Hello everyone! So this is my first Star Wars fanfic, I have been meaning to right some but I have been struggling but I drew inspiration from another author that I read. So here it is. Also, I meant this to be a one-shot but now I don't know if I want to continue. If I were to continue it would...it would be a while to complete if I am being completely honest with myself. But when you review, not if, when,
Oh and follow my tumblr! I think I will be posting more fanfiction there too! theblackorchidem (OrionP)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Not even the idea. But here it is.
REMEMBER TO TELL ME TO CONTINUE OR TOO LEAVE IT. Thank you. Enjoy.
The Golden Box
Anakin Skywalker wasn't a stupid man despite what other people thought. He knew a lot of stuff, was aware of many things. That didn't mean he always acted on it, again despite what other people thought. While he was known for jumping ahead in inopportune times, he knew when to keep his cool. He knew when to put away the brash and unaware boy. They were like two people inside him, and most of the time his reckless nature took over. But right now, he put that person away. Because this was something he didn't want to mess up.
His marriage.
He was leaning against the counter of Padmé's kitchen, him tugging down the sleeve to cover more of his prosthetic arm. While he had gotten used to the arm and didn't really bother hiding it anymore, it was a nervous habit he had developed. He glanced back at the gold box that was sitting on the coffee table in the living room. He had found it this morning when he had came to visit. Obi-wan and him had just returned from a mission in the Outer Rim (classified don't ask) that morning. They had only been a way 3 months, but it had been long time since he had visited Padmé, even before he was sent on this mission. So as soon as he got back, he abandoned Obi-wan to deal with the council to discuss what happened and he bolted to her apartments with the intent to surprise her. But it turned out as C-3PO explained, she was out in a meeting and wouldn't be back for an hour. So Anakin resigned himself to wait.
It quickly occurred to him though that, 1. He was not really good with patience and 2. He gave up entirely to easy for his liking. So he starting looking around her apartment. Looking what she had to eat, what she had on her holo, what she had in her closet. And really, some of those dresses were too revealing to his liking but he wouldn't dare bring it up to her in the chance that he would spend the night on the couch. It was technically not snooping, because well, it was his place too, technically, meaning he had some clothes here, and his toothbrush was in the fresher. That's when he found the gold box. It was sitting on her dresser in front of a gigantic mirror that he knew she used for those dramatic hairdos. It was extremely shiny and Anakin had wandered curiously towards it. He reached for it, but something was wrong about it. He felt it in the Force. It reeked of wrongness and Anakin drew his hand back thinking it might've been a threat of some sort. But the Force didn't have that warning aura that it usually did when he was out on missions. No this one was just…wrong.
He grabbed it and checked around the box, looking for any note, for any sign of something. But he didn't find anything, so he softly opened it, the lid making a creaking noise as it slid open. He frowned as he looked inside, his finger dipping in and taking out the jeweled ring sitting on a cushion. He picked the ring up, turning it around in his hand. Anakin could immediate tell it was her size and he guessed from the box and cushion, it was a gift. It was a pretty ring, and he can tell by the jewel it was expensive. It was a rare one, and he remembered because he had been to the planet where they had exported them. He put the ring back in the box and closed it, putting it back on the dresser. It was most likely from a family member or friend of the senate. He didn't think anything of it. Until C3PO said something.
"Oh Master Ani how good it is to see you home."
"Yeah 3PO you've been saying that for the past half-hour."
"Yes well at least you show some respect me unlike that person Mistress Padmé brings around."
"Person? What person?"
But 3PO had already moved on to another topic and left Anakin pondering. The people Padmé would bring around didn't seemed to be ones 3PO wouldn't like. His eyes drew back to the entrance to her room. He wondered if the box was at all related to this person and he tried not to grow suspicious but it really wasn't working. The box was out in the open, she wasn't hiding anything and he was sure if he asked she would give him a good explanation. Right after she chewed him out for snooping. Which was technically not snooping because it was kind of his apartments too but...logic. So he calmed down again but he was also becoming stressed and the Force was trying to say something or maybe it was his brain he could never tell the difference between the two of them. All he knew was something was telling him, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, and he couldn't do anything about it. So he grabbed the box from the room and set it on the coffee table.
And stared at it.
And contemplated it.
And wondered why he was so paranoid and why he was….why he was being him. Anakin Skywalker, was again falling into the hole of thinking he was not enough for somebody. Not good enough. That reckless boy who still needed the attention from somebody, to make sure they cared for him, that they wanted him there. And the person who always reassured him of this, other than his mother, was Padmé, his angel. And the thought of losing her too, was frankly unbearable. Wait, wait. Losing her? How would he be losing her? He was jumping to too fast. He always seemed to do that and Obi-wan always seemed to point it out. Obi-wan always seemed to point something out. And usually it was something wrong he had done. He bet that was Obi-wan's favorite pass time, sitting around and pondering somebody's weakness to point them out later. His Master really did need a new hobby. And that's how he ended up leaning on the counter of the kitchen watching the gold box gleam from the sun shining through her terrace.
That's how Padmé found him. She entered the room, a trail of women following her all laughing and chatting. She saw him first, and immediately shushed her entourage behind her. Everyone quieted and she cleared her throat.
"Master Skywalker."
He saw the happiness in her eyes, the joy of him being there. And part of him felt better and resolved even though the Force still sang in sadness. Sadness. That's what it felt. He didn't know why. It wasn't important, not then at least. He watched as she dismissed her maidens and they all left with a sly look in their eyes. He knew they weren't dumb, they knew, or at least thought they knew what was happening between them. But he also knew they had the most utmost loyalty to Padmé. They wouldn't say a word.
They waited until they door was officially closed and locked before they moved towards each other. If she noticed the box removed from her room, she didn't mention it. Anakin gently hugged her, wrappings his arms around her tight, not letting go. His worries went away with a touch and the Force finally fell silent. She was perfect in every way, and being here meant everything to him.
"You shouldn't sneak in here like that, Ani. What if I brought in someone who would jumped in the wrong conclusions or, expose us."
Anakin frowned as he let her go, finally really looking at her. She seemed tired, and the previous joy he found in her eyes had dulled. She never complained about his surprises or visits.
"Who would you bring around that wouldn't know me? I mean, they all think we're good friends anyway. And my frequent leaves on missions would shut down any rumors of something more."
She only sighed and looked away. But he was determined to not let the evening go to waste, so he swooped and gave a her a kiss, a soft one, because something told him she seemed fragile. When he pulled back, her head looked down. Wrong….the Force whispered, like something was coiling around his neck and talking in his ear.
"What's wrong Angel?"
She schooled her features fast and if it was anyone other than him they wouldn't have caught it. But he did.
"Nothing, just the Senate. They are trying to pass a new bill regarding the war and despite my, and my team's best efforts, it seems it would be passed through."
"What is it?"
She sighed, setting gently on the couch, curling her legs behind her, "I am sure you will find out soon enough. It will probably announced by the end of the week."
He followed her, sitting next to her to pull her against him. She leaned against him, soft. So different from him, rough and with calluses, who fights everyday in a war. The golden box was still sitting on the coffee table. Padmé still hadn't mentioned it. He determinedly tried to avoid looking at it, only focusing on Padmé. But it really was distracting and something was really telling him to ask. But she was nestled against him, seeming to finally relax and the atmosphere was so peaceful. So he stayed quiet. And Obi-wan said he had no self-restraint. They stayed like that for awhile, Anakin almost getting drowsy, when Padmé finally spoke.
"Why were you looking through my stuff?"
He lifted his head from where he had buried it in her shoulder, in her hair. She was staring at the box on the table. "I wasn't snooping, I was just…"
He was always bad with words and trying to express himself, most of the time already on the defensive. Something he carried with him from his years as a slave. "I just found that in your room, it was sitting on the dresser."
Padmé shifted away from him slightly, and the Force hummed in discontent. Or maybe that was just him.
"It was a gift from one of the planets the Senate helped recover from the separation of their Separatist government. I was one of the Senators who represented them in front of the Senate. They wanted to personally thank me." She explained this turned away from him. But Anakin felt immensely better and knew that his stupid suspicions meant nothing. He leaned forward to where she was sitting and kissed her shoulder. But she stood up from the couch and moved to the kitchen, and he heard her moving around.
"What are you doing my love?" He asked, following her but not stepping too close. Something was wrong, was severely wrong. The Force was right.
"Where do you think this is going Anakin?"
Not Ani, which meant this was a serious conversation and that she wanted a serious answer. But they had had this conversation before, both agreeing they would see where the marriage would take them. And agreed to talk about it if one of them weren't happy anymore. Anakin was happy. He was happy that he was able to come home to a wife that he loved, a women he would do anything for. He was happy that at the end of every mission and every bloody battle, he was able to come home for her. She was brave and amazing and steadfast in her beliefs. How could he ask for more? But, the question that popped in his head was, was she happy? If she was, he didn't believe she wouldn't be asking the question.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean...I mean, what is there for us?"
Padmé had finally turned to face him, her face distressed and he really wanted to go over and comfort her but knew he wouldn't be reciprocated. So he stood in the kitchen doorway, gripping the side of the doorway.
"Are you talking about us being married?"
"Yes Anakin, what else? It's not like you're part of my life any other way." Harsh but true. And she looked like she regretted saying it. But he never knew her to be a regretful person. He nodded and stepped back from the kitchen and turning to the living room. They had arguments before, but today seemed to be different. The Force hummed in uncertainty and it left him confused because the Force always seemed to be the surest thing about him, the one thing of himself he could trust. But even that was being difficult. Padmé had followed him out and trying hard to school her features but it didn't seem to be working. She looked upset. And it pained Anakin greatly so he went and hugged her tight, squeezing her against him. He didn't know what was happening, didn't know the cause of her pain, didn't know how to fix it. But he could try, he could be there for her, because he loved her and she meant everything to him. She was his world. The Force was churning, or maybe that was his brain, in his head.
"Padmé Angel, tell me what's wrong. How can I help?"
"You can't. You can't help." Her voice sounded so small and exhausted and muffled by his tunic. "Tell me what to fix." he said, hugging her closer and tighter.
The answer was a broken sob and he reeled back, shocked because of all the time that he has been with Padmé he had never seen her breakdown. Never. She was always so strong and confident. She was like a solid rock against the ocean. But now it seemed the waves were too big for her to handle. He didn't want her to carry this on her own.
"You cant't fix it." It was a statement backed by a hiccup of sob.
"Why not?" He asked, brushing his hands on her cheek. She pulled away and when he tried to hold on she pushed at his chest. He moved his arms away from her, and watched as she wiped tears on her cheeks. She took a second to compose herself and Anakin stayed silent to watch her. When she was done, she stared at him, a helpless look in her eye. He had never seen her look so vulnerable. Like a her shield was cracked and any rock thrown would shatter it. She sniffled and sat back down on the couch, her hands in her lap. He sat down, but didn't scoot next to her. She looked like she needed her space.
"Anakin. I lied about the gift."
Yeah he got that awhile ago, from the breakdown and the refusal to make eye contact. Padmé was hiding something from him. The golden box was still sitting there.
"I made a mistake." she continues, her gaze downward. He swallowed, and for once the Force was silent. Like it wanted him to face this alone. Because he knew whatever she was going to say, wasn't going to be good. It was probably going to hurt.
"What kind of mistake?"
"I did something stupid."
"Padmé, what happened?"
She looked stricken. "Angel whatever happened we can fix it, together., it's probably not as bad as you think."
"No no no no Anakin you don't understand. You can't-it's not-" she stopped talking, putting her hands on her face again. He was hesitant, but he put her hand on her shoulder.
"You're going to hate me."
"You know i could never hate you."
"Stop Anakin please stop."
"Stop what? I am trying help I am trying-"
"Stop trying! Stop acting like you can fix this! You can't!"
Anakin stopped. He swallowed. His head hurt.
"Do you mean our marriage?"
He had to ask. Had to because he can't not knowing if she wants out or not. And it's devastating. But he's jumping to soon in a pit of lava.
"No Anakin that's not what I mean. I…"
She keeps pausing and it's becoming frustrating and Anakin is ready to shake her to hear what she has to say because he is tired of living in suspense from the moment he saw that golden box.
"Please tell me Padmé, tell me what's going on I can't help if you won't tell me, please."
He was pleading because he needed things to be ok and to go back to normal and for him to have his Angel back and for everything to be alright. But he knew it wouldn't be by the look of resigned doom on her face. He wish he could unhear the next set of words.
"Anakin I-I made a mistake...I have been with someone else."
The breath he was holding rushed out of him and everything in his mind came crumbling down. His head hurt and was pounding and the Force was screaming in distress. He was stunned and still, and just out of it.
"Anakin, please say something. Anakin."
He wasn't aware she was talking, her words echoing through his head. Been with someone else. Been with someone else. Been with someone else.
"Please Ani."
"You don't get to say that anymore!"
He lashed out, the anger surging out of him, the golden box from the table shooting out and slamming into a wall. But Padmé didn't seem afraid. Only worried and heartbroken and she reached for him. But he moved away from the couch to calm down, to control the anger. "How long?"he asked, his jaw clenching hard, and his voice harsh. She swallowed, her hands wringing. "No Anakin, it's not a relationship I wasn't having an affair, I only…"
She only slept with them. That's what she was trying to say. She only slept with them. As if that was any better. He finally turned to look at her. She was tearfully watching him and he saw the full front regret on her face. But he didn't care. She also seemed to be worried about something else. And in this fragile state, her focus was no longer on her shields, the looks on her face. It was easier to read her. She wasn't telling him something else. She didn't want him to ask her something. He stiffened when he figured out what. And he felt sick to his stomach.
"How many times?" he asked, his voice hoarse, and distraught and he didn't know what to do anymore. Nothing seemed to matter. He glanced over at her again and he saw the look on her face. His chest caved in itself as he knew what the answer would be before she spoke.
"3...3 times."
"Oh god," he said, leaning against the wall and rubbing his face with his hands. His wife had cheated on him. He never thought it would be possible, that it would happen to him. He was so busy with the Jedi Order and the war, it never even crossed his mind his wife would be unfaithful to him. It was the least of his concerns. Maybe that's why it had happened. He hadn't paid attention enough. It was his fault. But he could deal with his self-blame at a later time. Because right then he was not in the right mindset to do it. To deal with it. He could feel the room shaking slightly and the Force was rolling off him in waves he could not describe. He needed to leave. Now. He moved away from the wall, striding over to the balcony where he had left his speeder. And to think he had came for a romantic evening. He could hear Padme calling his name but it didn't matter.
Nothing mattered.
His senses were dulled and muddled and his heart was racing. It didn't matter.
He felt empty.
Heartbroken.
He felt heartbroken. He always thought that word was too over exaggerated but now, now he felt, no knew it was that feeling. He gave his heart to a girl he knew he shouldn't have. He now agreed with the Jedi Order's caution of attachment. Because all he wanted to do was murder the man who touched his wife. The anger from the apartment was now settling in. And as he neared the Jedi Temple he wondered, what was it all for?
Anything he had done with Padmé, any memory was now tainted. And scarred. He was moving in slow motion. The faces of the Jedi as they passed him were all blurred together. He went into his room, then climbed into his bed. And stayed there. Wondering if his life was always going to be full of failures. And the only person who ever comforted him was a million miles away. He gave his heart when he shouldn't have given it in the first place. He gave it to a woman who he loved to much. He jumped in the lava too fast.
And now he burned.