Hello! This is my first fic in over seven years! So please forgive any mistakes. I know this is a year late, but this fic kept bothering me as I was trying to write other fics (Thor is one of the mightiest Avengers after all).
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters or events associated with The Avengers, that's all Disney and Marvel. The OC is mine.
FALLOUT
Thale's eyes snapped open, her sleep-addled mind scrabbling to discover what disturbed her rest. Her bewilderment did not last long. Razor-edged anguish not her own sliced through her system, wringing a gasp from her throat.
Her gaze fell to the sleeping man facing her and her heart softened. Her husband, bless him, had not slept a full night since The Decimation, since the loss of Bucky and trillions more lives. She squeezed her eyes shut against the ache of grief that stabbed her, fortifying her walls until a pleasant numbness filled her. They'd lost it all that day. Steve's grief had come unfiltered through their bond raking through her with such force that it seemed like a tangible entity. Many nights she awakened to him in the grips of night terrors or worse, broken sobs. But last night he slept the whole night in peace. Whether from pure exhaustion or some other factor, she did not know, but she was grateful.
She briefly watched him sleep, taking the time to appreciate his handsome features. Never in a million centuries did she ever think she would marry a human. Shaking her head, she leaned down and placed a soft kiss to his forehead, soothing him back to sleep when he stirred.
She climbed out of bed, carefully so Steve wouldn't get a face full of feathers, and stole about the room searching for clothes. She donned an over-sized red shirt with The Rolling Stones printed across its front in bold letters and a pair of leggings. On quiet bare feet, she crossed to the floor-to-ceiling windows to their house- a favor Natasha called in from an anonymous old friend. She pushed the thick curtain back, letting in weak light from the overcast sky, opened the window, and jumped from the second-story window. She spread her large dark brown wings, instantly catching air, and took flight.
As she flew, her mind wandered. In the first initial days of Thanos' victory, Midgard had been nothing but chaos and pandemonium. Humans panicked in the street. Families, corporate businesses, and countries suffered losses on all fronts, leaving the world collectively reeling. And though she pitied the pain wrought upon countless lives, her teammates were her primary concern.
The Avengers, who had fought so valiantly and gambled so highly lost. And they lost big. The gravitas of the defeat and the fresh grief flayed them into ribbons small enough to pass through the eye of a needle. Natasha, knowing they needed a remote place out of the limelight to lick their wounds called a friend. And now, they were in the middle of nowhere Norway, trying desperately to heal.
She flew over the majestic scenery, following Thor's signature over verdant hilltops. She found him standing on the grassy cliffs of one of Norway's many fjords. She banked left then circled lower before landing behind him with silent wings. Tucking her wings close, she examined the casually clad Asgardian. In all the six centuries she'd known him she had never seen him so...defeated. In all their many battles no matter the odds, Thor always shined like a beacon in the dark. But these past few weeks she watched that light dwindle and though she did not voice it, it had a profound effect on her morale.
She chewed on her bottom lip, gaze roving over the picturesque greenery of the fjord as she struggled for words. A chilly wind breezed past the silent duo like an elegy for the deceased. She ran a hand through her dark hair, wings shifting closer to her body.
What could she say to comfort him? She cursed herself. Nat would know exactly what to say. A few moments passed during which she decided anything was better than feeling guilt wash over Thor like tidal waves. She swallowed before speaking, "Thor..." she trailed off.
"This is all my fault." His voice was deeper than usual and thick with the notes of a person despairing.
Her brow furrowed. "No, it's not." She said it alleviate his pain, but he would not hear of it. He turned halfway to regard her and she was unprepared for the amount of vulnerability claiming his expression.
"Yes. It is." This he said with a hint of finality. "I messed up and because of that, half of all living beings in the universe are dead."
Thale gave him a soft expression and took a step forward. The grief marring his features was enough to twist her heartstrings but she swallowed her emotions. For him. "You give yourself too much credit tavisch-emim." She placed a hand on his arm in comfort. "Many raindrops make up an ocean." To her surprise the phrase produced the opposite of the desired effect.
His expression hardened. "You do not have to spare my feelings by telling me what you think I want to hear," he snipped out in a biting tone. He shrugged her hand off and turned away once more to gaze at the scenery.
Thale stepped back, wings fluttering with agitation. She was trying to comfort him, but he rejected her. Did he want her to condemn him as he condemned himself? Every part of her screamed to leave it alone. She was emotionally drained. She deserved to go back home and curl under the covers with her beloved husband. Who would fault her for it? Thor did not seem to welcome her help anyway. She tapped her fingers against her thigh as she thought. She should just go. But 600 years of loyalty, friendship, and love for the grieving Asgardian king compelled her to linger.
"Do you know what that bastard said to me before-" He drew in a deep breath. "He said I should have gone for the head." He looked back at her.
Thale started to speak to assure him that he was wrong, but paused at the beseeching look in his tormented gaze. In his eyes was the expression of a being tired of hearing the same platitudes used in the effort to comfort him. In his eyes was the expression of a being begging for the truth but dreading it all the same. She bit her lip, realizing what he needed to hear.
So, she spoke the truth that no one else had the will to say: "He was right, you should have."
He flinched and her heart shuddered at the sad sight. He closed his eyes for a moment, taking in a deep breath, and nodded as if in thanks for her candor.
She swallowed the lump in her throat. "But, I would have done the same as you." Perhaps the admission, the solidarity would give him some form of solace. Not so.
He gave a chuckle which quickly evolved into laughter, and it was a terrible sound full of bitterness and poison. He whirled around to face her. "You? You who take nothing into battle?" He sobered. "Not likely."
Thale stared at him in near shock. She clenched her fists at her sides. It highly offended her that he mocked the personal warrior philosophy inked into her very skin. Any other situation, she would give him a tongue-lashing worthy of being transcribed as an epic poem. She quelled her ire. But he was in pain and that bolstered her understanding and patience. Her wings fluttered with anxiety as she prepared herself for a confession she had not told anyone. Not even Steve.
She took a step toward him, locking his gaze with hers. "Do you think I gave the Queen Bug the honor of a swift death when I found her?" Memories flowed in high definition as she spoke. She remembered the fulfillment she felt when she found the destroyer of her world and people, of the blood dripping from her own burning wounds and mixing with that of the queen's horde, of the fleeting arrogance in the quim's eyes before she struck. "No, I shoved my sword where I knew death would take its time so could watch her end. And I enjoyed it."
Thor stared at her in silence and she did not know if it was surprise or disbelief that held his tongue.
She closed the gap between them, gaze drifting over his anguished features. She dared not look into his gaze again for fear the rawness in it would drown her. "Oh Thor." When he looked away she reached up and touched his cheek, gently turning his face to hers.
He swallowed as if pushing back the emotions threatening to shove him over the brink. Her heart ached for him.
"Thor, he took the last of what you had left after the fire. You were owed that moment," she soothed. Did she not care that his emotions got the best of him? Yes. Did she condone it? No, but she understood his actions. She had been to that dark place.
Another crisp breeze blew past, ruffling her hair and feathers. Thor let out a breath and when he spoke it was soft and small. Somehow that was worse. "The universe..."
A deep stab of pain knifed through her at the pitiful sound. She beat back her tears, bringing her other hand up to caress his cheek. "Sometimes our universe boils down to what drives us to act, whether good or bad. And we can't fix it." She ducked her head to catch his downcast, averted gaze. Silently she begged him to understand, to spare himself this self-torture. "We are all flawed Thor, we can't help that. So please, don't do this to yourself."
He closed his eyes as if doing so held back the downpour of tears trying to breach them. Reaching up he grasped her wrists and drew her hands from his cheeks. He turned away, striding closer to the cliff's edge. Were he not Asgardian she would fear for his life, but a fall from this height wouldn't even inconvenience him.
A viscous shroud of deafening silence draped between them, broken only by the melody of nature. She wracked her brain for what to say, for anything that would console him and narrow the miles between them. Her wings rustled and twitched. She opened her mouth to speak then shut it.
Thor broke the silence and when he spoke his voice sounded like it had gone through a meat grinder. "A king protects his people, Thale." He paused. "And I could do nothing as he sl-" His voice broke and died on the latter word. He inhaled deeply, composing himself before continuing. "Slaughtered them. I could do nothing as he massacred half the universe!" This he shouted, fists clenched at his sides.
The darkening sky failed to grab her attention for it was on the warrior king before her. She blinked back tears at the sight. Here, surrounded by beautiful greenery and crystal waters, she watched Thor Odinson crack and splinter before her very eyes. Something inside of her withered.
He turned to face her and she almost gasped. His expression was a fractured mosaic of grief; his eyes broken windows in a ruined fortress. At that moment he looked all the 1500 years he'd lived. Thale could only stare at him with uncertainty.
He looked at her with such a defeat she felt some part of herself fissure. Then he spoke and it was so terribly diminutive and overwrought that her throat swelled with grief. His shoulders drooped. "What good am I?" A shudder rippled through his entire body.
Quickly she took the two steps to close the distance between them and yanked him into her arms, concealing them with her large dark wings. Thor sagged against her, burying his face in her neck, and wept. But he did not wail or sob. His cries were silent and to her somehow that was more heartbreaking. But she held onto him. Even when his grip around her tightened painfully, she held onto him. When the sky darkened and thunder split the sky, when lightning crackled through the air and wind-driven rain soaked through her clothes she held onto the Asgardian.
She closed her eyes when the unforgiving talons of his agony tore at her already weakened walls. Oh how she wanted to let go and acknowledge the hairline fractures of grief wounding her scarred heart but she resisted the urge. As one who had already survived an extreme loss in her long life, the team looked to her as a pillar in this storm. She could not break. She had to stay strong for her jianialeh. So, with great strain, she sutured each tear marring her heart.
She ran her hands through his short hair and hummed a Yevari lullaby, almost losing it when a keen escaped him. "I've got you," she whispered tenderly. She let him cry himself out, let out all of his agonies until he devolved into sniffling and shuddering gasps.
He released her and drew away after he quieted and his breathing leveled out. She ignored the wet no doubt snotty spot on her shirt in favor of tenderly wiping away the tears staining his cheeks.
He wiped at his runny nose before leaning down to press his forehead to hers. She brought her hands up to rest on his neck and closed her eyes. Gently she reached through their bond, feeling him out until she found a burgeoning light beneath layers of torment. A smile lit her lips and she whispered softly to him in the archaic form of her ancient language. He returned the gesture until their mother tongues blended into a rhythmic sound mimicking drums in the deep.
They stood that way for many moments, ancient souls in a devastated world. Thor drew away and, for a breath, wistfulness she pretended not to see flickered in his gaze. She passed him a miniscule smile.
He responded with a tremulous copy of a smile but abruptly sobered. Her eyes narrowed fractionally and she spread her wings slightly, canting her head when he peered at her. "Thale," he spoke, "how are you coping?"
For a second she panicked. She should have known better. She had never been able to hide anything from Thor, at least not for long, especially not when they were married. She refrained from digging her canines into her bottom lip and controlled the oncoming nervous twitch of her wings, but gave him an evasive grin. "When was the last time you ate?" She almost winced when realization dawned on his face.
"Thale," he started, ready to chastise her for ignoring her pain for theirs.
"Thor please." She nearly begged. If he laid her bare it would shatter her. Confiding in him about the severed bonds burning in her mind like limbs amputated with a hacksaw, about the clamoring weight of their grief threatening to devour her, of how she wanted to scream her grief to the heavens and rip apart the stars, she would not recover her mask. With eyes that spoke louder than any words, she supplicated him.
Thankfully, he relented, running a hand over his short-cropped hair with a sigh. "A few days I think."
Her jaw slackened. Thor never missed a meal. "Well, let's change that." Together they took flight towards their temporary home. Thale watched Thor briefly as they flew. Though, grief still lined his visage a flicker of levity twinkled through their bond. Her heart filled with relief and happiness. For, though, she knew he had not recovered, and perhaps would never fully, he was on the path.
END
I hope y'all enjoyed this little one shot. Hopefully Thor wasn't OOC. If so, my bad. The OC is a character close to my heart. Maybe I'll write how she and Steve fell in love. Maybe. Anyway Read & Review please!