God is cold, so cold. Walking through the door always freezes her hands. This is always a reminder that she feels anything. Santana is been living with Quinn for a year now, after the Rachel and Brody fiasco she had to move out. The few years after that, she met Quinn at Tina's party. Quinn had gotten a job with GQ, and needed a place to stay in New York.
Santana was so drunk that she blurted out about the space she had. San seemed to forget, about how they both treated each other back in high school. In some way Santana was trying to salvage the other friendship she had lost. Karma was definitely getting back to her; lost her grandma, lost Kurt and Rachel as friends, and most importantly lost Brittany.
After going to Lima and getting Brittany, she knew she needed to provide for their future. She had told her father, she was going to be a doctor; he was so happy he offered to pay for her tuition at Colombia. After a while Brit grow impatient of not having Santana around, that she packed her bags and left to L.A. without a warning. This was two years ago.
Time seemed to slow down for San, nothing made since.
She was so cold.
She buried herself in school, and bars. Books and alcohol was the motto for two years. Then Tina's party came around, nothing was special about this party. People she didn't know dancing round, drunk people puking their way out. Part of the glee club was there, not that she cared; but the best part was the alcohol. So, she drank without the worry of losing anybody else. Quinn had walked in, ugh, she thought. The shots came in, she knew that telling Tina about her and Brit was going to spread like wildfire. Santana had heard all the questions before.
Oh my god what happened? Why did she leave? What did you do? What did she say? Is she coming back? Are you going to get her back? What was there to get back? Nothing, she left for a reason.
Then she heard the pity.
You'll move on, you can call me if you need me, feeling any better. Just forget about her. You'll find someone better. Some one better? There was no one better, there was no one who can take her shit.
Not again, Santana thought. She was too drunk to even remember when Quinn was sitting next to her on the couch. Next thing she knew Quinn was moving in with in a few days.
"Are you avoiding me?" She heard Quinn say with her hands on her hips. Santana had walked two steps towards her bedroom.
"What?"
"You heard me, why would you be on your tippy toes then?"
"Ah...it's late I didn't want to wake you," A fake smile appeared on her face. "I had a late shift at the hospital."
"Biff thinks you hate him," Quinn lowered her hands.
"One to many penises in this apartment," She put her bag beside the coffee table by the entrance.
"Seriously, you're never here when he is...are you turning straight again?"
Of course, Santana thought and rolled her eyes.
"That's not what the nurse at the hospital when I was deep..."
"Okay, that's enough," Quinn laughed the comment away.
"You asked," She chuckles as she sits on the couch. "I am going to bed, wanna find out what I did to the nurse in the janitor's closet?" That mischievous smile is plastered across her face now.
"No, but I hope you were there again..." She sits beside her. But San didn't let her finish.
"That's not what you said when I was on top of you at Schues wedding."
"Oh god, go faster San...don't stop..." making faces and moving her hands all over her face awarded her with a punch to her arm. "Fuck, okay."
"Shh, Biff doesn't know we slept together."
"Oh, come on blonde, don't want him to know you had your first orgasms with me? That hurts my feelings you know..." There was a sad face.
"I didn't know the devil had feelings."
"I think you might be right," San got up. "Well it was nice remembering you naked, but I'm fucking tired..." That was it. The only conversation they've had in a week.
A few weeks had past, and Quinn was worried. Santana stopped texting, and calling her. She knew San volunteer at the children's hospital in her free time. Quinn had followed her one afternoon. To her surprise, this was not the first time Santana had been there. The children knew her? called her Tana. She didn't say anything.
Quinn never really asked about Brit, but she knew that the schedule San had was difficult to say the least. She's known San for so long to know that, that person living with her is not her best friend. If Santana wasn't studying, or the hospital she'd be at the bar; or under a blonde.
It was movie night, Quinn made Santana stay. Quinn had to almost, almost beg.
A Fabray never begged.
"So, how's Carrie?" Came Quinn with a bag of popcorn.
"I don't know ask her," San said from the couch, as she caught the smell.
"Are you going to call?" Does he have the right to talk? Santana thought
"No."
"What? What is wrong with her?" Quinn asked as she pressed play.
"Not really good in bed..." San took a handful of popcorn.
"Not everything is about sex San, I mean what if you two are meant to be."
"The only thing that's meant to be is her food," Santana rolled her eyes "The fucking bread-sticks...ugh I almost want to call her again to have more bread-sticks."
"Why don't you give her a chance, look at Quinn and I. I knew she hated me and look at us now, nine months later," Biff kissed Quinn on the cheek.
"Ugh, you guys are gross. I don't know sex is pretty important to me," Santana chews another handful of popcorn. "I don't know about you guys but I like to have more than one position."
There it is the frown from the both, god does faces. Priceless. Santana laughs until the movie begins to play.
"Do you treat people like shit if you don't fuck them?" OK Quinn.
"Pretty much," Santana winks at Quinn's direction. Biff might not be that clueless.
"Pig," Quinn whispered. "You should take her out, she's not a piece of meat San," Quinn say to the tv.
"Ugh, whatever mother Teresa."
"Why don't we go on a double date, what about tomorrow?" Biff asked.
"I don't know I want to go to the hospital..." San noticed a sweet smile on Quinn's lips.
"If, If! I go you're paying."
Think, at the end of the night you're going to fuck her. Just an hour and a half. Santana waited for everyone to arrive. Why was Quinn wearing a red dress, and why does the dress look so familiar? Oh yeah, I took her dress off. Oh, did that dress spend all night on the floor.
"I didn't know we needed to dress up," Santana stood up and grabbed the chair for Quinn to sit.
"Thanks...I didn't know either, but a leather jacket and jeans will do."
"Shit, now am under dressed," San took a seat. "Why did I agree to do this again?"
"Because Biff is paying, and because she might be the one."
"Fucking sap," Santana rolled her eyes. Quinn laughed. "What makes you think she's the one?"
"Okay, maybe she's not but give her a chance..." Quinn paused.
"Hi, I thought you never call," Came Carrie from behind Santana.
"What? Come on...we had fun..." Santana greeted her with a kiss to the cheek, and whispered something to her hear. Carrie was blushing so bad that she made the color red look pink.
"This is Quinn, and well you already know Biff," Santana introduced them as Biff made his way to the table.
"So, Carrie, how's the restaurant," Biff asked.
"Good...but I never asked," Carrie turned to Santana. "What do you do?"
Santana didn't do much talking when they met.
"She's actually close to being a doctor, how much is left of your residency San? A year?" Quinn responded without a beat.
Is she my wingman?
"Hmm, yeah my last year of residency," San took a sip of water. She was hoping to never see Carrie after tonight. Oh god, I need alcohol. The waiter made his to the table and they ordered.
"So, what do you do when you're not at the hospital?" Carrie asked.
"She volunteers at a children's hospital..." All eyes we're on Quinn, Santana had the biggest frown of them all.
"How did you..." Santana didn't finish. The waiter came back and sat the plates down.
"That's sweet," Great. I don't want her to think am going to call or that am a catch, wait am a fucking catch.
"So, what are your specialties? Well besides the obvious..." Carrie smiled at Santana.
"Surgeon, her dad wanted her to go beyond him," Quinn interrupted.
"Yeah, my dad is a doctor back in Lima," What the fuck Quinn.
Dinner was over, thank god. That was torture enough. Santana decided to walk Carrie home far, far away from Quinn. Santana liked to answer some questions.
"She likes you, you know," Carrie blurted out, a few blocks away.
"What? Quinn, no she's just worried I haven't dated anyone in a while."
"No, I Know that look too well..."
"What do you mean," Santana said as she placed her hands in her jean's front packets. Is chilly at this time at night in New York.
"The Flashy eyes she makes when you look at her..." Carrie was shivering, San took off the jacket and placed it on Carries shoulders. "Thanks."
"We live together and plus she's with Biff," Santana placed her hands where they were previously.
"So, you've thought about it," Carrie turned to Santana, and she didn't respond. "Look at you, you're not ruling out the possibility to get her. I know that if Biff was not in her life you two would go at it on the table."
Santana just laughed. She was not wrong.
"So, what if I do? She's with him, and I...she doesn't like me like that," Santana said on her side of the tiny sidewalk.
"Please, her eyes are screaming 'Fuck me' go for it," Carrie came to a stop. "This is me."
"Want me to come in?" Santana tried to walk up the stair but a hand stopped her in her tracks.
"Go get her," Carrie took off the jacket and placed it in Santana's hand, and nodded.
Santana grabbed her leader jacket and walked away. She started walking, steps weren't enough so she walked a little faster. Not enough, so she started going faster. Jugging, not enough. Thank god for formal clothes, and sneakers. Not enough, the jugging is not enough, faster. As the wind hit her face and people moved out of her way, she knew it was an encouragement. Every new step grew faster, she was running. Running was enough. Fucking sap. The wind, the people, her breathing were not a problem.
Her feet came to a stop.
Go get her.
Santana had in fact not ruled out the possibility of being with Quinn. All does mornings when Santana wakes up and makes coffee; she knows Quinn forgets to make any for the rest of the day. She preps coffee, and watches Quinn come out of her room with messy hair. God that blonde hair. Every afternoon when Quinn is in her lunch break, she texts Santana what she has for lunch. She loves making Santana jealous of her lunch, and gives her shit for getting a cafeteria sandwich. And every night that Quinn comes home she preps herself a glass of whiskey and coke. Simple bitch. That's what Santana calls her when she walks through the door, and that cold air hits her hands. Oh, how cold these few years have been. But now they were getting warm, in a winter night.
Quinn hates the fucking cold air, but has no problem snuggling with a blanket on the couch. San was tired, tired of running into the wrong people but not this blonde. She just wants to come home and take a nap, wake up in the middle of the night to study. No, not study her books. Study Quinn's features move slightly. After a few weeks of doing this Santana noticed, but pushed it down; like every emotion she felt when Brit left.
Her nights where now her favorite thing, that's what kept her sane. But when Biff walked in with a stupid hair cut from the forties, she saw her nights cold and empty. Her nights became weeks, and soon there was just a perfect mode of Quinn's body on her side of the couch. And when she saw a flyer for volunteering a children's hospital, Santana didn't think twice. She needed space and a distraction. And when she walked in; she saw small faces with the same sad look she'd had for years.
After it became a routine at the hospital, Santana knew the children by name. They've started calling her San, and Tana. Of course, she didn't mind. She broke down a few times. Some beds became empty over time. How can someone so pure be taken away within a few years of life. She lost count how many times she broke down, and tried to compose herself before walking in. She decided to tell jokes she once heard her dad say, and learned to never look in their chards. Yeah nurses wanted to jump at her every time. After a few nurses, Santana stopped. She knew, she would end up hurting them. This gave her a few bloody noses, and a fair share of slaps.
Santana needed to get over Quinn, or under her?
I can't. Santana made her way up the stair. I have to.
"So?" Quinn asked as she walked in the apartment.
"Didn't work out."
"She's lost, you're a total catch," Carrie was right. Maybe she's being nice. Ha! ok Quinn being nice why?
"Am I?" Santana walked closer to the couch.
"Of course, you are. A fucking doctor that volunteers at a children's hospital."
"About that, how did you know I go every weekend?"
"Yeah, sorry. You wouldn't text me back so I followed you."
"Ok if I wanted you to know where I was, I would tell you," fuck here we go.
"Well you're never around anymore, I never see you. I talk to your mom more than I talk to you," Quinn raise her voice.
"I am not here anymore because...Is fucking depressing. The people that you invite here are fucking rich brats. And no, they're not my friends I had enough with gay Barry, and lady lips. So much for helping does asshats," Santana made her way in front of Quinn.
"No one wants to be friends with you because you're an asshole, you push people away like you did to Brittany..." Cat's out of the bag now. No way out.
"Thanks for reminding me of my fucking career choice that drove Brittany away," God damn it. "You say am an asshole, but at least I don't bring shit from the past."
"Don't bring Beth into this."
"I didn't, you did." Santana responded. "You think am a monster because I push people away well sweetheart, look in a mirror. When was the last time you talked to Beth?"
"Fuck you, I don't need this bullshit. You know I thought everyone was crazy to leave you behind but now, now I get it." Quinn was so furious she almost shed a tear.
"I don't fucking need this." With that Santana left to her room, packed her bag and walked out of her room.
Go get her. Fuck Carrie what does she know.
"Where are you going?" Quinn asked still on the couch.
"Why don't you follow me and find out...I mean you do it all the time."
"Yeah, leave. Leave like everything you do in you're life. I'm glad Brit got out of here in time."
"Goodbye Quinn." Santana didn't even look back.
Bang.
Door closed.
Go get her.
Santana was transferred her last year of residency. Fucking Alaska. Santana got her bags ready when she heard she was leaving. It was the middle of the night when she went back. Quinn was asleep on the couch. Santana smiled, a sad smile. Made coffee one last time. And left a note.
Don't forget your coffee blonde.
Goodbye.
Quinn had left a million messages for Santana but she never responded. She never called back, never texted back, no reason why she left, or where she went.
Santana was gone.
Quinn never saw this coming, every time they argue Santana always called to say sorry. And takes her out for a truce lunch. This time was different after a week she knew Santana was never going to call. That fucking note. Quinn thought.
Quinn always forgot about her coffee.
Quinn could not bring herself to go in her room, she had destroyed a few things in there. Is not my fault, she pissed me off. After a few weeks Quinn went to the hospital to check if Santana was there. The nurses couldn't say anything, they were told to not give any information way.
Fucking Santana.
Why doesn't she want me to know where she went?
It had been a month since Santana left, mornings without coffee were a fucking drag. The living room felt empty without her books. She never tripped over her biggest book, when she walked in the apartment. Her afternoons were lonely, she never sent her lunch photo to Santana. Quinn tried to run the joke with Biff, but he never seemed to catch up on it. Lunch was always her favorite; it was her turn to call Santana 'basic bitch'. God, she loved it. Her nights were cold, the only thing that didn't change. The cold reminded her of Santana. Quinn would wake up in the middle of the night, and carefully watch San study. After a while, she'd fall back asleep; before she knew it here was a blanket covering her. Now, now is just a cold couch.
Biff would come and go, his presence not known to the apartment. No trace of him, this soon changed. Biff had moved in before Quinn knew. Two months in and he was a slob. Quinn was tired of the wet used towels on the floor. The way he never put down the seat, ugh. This was driving OCD Quinn crazy. Dishes everywhere, bed. Really. The smell changed around her; it went from an ocean breeze to a cheap man's cologne.
Fuck.
Why did she have to leave?
Quinn was dwelling on it, she knew it. She was hoping for San to come back, she noticed everyday grew greyer in her opinion. Was the sun disappearing? Days were bland, ugh fucking asshole. Quinn kept thinking. She smiled at the thought of Santana burning her favorite pan because she was looking at her ass. Quinn looked at the pan.
Dumb ass.
Santana had to buy her another pan. God, was she mad. She kept saying that it was Quinn's fault.
I don't think she'll let go.
The chip at the bar. Yeah, that was a fun night. San had bought the biggest bottle of Jose Cuervo tequila. She dared Quinn to drink it all, well Quinn tried. She didn't get too far, instead she slammed the bottle down making the chip at the end of the bar. The next morning was spend on the toilet. The hangover was there for two days.
Fucking sap. Quinn heard her voice. She remembers that awful dinner.
"Doesn't that cross burn you?" Santana asked a month into living together.
"If you haven't disappeared then am not sure it works," Quinn made Santana laugh, god that infectious laugh.
"Fuck you, Fabray." San seemed so happy; her skin was glowing.
"You wish you could get this again."
"Oh please, I know you want to get under this," Santana wigged her eyebrows.
"So romantic, does that work with every slut that leave in the morning?" Quinn asked a little discussed.
"It worked with you," San eyed her for a second "What?"
"You handed me drink after drink, how was I supposed to say no."
"Hhmm, If I remember correctly you came on to me," Santana whined. "What happend to 'I've never slow danced with a girl before, I like it.'?"
"I was drunk," Came Quinn with an innocent smile.
"Not drunk enough to fuck all night."
"Ok, no. You came on to me," Quinn's glare was obvious. "You sat beside me at church, and made that sad face. You were wearing me down."
"Oh I sure did," Santana said. "You were touching my arm all the time, and don't fucking say it was for balance."
"Fuck off Santana. We both know who came on to who," Quinn said.
"Fucking sap." Santana made Quinn laugh one last time.
God that memory was so vivid, that she felt her laugh in her chest.
Fucking sap.
Quinn knew who came on to who, it was obvious. Jackass.
Two months, living with Biff. And five months since Santana had left her.
It's time.
Quinn caught Biff with messages from another girl. Ugh again. This didn't bother her anymore. Perfect excuse to break up. That was another cold night at the apartment, yelling and bags being packed. Shoes were flying, ties covered the floor. God, that felt so good. He left that night, Quinn made sure to not be there when he got the rest of his things.
Empty again.
"Holidays are a bitch," Santana had arrived back in New York, after a week in Lima. "They asked about her again."
"I'm sorry San, you know your mom wants the best for you."
"If she did why would she ask again."
"I'll talk to her." Quinn dropped the bag on her bed.
"Uh, no me gusta. Why do you talk to my mom again?" Santana asked.
"Because I update her on your shit every once in a while."
"Well fucking stop, is weird."
"Why? I used to go to your house back in high school."
"I don't know if you noticed, but we're not in Lima anymore sweetheart." Santana rolled her eyes.
"Asshole," Quinn said.
"Oh yeah," Santana made her way to her. Quinn had backed away and slammed on the bed when San pushed her. Santana made her way to her bag and dragged her clothes out.
"Now am an asshole." She smiled so widely; it almost out shined the sun.
"You sure look like one."
"Quinn Fucking Fabray, such a lady." Santana called her out. Quinn threw her clothes at San's face.
Quinn remembers her clothes everywhere. She spend a whole week looking for her pink bra.
You sure look like one.
Ok I like the cold but not fucking Alaska. Santana thought. God, she hated this place. Any place away from New York was boring. There was not a store in miles, frostbite with a bitch.
Six months, Quinn is probably living her best life. God, she missed her. Her fucking lunch photo was so missed. All the missed calls were almost deadly, she knew Quinn would kill her. Santana thought so much about the last time they talked, well argued. How did that go to shit so quickly?
"Shh, be quite...I don't want to wake the dragon," Santana said to a blonde, she had met an hour ago. San lead her to her room.
"Fuck!" The blonde was not even trying to be silent, she wanted all New York. "Don't stop!"
On the other side of the apartment, there was a familiar moan.
This only meant one thing.
"Yes...Yes." Quinn over compensated.
San, was actually glad that this blonde was so loud.
"Oh, San..." This only spurred Santana on.
"Keep going," A very loud moan was heard from Quinn's bedroom.
Every movement Santana made, the bed could be heard through the hallway.
When Quinn heard the bed, it was time to improvise. She stopped her hands on the wall, Biff was to occupied that he didn't even know there was a competition going on.
"Right there..." Loud bangs came from the wall.
It was time to bring it home, Santana was pretty sure her bed was going to break. And soon enough it did.
"Shit."
Biff was gone before the bed broke, Quinn tried to keep going. That didn't last long, he was already done. So she laid in bed disappointed of herself. San was trying to hold it together, when the only noises were coming from her room.
It was victory.
"Fuck." Santana let go.
Five minutes later, one sweaty blonde and a very tired Santana left her room.
"What were you doing to her?" Biff asked.
"Oh, plastic boy. You'll never know."
"I'll see you later?" The blonde asked Santana. She didn't want to say no, she nodded.
"Was she speaking Spanish?"
"Let's say she learned a few things." San made her way back to her room.
Quinn wanted to never talk about it, she knew if he brought it up; San would rub it in her face. And frankly she had enough of all the loud moans and that bed breaking.
San had to admit that Quinn was right, she did drive Brit away. Never proposed, waited too long. Took too many hours at the hospital. Santana fucked herself on that one. But she was left behind too many times; her abuela, Kurt, Rachel, Brit, and now Quinn. Santana thought she was helping herself by not hanging around Quinn, she was only protecting herself. And look how that turned out. Santana only needed the time to get rid of her feelings for Quinn. Santana always knew Quinn will never like her like that. To her fucking karma they've slept together, and that memory was enough to never get over her.
That fucking sap. San thought.
She'd met another doctor a few months back.
Great another blonde.
Sarah, tall blonde. That was enough for Santana to Fuck her. Yes, she regraded it. What else was she supposed to do? Quinn was long gone. At least her nights weren't as sad, and her bed was warm. Sarah never got her jokes, but that never stopped Santana from telling them. She didn't have to make coffee anymore, that was the biggest change.
Sex was eh, she didn't really care anymore.
Not everything is about sex San.
Fuck, there she was again. Quinn in her head.
"I can't believe you haven't seen Bird Man!" San had almost screamed at the top of lungs. They were at a video store, both actually surprised they still existed one in New York.
"Shh, San," Quinn had laughed just as loud. "No, I haven't seen it."
"Okay, what about The Revenant?" San asked again.
"No, that's why we're here."
"And to even think you studied drama at Yale," Santana rolled her eyes
"Fuck off, the last movie I saw was The Grand Budapest Hotel. And I fell in love with it."
"Yeah I'll give you that one," She nodded. "That girl was hot, I'd hit that."
"The old lady who died?" Quinn asked as she laughed.
"Fuck you, Fabray," San grabbed a few movies. "You know, I should come with a warning...'Don't try to walk for twenty minutes, may cause dizziness, and the second time is recommended buy your doctor.' No that's too long," Santana said. Quinn could barely hold her laughter. God that head of hers.
"Wanky," Came Quinn through her laugh.
"Hey, that's my joke."
Fuck. Santana woke up. It had been a while since her last dream of Quinn. More like a memory. Sarah couldn't give more of a fuck of her dreams. Thank god she was leaving Alaska in a few weeks. Santana couldn't wait to get the fuck away from Sarah, and Alaska. God, she hated them both.
"I was offered a job in New York," Sarah had walked in with a smile on her face. Fuck me.
"But you live in Chicago."
"Not anymore."
"That's great." Fucking kill me.
"We can live together..." Sarah's voice faded away as San tried to block everything. The flight to New York was the longest in her life. Santana could have sworn that people around them died of annoyance.
"You have the worst taste in tv shows," Quinn said as she sat by San.
"What, come on...Hoarders is the best."
"How all they do is to never throw anything away."
"Yeah but they have to get rid of it, that's the best part," San chuckled as she watched the millionth episode.
"Why can't we just watch a cooking show."
"Ugh, fine..."
San changed the channel.
"Oh, Yeah," San said as she found Hell's Kitchen.
"It's not good enough..." They heard the tv. "You stupid cow."
"You were so right..." San smiled. "What are you doing? Get out!." San mocked with a British accent. Quinn couldn't hold her laugh.
"Oh god, what have I done." Quinn stated.
"You donkey!" San shouted at the tv. "It's fucking raw!"
To say the least Quinn just watched Santana shout every kind of insult to the tv. She was glad to introduce San to Hell's Kitchen. And god did the insults get more creative. San never stopped watching the show.
Best weekend ever.
Quinn had seen Biff one last time at a café.
"Hey," Fuck, fuck, fuck. Quinn thought.
"Hi," Quinn greeted with a fake smile.
"How's San?" Biff asked as he made his way over to Quinn.
"Actually, I haven't talked or seen her since she left. Why?"
"Well It was obvious she liked you..." Biff stopped talking for a second. "Don't tell me you never saw it...Quinn, she made you coffee every morning." Biff stood there with a frown.
"Quinn, she hated me. All does texts, and smiles she gave you when you were not looking. God, is like I was never there."
"What?"
"Well, you weren't so secretive either," Biff laughed. "You touched her every chance you got, you basically sleep with her coat."
Quinn just stood there, there were no words. She just frowned. She did know that; their friendship was somewhat too close. Quinn wasn't sure if it was because that's how they act around each other, or because she wanted to touch her. Quinn didn't know how long she had been standing there.
Quinn left the café.
"You forgot your coffee." She heard Biff call after her.
She's known for four months now. Quinn new Santana was going to get back in a few days. Does four months were an eye opening.
Santana always got doors for her.
Santana always made her coffee in the morning.
Santana always called her after the lunch photo.
Santana always cooked.
Santana had punched a guy for grabbing Quinn's ass one night.
Santana had put the same blanket on her every night.
"Hey, Q," Santana burst through Quinn's bedroom door. "Who was it?" San asked, as she noticed she was crying.
"It's her birthday."
"Oh Lucy," Santana wrapped her arms around her.
"Please tell me you're ready to go." Biff walked in. San moved so Biff could hug her.
"What happened?" He asked. "We can cancel." She smiled.
Quinn explained to Biff what it was. He didn't say anything, he just watched her cry.
After a while Santana got up and made a phone call, and walked out the room. When she came back, she spoke. "We're going."
"San I don't want to go."
"Oh but you are, get a jacket," Santana ordered. "Yes, you're little puppy dog can come."
Santana lead the way out their apartment building. No one talked on the subway. Quinn was still confused, She didn't know where they were going. Quinn wasn't in the mode to go somewhere, that would cheer her up. There was nothing that would distract her. And where the hell was she going. But she was so broken that she never noticed when they had arrived at a house in Brooklyn. Her eyes were red, her sun-dress was ruined by all the tears she had shed in the subway. Biff was holding her the whole time, she stopped crying when she realized where she was.
Santana had called Rachel, even if they weren't on speaking terms; Santana pushed her ego aside. She couldn't stand seeing Quinn cry, she lead her to the door. When the door opened, every sad feeling was washed away. Beth has standing there, she tilted her head. God, she was so big now. Quinn's world turned to color for the third time in her life. When Beth was born, the hotel room, and now. Quinn hugged her so tight to her, Beth was about to pop her eyes out. She knew who she was. But Quinn decided to give her space. She didn't want to confuse Beth anymore, so she called once in a while. Quinn thought, Shelby was going back to Lima this year.
Did Santana really do this? Quinn walked in and never left Beth's side.
"So where's Santana? I thought she'd be here," Rachel said after the presents were all over the living room, Beth decided to get right to it. All Puck.
"She's..." Quinn looked around, she was gone.
"You know, I never thought she'd call again...I'm surprised we didn't fight over the phone."
"You didn't know, did you?"
That night was like a dream, as soon as it began. It was over. Santana avoided Quinn after that. nothing was said.
Oh God, I lead her on. Fuck. That was the first month out off of the four.
Oh God, I brought up Brit. Two.
Oh God, I left her behind. She hates me. Three.
Oh God, I am in love with her. Four.
Quinn sat on Santana's bed; her smell almost gone. One of her white coats is hanging in her closet. 'Lopez' Quinn read. What has she done, Santana had offered her a place to stay. Santana was the one who was there when she cried about Beth, for the millionth time. Santana never judged her while staying here, she was always here. God, Santana took care of her. When Quinn needed to take care of her instead. Quinn never saw Santana complain about her job. Quinn realized she had pushed Santana away.
Quinn left her behind, after all. After everyone that walked out on her, Quinn was no different. basic bitch. Classic Quinn disappointing her way to the top. She thought. Quinn grabbed the coat, and held it tight to her chest. How do you fall in love with someone that's gone? Can you fall in love with the perfect memory of her?
Fucking sap.
Quinn laughed one last time before sleeping on her bed.
"Fuck..."
"Come on, don't tell me you're done? And here I thought Lucy can go for a while." Santana smirked.
"Never thought you had this much energy after dancing all night," Quinn was beyond surprised when she learned, and felt her stamina.
"Oh, sweetheart am not even close to being done," Santana said as she got off of Quinn.
"Where are you going?"
"Relax, am stretching. I don't want to pull a muscle...well only yours." Santana wiggled her eyebrows. Quinn only laughed.
"By the way, you lied." Santana said stretching some more, giving a great show.
"What do you mean?"
"Actually, you lied twice. The first one was in New York. You said and I quote. 'I'm sorry Santana but am not into that.' and the second one was two hours ago. 'I don't know for me is more of a onetime thing' Am actually surprised you can keep up."
"What can I say..."
"You don't have to say anything, you could let me take care you," Santana had made her way to the bed.
"I'll take care of you Lucy," Santana whispered so close to her lips, she leaned in. Santana moved at the last second. Quinn shivered under her. Quinn wanted to kiss that fucking smirk away.
"Ah, ah," Santana stopped her. "I mean it Lucy." San made her way to her ear. "You. Are. So. Stunning. Lucy," Santana whispered in between kisses. She's so fragile. Santana thought.
Santana kissed her way down her neck, Quinn's shoulders were covered with so much care and love. Santana treated her like she was about to break under her touch. She touched the other side one Quinn's neck, her hand so careful. So soft. Santana moved down to her arm; Quinn was so lost. San looked up.
She knew this moment was once in a lifetime.
This moment is gone.
Santana had moved to the other side she left unattended. She never stopped massaging her right arm. God. There were no more words, no more names. Just to people loving each other. San kissed her breasts, not fast not rough. She was so gentle; she was trying to capture every single second in her memory. San made her way to her abdomen, God. She's on fire. Santana grabbed both of her hands in hers. Quinn looked down; San seemed so focused. So, she took a mental photo in her head.
The one photo she'll never have.
The one photo she wanted to remember forever. And just like that, San closed her eyes. Remember her smell, her skin touching yours. Santana thought to herself. Quinn had done the same, this was her first time. The first time someone had ever said does words to her. I'll take care of you Lucy. Her first time making love. Her fist time having an orgasm with someone who actually cares about her, and someone who loves her. Santana removed her hand from Quinn's hold, and graced down her body to her hips.
She's so small. San knew what the next part was, she just wanted to savor this moment. Carefully with her hands on either side on her, she moved her head between her legs and brought her legs up just slightly. This was San's favorite view. She began kissing her hipbones, and all around. Quinn arched her back, throwing her head back. Santana stopped, taking in this delicate moment to calm her. She didn't want to rush this; Santana shook her head. Quinn looked down, right at this moment. Right here as they look each other in the eye, there's love.
Love.
Quinn nodded. San smiled, so warm. Quinn could feel how warm her smile was. Santana made her way to does long legs of hers, left no mark. Leaving her smell was enough. Quinn felt like a canvas, she was being painted to tenderly with every kiss, every brush. She finally felt like a piece of art.
Her masterpiece.
Lucy Quinn Fabray was being brought to life, her color showing. God, she was shining. The sun had nothing on her. Quinn felt Santana's hands came to rest on her hips. She knew better to move now. Santana stopped once again, she waited. Ran her tongue all the way up her torso. Between her breasts and up to where she began.
"You are so beautiful," Santana whispered the last words of the night.
Now that Santana was taking her sweet time, she needed to show all of her. Her body so comfortable on top of Quinn, she made her way down again. She kissed her, hot wet kisses. Quinn lost herself at the contact of her mouth on her. Quinn let out a loud moan, everyone was awake now. She never noticed when her hands grabbed the sheets, not enough. Quinn grabbed the end of the bed. Santana ran her tongue so slowly on her, she was sure she'll lose her vision. At the roll of her eyes.
Quinn was so sweet, nothing like anyone. No one compered. She's the sweetest she's had. Santana moaned as she rolled her eyes again. This vibration only made Quinn grasp the bed tighter. Another moan, another vibration ran threw Quinn's body. Santana knew better than to tease her. She went in, so slowly it was almost painful. San moved her head slowly; she saw the breathing of her chest. She worked her way in, moaning as she went in every time.
Why hasn't anyone seen the beauty Quinn holds? So, effortless.
Her hand slips down, holds her left thigh; lifts it up. Quinn was so close; her hand massages her inner thigh. Santana moans one last time. Quinn never had an experience this intense in her short life. Eyes open to see the scene before her, her whole body began shaking. Quinn couldn't keep herself in place, a moan so deep down; made its way out, so loud. So, solid. Santana had never seen anyone shake so bad, that she had to hold her down gently. Quinn had a light sweat all over her skin, glowing like never before. She continued shaking for a few moments. This is it.
This moment is gone.
The memory of making love to Quinn, was now in the past. And now it was part of this hotel room.
Santana just watched her in awe. She was so mesmerized. God, someone needs to marry this woman. She thought. Quinn calmed down of her high, and flopped on the bed again. Her first time completely satisfied.
Santana knew what that look meant, get out. And so, she did. Got dressed, kissed her one last time and left. Quinn was full, she didn't noticed Santana had left.
You didn't know, did you?
Quinn woke up, coat in hand; she walked out of San's room. For the first time since Santana left, Quinn made coffee. Very bitter, but coffee none the less. Yes, she threw it away.
Don't forget your coffee blonde.
Goodbye.
The note mocked her, and I'm the fucking sap. She rolled her eyes.
This was the day she was going to meet with Santana, she got a call telling her San was back. Quinn ran, not the first or last time she'd do it for Santana.
"Move asshole," She screamed at the traffic in front of her cab. "Why today New York."
Quinn got out of the cab, and ran. She could almost hear Santana saying 'Run, Forest. Run.'
She laughed at how stupid she'd been all along, the little smiles. The midnight run to the store, just because. The cooking together, and making a mess. All the hugs, all the small and accidental touches. That last kiss at the hotel. Quinn walking in on Santana after her shower. God, how stupid she felt right now. I am a fucking sap for you. Quinn thought.
Soon there she was, standing there; with a cigarette in her right hand, and smoking like second nature. San seemed too skinny. Santana didn't notice the blonde coming her way.
"Hey, where were you hiding," Sarah wrapped her arm around Santana. She smiled slightly.
Quinn came to an immediate stop.
"Just wanted some air," Santana grew a frown.
"Quinn?" She was taken back. "What are you doing here?"
No time to run. Quinn's heart sank like the fucking Titanic.
"I wanted to see you." Quinn came closer.
"How are you?" Santana didn't feel Sarah's arm being removed from her body.
"Ah...Good, and you I heard you went to Alaska."
"Yeah, uh...old news but, is fucking cold," Santana made Quinn laugh. Oh, that laugh. "I think I left my tits there."
Same old San is back.
"Well, uh...I'm throwing a party tonight, you're welcome to come." Oh, Quinn. You and your fucking lies. She thought.
"Am not sure, my parents are here in New York." Santana thought for a second. "What the hell ok. I'll be there. Same place?"
"Yeah, it was really nice to see you."
"You too," Santana smiled, and like that Quinn left.
Too fucking late Fabray.
A fucking party really, shit. Quinn walked away.
Santana made her way up the familiar stairs. Fuck, how she hated them. She knocked on the door. She could just walk in, she still has the key.
Everyone is here. The old glee club.
"Hey!" Everyone said in union.
San didn't drink, but Quinn sure made her presence known with alcohol. Quinn talked with Santana's mother. Santana had called her every night, she let her know about Sarah. Every time she heard the name, she took a shot of tequila. Quinn learned that Santana had her grandmothers ring, and was planning to propose. Quinn looked over at Santana by the bar, she was too late.
God, she was so blind. Quinn made her way to her.
Santana just wanted a quiet night, maybe even closure with Quinn. She can't move on without closure.
"Oh, my Sanny looks pale." Quinn said almost hanging from Santana's neck.
"Yeah well Sarah's cooking skills aren't the best. God, she made me threw up like a pregnant woman." San finished, and she heard the loudest laugh from Quinn.
"I think you had enough, wanna go to bed?" San asked.
"Yeah with you."
"Okay people party's over." Santana announced.
Go get her.
Santana heard it so clearly.
Quinn was so drunk she couldn't even walk.
"Okay," Santana had enough of managing and lifted her up in one smooth motion.
"Wanna fuck me?" Quinn blurted out.
"Not like this, no."
"Oh, god. Am I Lucy again?"
"What? No!"
"Wanna know a secret."
"And what's that."
"I think I fell in love..." Quinn was out like a light.
"Fucking sap, never change Q," Santana moved to kiss her forehead, but was met with lips. Still soft.
"Don't leave me again." Quinn cried, and the sobs started coming.
"Never again, Lucy." Santana cuddled her.
That night was the most peaceful they both had in a year. Santana woke up early, made coffee. And walked to her old room. Yeah, I deserved that.
The room was a mess, a good mess none the less. She smiled.
"I was really mad at you," Quinn came in with a fresh mug of coffee.
"Yeah, I can see," She laughed. "Truce lunch?" Santana asked.
"I though you never ask."
Both made their way to the bagel place down the street. Truce lunch was never cheap to San's wallet, but today didn't madder. The sun was bright and the wind was refreshing.
"Fuck, I missed this place." San said mid chew.
"I actually haven't had a bagel in a while."
"That should be a crime, how long?" San asked.
"Since Biff and I broke up."
"Oh." She's smiling so big. "Sorry."
"Am not, he was an asshole."
"And he sure looked like one." They both laugh.
"I missed you."
"Me too Q."
"Wanna head back?"
"Uh, yeah."
They both headed back to the apartment.
"So, you fell in love?" Santana asked as they sat on the couch.
"What?" Quinn was sweating bullets.
"Come on, Quinn. Tell me."
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
"Yeah I did, when you were gone." Quinn saw the smile disappear San's lips.
"That's great, am happy for you."
"Thanks, what about Sarah?"
"What about her?"
"Is she good in bed?" Quinn asked. Santana swallowed hard.
"You know not really, but I heard your voice 'Sex is not everything San' ugh it drove me crazy."
"Okay gross, but you heard me?"
"Every fucking hour like a damn clock." San laughed.
"San?"
"Mm."
"Why didn't you call?" Quinn's voice lowered.
"Come on Q, not this again."
"You called your mom every day, you never talk to her."
"Uh Quinn, she's my mother."
"You could have called." Quinn raised her voice. Santana almost flinched, she just shook her head. Not again.
"I was fucking mad, okay. You brought up my fuck ups, like I needed that." Santana stood up.
"And you think I did." She stood up as well.
"Damn it Quinn."
"Why did you leave without telling me?"
"Because I couldn't do it anymore, you and Biff around all the time. Rubbing it in my face, that I could never have that again."
"I love You!" Quinn blurted out so angrily.
"You can't do this to me. Quinn. Is not fair," Santana said. "Getting over you was the hardest thing I've ever done. Fuck!" She was so frustrated.
"You fucking left me, what the fuck was I supposed to do?" There was the tear that escaped her hazel eyes.
"I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, I couldn't stop thinking about you and Biff. And how fucking happy your life was without me." Now Santana was crying.
"Well news flash asshole am not." Quinn screamed.
"How the fuck am I supposed to get over you? Let me know how!"
"Don't."
"I've been holding my abuela's ring for a whole day now, and I fucking hate Sarah. But despite that, I could have a future with her," Santana took the ring out. "God, I loved you so much. It hurts; you keep hurting me."
"Does she make you feel anything?"
"No, but at least I know she won't ever hurt me."
"You hurt me too."
"Get in line sweetheart."
"God, I hate you," Quinn looked at her.
"Do you?" Santana came closer to her.
"I fucking hate you," Quinn stood still, Santana blushed her tears away.
Lips were so close to each other.
"I love you too," Came Santana as she crashed her lips with her. "You hurt me so bad, your words cut deep. But your actions cut my soul." Santana lifted her up in her arms, Quinn wasted no more time and wrapped her legs around her torso. Lips never left each other.
"Fucking Sap."
"Shut up, and spread your leg for me baby," Santana made her way to her room. "Am going to make you beg for it."
First time begging all night was a new one. I guess Fabray's do beg.