"Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered"

Disclaimer: You should know what I'm gonna say by now. I don't own anything and I'm not profiting from this in any way. Get it, got it, good.

Notes: This is short scene using the song Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered. DUH. Oh, yeah, and I made up the nurse. I'll give you a short background on her: She's Italian-American, and very close to BJ and Hawkeye. Her name is Celeste Gambino.

Actors: 2m, 2f
Characters: BJ Hunnicutt, Celeste Gambino, Hawkeye Pierce, Janet Baker
Setting: Korea, 1952. A M*A*S*H Unit's Officer's Club.

[Stage is set with small tables and green wooden chairs. On the wall facing the audience, there is a sign with the army seal and the words "4077th M*A*S*H, Best Care Anywhere" on it. Against that wall, there is a beat-up jukebox. L, there is a piano, which is currently unused. Front L, there is a bar. A few sit at it, sipping various drinks. In the R back corner, BJ, HAWKEYE, and CELESTE sit, relaxing. BJ has his feet up on a fourth chair.
Couples dance in the background. BAKER sits front C by herself.
A slow song begins to play.]

CELESTE:[to HAWKEYE and BJ] I'll be right back.

[CELESTE stands up and moves L to bar. She picks up a full glass and lays a dollar bill on the bar. As CELESTE returns to her table, HAWKEYE stands up, and moves C to BAKER.]

CELESTE:[to BJ] Where's Hawkeye?

[BJ points to HAWKEYE and BAKER. CELESTE sighs, sits down, and puts her feet up on HAWKEYE's chair. She takes a large culp of her drink. --CUE MUSIC--]

HAWKEYE:[to BAKER] Care to dance, Lieutenant? I've got a cheek with your cheek's name on it.

BAKER: [Giggling] Sure, Hawkeye.

[HAWKEYE takes BAKER's hand and they begin to dance. CELESTE sighs and rolls her eyes.]

CELESTE:[Thinking aloud; Singing(like they sing 'Can You Feel the Love Tonight' in TLK on Broadway)] After one whole quart of brandy;
Like a daisy, I'm awake;
With no Bromo-Seltzer handy;
I don't even shake;

Men are not a new sensation;
I've done pretty well I think;
But this half-pint imitation;
Put me on the blink;

I'm wild again, beguiled again;
A simpering, whimpering child again;
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am I;

Couldn't sleep and wouldn't sleep
When love came and told me, I shouldn't sleep;
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am I;

Lost my heart, but what of it;
He is cold I agree;
He can laugh, but I love it;
Although the laugh's on me;

I'll sing to him, each spring to him;
And long, for the day when I'll cling to him;
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am I;

He's a fool and don't I know it;
But a fool can have his charms;
I'm in love and don't I show it;
Like a babe in arms;

Love's the same old sad sensation;
Lately I've not slept a wink;
Since this half-pint imitation;
Put me on the blink;

I've sinned a lot, I'm mean a lot;
But I'm like sweet seventeen a lot;
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am I;

I'll sing to him, each spring to him;
And worship the trousers that cling to him;
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am I;

When he talks, he is seeking;
Words to get, off his chest;
Horizontally speaking, he's at his very best;

Vexed again, perplexed again;
Thank God, I can be oversexed again;
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am I;

[--END 'Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered' music; a new song begins--]

BJ:[to CELESTE] Y'okay?

CELESTE:[looks longingly at HAWKEYE and BAKER] Yeah...I guess.

BJ: If it'll make you feel any better, I'll dance with you.

CELESTE:[smiles slightly] Thanks, Beej.

[BJ takes CELESTE by the arm and leads her to the 'dance floor.' They begin to dance.]

HAWKEYE:[with mouth buried in BAKER's hair] I could've sworn he's married.

BAKER:[absentmindedly; with head leaning on HAWKEYE's shoulder] Hmm...

[CURTAIN]

Note: Yes, I used real stage directions. Whoo hoo.