Disclaimer: Eheh... don't tell me you really think *I* created Middle-Earth??? *falls off chair laughing hysterically* Well, I own nothing here... except for that cool Tengwar font on my pc! =)

Author's Note: Strange things happen when you add cysne on a weird mood, and coke on the same room at 1h am... it could have been a sucky chapter for a serious story, it could have been a stupid review for some story, it could have been blah-blah... the list goes ever on and on, just like the Road! Well, this is what came out. If you have any ideas of your own, tell me and I'll gladly put them here (full credit to you, of course)!

Warning: do *NOT* read if you're one of those incredibly boring people who can't stand to see LotR/ Middle-Earth being mocked!! Though, I'm mostly making fun of the movie and... the other stuff. Also, it would help if you weren't a Hobbit or Arwen lover (like me!), but those can read it anyway, I guess... just don't say I didn't warn you, afterwards!

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Lord of the Rings – Teletubbies (or however it is you spell it...) Style

I am very fortunate to be able to claim that not once in my lifetime have I ever watched a single episode of this... thing. I do have a neat little computer game in German where you get to shoot and kill all of those blasted-things-from-hell, though... Eheh! Anyway, have you ever wondered what would "Lord of the Rings" be like, if the characters were to be teletubbies?... (Of course you haven't! That's what I'm here for!)

*God-like author wickedly looks down on Middle-Earth and rubs hands. Every single character turns wide, pleading eyes to the author. Some are slowly and almost imperceptibly shaking their heads in utter horror.*

Everyone: "Eww..."

*To their side, though...*

Tom Bombadil: "Tinky Winky! Dipsy! Lala! POH!" (A/N: Did I get the lyrics right? ;p)

*author stares and shoots Bombadil with a Tomahawk. Everyone cheers.*

*shrugs* I never liked the guy... ^_^

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Lord of the Rings – Hannibal Lecter Style

~In Emyn Muil~

"Sam, I'm getting rather hungry, you know?"

"Here, Mister Frodo. Have a piece of Lembas!"

Before Sam could say another word, Frodo jumps on him. Shilling cries and shrieks are heard in the distance...

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Lord of the Rings – Frankenstein Style

~FotR movie, when the first Uruk-hai is... er... 'born'~

Saruman: My fighting Uruk-hai!... *Saruman's grave voice suddenly changes into his famous seductive one* Come here, my sweetie!...

They embrace and kiss and... start making NC-17 stuff that I shall not further detail...

~*~

Lord of the Rings – Exorcist Style

~When the fellowship is at the talan, speaking to Haldir, at the entry of Lórien~

Haldir suddenly becomes possessed by an evil spirit (*cough!* the author *cough!*) and he starts glaring at everyone present.

"You, Legolas! DON'T MOVE YOUR MOUTH SO MUCH!!!! LEARN TO SPEAK ELVISH PROPERLY!!!!!! And for the sake of the Valar, WEAR YOU CONTACT LENSES!!!!!" Legolas is thrown off the talan. He turns to Aragorn next.

"ELF KILLER!!! But since it's Arwen I forgive you!... what I don't forgive is that bald spot on your chin! AAHHH!!!!!" Aragorn too is thrown out. Haldir turns to his brothers Orophin and Rúmil, standing behind him with an arrogant (yet rather gay) look.

"TRAVESTIES!!!!" They suffer the same fate than the other two. The Hobbits are next.

*kittie-like calling* "Here little hobbits... here, little hobbits-hobbits!... come on, I'm not going to hurt you..." They all look at each other and decide it's safe. As soon as they're in reach, Haldir kicks them off the high platform and then turns to Boromir and Gimli. He approaches slowly and menacingly. When he gets there...

"Ah! You're ok! You're both nice, cool guys!" *author leaves Haldir's body* "A DWARF?!?!?!?!" Gimli falls off the ledge shortly afterwards.

"A MORTAL?!?!?!?! Look, I'll let you go, but please don't tell anything of this to Galadriel, ok?" Looking terrified, Boromir just nods and flees faster than the eye can see back to Gondor.

A/N: And that last one was for Tolkien! I mean, the man was a genius, but why did he have to kill Boromir?? – er... don't answer that, I do know why... *snif!*) I have many more planned, but I want to see what you think of these first! Please review!!! Suggestions are welcome!