I'm walking past you, it's all okay
just like any ordinary day
"Hey, Michool!" Gavin smiled widely at the jersey boy, hunched over his laptop.
"What do you want?" Michael seemed irritable, but wasn't he always nowadays? Gavin contemplated this. It was true that Michael hadn't been especially jolly lately. He frowned at Michael, who barely changed his expression, or even moved.
"I... just wanted to ask if you wanted to get some ice cream or somethin'!" chirped Gavin, attempting to sound upbeat. They had been dating for more than seven months now, and just lately, Michael had recently grown colder towards him, for some reason Gavin didn't quite grasp. For the first six months, it was all rainbows and happiness, so why did Michael become like this now?
If there's something between us it's still nameless
the path we take seems so aimless
For the few seconds Michael didn't respond, Gavin was hopeful. All that hope drained when Michael, not changing his monotone, droning voice, grumbled, "Nah."
You don't seem to notice if I'm standing there
I can't help but wonder if you even still care
He didn't say anything else. Gavin stood where he was, but he could feel himself growing more and more distant from who used to be his very own boi. He stuttered and stumbled over his next choice of words, which came out as awkward and uncomfortable as he was.
"u...uh, okay, M...Michool..I-I'll just ask Ray...or...someone..." He slowly stepped back away, towards the door, as if Michael was about to get up and attack him.
Do you even get the clue
when I say that I love you
If he actually did get up, it would at least be more reassuring than the powerful negative force radiating from the boy at the table, who didn't bother to even look at Gavin. Despite Michael not even turning around, he felt the heavy glare of Michael watch his every movement out the door.
Once he was outside, Gavin ran through the streets, struggling not to cry.
I cried and I ranted
you seem to take my love for granted
Vision blurred by tear, Gavin made his way along the sidewalk as fast as his legs could move, not caring who he passed.
I've got a feeling on the knack
What happened to the Michael he loved?
I wonder if you really do love me back
Gavin arrived at the bar shortly, but in enough time to wipe his tears down. Figuring it was just a short problem he could drink away in a night, he ordered drink by drink. Who needed ice cream with his favorite boi in the world, when you could just wash the issue away with a couple beers?
Gavin started bawling again at the thought. It would be a lot more beers than just a few, unfortunately.
I can walk expressionlessly around you, nonchalantly
deep inside I'm desperate to know if you still want me
It was the next day, and Gavin woke up in a strange, yet familiar room. He slowly recognized it to be his old room at Geoff's, the one he moved out of when he moved in to Michael's. Geoff himself cracked open the door, responding quickly to Gav's puzzled look.
Whenever I get out of your view
I take away and cry, (if only you knew)
"Mornin' Gav. I heard you we're out late at the bar and needed someone to take you home, so picked you up. Seemed Michael was busy.
Busy?
You mean so much to me
Gavin picked up his phone and looked to the last few texts to and from the Jersey boy.
Me: Micoil I'm at teh barr can u pk me up? (:
Micool: No, Gavin.
but what do I mean to you?
The last line could've just made Gavin cry right then and there. With no reason, no expression, or anything, he had just said no.
What do I mean to you?
Gavin and Geoff get ready and to work like the old times. They chatted and laughed about their usual, stupid vulgar conversations, until Gavin stepped into the Achievement Hunter office.
There was Michael.
Patience wearing thin
Gavin pushed away any of his pained thoughts.
It took all the courage he had to mutter, "Hi, Micoo."
Michael didn't move. He only flicked his eyes to Gavin for a split second, and looked away with lost interest. And didn't say anything.
you don't smile, you don't grin
He could have just cried again, but instead, took his seat (for the first time he was frustrated that he had to sit next to Michael) and got to work.
I always keep up the facade
My heart's been clawed and gnawed
It wasn't often that Gavin had a bad day working at this company. But today, he would give anything to get out of the same room as him.
Do you even get the clue
When I say that I love you
it's always wreaking on my brain
how do I even stay sane
What was Michael thinking? Did he want it like this? Did he even realize he was doing this?
when our love starts to wane
are you even the same?
After work, Gavin realized he couldn't just go home. Home was also Michael's home, now. Michael had to stay late for editing a video, so at least he had some time to himself at home, right?
I can walk expressionlessly around you, nonchalantly
deep inside I'm desperate to know if you still want me
Whenever I get out of your view
I take away and cry, (if only you knew)
Gavin walked home, thinking of texting a friend, or playing a game on one of their tons of consoles.
You mean so much to me
But he was wrong. Because when he actually got home...
but what do I mean to you?
All he did was curl up in his room, and cry. Gavin cried himself to sleep that night.
What do I mean to you?
The fact that it was morning didn't bother Gavin, but the fact that he had to get up and go through another day of this was torture. He heard Michael's footsteps outside his door, moving softly and calmly like he was only a machine.
You treat me like I'm not there
(you don't care)
Gavin rolled over and peered at the picture frame next to his bed. It had a picture of the two of them, smiling and locked in an adorable hug. Gavin shook his head and turned away.
I cry out inside, I need a sign
To bring back the sunshine
I'm running out of time
to be told that you're still mine
Slowly he got dressed, and walked down the stairs. Michael barely showed any signs of acknowledging Gavin's existence, nevermind welcome it.
Are you even still mine?
"I made pancakes, M'boi."
"Kay."
"You want any?"
"Nah."
Gavin set the tray down. "Micool."
"Eh?"
"I...I've been feeling as if you've...as if you've been...well...that you..." Michael didn't respond to the stammering, and waited in cold silence for the message.
"Well, I feel like you don't care about me anymore."
I take away and cry, (if only you knew)
You mean so much to me
Michael turned around. Hope fluttered into Gavin's heart.
but what do I mean to you?
"If that's how you feel." Michael turned back. The hope vaporized as quickly as it had came.
What do I mean to you?
Michael once again came back late from work. He had noticed Gavin's sorrow, and, maybe, he would apologize to him. Why not. Cheer the guy up. Michael climbed the stairs to Gavin's room, and opened the door. "Hey, dude, sorry 'bout-"
Is there a way to get the message through?
Gavin lay face-down on the bed, which was now soaked with scarlet. The bright color was pouring from the limp figure that used to be his boi, sourced by a knife lodged in his chest. Michael choked on hs tears, and breathed heavily.
What have I done?
What do I mean to you?
Michael shakenly stumbled toward the body, and held it quickly and tightly in a loving embrace. But the body was cold, and lifeless. It was too late.
What do I mean to you?