A Caged Bird Doesn't Sing
A/N and warnings: This is my first Drarry fic and it's written for 'I Ship It' Competition at HPFC. Muggle!AU, Slash, sickfic. Harry and his friends are sixteen, set in year 2001. Props for my sister who gave me basically the whole idea. And I'm so sorry about the characters for being terribly OOC. Rate and review?
"Childhood is not from birth to a certain age and at a certain age
The child is grown, and puts away childish things
Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies"
– Childhood Is the Kingdom Where Nobody Dies, Edna St. Vincent Millay (1937)
It was the summer of 2001.
The boy climbed on the stage and stood there next to an old man with a microphone and canary yellow clothes. The boy was smiling widely, as if he weren't stuck at this hell hole of a village people called Ottery St. Catchpole like the rest of them were.
It was July, to be exact, and the folks were having a 'fancy little festival of their own', which practically meant they hadn't managed to get anyone famous to get their rich arses here in the middle of nowhere where they would be surrounded by stinking fields and dirty waters and neglected woods. But of course something had to be arranged in case it would bring in some money so the village's own wannabe stars competed against each other in the ridiculous competitions decided by loony old Lovegood.
Harry rolled his eyes. And the winner would probably get something as exciting as good conscience from participating and a box of sherbet lemons.
The music started playing and the boy who had just a moment earlier climbed on the stage started singing. The weirdest thing about the song was that it didn't sound like someone was killing a pig but it was actually tolerable. Even better, it was more than tolerable. It was worth listening to. Harry narrowed his eyes to see who was singing. It was a young man with a platinum blond hair, the colour you would expect to someone who had bleached their hair to have but more natural. Harry didn't remember seeing him before.
"Who's that?" Harry asked his best friend, Hermione. She was a peculiar girl, bushy haired and big toothed, but more intelligent than most adults. She was a daughter of the two, and the only, dentists at the Catchpole. The Granger family had moved to Catchpole almost six years ago and Harry still wondered why they had even moved into a dying little village.
"You weren't paying attention, were you?" Hermione laughed. "He's just travelling through."
The boy sang some old song, possibly from the 50s or even older, something what Aunt Petunia would listen Harry noted, but combining the song with such a rock attitude the result was actually something quite interesting. Hermione jumped up and down and clapped her hands in the rhythm of the song. She said something to Harry and touched his shoulder to get his attention but Harry didn't notice any of that.
Harry was so focused on the boy on the stage because something in that boy made his heart beat sickeningly fast. Of course Harry had had crushes in the past. Very irrational ones, too, if he was being honest. But he had always gotten over his crushes. This wasn't going to be any different, just a passing phase. Just like when he had drooled after Blaise Zabini and the Italian transfer student had dipped Harry's into the toilet.
But when Harry now looked at the boy's eyes he suddenly felt like the boy was looking at him. But it couldn't be, could it? The boy's eyes twinkled and he winked. Harry's heart stopped. He glanced around looking for someone, anyone, who could've been the one the boy had winked at. There should be someone but even Hermione wasn't anywhere to be seen.
The boy must have winked at Harry.
But that was completely idiotic, wasn't it? Harry tried to shake away such foolish thoughts and focus on searching for Hermione from the horde of people. The music stopped, the boy shouted his thank yous to the applauding crowd and left the stage with a horrible coughing fit. That was when Harry finally heard Hermione's voice:
"Harry! I'm here!"
Hermione was standing right next to the stage and waving at Harry to come over. But Harry was rooted on the spot. The blond boy was standing next to her and he was looking straight at Harry even though Hermione was now talking to him. There was a lump in Harry's throat. He hated to meet new people, and even more, he hated to make an arse out of himself in front of stranger and that was exactly what he was going to be put through. Even though his feet were stiff and heavy and it took will to walk to Hermione without tripping on the way he succeeded.
"I'm Malfoy. Draco Malfoy," the boy said and offered his hand for a shake. "And you are Harry, right?"
It was like Harry's voice had completely disappeared from the face of the Earth but after a while he stuttered out his full name and shook his hands with this Draco. Draco wasn't actually bad looking, just like Harry had noticed from afar. He had narrow face and pointed features and his eye colour seemed to change in seconds from the colour of ice to thunderstorm gray. He was pale, even paler than Harry, and his little greasy hair was messily slicked back. If one didn't mention the cough then–
Hermione snapped her fingers in front of Harry's face. "Were you even listening to me, Harry?" she asked.
Harry gulped and found his voice once more. "Sorry, Mione... Anything important?"
"I just said I want to chat with Draco a little longer. If that's okay?"
Harry shrugged nonchalantly. Hermione was keen on making friends outside the village and now that she had a chance who was Harry to take it away from her?
Draco grinned and brightly told he was heading to the lake next – he hadn't yet had a chance to swim since he had just arrived – and he asked if Harry and Hermione wanted to join him. Hermione said yes from both of them.
Harry was the only one of the three who didn't own any kind of vehicle. Hermione had her own scooter so Harry sat behind her the whole way to the lake, even though Draco had politely suggested Harry could ride with him on his motorcycle. The lakeside was filled with other teenagers, each and every one of them from Harry's school, and Harry didn't particularly want to see any of them. Boys and girls, who were stylish, perfectly fit and tanned, inhabited the best bits of the beach like they own it. And they very well knew they looked good and they let it show. People like that made Harry uncomfortable.
You see, Harry was short, even shorter than Hermione, and he was lanky with less than none muscle mass. His hair was unruly and long, but not nearly long enough to hide his eyes and eyeglasses. He decided to stay on the back of the beach and just sit on some shady spot so he wouldn't have to be too close to other people. Especially if they liked to make fun of him.
Hermione went to the changing room to put on her bikini and when she was out of sight Draco tossed down his bag and gracefully took off his shirt. Apparently he was wearing some sort of swimming shorts and either he didn't wear any underwear underneath or he was too lazy to take them off.
"Why aren't you changing?" Draco asked when he noticed that Harry sat on the rock furthest from the waterline.
"I don't swim," Harry answered.
"Why?"
"I don't feel like it."
It was, after all, the hottest week of the entire summer so it wasn't a surprise Draco looked at Harry as if he had just said grown a second head. Harry instead decided to look anywhere but at Draco, and so he ended up looking at the one and only Cho Chang. She was tall and thin and her black hair was long and shiny. She was wearing a blue bikini and she looked absolutely gorgeous in it. Not that she didn't always look gorgeous. Cho Chang was easily one of the prettiest girls in entire village. It would have been a lie if Harry had said he hadn't had a crush on her before. But when noticing she was gaining attention from no other than Harry Potter she shot him an angry glare and looked away.
"What, I'm not the only person you like to stare at?" Draco laughed and Harry could literally felt the blood rushing to rouge his cheeks.
"You're the one who was staring!" he exclaimed, noticing Draco had seen him look at Cho.
"Yeah, I guess you're right. I apologize," Draco snickered.
Soon Hermione joined them. She had pulled her hair into a ponytail for swimming. She was wearing her flower print bikini, the same one she had used for almost two year. She just hadn't grown much after that. She pursed her lips.
"Harry?" she asked upon noticing Harry hadn't made a move to change on his swimsuit.
"He doesn't feel like swimming," Draco said, answering instead of Harry.
Hermione huffed. "Well we can go anyway while we are here," she said and started pulling Draco towards the lake.
Harry stared at his toes and scratched moss from the rock he was sitting on. The lonely sunshine that lighted his handiwork was blocked by a bulky figure.
"Hey four-eyes, I heard you were staring at my girlfriend," Dudley snarled and his gang laughed. Dudley had been Harry's number one bully since they had met years ago. They had just never gotten along well. Cho was hiding before Dudley's back and shooting glares at Harry. There were rumours about her, that she had cheated on Dudley and that she was even pregnant and nobody knew who the father was. Harry guessed it was Cedric from the Diggory Books bookshop. At least he would be a decent father.
Harry tried to ignore Dudley but the bigger boy grabbed him from his collar. He forced Harry to look at him and snarled that next time he'll beat him up into a bloody puddle if caught Harry from looking at Cho. Harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Dudley hadn't even been there to notice Harry had looked at Cho. He had probably been taking a leak or something.
This time Dudley decided to just hit Harry hard enough that the smaller boy fall from the rock he had been sitting on. Once Harry hit the ground he didn't bother to move. He touched his surroundings clumsily and managed to find his glasses. They had fallen when Dudley had hit him. Harry smacked his lips. His teeth had apparently made contact with his cheek since he could taste the blood but Harry didn't care. He just kept his eyes closed and tried to shut the world out. He didn't quite succeed.
"Harry? Are you alright?" Hermione asked with the worry was evident in her voice.
"I've be better," Harry replied.
"I can take you to the health centre? Or back home, if you want?"
"I'm fine, Mione," Harry reassured. "You don't need to. I'm completely–"
There was a loud thump and someone yelled in pain. A girl screamed. Harry opened his eyes and saw Dudley, whose nose was now bleeding and crooked, and Draco, who had balled his fists. Dudley's gang gathered around their leader but he pushed them away. Cho instead looked chocked. It was clear that she had been the one who had screamed.
"Better be the last time you hit Harry," Draco hissed. Dudley waddled away, muttering something under his breath. Draco kneeled next to Harry and Hermione. Harry sat up and stared at Draco with his mouth gaping wide open. Draco, who looked barely stronger than Harry, had just hit Dudley Dursley on the nose.
"Close your mouth please, Harry, we are not a codfish," Draco said with a smile.
Harry blinked. "Mary Poppins reference!" he then exclaimed without even thinking. He became very embarrassed by it. Harry tried to keep his love for Disney movies hidden; it was enough to have Hermione to know and judge. Draco instead grinned widely.
"Correct," he breathed out. "I'm glad you got it." For a moment they just stared at each other before Draco got a horrible coughing fit. "Sorry about that," he said and wiped the corners of his mouth. "I guess neither of you has cough drops with you?"
They moved to a sunnier spot and even after few hours they sat there, conversing about whatever came to their mind. The beach was almost empty as the people had escaped the cooling air summer air into their homes. There were only few laughing children with their parents. Harry was slowly coming out from his shell. Draco was, if not as quick-witted as Hermione, nonetheless a very nice person to talk to. Everything was going fine until Hermione's phone decided to ruin the perfectly sane conversation about the nightmare increasing furbies.
"It's my mum," she mouthed, beckoning the phone. She stood up and walked further away to answer the call. That was when Draco let his smile fell and he looked at Harry.
"Don't let the gits bully you," Draco said very seriously. They had already talked with Hermione about what had happened earlier with Dudley but that had all been in a joking manner. This was entirely different.
"It doesn't matter," Harry said, wanting the subject drop. "I'm used to it."
"But you shouldn't be!" Draco exclaimed angrily. Harry frowned, glaring at Draco. He didn't want anyone, and especially not Draco, to dwell on his problems.
"Why should it matter to you?" Harry hissed. "You're not responsible of my life!"
"Now you're just being childish!" Draco countered. "You speak as if your life is worth nothing! I'm just trying to make you understand that life is in fact painfully short," he said. "You'll regret it later if you don't make them stop now. It's not worth it, being bullied. That's all."
"Well thanks for information but I really don't care."
Hermione had ended her call. "Mum told me to come home. Are you coming with me, Harry?" she asked. She didn't mention had she hear the argument between Harry and Draco, considerate as she was, but Harry was stubborn.
"No, I'll walk," Harry muttered and didn't move an inch even when Draco walked Hermione back to her scooter. When Draco sat back down next to Harry the uncomfortable silence fell between them.
"I think I should be going," Harry said, knowing he wouldn't be back home in another hour but when he was about to get up when Draco grabbed him from his wrist.
"Don't," he said.
"Huh?"
"Let's go swimming?"
Harry frowned and promptly shook his head. "No."
"Why not?" Draco asked. "You don't want to go home either, do you?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Hermione told me about your parents. And about your Aunt and Uncle. We can be here the whole night if you want."
Stupid, overprotective Hermione. Had she seriously had to tell to Draco as well? As if having her know hadn't been enough. But Draco was right. Harry didn't want to go home. His parents were dead, and he lived with his Aunt and her husband who didn't give a rat's ass about him. He was as good as a cockroach if you asked them. With the slight difference that they were allowed to get rid of the cockroach, of course.
"Where do you live?" Harry asked.
Draco looked taken aback by the question but he recovered soon. "Nowhere, really," he said with a smile.
"Where are staying?" Harry corrected.
"Wherever I want. You see, Harry, I live in a moment. I don't waste my time on working or studying. I just live, until I die. Sounds great, right?"
The silence between them was getting uncomfortable as Harry wondered should he ask what Draco meant or why he said what he said, but his thoughts found an abrupt end when Draco grabbed his hand and pulled him up and towards the lake.
"What're you doing?!" Harry exclaimed.
"You didn't answer me when I asked about swimming so I decided for you! It'll be good for you! You just need to trust my judgement a bit more! And besides, you owe me one so no buts!"
And when Harry and Draco lied on the grass in their wet clothes Harry knew Draco had been right. He had needed to reset his thought and swimming his clothes on hadn't been a bad way to do it.
"You have a good voice," Harry said.
"My mum made me take singing lessons for almost five years," Draco explained and snickered. "But the choir wasn't for me. I threw a fit before she let me quit."
"Would you like to sing for living, then?"
"Maybe. But my father wanted me to follow his footsteps and become an office worker in this big company so I guess singing as a career is out of question. I just like singing. Even if I'm surrounded by people there is just me and my voice. It makes me feel free. Did that make any sense?"
"It did actually," Harry said and looked at the clouds. "And Draco… When you sang earlier today did you wink at me?"
Draco hummed. "Yeah, I did. You just stared me in awe. I thought you were kind of cute. Made me feel all fuzzy."
Harry blushed. Neither had any boy, nor any girl, called him cute before. For his whole life he had been mostly mocked. He felt oddly… touched. This stranger had slithered his way into his heart and it didn't feel bad at all.
"Thanks," Harry said sincerely.
"For what?"
"For everything."
"Hey Harry. Do you trust me?"
Harry nodded. "I do."
"Close your eyes then."
Harry felt how Draco removed his glasses. Draco's breath tickled his skin as he leaned closer. He smelled like mint bubblegum they had eaten before. Draco pressed their lips slowly together. It was a simple peck but for Harry it was much more. It was the fireworks, the butterflies, and all the confusing feelings at once. But it was Draco's words that Harry had been waiting for his whole life.
"I think I kinda like you."
At night Harry woke up when Draco made choking sounds, like he was throwing up. He coughed more than earlier at the day. He wasn't actually vomiting and he held his hand over his mouth but Harry could see a patch of blood on the corner of Draco's mouth.
"Draco? Are you alright?" Harry asked and put his hand on Draco's shoulder.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry if I woke you up."
"Did you cough blood?"
"Just go back to sleep, Harry," Draco said and adjusted the hoodie he was using as a pillow. He lied down, his back towards Harry.
"Should we go somewhere inside? Your cough can get worse if we stay outside overnight," Harry continued. Draco coughed some more. "Draco, seriously–"
"Believe me Harry when I say it doesn't matter what I do anymore." Draco seemed to be crying. "This has been a perfect day. You have to believe me."
"Is there something you're not telling me?"
"Well, maybe," Draco wheezed and couched loudly. This time Harry was able to clearly see the blood drops. This had to be serious.
"Just tell me then!" Harry cried out.
"I'm dying. My lungs don't work. I have a cancer, an incurable one." Draco breathed heavily. "That's why I left London. I wanted to see the world, meet new people. Experience... everything. I don't want to go back to hospital," he whined. "Please, Harry, don't call them."
Harry delved his phone from his pocket and called the emergency number. As soon as the calm woman answered the call Harry began explaining hastily the situation and he was advised to keep the 'patient' calm and breathing. The voice said the ambulance would get there soon, but Harry knew it would take time from the help actually get there.
"Draco, it's okay, the ambulance is on the way," Harry said and helped Draco to take a better position for breathing. "You just need to breathe. You'll be fine."
Harry's eyes were getting watery. He didn't know what to do. Draco ran his hands through Harry's untidy dark hair and pulled the raven closer so their noses almost touched.
"Sometimes it's alright to be a little childish," Draco whispered. He turned his head away to cough. "And do what's not wise… But don't ever look back and say you would have done something differently… Live, and don't regret the way you live."
"Don't, Draco, you can't breathe if–" Harry started franticly but Draco had already pressed their lips together. Harry tried to breathe as less as he could so there would be more oxygen for Draco but he could feel as Draco's breathing got weaker. He pushed Draco back to the ground, he made sure his airways were open, he tried to everything right.
But in a moment Draco had stopped fighting and he lied on the cold hard ground without taking a single breathe.
First had come the ambulance, then had come the sunrise.
Neither the paramedics or I could do anything – the cancer had already spread over his both lungs. It had been a miracle he had gotten this far. I met Draco's parents and heard Draco's story shortly afterwards. His cancer had been located four months ago and even then it had been spread widely. The doctors had given him a year, and all that time he would had have to either lie at the hospital bed or carry a set of oxygen devices with him and visit the hospital every other.
And most importantly he would have had to give up on singing.
He wouldn't have wanted to spend his last days like that, being connected to a machine, so he had run away with the intention of enjoying his life however how short it would be. Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy had been worried about him but Draco had called them couple times, informing them where he was but refusing to come home for appropriate treatment. He didn't want them to worry but he didn't want them to control his life either.
Even though I knew Draco for a very short period of time I knew he had taught me something valuable about life. If you now asked me, would I ever want to feel the sadness Draco left behind just to live again the short time we had together, I would say yes.
Thousand times yes.