the cliché about how opposites attract: Roy was sandy-haired and solid, not so much physically as what Bernie's younger brother would call his "vibe," obviously a guy you could count on. Johnny, a few years younger, was dark, slight, a garrulous bundle of nervous energy. Roy was pretty well always the same guy, thoughtful and reliable, while anyone who encountered Johnny between runs would probably wonder what the LA County Fire Department was thinking, letting this young man loose with a defibrillator. It wasn't an issue the first couple of shifts, they were busy enough that Johnny mostly showed his professional side: the competent level-headed paramedic who, Bernie figured, would make any scared victim feel reassured he was in good hands.
The patients weren't the only ones--a couple of guys who'd trained out of 51s had already told Bernie that the nice thing about Gage and DeSoto was their united front. You never had to worry if one told you something that the other would contradict it later. As Bernie found out for himself, they weren't territorial either, seeming pleased to be adding another paramedic to the ranks, and fair and supportive as trainers. Between the two of them, Roy and Johnny definitely made an anxious trainee feel like he could handle whatever came up, too.
The third shift was a great deal quieter than the first two, and that was when Bernie started to get worried. The problem wasn't Roy or Johnny, the two paramedics got along fine in the squad and out. Roy seemed mostly amused by his partner's chatter--for some reason Johnny was currently obsessed with earwigs-- and Johnny, although Bernie wasn't sure he was even aware of it, obviously looked to Roy for approval.
The problem wasn't the engine crew either, at least not most of them, or the captain.
The problem was the Phantom, Station 51's "invisible" trickster. Or rather, the problem was the way the Phantom--pretty obviously Fireman Chet Kelly--seemed to zero in on Johnny. The waterbombs on the first two shifts hadn't really registered on Bernie, he was too busy getting his feet under him. Johnny had opened a kitchen cabinet that first day, gotten splashed by a spring-loaded waterbomb, yowled a few threats at Kelly, the engine crew had laughed, Johnny'd changed his shirt and then they'd gotten toned out. Next shift the same thing had happened, only the waterbomb was planted in his locker. Splash, yowl, giggles, tones. By the time the run ended Bernie had nearly forgotten the incident, and the shift was so busy Johnny hadn't seemed to give it much thought either.
This third shift was much quieter, and the Phantom struck three times: waterbomb in a cabinet, sabotaged tap in the bathroom sink, waterbomb over the locker room door. Johnny was the target each time. Bernie would have thought a person who kept getting waterbombed would eventually become a little gunshy, but Johnny was completely unsuspecting, walking right into all three boobytraps and reacting with startled indignation every single time. It was hilarious.
At least, the engine crew seemed to find it hilarious. With the second incident the captain declared a moratorium, and after the third Kelly was assigned latrine duty for the next shift. He seemed to think it a small price to pay: Kelly, Engineer Mike Stoker, and Fireman Marco Lopez all nearly died laughing and Roy spent the last twenty minutes before lights-out calming Johnny down while he plotted colourful, implausible vengeance and tried to enlist Bernie's assistance in coming up with a really good plan.
It was funny, really. Or at least it would have been funny if it had been... spread around some. The fact the Phantom--Kelly--kept picking on the same guy, probably with the collusion of at least part of the engine crew, became less and less amusing to Bernie the longer he thought about it.
The next morning, before B Shift arrived to relieve them, Bernie and Johnny were assigned to hang hose. Roy was straightening the dorm and for once seemed relieved to get away from his partner, who was still running through revenge scenarios in his head and talking about them as fast as he could draw breath.
"I could take out a personal ad and put his phone number in it," Johnny's voice came from the top of the hose tower. "Only with my luck he'd meet some chick and fall in love with her and I'd end up having to buy them a wedding present. No, that's out. I could fill the pockets of his turnout coat with shaving cream. I could--"
"--You could report him for harassing you," Bernie finally interrupted, unable to stand it any longer. There was silence from above--Bernie thought it sounded like startled silence. When he glanced up, he could see a shaggy dark head and a pair of surprised brown eyes looking down at him.
"What did you say?" Johnny seemed genuinely astounded.
"You could report him," Bernie repeated. "I'd back you up. I mean, a joke's a joke, but this is ridiculous. I don't understand why Cap lets it go on."
"Bernie--" Johnny broke off and came swinging down the hose tower a great deal faster than Bernie considered strictly safe, never mind how nimble he knew Johnny was. Before Bernie could make up his mind to close his eyes and wait for the yelp and crash, the other man was on the ground looking at him in astonishment. "Bernie," Johnny repeated, one hand coming up and then dropping back to his side, as if the paramedic had started to pat the trainee reassuringly and then thought better of it, "man, you can't possibly think anybody really cares about a waterbomb?"
Bernie shook his head and went on doggedly, "I know, I know, they'll say it's just a joke and no harm done, but how many shirts have you gone through on this shift alone? I'm sure it's hilarious to the engine guys, but--"
Johnny put his hands up, palms outward. "Whoa, now." The jittery energy that possessed him during downtime was suddenly gone, as was the manic plotter of a moment ago. The man in front of Bernie was suddenly the same one who had reassured the old lady with the broken hip, the middle-aged guy with the chest pains, and the bloody-nosed teenager who was more concerned with the damage to the family car than to his own face.
"Bernie," Johnny used the trainee's name again, like you do to get a frantic patient to focus on you, the hand reaching out and retreating once more, "Bernie, man, I was talking about me."
"What?"
"I was talking about me. Why would I care about a few waterbombs?"
"You sure sounded like you did a minute ago," Bernie pointed out.
"Wha--? Oh. Well, yeah, but..." Johnny opened his mouth, closed it, and searched for words. After a moment he said, "It's not serious. It's more like… a counterirritant. You know?"
"No," Bernie admitted. "I mean, of course I know what a counterirritant is. I just don't understand how it applies here."
Johnny sighed. "Oh, man… Okay. You might have noticed by now that I kind of--I kind of go on and on about stuff. I mean, like the earwig thing."
"Okay?" Bernie prompted. He knew all about "the earwig thing," which had occupied Johnny between runs for the last three shifts. It seemed to amuse Roy, interest Marco, and drive everyone else crazy. As far as Bernie could gather, Johnny had discovered bugs in his apartment a few days ago. He initially assumed they were roaches but later identified them as earwigs. In the course of trying to find out how to get rid of the insects, Johnny had been doing some reading and had learned, among other things, that mother earwigs not only stay with and protect their eggs, but look after the babies until they're old enough to take care of themselves. Even after only knowing the man for two shifts Bernie had a pretty shrewd idea that Johnny's tiny roommates were no longer in any danger of eradication. Johnny, in fact, couldn't seem to stop talking about their fascinating life cycle, to the point on this shift where everyone except Roy and Marco were begging him to shut up about it.
Come to think of it, that was about when the Phantom had gone to work in earnest.
Johnny gave a rueful, lopsided smile. "Yeah, well, I don't mean to get all worked up like that, but… I can't help it. It's my brain. It gets ahead of me. I just… Have you ever gone for a walk with a dog, and he runs on ahead of you and then runs back to see where you are, and then runs ahead, and back again? My mind is kind of like that. I start thinking, and then my brain starts to--" he twirled a finger, not the sign for "crazy," more like he was illustrating a wheel--"it starts to spin, and the next thing you know I'm off on some tangent and I can't seem to get myself stopped."
"But you're so calm when we're at a scene," Bernie protested. Even as he spoke, though, he was starting to see how that fit together.
"Yeah," Johnny agreed. "I do fine then, because things are usually moving really fast and there's so much you have to take in. Even if it's a routine call we've got procedures to follow, and most of the time we don't know it'll be routine until we get there so I'm thinking about what we might need to do. And navigating the squad, obviously. It keeps my brain busy, you know? I just find it easier to deal when there's a lot going on. When things are quiet, my mind starts making up stuff to keep it occupied. I get into a lot of trouble that way."
Bernie thought about that. When he was a kid, one of his friends had a border collie that was a really nice dog, but had a frantic need to keep busy and hated to be left alone. They had finally given the dog away--to a farmer, the friend had said. Bernie wasn't at all sure that was the truth, but he tried not to think about it. Right now, just for a second he imagined a tiny border collie rushing around inside Johnny's skull, looking for something productive to do.
Johnny was still talking. "I mean, I try to stick to stuff that doesn't do any harm but it doesn't always work. A couple of years ago, for instance, I had the worst fight with Roy. We hadn't been partners for all that long so we were still kind of getting to know each other, right? And Chet told me Roy had told him he thought I was some kind of a nut. I, um, I didn't take that at all well. I mean, I couldn't stop thinking about it, and by the time the next shift came around I had myself convinced Roy thought I was stupid and untrustworthy, and that he was sorry we'd ever become partners. It was awful."
Bernie could only imagine. Even after only a couple of shifts, he could already see how much Johnny valued his partner's opinion. A misunderstanding like that--obviously it was a misunderstanding--must have really hurt.
"What happened?" he asked.
"Oh, I finally told Roy why I was mad at him, and he apologized and told me he liked me fine, but you could tell he was apologizing for hurting my feelings, not for thinking I was a nut. I don't know what would have happened if we hadn't gotten called out to a rescue right then. It was a really complicated one, a small plane had crashed into a stand of big trees and was hung up way above the ground. We were out with the mountain rescue team and the squad from 110s, took us hours to get there and get the victims out--everyone survived, by the way, no serious injuries. I certainly didn't have time to worry about what Roy thought of me as a partner. But by the end of the day… I don't know, I think some stuff was getting sorted out in the background while I was busy. I mean, I believed him when he said he liked me, Roy wouldn't lie to your face, and he certainly acted like he figured I knew what I was doing on the rescue, and man, we were way up a tree, you wouldn't want to be doing that with someone you didn't trust… and I kind of figured maybe it didn't matter so much he thought I was a nut, as long as I was the kind of nut he could be partners with. I mean, he might even be right. Once I was occupied with something complicated and important, it was like the back of my mind could tidy up some of that other stuff for me.
"And then there's… well, Mrs. Epstein, for instance."
It took Bernie a minute to remember the old lady with the broken hip, from their first shift together. There had been so many runs since that he couldn't even see her face clearly in his mind anymore. But it didn't really surprise Bernie to find out Johnny still remembered her name.
"What about her? Dr. Brackett said she was going to be fine."
"Man, she is not going to be fine." Johnny was regretful but matter of fact. "She didn't die, and she didn't go into shock, and she probably won't get pneumonia in the hospital, but--fine? She had a really serious injury, and it's going to take a lot of time and pain and rehabilitation before she'll even be up and around. And she'll probably never be able to live independently again, either. She's not fine.
"And that's… we bring in someone who's had a heart attack, and maybe we defibrillate and bring them back and they get to Rampart and they make it… you still know there's been a lot of damage. They might have another heart attack in a year or two anyway. And they'll worry about it all the time, you know they will. Or someone's in an accident, or their house burns down, or… Man, we see a lot of people on the worst day of their lives. The docs at Rampart tell us they'll be fine, and you know what that means, it means they probably won't die, but it doesn't necessarily mean things will ever go back to normal for them. I try to just accept what the docs say and not think about it too much, but…"
"Rule number one," Bernie offered as Johnny trailed off. The paramedic grimaced.
"Yeah, rule number one: Don't get emotionally involved. Everyone has to find their own way to do that. I just try not to take them home with me. I mean, they're people. I can't not see them as people. If I just saw them as problems, instead of people with problems, I wouldn't be able to do my job right. That's why Roy doesn't like to work with Craig Brice, all Brice sees is the problem. But if I dwell on the person and think about what they're going through and how scared and worried they must still be even after they get to the hospital--man, if I let myself think like that I couldn't do my job. I'd end up all paralyzed, I wouldn't be able to do anything to help the next person we meet because I'd be so worried about making things worse or something… We do help people. We do. This job is important. I have to be able to do it.
"And… there's Roy, too."
"What about Roy?" Bernie had assumed things were good between the partners.
"Well… he's got a family and everything, and… a few months back he took the engineer's exam, he did really well on it and I thought he was going to take the promotion, he told me he was going to, and I mean, man, his kids are growing up and college is expensive, he's got to be thinking about that now, and there's, I don't know, pensions and everything and it just made sense, it was a good career move for him and… And he didn't do it, he told me it was because he likes what he's doing now, but he also made a joke about someone having to look out for me and I know, I know he was kidding but we'd just been in a structure fire and I got hurt and then he got… blown up some, partly because he went back for me, I slowed him down, and I worry sometimes that he feels… responsible for me, or something. I mean, I wouldn't want Roy to--" Johnny was beginning to look really worried--in fact, he was beginning to look a little manic--when he suddenly broke off, his expression at first blank and then startled.
And then he began to laugh.
"What?" Bernie asked in confusion.
"Did you see what I just did? When I started talking about Roy--even about the job--I didn't intend to start going on and on like that. I just… it just happened. That's exactly what I do.
"And that's why I need the Phantom."
"It is?" Bernie imagined the tiny border collie in Johnny's head spinning around and barking happily. Bernie himself was just trying to catch up.
"Yeah. If it wasn't for the Phantom I'd spend way too much time thinking about stuff like that. Probably talking about it, too, which would be a bad thing because, man, we all think about it too much. The other guys don't need to listen to me worry about things they're worrying about, too.
"So getting hit with a waterbomb every once in a while? First of all it breaks my train of thought, which is a relief a lot of the time, and then it gives me something specific to think about: get back at Chet. It's way better for me to be all worked up about something stupid like that than all worked up about whether I'm holding Roy back or how every patient I've seen that week is doing, you know?"
"So you're saying the Phantom is actually doing you a favour?"
Johnny shrugged. "Kinda. 'Course, I'm doing him one, too."
"Obviously. You're pretty patient with him. Aside from threatening to kill him every half hour."
"It's not just that. Chet's an idiot, granted, but he's… if you ever tell anyone I said this I'll deny it and refuse to recommend you for certification, but Chet's actually a very kind-hearted idiot. He really doesn't mean any harm. He goes a little too far sometimes, and he needs to shut up about Indians--" Johnny paused, then amended, "He REALLY needs to shut up about Indians... But for the most part he's a decent guy, honestly. And you notice Cap keeps an eye on us. If I was really having a problem I know he'd step in, but it hasn't been necessary yet--either I get Chet, or he eventually lays off or Roy or the engine guys kind of settle us down.
"The thing about Chet is, in some ways he's a lot like me, except in addition to thinking too much and talking too much, he also has to be doing stuff all the time. And if he was to start pranking the rest of the engine crew… Man, I don't want to think about what would happen. It wouldn't be good for morale. We all work together, obviously, but we function as two separate crews, so it doesn't do as much, I don't know, damage, when he goes after me. Those engine guys have to be on the same side, just like Roy and me. It's okay to have the engine crew on one side and the paramedics on the other over something silly like the Phantom. Besides, I know I get on their nerves sometimes. I don't mean to, I just don't… I don't always realize it until it's too late. So when the Phantom nails me it kinda makes up for the fact I've probably been driving everyone else crazy, too. The other guys don't have to do anything about it. And if I do manage to turn the tables, that's just part of the game. The engine guys find that funny too, because they know Chet was asking for it."
"So you're saying it's okay because you're an outsider?" Bernie thought he was starting to get it, but he wanted to make sure. He was hoping Johnny would correct him.
Johnny did. "No, no. It's more like, say, on a hockey team you've got your position players and your goalies. They're all on the same team but they kind of stick together amongst themselves. Roy and me, we're sort of the goalies. It just wouldn't be funny if the Phantom was picking on Roy." Bernie didn't ask whether that was the consensus opinion or just Johnny's. "Although actually, the Phantom is probably good for Roy, too. Because, man, you know there are times when he wants to kill me in my sleep. There have to be. The Phantom thing kind of reminds him we're both on the same side. You know, when the Phantom gets me, Roy always kinda reacts like the Phantom got him, too. He always sides with me, anyway."
"So what if Roy was to pull a Phantom prank on you?"
Johnny looked startled. "He wouldn't do that. Okay, he gets me once in a while himself, but not in front of everyone… He wouldn't do that.
"Anyway, don't worry about me, and don't worry about the Phantom. Better he goes after me than any of the other guys, and better I'm thinking about getting the Phantom than… some of the other stuff I might be thinking about. He actually serves a useful purpose around here."
"Like a dung beetle," Bernie heard himself saying. Johnny grinned.
"Yeah. Like that." The paramedic looked thoughtful. "I wonder, when I take the book about earwigs back to the library, if they'd maybe have one about dung beetles…" Whistling tunelessly, Johnny scrambled back up to his perch and the two men finished with the hoses.
B Shift arrived about twenty minutes later. Johnny got involved in a conversation with one of his paramedic counterparts--Bernie was almost positive it was about earwigs again--so Bernie found himself walking out to his car with Roy.
"So, how are you feeling about everything?" Roy asked as they crossed the parking lot.
"Pretty good. It's not like the classroom, but I feel like I'm catching on," Bernie told him.
"You're doing fine. I noticed you had quite a talk with Johnny this morning. Anything I should know about?" Roy wasn't prying, and certainly if the trainee had a problem, Johnny would tell his partner about it, but Bernie appreciated Roy asking him directly.
Bernie shook his head. "Not really. I was a little concerned about this whole Phantom business. Johnny explained to me why there was nothing to worry about. "
Roy looked amused. "Johnny and Chet are the definition of 'his bark is worse than his bite.' Both of them."
"Yeah." Bernie hesitated. "Johnny was talking about how the Phantom keeps him from worrying about a lot of things. I wouldn't have thought of him as a worrier."
"Me neither, at least not until the nut incident," Roy remarked. "Believe me, I was very sorry I called him that, particularly behind his back. At the time I had no idea how much it would upset him."
"He told me about that."
"He tell you about the plane in the tree?" Bernie nodded. Roy went on, "Yeah. It's funny, that was a pretty complicated rescue, but the thing I remember the most clearly is, when I started to climb into the plane and check on the victims--obviously I didn't have a safety line on, and when I leaned into the plane, over the drop, Johnny grabbed a fistful of the back of my jacket. I remember thinking that if I fell I hoped I'd fall right out of my jacket because I didn't think Johnny'd let go, and I didn't want to take him with me. I don't know if he was even conscious of doing it. I've always wondered whether he really thought he could save me if I fell." Roy shook his head. "He tell you any other stories?"
Bernie hesitated. "Actually, he talked about you a lot."
Roy sighed. "He didn't tell you about that promotion, did he?" Bernie nodded. "There's another thing I was afraid he was still worrying about. That's the thing about Johnny--so much just rolls off him that it's sometimes hard to remember how much sticks. He didn't say anything about me protecting him from himself or anything like that, did he?"
Bernie squirmed. "Kinda," he admitted, sounding in his own ears like Johnny.
Roy nodded. "He tell you about the fire, the day I decided not to take the promotion?"
"Yeah. He said he got hurt, and then you got 'blown up some' when you went back to rescue him."
"Yeah, well. He went into the building to look for a security guard, and then part of the ceiling fell on him and I went in after both of them. We got to a second-storey window and I handed the victim out to Marco, I think it was Marco, on a ladder, and then I sent Johnny out ahead of me because he'd hurt his leg. I was just getting ready to follow him when the room behind us flashed and the force of the explosion blew me right out the window." Roy paused. "Johnny tell you what he did?"
"No."
Roy smiled slightly. "I came through the window headfirst, on my way down the ladder like a rocket sled--I remember thinking 'this is it, I'm going to break my neck.' Johnny was halfway down and as I fell toward him… he tried to catch me."
"Seriously? Did he--?" Bernie stopped, feeling stupid.
"Of course not. As I crashed into him he got one arm around me, and of course I knocked him right off the ladder with me. I think I might have landed on him, everything was pretty confused for a minute. If he'd ducked and hung on he probably wouldn't have fallen, but I don't suppose that occurred to him." Bernie was about to remark that Johnny probably hadn't had time to think of that, and then he imagined the border collie again and realized what Roy actually meant. Roy went on, "Anyway, I helped him to the window, but he definitely saved my neck there. If he hadn't broken my fall I would have been in a lot of trouble. And then there was the time we were being held hostage by a couple of bank robbers. I still don't know how he talked us out of that one. Sure I look out for Johnny, but he keeps up his end, too." Roy shrugged, then smiled slightly. "Just don't ever let him try to fix your TV. Anyway, that's why I have the occasional private word with the Phantom, about not going too far."
Bernie blinked. "You do?"
"Sure. You don't think I trust my partner to Chet Kelly's good judgment, do you?" Roy grinned, and Bernie grinned back. Before the trainee could say anything, from inside the station there was the distant sound of a splash, a yelp of outrage from Johnny, and Captain Stanley bellowing, "Kelly, you twit, in my office now!"
Bernie chuckled. "Sounds like Cap's handling that one."
Roy nodded. "Yeah. I'm sure he doesn't need me." But as he spoke, Roy was turning back. "See you in a couple days."
"See you," Bernie responded, and watched as Roy jogged back to the station to see how his partner was coping with the Phantom.