A FUTURE AND A HOPE

Right now, Threepio, who is apparently regarded as a god by these furry little guys, is telling them our story: the story of the Rebellion and how we came to where we are today. The irony of this isn't lost on me, since from my point of view, Threepio is as far from a deity as you can get, and he's the one who always claims he's not very good at telling stories.

I've got to say I'm still not sold on these guys. They damn near turned me into dinner, and they kept sticking sharp objects in my face. Fortunately, Luke's Jedi tricks got us released from captivity, but I'm still not sure about them. They smell weird and they have the worst rotgut ever distilled. Yes, I tried it. No, I didn't go beyond that. I'm supposed to be leading a mission, not getting drunk with a bunch of undersized fuzzballs.

My mind's not on the little furry guys, though, or even on the mission at this moment. It's on the woman sitting immediately to my left, leaning into my shoulder. I can feel her warmth flowing into me, and all I want to do is protect her, even though she's as tough as they come.

But I guess I have to be grateful to the little furballs, even if they were planning on having me for dinner, because they were the ones who got Leia safely to their village. When she didn't come back with Luke, I felt...well I'm not sure what I felt. All I know is that my heart wouldn't stop pounding and I don't think I drew a full breath until I saw her standing on that little bridge; alive and well. And with her hair flowing down around her shoulders, and that dress clinging to her curves, she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. She really needs to dress like a girl more often.

She's looking around at the Ewoks now. There are lots of kids in this bunch, some still babies. There's something in her expression I haven't seen before; I'm not sure what it is, but it's different.

I've been feeling weird about a lot of things since I came out of the carbonite. I'm incredibly grateful to Leia, and Luke, Chewie and Lando, that they all came for me. Gratitude was never a big part of my life before now. It's just that since I spent all that time in a big, black nothing, and now I've sort of been dropped in the middle of everything, and, well, it all feels different, and kind of unfamiliar. Lando's a part of the Alliance now, and so am I. Who thought that would ever happen? And Luke. The last time I

saw Luke was when we were evacuating Hoth. He was such a kid. Look at him now—a real Jedi, the way he took on Jabba and the sarlacc—and he doesn't whine anymore, thank the gods.

I know this is a critical battle that's coming up for the Alliance,and I have an important part in it. Yeah, I'm worried about it. The best battle plans never survive the opening shot, and this is one we have to win.

But what's got me more worried is, what's going to become of Leia and me? What if this is just wartime romance? What if she decided that she really wasn't that much in love with me after all? What if she's in love with Luke, instead? I mean the kid's great; how can I compete with that?

I won't let myself think about that right now; not with Leia's warm skin and silky hair pressed up against me. I wish my feelings weren't so scrambled, but something about Leia never fails to do that to me. Sure, there's lust; I've been lusting after this woman since about thirty minutes after I met her, but now it's so much more. And it's scaring the hells out of me. Being with her makes my pulse pound and my chest tighten. I've never felt this way about another woman.

Of course there have been other women. Hells, I'm thirty-three years old, and I like women—always had a great time with them. It was fun, and when it was over, we'd usually part friends. There're a couple of notable exceptions in there, but we'll skip that for now. The point is, I would always move on.

But I don't want to move on from Leia. In fact, I don't think I can. I dream of her, and I realize I want her with me, every day and every night of my life. She's so much a part of me that it would devastate me if she wasn't with me. As in, I'd die inside.

These are all new feelings for me.

No woman's ever made my stomach flutter this way, or made my heart feel like it's going to burst out of my chest every time I see her, or especially made me want to throw my arms around her protect her from everything, including the madness that is this war. Which I really, really want to be over. I'm sick of it already. Everyone is.

But even more than that, I want Leia to be with me. Forever.

Two years ago, I was on a supply run to Cularin, and I ended up-as I always do on Cularin-at Nenmo's. I ended up buying a ring with a Tandgor fire gem, on the outside chance that maybe someday I'd ask Leia to marry me. Not sure what I was thinking at the time, since all we did was fight, but I knew then that there was no one else like Princess Leia Organa.

And I could tell she had feelings for me, too. Why the hells else would she fight with me so much?

Actually, I think we were fighting ourselves the whole time. I'm so glad she couldn't get to her transport. I know that's a terrible thing to say, and yes, Bespin didn't exactly turn out to be great, at least for me, but, honestly, that trip was one of the most wonderful times I've had in my life. For both my body and, amazingly, for my soul. It was the most fulfilling experience I've ever known. I think it's called feeling alive.

I'm feeling a lot of things right now, some of which can't be discussed in public.

And she came for me. I know how hard it must have been for her to abandon the Rebellion; that's all she's lived for, suffered for, and fought for over the last three years. But she gave it up for six months to search for my sorry ass. She never ceases to amaze me. She's the smartest, feistiest, funniest, and most complicated woman I've ever met. And so incredibly beautiful.

Right now she looks so tiny and vulnerable. But she's the strongest woman in the galaxy. Also the most stubborn, though she might disagree with that. I love her spirit, her tenacity, and her huge heart. She keeps it hidden a lot, but when she opens up to me, I know it with every sense.

I have to ask her to marry me. The confirmed bachelor in me is about to die. I couldn't be happier about that.

More than anything, I want to give her both a future and a hope.

Just as soon as I get these furry guys off my leg!