After a brief flair of indignation, Kate settled; she'd always thought the out-of-body experience thing was cliché and odd, yet that is just what it felt like as she watched Javier place his service weapon and badge on Gate's desk. It was only when Gates barked her name, with her title, curious considering the state of affairs, that Kate focused back in on herself. She held Gates' eyes as she unholstered her gun and placed it on her desk.
Objectively she realized that she was exuding a deceptive calm, while inside her mind raced, as it had since Ryan pulled her up onto the roof. When she unclipped her badge, Kate took a moment to stare; this object had defined her life for so long, provided the borders and boundaries of her existence. Detective Beckett was good at her job, but that job was intrinsically linked with the murder of Kate's mother and if Kate wanted to let that go, to be more as she had told Burke months ago, then the badge had to go as well.
The small smile she knew adorned her face as she placed the badge on the desk was probably as baffling to Gates as Kate's words of resignation, but for Kate there was freedom, a release. As she left the precinct it seemed only natural to go to where it had started. To go to the place where she and Castle made a pact of together, of always, the place where she started to grow and live again.
Because as she almost died today, despite the circumstances, it wasn't her mother or the case or even her father that she thought of. It was Castle. It had always been Castle. And if she did this right, after tonight it would always be Castle.