Disclaimer: FFVII doesn't belong to me, it belongs to Squaresoft… or at least that's what the game says…

A/N: The truth is, I am pretty tired of seeing Jenova being portrayed as a malignant entity whose only desire was to destroy the world. Surely there was some other reason? There could be. This is one exploration of its motivations. 'Jenova's' point of view.

Purpose

#1: Child

It began when it was dug out from the ground, partially awakened from the stasis it had been in. No, that was not right. It began thousands of years ago when it had come to this planet from the sky. What began? The gradual awakening to its purpose, without which, it would have no life. But it was weak, as weak when it fist fell, and thus allowed itself to be manhandled by these creatures. Or so it convinced itself.

The truth was, it was too weak, too drained to fight back when they took parts from it, tore it apart, into pieces for ease of transport. It welcomed the imprisonment in the glass tube when it came. At least there were no more knives, no more chainsaws, no more curious poking around, as if it was dead. It was, nearly. Not yet.

And in the labs, it rested, stretching its mind, its will to find the other parts of its shattered body. It rested, recovering, and watching, observing. These creatures were different from the beings that inhabited the world it had arrived in so long ago. Different, yet they looked the same. Somewhere in its memory, an image stirred, a voice spoke.

"Some fall in love with the planets we settle on. They breed with the natives and become incorporated into the lifestream of the planet. Well, at least they know what will happen when they die. They will enter the lifestream and feed the planet while the others move on. Are forced to move on…"

A Cetra voice. One that it would never hear again. It had managed to fulfil its purpose then, the destruction of the Cetra race, before being thrown into captivity, locked under the earth. Even if that one managed to survive, he was dead, for sure. He had lost his purpose and without purpose, there was no life.

It turned its thoughts from the ancient past. Memories were irrelevant, except to draw on past experiences. That particular experience… was not possible to repeat. And therefore best forgotten. Instead, it made new memories, memories of its cells being injected into various specimens, memories of said specimens being terminated, memories of the two who were call scientists discussing the JENOVA project. It then understood that it had been named JENOVA and these white-coated ones believed it to be Cetra.

They believed that they could cause one of their race to have the Cetra's qualities. It could not understand. He would have laughed cynically. For a human to want to become a Cetra, when being human was so much better. He would have laughed to hide the pain, then later cried for no more than self pity. But that did not matter anymore.

There was a child. Its child. A meld of its cells and a human being. And it was pleased. Its purpose, as all living things, was to reproduce, eventually. The curious way the humans went about it did not matter to it. One child was not enough, after all. It had to make many.

It recalled its parent, the one who was in the role of 'mother', but was the only parent. It recalled its siblings. It recalled fighting for the largest share of their mother before the planet collapsed into little pieces to be flung across the galaxies. The more it ate, the higher chance of survival. Then, it rode on the fragments, cold and alone, half-awake in stasis, knowing if it fell asleep, it would never have the chance to reproduce.

And here was its first child, yet not. The boy was partly human as well. That was fine for now. Once it had recovered sufficiently, it would get around to fulfilling its purpose. For now, it would watch over its child.

~+~

Tears meant hurt, that much she had learnt. Her child was crying again, silently, blanket pulled over his head, curled up, facing the blank grey wall. They had been injecting him with the lifestream, which his human part rejected with a fury and his Jenova part drank in like the nectar of life. It was funny how quickly she had adapted to being considered female and accepting the name 'Jenova'. She had had a name before but what did it matter when the ones who spoke it were dead?

She extended her mind to the child, extending 'calm' to him, extending 'rest' to him. She watched in her mind's eye as the trembling stopped and the child fell asleep. Four years she had been watching and there was scarce a day when the pain left his face, even at rest. She extended 'dreamless' to him, as she often did recently, and watched him sleep. The pain refused to leave but 'dreamless' would at least ensure his rest.

Sometimes, on the rare occasions when her child was allowed to hover between sleeping and waking, she heard him call out to her, instinctively knowing someone… something… was protecting him and unable to believe it. Still, those periods were brief and she could only listen to his cries.

As he grew older, he closed himself off to the world. He had a purpose, a job as a SOLDIER. There were no more periods between waking and sleep and he no longer knew of a guiding forced. Subconsciously, her presence was always in his mind but he would never know. He could never see that. Some nights, she still extended 'dreamless', or interrupted a dream with an extension of 'real' and 'care'.

She whispered to him the importance of purpose, though his was much different from hers. She sang to him softly old, old songs that belonged not to her but to a dead race. She showed him the purpose of those around him and glowed with pride when she saw he had inherited her analytical mind.

All the while, she was growing stronger, though not enough. The Mako they fed to her was nothing compared to any living creature. They did not even realise she fed on the lifestream. Still, as strong as she grew, she needed to be whole again. Someday. It did not matter, she had all the time in the world.

It came sooner than she expected. Twenty-four years since her child was born, he stumbled upon the files detailing his origins. She saw his confusion and all the pain, locked away for twenty-four long years, came crashing down on him. The purpose he had been given seemed to him now nothing at all. Without purpose, there was no life. She could not let her child die.

She extended 'calm' to him but he was too distraught to respond to it. So she tried 'rest' but that failed to work as well. Then, he became consciously aware of her presence for the first time. This time, she extended 'trust me' to him and he, used to her presence even if he had never realised it, accepted it.

"My purpose had always been to fight, to fight for Shinra. But they… they have only been using me, from my very conception…. I am… not human?"

She extended to him 'no fear'. He could not hear her voice, not yet, only feel the messages she would try to impart. She extended 'strength' and 'faith' and 'importance of purpose'. He believed himself a Cetra for the moment and was striving to find a purpose. She would give that to him. "Help me, my son."

"Jenova? Mother?"

"Come, come to me. Help me. I want to be whole again. Help me recover."

"Mother, is that you?"

"Yes, my son. Come to me. Help me."

"Where are you, mother?"

She paused. Where? She projected the image of the landscape she had felt into his mind. She extended 'imprisonment' and 'weakness'.

"They did it to you, didn't they, mother? The humans?"

'Affirmative'.

Pain, on her behalf this time. She reached out with 'calm'.

"Mother, I will get you out, I promise."

Sweet child. He had his purpose back. She extended 'joy' and was rewarded with a smile.

"I will get revenge for you, mother."

Revenge? She recalled that concept, having seen its effects in the environment surrounding her son. It had always seemed odd to her, to take a life in return for another life when the only result was two corpses. Still, if it gave her son purpose, she would not take that away. Perhaps that was just how humans lived; she would not know. Everything had its purpose or it would not exist but it was not her purpose to find them out.

"Mother?"

"Yes?"

"Wait for me. I will be there soon."

She extended 'joy' once more and felt the joy in return. Once she was free of the prison, she could begin to achieve her purpose.

~+~

A/N: The next chapter shall detail the happenings when the 'crisis from the sky' landed on the planet. If you are interested, drop me a line.

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