Kellin sighed as he sat outside the venue that his band had just played in, his phone clutched tightly in his hand and tears in his eyes. He blinked through the wetness in his eyes and glanced at the picture on his home screen before closing his eyes and allowing a few tears to slip down his face. He wasn't sure how long he sat on the ground, his head resting against the brick wall with tear-stained cheeks, until he felt a hand grip his shoulder in a comforting way that let him know that he wasn't alone.
He opened his eyes and looked up at the person that was now bending down to be face to face with him, their clear eyes looking into his pain filled ones. "I d-don't know how this h-happened,"
Justin gave his friend a sad smile and gently took the phone out of Kellin's hands, locking it so that the smiling picture of his husband was no longer staring up at him. Without saying a word, he wrapped both arms around the heart broken man and let him soak his fresh shirt as he started sobbing into his shoulder; Kellin finally allowing himself to break down and let out all of the emotions he had been keeping to himself for the last five months.
"I know you're hurting, Kellin, but I'm going to need you to pull yourself together because there is a little girl waiting inside for her daddy. And this is gonna be hard to hear but you and Vic need to sit down and admit that there's a big distance between you guys because its been there for months and everyone can see it, including your daughter," Justin spoke softly.
The black haired singer nodded his head and wiped his tears, gathering himself and moving to stand back up. "I know. I'm just not ready to admit that my marriage might be over. I love him. I've spent fifteen years with this man and I don't want to lose him."
His friend patted his shoulder in comfort. "I know you love him but sometimes being apart is better than suffering alone in a one sided marriage. I mean, you guys have a six year old daughter that can tell that her fathers aren't happy. She doesn't fully understand what's going on but she does know that you're both unhappy."
Kellin looked down at the phone that Justin had returned to his hand, unlocking the screen to reveal the smiling face that's been on his home screen since the day he took it. He knew that Justin was right and that he had to fix the problem that had been caused between him and his older lover. Kellin just wasn't sure how to fix it when he didn't even know what the problem was.
"Look man, whatever happens between you two, you'll always have your friends and that precious girl of yours."
Kellin smiled slightly at his friends support and with Justin behind him, they both walked inside where Kellin was greeted with the bright smile of his little girl.
Later that same day, Vic arrived at the home that he shared with his husband and daughter after spending the day with Danielle. As he walked up the steps to the front door, the guilt of what he had been doing weighed heavily on his shoulders. He was aware of the fact that he had willingly fallen in love with someone other than the man that he had been married too for the last ten years. He took in a deep breath before he pushed opened the door and he was met with the laughter of his daughter. When he walked further into the house, the first thing his eyes landed on was the smile that was resting on his husband's face and the love that was written in his eyes. Vic couldn't remember the last time Kellin had looked at him like that or even smiled that big when he was around. Of course, he was no better. He stopped looking at the singer with love five months ago when he met Danielle.
Without being noticed, he leaned against the wall and watched the way his husband and daughter interacted. He wish he could go back five months ago to when things were okay between him and Kellin, to when he was actually in love with the man. Vic did miss his husband, he missed sleeping next to him and being able to whisper sweet nothings to each other in the early mornings when the sun was just starting to come up. His eyes traveled along the pictures that hung in the hallway and smiled at the memories that were held in them; their first tour together, their wedding, the birth of Copeland, and other small memories that hung in-between the bigger ones.
Pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind, he pushed himself off of the wall and cleared his throat to gain the attention of the bright eyed girl on the floor. He watched as her eyes found him standing in the entry way of the living room and she hurried to her feet. He kneeled down just in time to catch his little girl, arms wrapping around her and hugging her close to him. "Hi princess,"
When Copeland was finished with the hug, she wriggled out of his grasp and went back to playing with the dolls she had scattered on the floor. She held out a doll for him and shook it as she asked him to play with her and Kellin. Vic took a glimpse at Kellin and saw that the smile he had when he first entered the home was now replaced with a frown. "Maybe later sweetheart, I have to talk to daddy about something,"
Copeland pouted but gathered her dolls and walked off to her bedroom, giving her parents a minute alone. Vic took a seat in the armchair across from his husband, hands clasped together in his lap. He opened his mouth a few times but couldn't form the words he wanted to speak. He wasn't even sure what it was he wanted to say. Running a hand through his wavy hair and taking a shaky breath, he spoke the one sentence he never thought he would be saying towards Kellin, "I think we should separate,"
Hearing those words, Kellin immediately felt his heart shatter in his chest. It felt as if all the air in his lungs had vanished and his throat was closing, not permitting any more oxygen to enter his body. With fresh tears glistening in his eyes, he made contact with his husband and saw the tiredness of trying to keep their marriage together on his face. "After...after everything we've been through? My father, your self harm, the trouble we had to go through so that I could have our daughter, the ten years of marriage. Maybe there's a way we can fix this-"
Vic shook his head and cut Kellin off, "There's no fixing this, Kells."
Kellin stood up and crouched down in front of his lover, taking a hold of his hands and gripping them tightly. "Vic, please, we can try. We'll go to counseling, we'll spend more time together. We can get rid of this distance between us and be happy again. I know we can. I'm not ready to lose you."
With tears now present in his brown eyes, Vic knew he was about to crush the man even more. "I'm in love with someone else."
Once the words left his mouth, he watched as the tears pooled in Kellin's dull eyes and flooded down his cheeks; leaving pain and heartbreak in their wake. He felt Kellin's grip loosen on his hands and he brought one of his hands to wipe at the tears that fell from his eyes. As he made contact with Kellin's cheek, the man flinched away from him.
"I-Is that why this distance has been between us? You've been falling in love with another man for the last five months?!" Kellin asked roughly.
Vic quickly stood up and tried to reach for his husband only for him to be met with a shove. "Kells, calm down please," he begged.
"Calm down? You want me to calm down when I just found out that my husband has been fucking someone else for five months?!"
"I haven't slept with her!" Vic shouted, instantly regretting what he had said.
Kellin stared at the man that stood before him, his already shattered heart breaking even more; if that was possible. "It's...a woman? You've fallen in love with a woman?"
Vic stayed silent and just watched helplessly as Kellin broke in front of him, his entire world crumbling around him in a matter of seconds. As the reality of the situation settled in, Vic felt his own heart break inside his rib cage. He had spent fifteen years being in love with the front man, ten of those years being happily married and making a beautiful life for the both of them. He was losing everything and he knew the only person he had to blame was himself because he slipped out of love with his own husband and in love with someone else. He knew that he could have stopped himself by trying to be with Kellin and not making excuse to go out and see Danielle. He brought on all this pain and he was causing the broken heart of his love.
In a broken whisper, Kellin said the one thing he never thought he would be saying. "I want you to move out."
"Do you have to go, dad?" Copeland asked her father as he hugged her tightly, his heart breaking.
"I'm sorry, princess. But I promise to see you all the time. Daddy's gonna let you come stay with me on the weekend, okay?" Vic smiled at his little girl, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. He placed a kiss to her forehead, forcing the tears away. "I love you, princess."
"I love you, too, dad," Copeland smiled and kissed his cheek before Kellin picked her up and held her close to him. "I'll have the divorce papers for you when I drop Copeland off on Friday."
Vic nodded and smiled slightly at the two of them. He slung his duffel bag over his shoulder and opened the door, glancing back at his soon to be ex-husband and daughter. He flinched at the sight of new tears rolling down Kellin's pale cheeks and the tears that were forming in Copeland's eyes. With tears of his own, he closed the door behind him and walked down the steps that he had just walked up three hours prior.