A/N: Hey guys! Okay, first things first. I've been wanting to write this one-shot for a while now and it almost didn't happen so it's a miracle that you're reading this now haha. I've been writing this for a few days now and I kept deleting it after a few attempts because I hated where it was going but I finally finished it and I'm satisfied with it. It's one of the more darker fics I've written but I've had this idea in my head for a while now because I was curious as to how Bay would have dealt with Angelo's death. Two, sorry it's kind of long – I got carried away! Three, thank you so much for all your lovely reviews! Every time I read a new one it motivates me to want to write more. Side note: the repetitive italics is Bay's thoughts. Enjoy!
They say it takes a tragedy to appreciate what's truly important in life.
As Bay stares gloomily out the car window watching the clouds pass by, she realises that no truer words had ever been spoken.
It had certainly been an unforgettable afternoon, yet for all the wrong reasons.
After the whole family had gathered at the hospital to regrettably switch off Angelo's life support, Bay, Daphne and Toby drove back home while Regina, John and Kathryn stayed behind to take care of the other details.
The moment Toby cuts the engine; Bay jumps out and lets the car door slam loudly behind her as she storms off to the garage. At this point, no tears have been shed and right now crying isn't even an option.
Breathe in, breathe out. It's just a dream.
Angelo had only recently become part of her life. They were still getting to know each other and if Bay thought making up for a lost sixteen years was tough, she didn't dare imagine how a lifetime would compare. Until today, she hadn't known what it was like to lose someone close to her or someone she knew personally. She doesn't know how she's supposed to feel about it or how she's supposed to act. There's no guide that tells you how to deal with grieving someone's death, and why should anyone ever have to think about that?
From here on out, Angelo would be absent from every day of her life and every time Bay is consumed by the sensation of emptiness, it will be a reminder that he left this world far too soon.
Running to pick up the abandoned paintbrush lying on the table, Bay immediately dips it into the tin of black paint and stares intently at the massive blank canvas in front of her. She thinks about the fact that Angelo won't be there to celebrate any milestones in her life - birthdays, her wedding, and grandchildren. She thinks about the fact that she can't even remember the last conversation she had with him before he died and that hurts more than anything.
Bay screams at the top of her lungs in frustration. She flicks the brush madly at the canvas which causes the black paint to splatter everywhere in an uncoordinated arrangement. She does it again and again and again. She's too angry to be patient and too upset to want to slow down. Everything around her is mute as her fury drives out the sounds of her pain.
In some way it's still art. She doesn't want to think, she just wants to feel.
Within no time at all, it's not just the canvas covered in black. The cupboards, the shelving, the floor, her hands, and even a few of her other latest artworks that had taken hours to complete were now destroyed.
Breathe in, breathe out. It's just a dream.
At least it's relevant though. Black is a symbol of unhappiness, of sadness, of remorse, of anger, of emptiness, and of mourning.
Black is a symbol of death.
(6.29pm – Daphne)
Can you come over? Bay's not coping with this at all. I think she needs you.
(6.29pm – Emmett)
I'll be there as soon as I can. Is she okay?
(6.31pm – Daphne)
No. She doesn't know I've texted you but you'll see what I mean when you get here. Just go straight to the garage, she's been in there since we got home.
(6.32pm – Emmett)
I'm on my way.
Shit, Emmett thinks.
Hurriedly throwing on a jacket, he sprints downstairs and gives a quick explanation to his mum before he's out the door and on his motorbike.
It had only been about an hour since Emmett had returned home from the hospital, and shortly after that, Melody had gotten the dreaded text from Regina informing them that they had turned off Angelo's life support in respect of his own wishes. Since then, he had been pacing in his room waiting to hear from Bay. He knew it would be better to give her some space and let her come to him, but after he reads Daphne's text, he just wants to go and see his girlfriend and be supportive in any way that he can.
Speeding up the driveway of the Kennish household, Emmett parks his bike and throws his helmet on the ground before walking towards the garage. He doesn't know what to expect but what he sees stops him right in his tracks and his mouth drops open in shock.
The intoxicating smell of paint fumes circulating in the air is overwhelmingly strong. Nearly every inch of the back garage wall and a lot of the furniture is splashed in large blobs of black paint, including Bay who hasn't noticed his presence yet because her back is turned. Emmett notices the tin of paint in Bay's hands as she swings it violently against the canvas, challenging herself to cover every last area of white peeking through.
He's seen Bay angry on the odd occasion but never quite like this. It reminds him of the way she had acted earlier in Angelo's apartment when she was pushing things off the table in outrage, completely in denial of having to turn off Angelo's life support after finding his will. Emmett runs up behind her and pulls the tin out of her hands, depositing it on the ground and pulls her into his embrace.
Bay thrashes around in his arms like a crazed mental patient. She tries to break free and her heart is pounding so fast it's about to jump out of her chest. She's in full panic attack mode, screaming for the nightmare that is her current reality. She doesn't want to cry and if she even so much as looks at Emmett, she know she'll do exactly that. Emmett just tightens his hold on her and tries to calm her down before she has the chance to accidently elbow him in the face. He isn't offended by her actions in the slightest, she's traumatized and all he can do is wait it out and be there for her, even if that means having to deal with her trying to push him away. He places kisses to her head and doesn't remove his arms - a sure sign that he's not about to let her go through this alone.
He tries to search for her eyes and read her face, but when Bay finally stops screaming and lashing out, she relaxes in his arms and doesn't meet his gaze. She just stares ahead at the black canvas that appears to have some kind of hypnotic hold over her. As Bay's breathing slows following the enraged episode, Emmett takes a step back from her because while he wants to be close, he doesn't want to crowd her as he awaits her next unpredictable move. While anticipating, he sees just how lifeless she looks standing there as still as anything, glaring at the black square in the distance. Her hair is a mess and she's covered in paint.
Breathe in, breathe out. It's just a dream.
Anyone that knows Bay will know that she likes to be independent and self-reliant. But this isn't one of those times. The agony churns deep within her chest, rising like venom, and as she stares at the artwork, she tries to combat the internal struggle that tells her she's so close to falling. The reflection of the blackness burns into her eyes, and for a moment Bay wonders if this is what Angelo saw before he became unconscious.
Darkness. It's drawing her in and making her weak.
Emmett watches her intently, wondering what she's thinking, and then witnesses it in something like a slow motion. Bay's legs shake and buckle beneath her and she collapses to the ground on her knees and continues to stare ahead.
Breathe in, breathe out. It's just a dream.
Immediately, Emmett is right there with her, crouching down on the cold, hard floor and rubbing one of his hands slowly up and down her back. It would be easier to just pick her up in his arms and carry her inside and up to her room but she's still in shock and trying to come to terms with all of this. Instead, Emmett rests his two hands on either side of her waist, a silent and encouraging gesture to help her stand up. Bay doesn't have the energy left to scream and try and pull away, so she carefully stands up and cooperates, until her legs tremble again, almost intending to push her down. Emmett breaks her fall and wraps an arm completely around her so he can support her body. They would deal with the state of the garage another day. While Bay just cooperates like a zombie and focuses on trying not to fall over, Emmett guides her through the house and up to her room.
He walks her into her bathroom and adjusts the lights until they are softly dimmed. He eases her down gently near the bathtub and though she's not completely with it, Bay understands his objective and sits on the edge of the tub, her eyes fixed on the floor.
Breathe in, breathe out. It's just a dream.
Emmett makes sure that Bay's stable before he disappears from the room quickly and returns promptly with a set of her pyjamas. He places them in a pile on top of the vanity and begins to draw the bath. When it's done, he wipes his wet hands down the front of his jeans and then reaches a hand out to Bay. Pausing, her eyes come to rest on the palm of his hand, and finally giving in, she takes it and stands without looking him in the eyes.
Emmett bites his lip, realising he hadn't planned this far ahead. He came here to look after Bay, and upon his first assessment of her when he arrived, he had mentally noted that the first step to achieving that was to run her a relaxing bath so she could wash the paint away and try to find a moment of peace after the events of today. What he didn't take into account though was the avenue of grieving she'd venture down and the fact that she was so shaken that she could barely look after herself right now, let alone stand without collapsing again. It's not that he hasn't seen Bay naked before - of course he has – but it's not the most appropriate of circumstances to be undressing her. Kathryn was still at the hospital with Regina and John, and it crosses his mind to ask Daphne to come in and assist with Bay, but then he remembers that she's just lost her dad too and while she seems to be coping better than Bay is right now, it wouldn't be very polite to interrupt her just yet. So he does what needs to be done because when you love someone, you'll do anything for them and he loves Bay more than anything.
Making a swift task of it, Emmett undresses Bay and she lifts her arms and obliges when prompted. Once she's settled in the tub, the scorching hot water sparks a jolt to her system and as the water washes over her, it brings a soothing relief to her skin. With shaky fingers, she reaches for the hand soap sitting on the ledge, but drops it into the water immediately in panic when she sees out of the corner of her right eye, Emmett standing up. Now she'd have to look at him if she wanted him to stay here with her. Her wet hand reaches out to grip his wrist, and for the first time that afternoon, she looks him straight in the eyes. Emmett's eyes go wide in surprise when he looks down at her but then they transition into a warm and sympathetic expression.
Leaning down again, he gently squeezes Bay's hand and then let's go.
"I'll be in your room. I'm not going anywhere," he signs in a genuine manner.
Bay takes a deep breath in and exhales, her way of communicating that she understands and is thankful that he's not about to leave her alone. Especially not now, not like this.
The paranoia eats away at Bay anyway and when the bathroom door closes shut behind Emmett, it's practically a race as she starts to scrub at her body to remove all the paint.
Breathe in, breathe out. It's just a dream.
Emmett makes a beeline for Bay's walk in wardrobe and retrieves a pair of his own clothes – a black tank top and a pair of blue sleep shorts.
They had only recently been given permission to have sleepovers and keeping sets of clothes and toiletries at each other's houses had become part of that equation. It was just easier when it came to spur of the moment sleepovers like this one and the domesticity of the whole situation was a comfort to them both. Emmett quickly gets changed into his comfortable attire and then folds his clothes neatly before placing them on the other side of Bay's room. He fishes out his phone in the back pocket of his jeans and taps out a text to Kathryn, trying to explain the situation as briefly as possible and asking permission to stay the night. Minutes later, he receives Kathryn's reply and is relieved to know just how understanding she is. In the text, she lets him know that he is most welcome to spend the night and with a promise to be home soon, she thanks him for taking care of Bay. With Kathryn's approval, he texts Melody and lets her know that he won't be home tonight.
Bay walks out of the bathroom dressed in her pyjamas just as he's putting his phone down and she moves to sit on her bed quietly.
Breathe in, breathe out. It's just a dream.
When their eyes meet, their only focus is on each other. Emmett goes over and sits in front of Bay on the bed, reaching out for her hand and rubbing patterns aimlessly over the back of her hand. Bay is nothing less than fragile as she sits frozen in position.
There's a fine line between holding on and letting go. She can feel the vibration of a sob threatening to rise from her chest and she fights to stop it.
Breathe in, breathe out. It's just a dream.
The sob forces its way up her throat.
Breathe in, breathe out. It's not a dream. Angelo is dead.
For the first time since Angelo's life support had been turned off, Bay falls apart and her body rids itself of her grief as she begins to sob hysterically.
Emmett is pulling her into his lap and rocking her back and forth as Bay brings her hands up around his neck and clings to him uneasily, her anchor in a stormy sea.
No words are needed and "I'm sorry" is a wasted expression because saying it cannot and will not bring Angelo back. So they sit in silence as a fraction of Bay's world crashes down like a tsunami and shatters into a million pieces.
This is what it felt like to lose someone you love.
Bay feels the gentle kisses Emmett places sporadically to her body as time passes. At some point, she goes from bawling loudly into his neck, to lying against him under the covers and sobbing silently into his chest. It's a restless night and from start to finish, Emmett remains patient. He strokes her back consolingly, presses kisses to her unceasingly and holds her tightly.
They say it takes a tragedy to appreciate what's truly important in life.
As Bay is eventually lulled to sleep by Emmett's calming technique of tracing spirals up and down her back, she holds on tightly to one of the most important people in her life, not wanting another second to go by without him knowing just how much she appreciates having him here on this unforgettable day.