One would expect such a sad day to be gray and drizzly- that was the way days like these always were in movies, right? But this day dawned bright, and by the time the proceedings began the sun was shining down on everyone, cheerful as could be.
Sarah hates days like that. Or at least, today she does.
It's no one's fault, what happened, but it feels like it's hers. She should have spent more time with the old cowboy, she thinks, made more of an effort, but she knows deep down that he was just old and it wouldn't have helped anything. Except maybe her conscience.
She's standing next to her father as she looks around the cemetery at all the attendees. There are so many people, people that she hasn't seen in years. Max Holden is here- she got to talk to him before the service. It was good to see him again- brought back memories of her old friend Al, the one who may as well have been her brother growing up.
Her brother. Her big brother C.J. who no one could get in touch with, had no idea his friend Al had died almost four years prior. And had no idea now that he had lost his beloved great-grandfather, the man he had told Sarah when he was twelve that he wanted to be when he grew up. She sighs, leaning into her father's shoulder. C.J. should be here, she thinks.
But there are so many others that aren't here that should be. Gabrielle Medina should be here, though she wouldn't be playing the grieving widow like that blonde across the way- Alex Olanov, Sarah thinks her father said? She vaguely remembered her from when she lived in Llanview when she was a kid. Blinking furiously to keep herself from breaking down and bawling, Sarah looks in another direction.
There, on the far side of the grave- Sarah's throat tightens as she even thinks the word- are the Buchanan children: Kevin, Joey, Jessica and Natalie. Minus Natalie, they were the people who had been the main constants in her childhood, apart from Asa and her adored big brother, even more so than her parents. The four of them, together once more, make quite an impressive picture standing together, Sarah decides. Kevin and Joey, so dark and somber in their suits. Kevin has one arm around his mother, and the other is seemingly keeping Jessica upright- Jessica, her bright blonde hair gleaming in the sunlight, almost looking blasphemously cheerful, which doesn't go well with her distraught expression, Sarah thinks. On Jessica's other side stands her twin, as always. The two are holding hands and seem to be each other's lifeline on this mournful day, though that is no surprise. Sarah has seen them pull each other through worse things than she had ever thought it possible to survive. Natalie shakes her fiery hair out of her face as her father tightens his arm around her shaking shoulder, and she looks up at him gratefully.
And Joey. Joey stands behind his sisters, a hand on each of their shoulders, but he is looking at her, and Sarah knows he's asking her, without speaking, if she's going to be okay. She nods, because, really, she is. She's strong. Thanks in great part to the blood and grit of the man they are laying to rest today.
This thought brings her some peace, and she raises her head, holding it high and proud, just like he always taught her. She is a Buchanan, damn it, and she will make it through this, and do her best to help Renee do the same. Because that is what the old cowboy would've wanted more than anything- for the family to stick together.
As she lifts her chin in defiance- to the disapproving stares of the country club crowd or to the gods of fate, she either doesn't know or hasn't decided- she notices something. Or rather, someone. Two someones, in fact, walking up to stand behind her cousins across the grave from her.
And she knows that it's unseemly, and that the priest is still talking, but she breaks free from her father's hold and walks- not quickly enough to draw too much attention to herself- walks through the crowd, around the grave, and straight into her brother's arms.
Moments later she smells the indistinguishable scent of Tina Clayton Lord's perfume, then feels strong arms wrap around all three of them, and she knows her father saw them too and followed her. And for a few moments all the hurt and the pain of the last ten or more years, and the sadness of the day- it all fades away, because they are a family, and just like her cousins now standing next to them, they are all together again, something Sarah never thought would happen.
After too few moments, they break apart and stand facing the gravesite once more, listening to the priest speak. Only now, Sarah allows herself the precious luxury of tears, because she's crying into the rough fabric of C.J.'s dress uniform and her mother is holding her hand and for now it's okay to forget all of the pain they've all caused each other and be united in their grief. They'll have time to yell and scream and rage at each other later.
After all, they're family. And Sarah has a feeling this time it's going to stick.