Amethyst and Sapphire 4:
Boy Talk II
To say that Hisoka was surprised would have been an understatement. Shocked would have been closer to the truth. When he had opened the door to Tsuzuki's and his apartment he had never expected to see his partner and the secretary of the Shokan division having tea while talking civilly. That last part was a shock, after all who knew that Tatsumi could and would ever have a civil conversation with Tsuzuki. But it seems that today was the day.
Tsuzuki and Tatsumi were seated across from one another, with a tray of tea on the table between them. In front of Tsuzuki was a half-filled cup of tea while Tatsumi was holding his in his hand. The purple-eyed shinigami was talking happily about nothing and everything, from what Hisoka could hear and understand. Tatsumi was listening patiently with a small smile, taking a sip from his cup now and then. He didn't seem to mind Tsuzuki's babbling. In fact he seemed to even welcome it. It was such a sweet scene that Hisoka's lips curved up into a smile. Sometimes he wanted to smack their heads together but at others he felt loathed to interfere, especially when something like this was happening.
While talking Tsuzuki's bright eyes glanced away from Tatsumi's face and landed on Hisoka, who was still standing in the doorway watching the both of them. Seeing the purple gaze on him Hisoka hastily wiped the smile from his face. He did have his reputation to preserve after all and he didn't want to have to explain to Tsuzuki why he was smiling in the first place. Tsuzuki stopped mid-sentence and gave Hisoka a wide grin. Tatsumi looked over with some curiosity and when he saw Hisoka he too smiled but it was his traditional courteous smile rather than the fond one he had been giving Tsuzuki. Hisoka doubted Tatsumi himself even noticed the difference. It was amazing what love could do to a person.
Not showing his thoughts Hisoka nodded in reply to the smiles. "Tadaima," Hisoka said taking off his shoes. Tatsumi murmured a polite greeting. Hisoka saw that he was still wearing the suit that he had worn at the office even though it was long after office hours. While Tatsumi was wearing his suit Tsuzuki had rolled up his sleeves and taken off his tie, looking completely relaxed. The two looked and acted so different that a stranger would have wondered why they were even friends in the first place. But opposite did attract, Hisoka acknowledge wryly. He knew that all too well.
"Okaeri nasai 'Soka-kun!" Tsuzuki replied leaping up from his chair. Tatsumi stood up as well, albeit in a much more dignified fashion. He put down his teacup slowly, taking care not to spill any of the liquid. Ever polite, Tatsumi stood back as Tsuzuki greeted Hisoka.
"Good evening Tsuzuki, Tatsumi-san," Hisoka greeted. The other man acknowledged the greeting with a nod. Hisoka was not surprised that Tatsumi had not moved forward. The man was always polite, and since this was Tsuzuki's apartment, manners dictated that he did not intrude in any way or form.
Tsuzuki was speaking cheerfully as he led Hisoka back to the table. "Tatsumi came over to keep me company while you were away. Isn't that nice of him?" he asked with childish candour. Somewhat surprised Hisoka looked at Tatsumi, who nodded to confirm Tsuzuki's words. The light was glancing off the glasses that Tatsumi wore so Hisoka couldn't see Tatsumi's eyes. But Hisoka had a suspicion that if he had he would have seen a trace of embarrassment.
Tatsumi's head turned towards Tsuzuki. "Since Kurosaki-san is back however, it is time for me to leave." So saying, Tatsumi cleaned up his place and gathered his coat, which had been hanging off the back of his chair. Tsuzuki's face fell rapidly as he heard the words. Hisoka watched with interest as Inu-Tsuzuki came to the fore. The large amethyst eyes widened in a puppy-dog stare and puppy dog ears popped up. Hisoka was please to note that Tatsumi, as he became the focus of that stare, faltered in his movements. It was nice to know that even the great and mighty Tatsumi found it difficult to face Tsuzuki at his cutest.
"Can't you stay a bit longer Tatsumi?" Tsuzuki asked plaintively. Shaking his head, Tatsumi smiled regretfully. He had managed to steel himself against the potent weapon that Tsuzuki wielded. And it was potent indeed, as Hisoka knew to his dismay. To think that Tsuzuki held that much power over two such stoic persons was disturbing. Hisoka was surprised Tatsumi could refuse to give in to Tsuzuki's demand, most of the time the secretary crumbled at the slightest indication of sorrow from the shinigami.
"I am sorry Tsuzuki-san but it is quite late and I do have to go home," Tatsumi said apologetically but firmly.
Tsuzuki pouted cutely, looking very much like a child. However, Tatsumi stood steadfast not backing down one tiny bit, although Hisoka noticed he took care not to look at Tsuzuki in the eyes. "Oh well," Tsuzuki said, seemingly brushing the refusal away, "Thank you for coming anyway Tatsumi!!" Tsuzuki bounced back from his depression and hugged the secretary tightly. The tail and ears disappeared leaving behind a normal looking but weirdly acting man. The watching empath was very amused to note a small blush on Tatsumi's face when Tsuzuki embraced him. Mastering his blush Tatsumi smiled and gently pried Tsuzuki away from him.
Having pried the overenthusiastic shinigami away from him Tatsumi straightened out his clothes. "You are very welcome Tsuzuki-san, and thank you for the tea as well," Tatsumi said as he walked towards the door. Hisoka walked behind him to see him off, it was only polite after all.
"I'll see you tomorrow," Tsuzuki enthused walking ahead to open the door for Tatsumi, who smiled in thanks.
"Oyasumi Tsuzuki-san, Kurosaki-san," Tatsumi farewelled slipping out of the apartment quietly.
"Ja na Tatsumi-saaaan!!" Tsuzuki uttered waving madly as the secretary left. Hisoka rolled his eyes and sighed exasperatedly. Just when he thought that his partner had managed to mature Tsuzuki would disillusion him with stunts like this. He should have known better by now. It was disappointing how quickly Tsuzuki could revert back to his childish self with no trace of the mature Tsuzuki.
Tsuzuki bounced back in closing the door behind him. Now with his guest gone Tsuzuki dove into the task of cleaning up the apartment. As he began to clear away the cups and the pot Tsuzuki looked up, a smile on his face. "How was your date Hisoka?" Tsuzuki asked with friendly curiosity. Hisoka literally felt his heart skip a beat. He had to force himself to keep breathing.
"Excuse me?" he said in an eerily calm manner looking as if he was merely surprised. Inside his mind however, was an entirely different matter. Inside his mind he was flabbergasted. How the hell does he know, Hisoka asked himself incredulously.
Tsuzuki blinked in a clueless manner and tilted his head. "Your date. That's where you went right?" he clarified.
Hisoka nodded slowly, reminding himself that breathing was necessary to his continued good health. "How did you know?" Hisoka saw no point in denying the truth. He had never been good at lying anyhow. Especially when he had to lie about his private life.
"I guessed." The brightly spoken answer made Hisoka feel like locking himself in his room and never coming out again. Tsuzuki was a klutz and an oblivious moron, but at times he would have these flashes of insight which never failed to shock and surprise people, even those who knew him. At that moment Hisoka was cursing that talent of Tsuzuki's. Of all the time for Tsuzuki to show insight it had to be now didn't it, Hisoka thought to himself disgustedly. "Oh, and Tatsumi told me you had a boyfriend," Tsuzuki added.
Kami-sama, just kill me now, Hisoka prayed, feeling utterly humiliated. Not a hint of these thoughts showed on his face however. Hisoka was too well practised in hiding his emotions. "It went well," he answered compelling himself not to blush. Tsuzuki's happy grin made that task all the more harder to achieve. When the happy go lucky shinigami smiled knowingly like that at him it was hard not to redden in embarrassment.
Smiling joyfully Tsuzuki sat on the couch and looked up at the blond. "I'm so happy for you Hisoka," he said encouragingly. Hisoka lost the inner battle. His face flushed tomato red. He looked away from Tsuzuki's bright eyes uncomfortably. Hisoka had never been used to having someone feel happy for him, and he probably never would be, but even so he felt inordinately pleased. If Tsuzuki had disapproved he wasn't sure what he'd do. Tsuzuki was the first person to ever really care about him, and while Hisoka was anti-social, the amethyst eyed shinigami's opinion mattered to him.
He cleared his throat and looked away. "Arigatou," he murmured softly, turning to go to his room. Moving quickly he closed the door behind him with a quiet click. Within his sanctuary he let out a sigh sliding to sit down on the floor. He didn't mind that Tatsumi and Tsuzuki knew about his love life, but he hadn't wanted them to know so soon. He still wanted to be able to bask in the glow of newly discovered infatuation and not having to be concerned about anyone else's opinion. It was silly to worry that Tatsumi and Tsuzuki would disapprove of the whole situation but having been locked away for his abilities, he still shied away from anything that would make him stand out. Perhaps in time he would overcome that hurdle, but at this moment, while his mind knew he had nothing to worry about, a small part of him was still afraid. It did not help that he was unsure of his feelings for the man. Hisoka had an inkling that he might possibly love him but Hisoka was finding it hard to accept. Love was a foreign thing to him.
With another sigh Hisoka got up and changed into more comfortable clothes. It was no use analysing his emotions so late in the day. Doing so just gave him a huge headache. When he opened the door again he found that Tsuzuki still had not moved from his position on the couch. All traces of embarrassment disappeared to be replaced with concern. With his talent he could feel a strange emotion floating in the air. It was a mix of melancholy, bitterness, and, hidden underneath, a trace of sorrow. There were few times that Hisoka had experienced such depressing emotions. All of those times had been after a case. But they hadn't been on a case, so why was Tsuzuki feeling so depressed Hisoka wondered.
Wordlessly Hisoka made his way over to his partner and sat down beside him. Tsuzuki smiled at him but it was a distracted smile. Hisoka did not smile back. Apparently intimidated by Hisoka's stoic face Tsuzuki dropped the smile and turned back to stare at his hands. Hisoka waited patiently for Tsuzuki to speak, offering his silent support. After a long hushed moment Tsuzuki spoke. "Do you love him?"
Hisoka started. Was he really that transparent? Then he realised that Tsuzuki was not even looking at him. He stared at Tsuzuki puzzled by the strange question. He knew whom Tsuzuki was referring to but the question was why. Why was Tsuzuki asking him something like this? A minute frown appeared on his face. "Why do you ask?" he questioned carefully.
A shrug. "I – I just – curiosity," Tsuzuki replied with a disarming smile. The blond was not fooled. Tsuzuki's smile was a little too bright and his voice a little too casual to be real. Amethyst met emerald in a battle of will. Hisoka stared stoically at his partner willing him to answer while Tsuzuki stared back with an innocent smile as if he did not understand why Hisoka was staring at him so.
In the end it was Tsuzuki who broke the stare. His eyes dropped to his hands which were clasped in his lap. Sensing that Tsuzuki would not answer to the unvoiced question Hisoka decided to give in and see where the conversation would lead. "I suppose...I mean...I think I love him," he said slowly then he shook his head, "No...I'm positive I love him."
Not a sound came from Tsuzuki. Seconds ticked passed and still no movement from either one. Hisoka was willing to wait until Tsuzuki was ready to answer. After all, he was the dark haired man's partner and friend, and as such it was his duty to listen to both verbal and non-verbal responses. Luckily he did not have long to wait. "So then, what is love?"
"Pardon?" Hisoka said, not sure if he had heard right. Why would Tsuzuki want to know what love is, Hisoka wondered bewilderedly. It seemed surreal to be holding such a conversation with his partner, especially about something as evanescent as love.
Swiftly Tsuzuki looked up to stare at Hisoka with a serious expression on his face. Hisoka knew that the mask had finally been discarded. This meant that the topic was very important to Tsuzuki. He promised himself that he would answer as best he could. So he listened carefully to Tsuzuki's questions. "How do you know you love someone and that person loves you back? What is it that you are supposed to experience before you know that it's love? Why do people love in the first place?" The last was voiced plaintively with an undernote of pensiveness.
"I..." Hisoka trailed off. He was unsure as to how to answer the question. Tsuzuki waited for him to finish his sentence. Seeing the unvoiced pleading in the amethyst eyes Hisoka organized his thoughts. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Emerald eyes closed to allow him to concentrate. "I can't answer for everyone," he said cautiously, "But for me I love him because he completes me. I know that he knows me inside and out and that he always understands what I am saying even when I'm not saying it. I love him because he accepts my faults and tolerates me. And I know that he doesn't care about my past or my abilities. He can see past all my defences and into my heart and no matter how much darkness he sees he can still hold my hand..." Hisoka trailed off, his last words whispered.
Leisurely Hisoka's eyes opened and the teen looked at his partner. "But that's not always true for everyone. For some love is when they feel safe with their special person. They know that the person they love will always protect them from any harm. They can sense that the person would do anything to make them happy and they would do the same in return. They know that whatever they have done or may do doesn't matter to the one they love and are loved by in return. Love I suppose is being able to see through all the walls into each other's darkness and you can both still smile and embrace with absolute trust."
By this time Tsuzuki was smiling wistfully. "It seems to be a wonderful state of existence," he said quietly.
"Love is also when the other person irritates you to no end and you still can't help but forgive them when they smile at you," Hisoka added with a slight grimace. He had plenty of experiences with that. Hisoka well and truly did love his boyfriend, but there were times when Hisoka wished he could strangle him. Then he would smile at him and the anger would all melt away. Hisoka had a feeling that Tatsumi had also experienced that many times.
Tsuzuki grinned. "You sound like you have some familiarity with that sort of situation," he teased gently. The serious atmosphere having disappeared, Hisoka looked away uncomfortably. He mumbled something about sleep and stood up. He hated it when Tsuzuki did that to him, serious one minute then joking the next. He hated it even more when Tsuzuki teased him with that knowing glint in his eyes just as he had done minutes ago. A quick escape was the only option available to him when that happened. Otherwise he would die from all the blood rush to his head. But of course that was not the reason he was leaving tonight. He was leaving because it was about time he got to sleep, or so he told himself.
Just as his feet touched the threshold to his bedroom Tsuzuki's soft voice drifted to his ears. "Thank you."
Unseen by Tsuzuki, Hisoka smiled tenderly. "You are welcome," he replied courteously before stepping inside the room. As he drifted off to sleep the face of his lover came into his mind. Tsuzuki's questions had finally confirmed his wonderings and allowed him to accept the truth. Yep, he really did love the idiot.
Outside the room, a man with amethyst eyes stared at the crescent moon that was barely visible through the cover of cloud, pondering over the words of the blond empath.
~ * ~ * ~
Not one of my favourites to write. Sounded dry and unemotional to me. But who am I to judge? Up to you guys the readers to analyse and critique me. I'm not sure whether there was really a point to all of that. It sounded good at the time.
A warning to all, mid-semester exams are hell with cherries on top. I've discovered the wonderful and weird fandom of Fruits Basket. Loving the Yuki and Kyou pairings at the moment, although, that's liable to change at any moment. Tohru annoys me, Momiji freaks me out and Akito pisses me off. Fullmetal Panic is freaky, Sousuke reminds me of Heero for some reason. DNAngel is getting weirder. Seeing Hiwatari-kun give CPR to Daisuke is pretty good though. Getbackers is getting very interesting. Especially the situation between Ginji and Akabane. Gotta love sadistic, yet beautiful doctors. Mind you I'm in love with Akabane's voice not his face. As for manga wise, Gundam Wing doujinshi are really very good. Sakende Yaruze is fast becoming one of my favourite manga along with Love Mode, Count Cain, and X/1999. I have discovered that I have fifty-six book worth of manga stored on the laptop, most being yaoi or shounen-ai or slashable series. Australia being a hard place to find good manga for cheap the 'net is my source of manga. If anyone feels like talking to me about any of the aforementioned series feel free to e-mail me.
Probably won't get around to updating soon. Next month at the soonest. Gomen, but twelfth year of high school is busy.
Ja,
SYF
Boy Talk II
To say that Hisoka was surprised would have been an understatement. Shocked would have been closer to the truth. When he had opened the door to Tsuzuki's and his apartment he had never expected to see his partner and the secretary of the Shokan division having tea while talking civilly. That last part was a shock, after all who knew that Tatsumi could and would ever have a civil conversation with Tsuzuki. But it seems that today was the day.
Tsuzuki and Tatsumi were seated across from one another, with a tray of tea on the table between them. In front of Tsuzuki was a half-filled cup of tea while Tatsumi was holding his in his hand. The purple-eyed shinigami was talking happily about nothing and everything, from what Hisoka could hear and understand. Tatsumi was listening patiently with a small smile, taking a sip from his cup now and then. He didn't seem to mind Tsuzuki's babbling. In fact he seemed to even welcome it. It was such a sweet scene that Hisoka's lips curved up into a smile. Sometimes he wanted to smack their heads together but at others he felt loathed to interfere, especially when something like this was happening.
While talking Tsuzuki's bright eyes glanced away from Tatsumi's face and landed on Hisoka, who was still standing in the doorway watching the both of them. Seeing the purple gaze on him Hisoka hastily wiped the smile from his face. He did have his reputation to preserve after all and he didn't want to have to explain to Tsuzuki why he was smiling in the first place. Tsuzuki stopped mid-sentence and gave Hisoka a wide grin. Tatsumi looked over with some curiosity and when he saw Hisoka he too smiled but it was his traditional courteous smile rather than the fond one he had been giving Tsuzuki. Hisoka doubted Tatsumi himself even noticed the difference. It was amazing what love could do to a person.
Not showing his thoughts Hisoka nodded in reply to the smiles. "Tadaima," Hisoka said taking off his shoes. Tatsumi murmured a polite greeting. Hisoka saw that he was still wearing the suit that he had worn at the office even though it was long after office hours. While Tatsumi was wearing his suit Tsuzuki had rolled up his sleeves and taken off his tie, looking completely relaxed. The two looked and acted so different that a stranger would have wondered why they were even friends in the first place. But opposite did attract, Hisoka acknowledge wryly. He knew that all too well.
"Okaeri nasai 'Soka-kun!" Tsuzuki replied leaping up from his chair. Tatsumi stood up as well, albeit in a much more dignified fashion. He put down his teacup slowly, taking care not to spill any of the liquid. Ever polite, Tatsumi stood back as Tsuzuki greeted Hisoka.
"Good evening Tsuzuki, Tatsumi-san," Hisoka greeted. The other man acknowledged the greeting with a nod. Hisoka was not surprised that Tatsumi had not moved forward. The man was always polite, and since this was Tsuzuki's apartment, manners dictated that he did not intrude in any way or form.
Tsuzuki was speaking cheerfully as he led Hisoka back to the table. "Tatsumi came over to keep me company while you were away. Isn't that nice of him?" he asked with childish candour. Somewhat surprised Hisoka looked at Tatsumi, who nodded to confirm Tsuzuki's words. The light was glancing off the glasses that Tatsumi wore so Hisoka couldn't see Tatsumi's eyes. But Hisoka had a suspicion that if he had he would have seen a trace of embarrassment.
Tatsumi's head turned towards Tsuzuki. "Since Kurosaki-san is back however, it is time for me to leave." So saying, Tatsumi cleaned up his place and gathered his coat, which had been hanging off the back of his chair. Tsuzuki's face fell rapidly as he heard the words. Hisoka watched with interest as Inu-Tsuzuki came to the fore. The large amethyst eyes widened in a puppy-dog stare and puppy dog ears popped up. Hisoka was please to note that Tatsumi, as he became the focus of that stare, faltered in his movements. It was nice to know that even the great and mighty Tatsumi found it difficult to face Tsuzuki at his cutest.
"Can't you stay a bit longer Tatsumi?" Tsuzuki asked plaintively. Shaking his head, Tatsumi smiled regretfully. He had managed to steel himself against the potent weapon that Tsuzuki wielded. And it was potent indeed, as Hisoka knew to his dismay. To think that Tsuzuki held that much power over two such stoic persons was disturbing. Hisoka was surprised Tatsumi could refuse to give in to Tsuzuki's demand, most of the time the secretary crumbled at the slightest indication of sorrow from the shinigami.
"I am sorry Tsuzuki-san but it is quite late and I do have to go home," Tatsumi said apologetically but firmly.
Tsuzuki pouted cutely, looking very much like a child. However, Tatsumi stood steadfast not backing down one tiny bit, although Hisoka noticed he took care not to look at Tsuzuki in the eyes. "Oh well," Tsuzuki said, seemingly brushing the refusal away, "Thank you for coming anyway Tatsumi!!" Tsuzuki bounced back from his depression and hugged the secretary tightly. The tail and ears disappeared leaving behind a normal looking but weirdly acting man. The watching empath was very amused to note a small blush on Tatsumi's face when Tsuzuki embraced him. Mastering his blush Tatsumi smiled and gently pried Tsuzuki away from him.
Having pried the overenthusiastic shinigami away from him Tatsumi straightened out his clothes. "You are very welcome Tsuzuki-san, and thank you for the tea as well," Tatsumi said as he walked towards the door. Hisoka walked behind him to see him off, it was only polite after all.
"I'll see you tomorrow," Tsuzuki enthused walking ahead to open the door for Tatsumi, who smiled in thanks.
"Oyasumi Tsuzuki-san, Kurosaki-san," Tatsumi farewelled slipping out of the apartment quietly.
"Ja na Tatsumi-saaaan!!" Tsuzuki uttered waving madly as the secretary left. Hisoka rolled his eyes and sighed exasperatedly. Just when he thought that his partner had managed to mature Tsuzuki would disillusion him with stunts like this. He should have known better by now. It was disappointing how quickly Tsuzuki could revert back to his childish self with no trace of the mature Tsuzuki.
Tsuzuki bounced back in closing the door behind him. Now with his guest gone Tsuzuki dove into the task of cleaning up the apartment. As he began to clear away the cups and the pot Tsuzuki looked up, a smile on his face. "How was your date Hisoka?" Tsuzuki asked with friendly curiosity. Hisoka literally felt his heart skip a beat. He had to force himself to keep breathing.
"Excuse me?" he said in an eerily calm manner looking as if he was merely surprised. Inside his mind however, was an entirely different matter. Inside his mind he was flabbergasted. How the hell does he know, Hisoka asked himself incredulously.
Tsuzuki blinked in a clueless manner and tilted his head. "Your date. That's where you went right?" he clarified.
Hisoka nodded slowly, reminding himself that breathing was necessary to his continued good health. "How did you know?" Hisoka saw no point in denying the truth. He had never been good at lying anyhow. Especially when he had to lie about his private life.
"I guessed." The brightly spoken answer made Hisoka feel like locking himself in his room and never coming out again. Tsuzuki was a klutz and an oblivious moron, but at times he would have these flashes of insight which never failed to shock and surprise people, even those who knew him. At that moment Hisoka was cursing that talent of Tsuzuki's. Of all the time for Tsuzuki to show insight it had to be now didn't it, Hisoka thought to himself disgustedly. "Oh, and Tatsumi told me you had a boyfriend," Tsuzuki added.
Kami-sama, just kill me now, Hisoka prayed, feeling utterly humiliated. Not a hint of these thoughts showed on his face however. Hisoka was too well practised in hiding his emotions. "It went well," he answered compelling himself not to blush. Tsuzuki's happy grin made that task all the more harder to achieve. When the happy go lucky shinigami smiled knowingly like that at him it was hard not to redden in embarrassment.
Smiling joyfully Tsuzuki sat on the couch and looked up at the blond. "I'm so happy for you Hisoka," he said encouragingly. Hisoka lost the inner battle. His face flushed tomato red. He looked away from Tsuzuki's bright eyes uncomfortably. Hisoka had never been used to having someone feel happy for him, and he probably never would be, but even so he felt inordinately pleased. If Tsuzuki had disapproved he wasn't sure what he'd do. Tsuzuki was the first person to ever really care about him, and while Hisoka was anti-social, the amethyst eyed shinigami's opinion mattered to him.
He cleared his throat and looked away. "Arigatou," he murmured softly, turning to go to his room. Moving quickly he closed the door behind him with a quiet click. Within his sanctuary he let out a sigh sliding to sit down on the floor. He didn't mind that Tatsumi and Tsuzuki knew about his love life, but he hadn't wanted them to know so soon. He still wanted to be able to bask in the glow of newly discovered infatuation and not having to be concerned about anyone else's opinion. It was silly to worry that Tatsumi and Tsuzuki would disapprove of the whole situation but having been locked away for his abilities, he still shied away from anything that would make him stand out. Perhaps in time he would overcome that hurdle, but at this moment, while his mind knew he had nothing to worry about, a small part of him was still afraid. It did not help that he was unsure of his feelings for the man. Hisoka had an inkling that he might possibly love him but Hisoka was finding it hard to accept. Love was a foreign thing to him.
With another sigh Hisoka got up and changed into more comfortable clothes. It was no use analysing his emotions so late in the day. Doing so just gave him a huge headache. When he opened the door again he found that Tsuzuki still had not moved from his position on the couch. All traces of embarrassment disappeared to be replaced with concern. With his talent he could feel a strange emotion floating in the air. It was a mix of melancholy, bitterness, and, hidden underneath, a trace of sorrow. There were few times that Hisoka had experienced such depressing emotions. All of those times had been after a case. But they hadn't been on a case, so why was Tsuzuki feeling so depressed Hisoka wondered.
Wordlessly Hisoka made his way over to his partner and sat down beside him. Tsuzuki smiled at him but it was a distracted smile. Hisoka did not smile back. Apparently intimidated by Hisoka's stoic face Tsuzuki dropped the smile and turned back to stare at his hands. Hisoka waited patiently for Tsuzuki to speak, offering his silent support. After a long hushed moment Tsuzuki spoke. "Do you love him?"
Hisoka started. Was he really that transparent? Then he realised that Tsuzuki was not even looking at him. He stared at Tsuzuki puzzled by the strange question. He knew whom Tsuzuki was referring to but the question was why. Why was Tsuzuki asking him something like this? A minute frown appeared on his face. "Why do you ask?" he questioned carefully.
A shrug. "I – I just – curiosity," Tsuzuki replied with a disarming smile. The blond was not fooled. Tsuzuki's smile was a little too bright and his voice a little too casual to be real. Amethyst met emerald in a battle of will. Hisoka stared stoically at his partner willing him to answer while Tsuzuki stared back with an innocent smile as if he did not understand why Hisoka was staring at him so.
In the end it was Tsuzuki who broke the stare. His eyes dropped to his hands which were clasped in his lap. Sensing that Tsuzuki would not answer to the unvoiced question Hisoka decided to give in and see where the conversation would lead. "I suppose...I mean...I think I love him," he said slowly then he shook his head, "No...I'm positive I love him."
Not a sound came from Tsuzuki. Seconds ticked passed and still no movement from either one. Hisoka was willing to wait until Tsuzuki was ready to answer. After all, he was the dark haired man's partner and friend, and as such it was his duty to listen to both verbal and non-verbal responses. Luckily he did not have long to wait. "So then, what is love?"
"Pardon?" Hisoka said, not sure if he had heard right. Why would Tsuzuki want to know what love is, Hisoka wondered bewilderedly. It seemed surreal to be holding such a conversation with his partner, especially about something as evanescent as love.
Swiftly Tsuzuki looked up to stare at Hisoka with a serious expression on his face. Hisoka knew that the mask had finally been discarded. This meant that the topic was very important to Tsuzuki. He promised himself that he would answer as best he could. So he listened carefully to Tsuzuki's questions. "How do you know you love someone and that person loves you back? What is it that you are supposed to experience before you know that it's love? Why do people love in the first place?" The last was voiced plaintively with an undernote of pensiveness.
"I..." Hisoka trailed off. He was unsure as to how to answer the question. Tsuzuki waited for him to finish his sentence. Seeing the unvoiced pleading in the amethyst eyes Hisoka organized his thoughts. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Emerald eyes closed to allow him to concentrate. "I can't answer for everyone," he said cautiously, "But for me I love him because he completes me. I know that he knows me inside and out and that he always understands what I am saying even when I'm not saying it. I love him because he accepts my faults and tolerates me. And I know that he doesn't care about my past or my abilities. He can see past all my defences and into my heart and no matter how much darkness he sees he can still hold my hand..." Hisoka trailed off, his last words whispered.
Leisurely Hisoka's eyes opened and the teen looked at his partner. "But that's not always true for everyone. For some love is when they feel safe with their special person. They know that the person they love will always protect them from any harm. They can sense that the person would do anything to make them happy and they would do the same in return. They know that whatever they have done or may do doesn't matter to the one they love and are loved by in return. Love I suppose is being able to see through all the walls into each other's darkness and you can both still smile and embrace with absolute trust."
By this time Tsuzuki was smiling wistfully. "It seems to be a wonderful state of existence," he said quietly.
"Love is also when the other person irritates you to no end and you still can't help but forgive them when they smile at you," Hisoka added with a slight grimace. He had plenty of experiences with that. Hisoka well and truly did love his boyfriend, but there were times when Hisoka wished he could strangle him. Then he would smile at him and the anger would all melt away. Hisoka had a feeling that Tatsumi had also experienced that many times.
Tsuzuki grinned. "You sound like you have some familiarity with that sort of situation," he teased gently. The serious atmosphere having disappeared, Hisoka looked away uncomfortably. He mumbled something about sleep and stood up. He hated it when Tsuzuki did that to him, serious one minute then joking the next. He hated it even more when Tsuzuki teased him with that knowing glint in his eyes just as he had done minutes ago. A quick escape was the only option available to him when that happened. Otherwise he would die from all the blood rush to his head. But of course that was not the reason he was leaving tonight. He was leaving because it was about time he got to sleep, or so he told himself.
Just as his feet touched the threshold to his bedroom Tsuzuki's soft voice drifted to his ears. "Thank you."
Unseen by Tsuzuki, Hisoka smiled tenderly. "You are welcome," he replied courteously before stepping inside the room. As he drifted off to sleep the face of his lover came into his mind. Tsuzuki's questions had finally confirmed his wonderings and allowed him to accept the truth. Yep, he really did love the idiot.
Outside the room, a man with amethyst eyes stared at the crescent moon that was barely visible through the cover of cloud, pondering over the words of the blond empath.
~ * ~ * ~
Not one of my favourites to write. Sounded dry and unemotional to me. But who am I to judge? Up to you guys the readers to analyse and critique me. I'm not sure whether there was really a point to all of that. It sounded good at the time.
A warning to all, mid-semester exams are hell with cherries on top. I've discovered the wonderful and weird fandom of Fruits Basket. Loving the Yuki and Kyou pairings at the moment, although, that's liable to change at any moment. Tohru annoys me, Momiji freaks me out and Akito pisses me off. Fullmetal Panic is freaky, Sousuke reminds me of Heero for some reason. DNAngel is getting weirder. Seeing Hiwatari-kun give CPR to Daisuke is pretty good though. Getbackers is getting very interesting. Especially the situation between Ginji and Akabane. Gotta love sadistic, yet beautiful doctors. Mind you I'm in love with Akabane's voice not his face. As for manga wise, Gundam Wing doujinshi are really very good. Sakende Yaruze is fast becoming one of my favourite manga along with Love Mode, Count Cain, and X/1999. I have discovered that I have fifty-six book worth of manga stored on the laptop, most being yaoi or shounen-ai or slashable series. Australia being a hard place to find good manga for cheap the 'net is my source of manga. If anyone feels like talking to me about any of the aforementioned series feel free to e-mail me.
Probably won't get around to updating soon. Next month at the soonest. Gomen, but twelfth year of high school is busy.
Ja,
SYF