God, this song was boring. It was nothing but bass set to, what's worse, awful lighting. And watching Jack dance with her. For Christ sake, she's married now! It must be the whiskey making me crazy.
Normally, I wouldn't indulge in drink. But Gwen's making this her fairy princess night and Lord knows she wants to dance with the man who is my prince. I steel myself against the wall; the ebbing tide of jealousy flowing over me just briefly. It has before; I'm used to letting it flow and subside.
The lights and the whiskey and them; I can't stand it anymore. I walk up quietly after the third time watching Owen and Tosh watching me watching Jack and Gwen dancing while Gwen watches Rhys from the corner of her eye. I think I just hurt my own head. Why must I be in love with him?
It's not hard to read my face as I stutter to cut in. At first, Jack is rather cold for himself. Maybe it's the whiskey on my breath, maybe it was that dance with her. Who knows? Jack can be a mystery unto himself when he chooses. And I'd always choose him.
He takes one last glance at her, and sees her safe with Rhys. I begin to sway easier, content in the knowledge he is mine. That she would never cross that line again, or maybe that he would never let her. I hope for a combination of the two. The bitterness ebbs as his hands entwine with my back and the skin of his neck grazes mine.
That scent; I close my eyes. That scent takes me back to that first moment I knew we had something extraordinary going on. Okay, the second. The first meeting with the pterodactyl doesn't count. I lay as a possum at the feet of a Lisa hell-bent on destruction. Consumed by my own destructive grief and disillusionment, I deserve death. I want death to come for all I've done and all the havoc I've caused. While he's not watching I let little bits of water seep under my lips.
You could have bowed out gracefully
But you didn't
You knew enough to know to leave well enough alone
But you wouldn't
I can feel the blissful force of pain when your lungs can't expel the water anymore. I concentrate on the throbbing in my head. Then I feel myself being pulled away by warm arms, or being pulled back towards life. I guess that might depend on your point of view. The first thing is that scent he has. Those pheromones that fill your senses with memories, gibberish comforting senses like cinnamon rolls on Sunday mornings or popcorn at the cinema, something indescribable and deeply personal, nearly spiritual.
I drive myself crazy trying to stay out of my own way
The messes that i made
But my secrets are so safe
And then he kisses you. After you tell him you hate him, and spit in his face and the face of the people you've hid yourself from. And there is grief, hope, relief, and something more to be had. Then there are his eyes, which speak the volumes that don't quite spill from his tongue. The worry, the restrain of anger and pity, and worst of all the understanding. He wouldn't have let me, but I'm sure I would have shriveled into a little ball right there and shot myself given half the opportunity.
The only one who gets me
Yeah, you get me
It's amazing to me
How every day
Every day, every day
You save my life
Then there was our first real kiss, the kind that doesn't require life saving skills. I still worry on the deepest nights about him running again, searching for that something he'll not tell me. I almost melt into him on that dance floor. It might as well be us getting married. A boy can dream, a man can wish for reality, can't he?
I come around all broken down and crowded out
And you are a comfort
Sometimes the place I go is so deep and dark and desperate
I don't know
I don't know
He wants to stay, with me. He came back, for me. Not even Gwen could be that blind. I reached forward to kiss him and he didn't turn away. He never turned away from me. His hands reached back and cemented his lips to mine. I hold him closer, afraid the Rift will destroy our bond like it destroyed Tommy and his namesake. He didn't even have to ask forgiveness. I'll always understand, somehow.
How every day
Every day, every day
You save my life
Something moves the Earth. Something stronger than gravity. Is it God? Is it love? I leave that thinking to higher men. At least, men high enough to state their opinion. I only know that he is here with me, dancing with me, in public. And it isn't just because others can see us, it is because for the first time I believe I am safe. That if he goes, I'll be coming along. That he has chosen me, and no Doctor could inject something in him for him to forget that.
Sometimes I swear I don't know if I am coming or going
But you always say something without even knowing
That I am hanging onto your words with all my might
And it's alright
Yeah I am alright
For one more night
Every day
Every day
You save my life
Creator's Note: The song is by Rascall Flatts and I think we all need this very sweet reminder at a very emotional time in TW and for a new friend of mine whom I dedicated this fic to (you didn't think I'd forget did you?). I don't own the song or the characters, but I do own my feelings. Which is really something in this day and age.