A/N: Hello! Thank you for visiting my fanfiction.
After reading many good Murphamy fanfictions, I discovered that there were not nearly enough of them, and was forced to write one myself.
This is the first time that I have written these characters, so I apologize for any errors, in addition to any grammatical errors as I do not have a beta.
Any comments, constructive criticism and feedback would be appreciated so much!
Murphy was surprised that he was allowed to have his own room at camp Jaha. It was a small room near the back of the fallen piece of the ark, but it was functional nonetheless, with four walls and a bed. The more he thought about, the more Murphy reasoned that they probably put him in his own room to keep him away from everyone else. Why would anyone want to share a room with him anyways? Many around camp either ignored his existence or projected dislike towards him, even though he was supposedly redeemed. It wasn't as if this was new for Murphy, though, he had never been a people person.
The thought of redemption seemed ridiculous to him now, as he wiped the dirt and blood off his face from where it had been for a very long time. How could he possibly be considered redeemed? After what had happened with Finn… Finn…
He paused his cleaning and stared at himself in the mirror. He could still see the flashes from Finn's gun as he slaughtered an entire village whenever he closed his eyes… he could hear Raven's screams echo throughout the camp as Finn had died… could see her face as she implied he should die instead of Finn… After all hadn't he done worse things? Shouldn't he have stopped Finn?
He should have died instead of Finn. Murphy knew that now, as he was staring at his reflection. He was certainly worse than Finn, had been worse than Finn. Finn had only done what he had done because this world had messed him up, forced a good man to do bad things… but Murphy was not a good man. He didn't have people who would cry when he was gone, or people he could have saved if he had lived. He only had himself and a frustratingly strong and selfish tendency to save himself. He hated that about himself, wished that he had been strong enough to give himself up instead of Finn.
Suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted as he heard someone barge into his room without warning.
"Hey," Murphy began, annoyed, "Don't you knock? Some people—"
His witty remark was cut short as he turned around to discover Bellamy standing over him, rifle in hand.
"Bellamy," he said, expecting anyone else.
"Yeah," Bellamy replied, throwing another rifle at Murphy, who just managed to catch it. "Clarke authorized a hunting party. You're in, let's go."
Murphy raised his eyebrows. "Clarke authorized a hunting party?"
Bellamy smiled and nodded. "Technically, her mother took her advice. We need to do something productive around here."
"Well, I don't have anything important planned for today."
"Good." Bellamy walked out of Murphy's room, and Murphy followed close behind.
"So, why'd you want me on the hunting trip?" Murphy finally asked, as the two walked through the forest, Murphy taking a detour to walk between a few trees. The question had been burning through his mind since Bellamy had appeared at his door. As he walked back over to Bellamy's side, he looked at him for an answer.
Bellamy looked back at him. "Why not?"
Murphy snorted and looked away again. "I could think of many reasons." He stepped over a large rock, deciding to avoid the descent into any serious conversation. "Was it my charming personality?"
Bellamy furrowed his brows at Murphy, and looked like he was going to say something. "No…"
"Alright, I didn't know you were that off-put by my charms." Murphy commented again, shrugging, and unable to look at Bellamy.
Bellamy sighed. "Look, I took you with me because I want you to know that your help is appreciated around here. I never got to thank you for what you did on the cliff. Stopping me and that girl from falling when the seatbelt broke… We both would have died if you weren't there."
Murphy looked at the ground as he walked, and he could feel Bellamy's gaze on him. "Giving me one of your famous inspirational speeches?" he said, but there was no kick behind his sarcasm anymore; the words seemed hollow and quiet as he watched his feet while he walked.
"I'm serious, Murphy," Bellamy told him, and Murphy made eye-contact with Bellamy then, briefly. "You helped save people… you saved my life."
Murphy laughed quietly and humorlessly, walking at a faster pace, fighting the ridiculous urge to run back to his room and let out the tears threatening to escape him. You shouldn't thank me, he thought. "Yeah, I did such a great job of that when I tried to hang you."
"Murphy…" Murphy jumped when he felt Bellamy's hand on his shoulder, stopping him in his tracks, turning Murphy around to face him. "We've all done things that we regret, Murphy. To survive…" Murphy could not look away from Bellamy when had him that close, his dark brown eyes boring into Murphy's with such sincerity that Murphy felt trapped and out of breath. "When they hanged you, I didn't stop them… I've done things, terrible things, all of us have, and you are no different. All of that is in the past, now, who we were and what we did. What we have done to survive doesn't make us who we are. It's just what the world does to us, it's not our fault." He squeezed Murphy's shoulder slightly. "It only matters what we do after that, what we chose to do, to try and change things, make ourselves better, help the people we care about…"
Murphy just looked back at Bellamy, unable to form a response, when he was saved from responding from a sound of rustling to their right.
Bellamy immediately moved his hand off Murphy's shoulder, ending the moment, and looked towards the sound, raising his rifle.
Murphy gripped his own rifle tightly, moving to Bellamy's side to follow him towards the noise. He couldn't see anything through the densely scattered trees ahead.
"You go right," Bellamy whispered to him, gesturing to their right, "I'll go left. We'll corner it."
Murphy nodded in response, raising his rifle and navigating through the trees slowly, careful not to step on any fallen branches to alert the animal to his presence. He didn't see anything as he walked on, and he began to wonder if what they heard had just been the wind or a branch falling. A small voice in the back of his head worried that it had been grounders that made the noise, but he pushed that thought to the back of his mind. Not again, Murphy thought, he was not alone now.
He froze as he heard the rustling again, but this time it was accompanied by the louder noise of padding feet. He crept forward through the forest, when suddenly he spotted the creature. It was not a grounder, and certainly not a buck.
The large gorilla charged at Murphy before he could react, knocking the gun out of his grip instantly, and throwing Murphy against a tree, as he cried out in surprise.
He was distantly away of hearing Bellamy's shouts in the background as the gorilla tore at the flesh on his chest. The pain was excruciating, and Murphy let out shrieks of terror, as fear ripped him tightly, wrapping itself deeply and tightly around every corner of Murphy's mind. All he could see faintly, through his clouded vision, was the gorilla, clawing and tearing at him. He blinked and he saw a grounder warrior stand before him, stabbing him relentlessly and shouting to tell him about his people, tell him and the pain would stop.
"No!" Murphy shouted, though his voice was hoarse, as the gorilla loomed above him. "I won't… I won't tell you anything…" Not again, never again. He had to do better. But there was just so much pain… If only it would stop… He couldn't take the pain anymore…
Then, suddenly Murphy heard a shout. "Hey!" Bellamy's voice called out. "Over Here! Hey you! I'm right here, come and get me, you ugly beast!" The shouts were accompanied by the sound of bullets being fired.
Then, the torture ended, and the gorilla ran in the direction of the shout. As Murphy stared at the blood pooling on the wound on his open chest (So much blood, just like before…), holding his hands numbly against it, the world began to spin around him. Bellamy. The thought flowed throughout his mind as he began to lose consciousness. Is he alright? He's an idiot…
Bellamy ran as fast as he could in the direction the tree Murphy was lying against was, after he had taken care of the gorilla. He ran so fast that his muscles protested, the pain burning in his legs, though he ignored it.
"Murphy!" He shouted as he ran up to crouch in front of him.
Murphy's eyes were closed, his hand limply covering the gaping wound on his chest, blood spattered everywhere. Bellamy could hear him breathing raggedly, and knew he must have been unconscious, though this didn't ease Bellamy's worry. He needed to wake up.
"Murphy!" He shouted again, reaching out to touch the sides of his face, and shaking lightly. "Hey, Murphy! Wake up, I know you're in there."
"Murphy, please." He brought his hand to Murphy's wound putting pressure on it gently, when Murphy's entire body jerked away in response.
"No! No! I won't tell you anything!" Murphy shouted at Bellamy suddenly, grimacing with the pain of moving his body.
Bellamy moved his hands away immediately. "Murphy… John," he tried, forcing his voice to stay level and calm, "It's me. Bellamy. Everything's alright, now… it's all over."
Murphy stared at Bellamy wide eyed for a moment. Murphy looked so young when he looked at Bellamy then, too young and too frightened for the world that they lived in now. Then again, they all were.
"Bellamy…" he said, finally, his brow furrowing.
"Yeah," Bellamy replied, letting out a breath and returning his hands to put pressure on Murphy's wound.
"Don't call me John…" Murphy's voice was quiet and raspy as he spoke, "Only my parents called me John…"
Bellamy smiled weakly, ripping some cloth off the bottom for his shirt to use to put pressure on the wound. "Alright, Murphy."
He wrapped the cloth around Murphy tightly, pulling Murphy into a sort of awkward embrace to tie it on his back. He could hear Murphy's ragged and unsteady breathing in his ear as he tied the knot, his worry increasing.
"You're… an idiot…"Murphy choked out, as Bellamy secured the makeshift bandage and stood up. "…Could've died…tryin' to… to save me…"
"You would've died if I didn't. I can't let that happen, idiot or not." Bellamy responded, grabbing Murphy under his arms and pulling him off the ground. "We've got to go… Try to walk."
He put his arm around Murphy's shoulder and leaned the man against his right side, supporting his weight, and pressing against Murphy's wound with his left hand.
He took a step forward, half-dragging Murphy along, as he took the steps with Bellamy weakly.
"…I… can walk…" Murphy mumbled.
"Sure," Bellamy said, and they walked in the direction of the camp.
They reached near the end of the forest line, when Bellamy felt Murphy falling beside him, his legs giving out.
"Murphy!" He exclaimed, holding onto him more tightly to hold him up. He looked at Murphy's face, and say he eyes closing.
"Murphy! Stay with me…"
"Bell…Bell'my…" Murphy slurred, his eyes fighting to stay open, "'m okay…"
Bellamy panicked as he felt Murphy falling, feeling his breathing slow. Without thinking, he put one arm under Murphy's legs and hoisted him off the ground and into his arms, carrying him bridal style.
Murphy was surprisingly heavy, but Bellamy carried him as fast as he could to the camp's gate. When he looked down at Murphy's face, his eyes were closed and his breathing still raggedly slow, but the corners of his lips curled slightly upwards in a small smile. Bellamy thought he might have been imagining it.
"Hey!" Bellamy shouted into the camp entrance. "I need help!"
He sighed in relief as he spotted Clarke and a few others running over to him and opening the gate.
"Bellamy, what happened?" she called out, seeing the bloodied form of Murphy in Bellamy's arms.
"It's Murphy… we were out hunting, and he's been attacked by a gorilla…" Bellamy explained quickly, "He's got a large wound on his lower chest… You have to help him, please…."
Clarke glanced briefly at Murphy before turning back to the others who had come to see what was going on. "Hey!" she shouted at them, "I need a stretcher!" A few of the soldiers holding guns ran back towards the fallen ark to retrieve it. "And get my mom out here now!" She called to them as they went.
She gave Bellamy and concerned look. "Don't worry, we can save him."
All Bellamy did was worry as the soldiers returned with the stretcher and he lay Murphy in it, Abby Griffin following close behind them, talking rapidly with her daughter about the state of his injuries.
He walked brusquely behind them as they carried Murphy to the fallen ark and into the medical room, when Clarke turned around to face him. He could see Murphy being placed onto a medical table behind her.
"Bellamy…" Clarke said to him, squeezing his shoulder lightly, "It's alright, you should wait out there… We'll do everything we can…"
Bellamy nodded at her slowly. "Thank you…" he said, turning to leave the medical room.
Bellamy walked out of the room and sat down on the floor outside it. He nervously rubbed his hands together, noticing that they were still red with Murphy's dried blood.
He worried about Murphy.
When Murphy became conscious again he could feel a dull ache in his lower chest. He vaguely remembered being attacked by something… He looked down at his chest to discover a fresh bandage wrapped securely around it. He was back at the camp, he decided, looking around the small medical room.
Next to where he was lying he spotted Bellamy sitting in a chair beside him. Murphy saw that his eyes were closed, and he was probably asleep. Dirt and dried blood still clung to his clothes, and the bottom of his shirt was torn off, still visible after a jacket had been thrown on him. His usually curly and messy hair seemed even more distressed. Only his hands, which had probably been washed, were free from the mess. Though his appearance suggested otherwise, Murphy thought that Bellamy looked peaceful sleeping in the chair, his normally concerned and worried face free of any expression. Murphy remembered everything, smiling despite himself.
"Bellamy," he whispered quietly, after a few minutes passed. "Hey… Bellamy…"
Bellamy's eyes opened then, and he shot upwards out of his chair, his gaze moving to Murphy's, his features taking on a concerned look again. "Murphy, you're awake."
"I can't really say the same for you." Murphy said.
Bellamy smiled slightly. "I've been awake for a long time… How are you feeling?"
"Alright for being mauled by a gorilla…" Murphy said, and it was true. He'd had worse, but he couldn't think about that now. Not when Bellamy was looking at him so intently.
"Good," Bellamy said, "Abby and Clarke said you'd probably recover from the injury… but… you lost a lot of blood, so… it wasn't certain…we were worried." He shifted on his feet slightly.
"That's because you absorbed all of my blood…" He reached an arm at to point at Bellamy's shirt, and then lightly poked the visible skin below it, where the shirt was torn away from Bellamy's makeshift bandage. "Nice stomach."
Murphy smiled as Bellamy hastily closed his jacket more without much success. He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Sorry…didn't really get a chance to change." He said quietly.
"No problem… I didn't really either." Murphy gestured to the large amount of bandages covering his chest.
The two looked at each other for a moment in silence after that.
"You could have died." Murphy said finally.
Bellamy laughed slightly. "You're the one lying on a medical bench with your chest torn open."
Murphy sighed. "Yes, but, when you lured that gorilla away from me… It could have killed you…" You risked your life for me!? The silent accompaniment remained unspoken.
"Well, I took care of the gorilla and I'm still here." Bellamy said, his eyes never leaving Murphy's face. "And so are you."
Murphy frowned. "Yeah, well… you didn't have to do that—"
"Yes I did," Bellamy interrupted, overwhelming and genuine sincerity etched onto his face. Murphy felt his insides churn under Bellamy's gaze, though he wasn't sure if it was because a gorilla had mauled him. "You did that for me, and now I've returned the favor. I couldn't just let you die."
Anything Murphy was going to say died in his throat. He felt overwhelmed with unexpected emotion, and didn't know what to make of it.
Luckily, Bellamy spoke first. "I'll go get Clarke, she'll want to know you are awake and feeling alright." He turned to exit the room.
"Wait, Bellamy…" Murphy heard himself say, and Bellamy turned around to face him.
"Thank you," Murphy said simply.
Bellamy smiled a little and nodded, and then left the room.
In the next few days Murphy spent recovering he got a few visitors to the medical room. Clarke and Abby came every once in a while to check on his health, sometimes fixing a bandage or giving him something. They were polite to him despite his insistent remarks that he was fine, really, and should get to leave soon. He was especially surprised to see Monroe, Octavia, and a few others stop by one morning to see him and he enjoyed telling them about the gorilla attack.
Bellamy visited him frequently, informing him of what's been going on around camp and the hopeful growth of their alliance with the grounders. Murphy thought that at least Finn's death finally got him to peace that he had wanted long ago. Bellamy always asked Murphy how he is was when he visited, to which Murphy feigned annoyance every time. Murphy enjoyed the time he spent with Bellamy, though, and even started to secretly enjoy the tight feeling in his chest whenever Bellamy became concerned about him.
On the day that Murphy was finally able to leave, Bellamy was there, helping him off the table.
"I can stand, Bellamy, I'm feeling better now and it's not my legs that are injured." Murphy insisted, as Bellamy grabbed his arms to help pull him up, his stance on the floor uncertain, but stable enough. "I could use my shirt though, if you have a chance."
Bellamy frowned, but reached over to retrieve Murphy's shirt, and pulled it quickly over Murphy's head without warning.
"Thanks," Murphy said, unable to see with the shirt fabric covering his face. "You're a great help, as always, Bellamy." He pulled the shirt on correctly himself.
"No problem." Bellamy smiled.
Murphy walked to the door slowly with Bellamy following behind, and was able to make it to his room without falling even once, only leaning on Bellamy for support a few times, though he didn't need it much.
Murphy sat on his bed when they reached his room, suddenly very grateful for the minimal amount of comfort it provided. "I never thought I'd miss my room," he said.
"Yeah," Bellamy said, hovering around the room.
Murphy looked at him expectantly, as Bellamy looked like he needed to say something.
"I'm going to go with Clarke and the others in a peace meeting with the grounders," Bellamy said, finally. "It'll be a few days… And they're going to have a funeral for Finn. A grounder ritual or something."
Murphy nodded. "Alright," he said.
"Abby will stay here if you need anything." Bellamy told him.
Murphy thought about Bellamy a lot in the week that he was gone, when he wasn't thinking about anything else. He missed his presence around his room when he was alone with his thoughts, so he took to sometimes doing menial tasks for Abby, since she had become someone around camp that could tolerate him without any verbal conflict. He still ended up spending most of his time walking meaninglessly around camp in the not too crowded areas, pleased that he was recovering well, but restless, wishing that Bellamy was around with him to smile a broad smile sometimes at his stupid jokes or tell him how stupid they actually were. He missed the way Bellamy told him about the status of the truce, the way he described them in great detail, like they were a story. He even missed the stupid way Bellamy's curly mop of hair seemed to get even messier with every passing day. Most of all he missed Bellamy's small concerns over him, the way he would always support him even if he wasn't about to fall or ask him how he was doing. Never had someone cared for him like that, not since his father risked his life to save him, not since his mother used to tuck him in every night when he had the flu, assuring him that everything would be alright, until she hated him for killing his father.
Though Murphy's injuries recovered quickly, he found that his nightmares had returned. Almost every night he would wake up in a cold sweat, sometimes screaming, calling out, or crying in his sleep. He would remember dreaming about the usual horrors, Finn's massacre, Finn's death, the grounder's torture, which was sometimes mixed with the gorilla's claws tearing into his flesh.
Most of all, he dreamed of Bellamy; he dreamed of himself being hanged at the camp, Bellamy standing idly by as he choked to death; he dreamed of himself hanging Bellamy at the dropship in revenge, unable to change the memory, his happiness at seeing Bellamy's struggle for life making him sick to his stomach when he woke; he dreamed that his grip on the seatbelt had not been strong enough on the cliff, and that Bellamy had fallen to his death; he also dreamed that it was Bellamy who had been torn apart by the gorilla, and that he had been unable to save Bellamy as Bellamy had done for him; he dreamed that it was Bellamy who had been tortured by the grounders, unwilling to give in to their interrogations.
Murphy noticed that all his nightmares were based in reality, and wondered if there was ever a time when they were based on fantasy or pointless fears. Not in this world, he concluded, not anymore. Murphy didn't get much sleep when Bellamy was gone.
Murphy was lying pointlessly in his bed on the night when Abby knocked on his door to tell him that Bellamy and the others had returned. Murphy stared at the ceiling for a few moments before walking out after her into the crowd of others greeting the return party.
His eyes scanned the crowd for Bellamy, nervously, and he let out a sigh of relief as he spotted him walking near the back of the group, with Clarke, Octavia, Raven, Lincoln, and a few others.
Bellamy's eyebrows went together when he saw Murphy walking towards him. "Hey, Murphy, feeling better, I see?" He smiled then.
"Yeah," Murphy said, nodding at him, and powerless to stop himself from smiling back. "How was the journey?"
"Well, it went differently than expected." Bellamy told Murphy, as he fell into step beside him. "We went in for a toast after Finn's funeral and the grounders had tried to poison their own commander for aligning with us. They tried to frame Raven, but Clarke stepped in to prove that it wasn't us that poisoned the drink, it was the cup, which I figured had been poisoned by the commander's right hand man, Gustus."
"Wow," Murphy responded, looking over at Raven to see cuts and blood, and feeling an inexplicable twinge of guilt for that. "No wonder it took you so long to get back."
Murphy noticed that Bellamy was leading them to a fire that the returning people had started to gather around. "What's going on?"
"We figured everyone could all use a little celebration for the truce, or some time to relax after all that happened back there… Not sure which one it is." Bellamy explained, walking towards the gathering.
"Alright…" Murphy replied, standing awkwardly in place as Bellamy left, until he gestured for him to follow.
"Hey, you should get to celebrate, too, you're feeling better now," Bellamy told him as he took a seat on a log by the fire next to Clarke and Octavia. He patted the space next to him on the log, his expression hopeful. "C'mon, Murphy, it's only once night."
"Okay," Murphy said, sighing exasperatedly, though he knew he couldn't refuse the look Bellamy was giving him. "I'll stay at your lame party."
Bellamy grinned again. "Good, we even have some alcohol." He pulled reached in front of them to pull out a bottle, taking a sip of it himself and grimacing. "It's a little strong, but it's what was left on the ark…" He held the bottle out to Murphy. "…If you want…" he added.
Murphy thought of his mother after she started drinking after his father's death. Then he looked at Bellamy, whose face was sincere. "Alright," Murphy said, taking the bottle, after realizing that the situation was different now. He was with Bellamy and the others, safe. "Just a little."
A few hours into the night, Murphy felt pleasantly drunk, telling a story of his crimes on the ark. He told one about when he had to hide in a toilet stall for three hours, to avoid being seen after he had stolen extra chocolates from the cafeteria.
Bellamy laughed loudly as Murphy told the story, his cheeks turning pink slightly from drinking and laughter. He threw his arm over Murphy's shoulder, and leaned in towards him as he spoke grinning stupidly. "You're so funny, Murphy."
Murphy grinned stupidly back, warmth flooding his chest from drinking and Bellamy's proximity. "I know, I am," he said, and Bellamy laughed again.
Murphy could hear the others laughing from behind Bellamy, engrossed in their own conversation. Bellamy placed his other hand on Murphy's shoulder. "You really are a good guy…" Bellamy said to him, his whole face grinning as he looked at Murphy.
"Noo…" Murphy said back. "I'm really not."
"Yes," Bellamy insisted, shaking him lightly. "You are."
"Nah," Murphy said again.
Bellamy frowned then. "Well, I like you."
Murphy furrowed his brows. "No, you don't."
"Yeah," Bellamy protested, nodding. "I do, I do like you."
"Really?"
"Yes!" Bellamy smiled, and patted him on the shoulder. "You're pretty, too."
Murphy snorted loudly. This was so ridiculous. "You're so weird when you're drunk."
"I'm not that drunk…"
"You've had way more to drink than me."
"Yeah," Bellamy admitted, licking his lips, "But, you're weird when you're not drunk…"
Bellamy laughed again, and Murphy couldn't help but laugh too, when Bellamy's forehead bumped against his own. They were so close now that Murphy could smell the alcohol on Bellamy's breath.
"Murphy…I…" Bellamy breathed onto Murphy's face, looking at his lips.
Murphy held his breath, and before he knew it, Bellamy had leaned in to kiss him. Bellamy tasted a lot like alcohol and his hands held awkwardly and unsteadily onto the back of Murphy's head, but Murphy did not mind, kissing back enthusiastically despite his slightly drunken state.
After a long few moments, Bellamy broke the kiss for a breath of air, smiling at Murphy with a lop-sided smile, and lightly patting the side of Murphy's face. In that moment, suddenly, Murphy's mind started working again, and he realized the reality of what had just happened. Bellamy was so, so drunk and he had kissed him, had kissed Murphy after mumbling silly things about liking Murphy. It wasn't real, Bellamy didn't really care for him in this way; the sinking thought planted its way into Murphy's mind, its stark sadness amplified by his intoxication. And then Murphy had kissed him back, had let himself believe…
Murphy jerked away from Bellamy immediately, jumping off the log into a standing position, like he had been burned.
"Murphy?" Bellamy questioned, frowning, "What's wrong… You alright?"
Bellamy's eyebrows went together in the familiar expression of concern, and Murphy felt like he couldn't breathe. "I—I have to go… I'm…" He backed away from Bellamy. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry, Bellamy."
Murphy saw Bellamy move to get up after him, but he shook his head. "No, don't come after me… I'll see you…tomorrow, okay? I have to—I have to go…"
If Bellamy said or did anything after that, Murphy was not aware because he turned away from the fire and walked back to his room as fast as he could, collapsing onto his bed, and wishing that he could forget what had happened that night. But, he could not forget, and the nightmares got worse that night.
Bellamy awoke to a pounding headache and was surprised to see Clarke looming over him. He was even more surprised to discover that he was lying in the grass.
"You're awake," Clarke declared once she noticed, holding her hand out to him.
He accepted it, pulling himself off the ground, only to receive a large amount of pain in his head and choosing to sit down on a log instead.
"Are you alright?" Clarke asked him as he held his head.
"I'll live…" Bellamy replied, "What the hell happened last night?"
"You drank a lot," Clarke explained, looking at Bellamy with concern. "You've got a hangover." She held out a cup to him. "Here… drink this, you'll feel better."
"Thanks," he said, accepting it, and taking a large sip immediately. It was warm and tasted a lot like tea and heaven. Then, Bellamy grimaced.
"What?" Clarke questioned, "Is that bad?"
"No, it's great… It's just…" Bellamy sighed. "I'm starting to remember…"
"Oh," Clarke said, sitting down beside him.
Bellamy frowned, looking at Clarke. "Did I—"
"… Parade Octavia and me around the fire announcing that we were you're sisters and that you love us very, very much very loudly… Yes, yes, you did. You even did it to Lincoln, too…"
"Great…" Bellamy sighed. He wasn't sure how he could ever look his sister's boyfriend in the eyes again.
His head hurt with the effort of remembering, when suddenly he remembered something important. Murphy. I kissed Murphy, he thought. And then, Murphy had freaked out after Bellamy's ridiculous confessions and all of the kissing, telling Bellamy that he had to leave without him…
"He must hate me now…" Bellamy mumbled
"I doubt that."
Bellamy looked at Clarke to see sympathy in her gaze. "What?"
"Murphy couldn't hate you, Bellamy, not now."
Of course she knew. Bellamy sighed again, his head hurting. "I'm not sure…"
"You kissed him."
"I was very drunk," Bellamy defended and Clarke gave him a look.
"What? I was…"
Clarke raised her eyebrows at him.
"Alright." Bellamy sighed, resigned. "But he did walk away… What if I—"
"Look," Clarke began, looking at Bellamy seriously. "I know that you care about him—"
"I—" Bellamy interrupted, but he was cut short.
"Don't try to deny it." Clarke insisted. "I see the way you care for him, always making sure he is alright, ever since the gorilla attack… And I know he cares about you, too. He's always overjoyed to see you; his face practically lights up whenever you see him… and yours does, too… Don't look at me like that, it's true."
Bellamy sighed again, knowing she was right.
"You two have been through a lot…so whatever happened last night, I'm sure he will forgive you…. But, want I want to tell you is, that you shouldn't be so sure you know what he was thinking. Like you said, you were both drunk, and maybe the whole thing was all a big misunderstanding, but I doubt it. I think you should try again… sober this time."
Bellamy looked at the floor.
Clarke put her hand on his shoulder. "I can tell this is making you upset, and I care about you, too. I want you to be happy. You should at least try… It'll work out better than you think."
Bellamy nodded at her. "Yeah…"
"Good," she said, standing up. "You should go walk around camp or help out somewhere. You could use something to get yourself going again."
"Thanks," Bellamy said, getting up after her.
"Anytime," Clarke responded, smiling at him.
He smiled back, taking in her words.
In the next few days, Bellamy avoided Murphy at every chance he could. He avoided walking down the hallway to Murphy's room room, took his lunch in a corner of the camp to eat away from anyone else, went on as many journeys out of camp to hunt or fetch supplies, and walked brusquely away from Murphy if he ever came near him. Bellamy felt ridiculous and childish for avoiding Murphy like he did, and not wanting to face the consequences of confronting Murphy again. He hated himself for focusing on the matter so completely, but he was unable to think about much else.
He thought about Clarke's words a lot, trying to reason his way into putting her suggestion into action, but he quit out of fear on each attempt. The fear and possibility of rejection felt strong to him, which he again thought was ridiculous, since he and Murphy had become good friends. He couldn't help but remember the way Murphy had kissed him back that night before leaping away in horror and running off, and all that Bellamy had confessed to him, realizing that it was all too real. He had many deeply running feelings for Murphy that ran beyond friendship, and was afraid to confront inevitable moment that they would be denied. Another irrational fear deep inside his head told him that Murphy wouldn't even want to be his friend anymore, that he would react the same that he had that night.
Most of all, Bellamy felt lonely. He missed seeing Murphy's smile every day.
After four days of avoiding Murphy, Bellamy was finally unable to avoid him. It was the middle of the night and Bellamy had gotten up out of bed drowsily in what he deemed his sleep clothes, consisting of his pants and a lack of a shirt, to get a drink of water and clear his thoughts, when he heard the screaming. It was coming from the direction of Murphy's hallway.
Bellamy walked quickly towards the hall, when, in the darkness, a man walked straight into him. Bellamy had to hold the man upright in front of him from the force of the impact.
"Murphy…" He said, when recognition kicked in. Through the darkness, Bellamy could see that Murphy's face was wet with tears, and there were visible bags under his eyes. He could feel Murphy trembling under his steadying grip and his breathing was quick and uneven. Bellamy wondered how much sleep he had gotten in the last few days, if this was how he felt every night. A sharp pang of worry filled his stomach. All thoughts of the drunken night before left Bellamy's mind. "Are you alright?" was all he could say.
"I'm—I'm fine." Murphy said, quietly, his voice hoarse. He forced himself out of Bellamy's grasp, and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "Please… don't… I can't right now…"
"Murphy," Bellamy pleaded.
"It's alright… I know you don't want to see me right now…" Murphy's voice broke as he spoke.
"Murphy…" Bellamy repeated, desperate to help the other man. "That's not true…"
Bellamy walked over to him determined, and looked the frightened man in the eye. "Please, I do care about you… I want to help you… I won't leave you."
Murphy stared at Bellamy for a moment, as if he was questioning the sincerity of it. Bellamy's heart broke at the sight of him standing there shaking with tears in his face.
"Okay," Murphy whispered, finally, nodding. "… I have… nightmares… really bad…" Murphy looked small when he looked at Bellamy then.
Bellamy nodded. "Alright, come here."
Murphy moved forward and Bellamy wrapped him into an embrace. Murphy clung tightly to him, burying his face in Bellamy's shoulder, shivering though it wasn't cold and leaving sticky tears on Bellamy's bare shoulder.
"I'm sorry… that night when I left you—" Murphy began to mumble into Bellamy's shoulder.
"Shh, I know, don't worry about that right now. Everything is going to be alright…" Bellamy soothed, keeping his voice even, despite overwhelming emotion and stroking Murphy's hair gently. "Let's get to bed, you're shivering."
"Okay," Murphy said again, releasing his grip on Bellamy slightly, so that Bellamy could lead him to his room.
When they arrived in the room, Bellamy pulled Murphy into his bed, crouching down to wrap the covers around his still shaking form snuggly. When he moved to stand up, Murphy's hand grabbed his arm.
"You said you wouldn't leave me…"
"I'm not leaving," Bellamy said, crouching back down, "I'm right here, I won't leave."
"That's what you said…" Murphy said, his voice breaking again. "Before you… died… and you left me…"
"It was just a dream," Bellamy insisted, and this time he moved the covers and climbed into the bed beside Murphy. "I'm here now."
Bellamy wrapped his right arm around Murphy's side, and Murphy buried his face in Bellamy's bare chest, moving himself as close as possible to him. As Bellamy held him tightly, he felt Murphy's breathing began to steady again and he slowly stopped shivering.
"Everything will be alright now," Bellamy said into the night, closing his eyes to sleep.
That was the first night that Murphy did not have a nightmare in a very long time, and he woke up peacefully, his head snuggled against Bellamy's bare chest. He could feel the other man breathe slowly in his sleep, as the two were practically mushed together, Murphy's left foot tangled in between Bellamy's and Bellamy's arm still wrapped securely around him. Murphy breathed out a sigh of contentment, feeling warm and secure, and wanting to never leave his current position. He shifted his head slightly back to see Bellamy's face, which was beautiful and innocent in the peaceful nature of sleep. Murphy could count the freckles on his face from how close his face was to Bellamy's, and if he moved his face forward an inch, their noses would touch. Murphy allowed Bellamy a few more moments of sleep, until he woke him.
"Bellamy," he whispered quietly to wake him.
Bellamy's eyes opened slowly to look at his and then he blinked a few times. "Murphy…" he whispered back, not moving.
Murphy did not know what to say or do, trapped looking into Bellamy's deeply brown eyes.
"I'm sorry I've been ignoring you recently." Bellamy said, suddenly, and then more quietly, "And I'm sorry I kissed you."
Murphy thought the statement seemed absurd given the situation they were in. "Well, I'm not; I'm sorry I left that night, though." The words were out of Murphy's mouth before he could think about them, and he couldn't find it in himself to regret them when he could have sworn he felt Bellamy's breathing stop for a moment.
It was now or never, Murphy thought, and so he took the chance in a sudden surge of bravery, and closed the extremely small distance between them. Their second kiss was slower and gentler than the first, and Bellamy's strong arm held Murphy firmly this time.
Murphy saw Bellamy smile slightly when they parted, and felt his soft touch as he brushed a strand of Murphy's hair out of his face.
"I'm glad we cleared that up," Murphy said, as they were looking at each other.
Bellamy laughed softly, and Murphy could feel the vibrations through his chest.
A few moments later, Bellamy made a move to get up, but Murphy grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back against him. "Where do you think you're going?"
"To get dressed… to get on with the day…"
"I don't think so," Murphy insisted, holding Bellamy beside him. "You are not allowed to leave this position."
Bellamy grinned widely. "You really are a cuddler, aren't you?"
Murphy gaped at him. "Noo… I'm not…"
Bellamy's grin widened, and Murphy knew there was no use arguing.
"If you tell anyone, I will personally ensure that your pretty face never sees the light of day again…"
Bellamy laughed more loudly. "I would never tell anyone," he said, and Murphy could see in his eyes that it was true.
"Well, you better not," he said, anyways, but he was smiling too. "And you better not try to get up again."
"Alright," Bellamy agreed, and he leaned in to kiss Murphy again.
It was even better the third time, Murphy reflected, as Bellamy kissed him deeply. Murphy ran his hand through Bellamy's curls, messing them up even more than usual. Murphy was beginning to run his hand across Bellamy's chest muscles, when a loud noise alerted them that the rest of the world existed.
"Hey, Murphy, have you seen Bell…amy…"
Murphy pulled out of the kiss abruptly, looking up at the doorway to discover Clarke staring at them.
"Hey, Clarke…" Bellamy said, looking up at her then back to Murphy, and giving him a panicked expression.
"Bellamy is… here," Murphy added helpfully.
Clarke blinked a few times. "I'm sorry… I can see you two are... busy…"
"Huh?" Bellamy questioned.
Murphy was suddenly ultra-aware that they were so close together that his limbs were practically tied with Bellamy's, and that the other man was still not wearing a shirt, but they made no attempts to move. "Um, no, we were just… uhh, resting…"
"Okay," Clarke said, her face giving nothing away. "Well, I was just coming to tell you that we're leaving for a strategy discussion with the grounders in a couple hours… and I thought you should come along…"
"Yeah, we'll both be there," Bellamy said, quickly.
"Good," Clarke said, looking at Bellamy, and looking at him with the small hint of a smile. "I'll see you later, then."
"Well, that was traumatizing," Murphy said, once Clarke left.
Bellamy sighed. "You can say that again."
Murphy looked at him. "So, I'm going with you on this strategy meeting thing?"
"Yeah, of course."
"Awesome," Murphy responded. "Do you think that will require you to wear a shirt?"
"Oh," Bellamy furrowed his brows, and Murphy smiled at him, "Yeah, do you have an extra shirt I can borrow or something?"
"Probably not that would fit you."
Bellamy sighed. "I'll have to go get one from my room," he said, but he made no move to leave again.
Murphy shrugged, sitting up slightly. "You could just not wear one, I'm sure the grounders won't mind."
Bellamy huffed out a small laugh that made Murphy feel warm inside. "Probably not."
A moment of peaceful silence passed, before Murphy said, "Will I get to bring a gun?"
"Yes," Bellamy answered simply, and pulled Murphy down from his seated position to kiss him again.
It took a while for Murphy and Bellamy to get ready to leave, and they were still slightly late when they got there, but they smiled and laughed at each other as they walked with the group, and for a moment, everything really was alright.
A/N: So, that is the end. That ended up way more fluffy than I thought, oops.
Well, I hope you enjoyed!
I would also like to mention that I am thinking of writing an Au with these two when they are on the ark. Would anyone be interested in that? I do not know.
Anyways, thank you so so so much for reading! I love you all.