Edit: Just fixing some things that were bothering me… not really an update. Sorry

Disclaimer: This is the place where the author is supposed to say something witty about how they don't own Inuyasha. Unfortunately for me, my wit has been officially eaten by rabid turtles, and is thus unavailable at the moment.

Author's Note: I know no one actually looks at these, but just for the sake of me feeling special, oh WELL. I just want to give a little credit to my friend: wtrdlphn21 for inadvertently encouraging me to get off my unconfident ass and write stuff. And also to my other friend, who isn't a fellow fanfic writer, but my bestest friend for putting up with all my artistic angst. Thumbs up to you, dear Pepo.

And in regards to the fic, a warning: this is different. As in this isn't one of those where the author expresses which character should get together with which character. I'm not really sure what kind of fic this is. It should probably go under the "Absolute Crap" genre, but I don't think has one of those.

Oh, and since I didn't mention it in the summary, the pairings are: Sesshomaru/Himself, Inuyasha/Kagome/Kikyo (Because he's a two-timing jerk) and Miroku/EveryWomanWithinTenMilesIncludingSango

Ok, I think I'm done now. Enjoy ::sweatdrop::

When Myoga decided that he wanted to use Sesshomaru-sama for the commercial, his production assistant had warned him there would be problems. However, Myoga had assumed that, in the long run, Sesshomaru's esteemed prestige would grant the commercial's success and outweigh any troublesome technicalities.

But it seemed that this flea had underestimated the extent of these "technicalities."

"Goddamn it, smile! You're selling grape juice, for God's sake, not corrosive acid!" Myoga slammed his little derby hat on his equally small stool. "256 takes, and we still haven't got it right! Anko, get me a coffee, I need a break."

"Right away, sir."

Myoga wasn't the only exasperated one among the group. A few feet away, the source of Myoga's vexation was—well—exasperated would be an understatement. The angry waves radiating off Sesshomaru were hot enough to fry any crew person within a five-yard radius. Which would probably explain why the staff was giving him such wide berth.

Why didn't they ever understand? Sesshomaru did not smile like a little girl scout, nor did he read stupid lines like, " Melch's grape juice is the best for us super geniuses because it makes us big and strong." Honestly, who even says that?

He wouldn't. Absolutely not.

Coming to a decision, Sesshomaru got up from behind the fake kitchen counter with dangerous calm then glared at the camera operator nearest him.

"I'm leaving," he announced. And walked off the set.

If it had been anyone else, someone might have gotten up to stop him, but this was Sesshomaru, the Sesshomaru; the first youkai entrepreneur in the history of Southeast Asia, who innovated the modern world purely through tyrannical mindset. Get in his way, and you would find yourself short a limb. It was a simple concept, really.

Fear, was a very simple concept. Sesshomaru understood fear; he lived off its' power. Fear was what could make things happen, fear was what made him who he was, who he is, and who he would be. He liked his fear, and how it fabricated the very existence of his life.

Myoga sighed as Sesshomaru passed his stool without a backward glance. He wouldn't even bother persuading that youkai to stay. "Never again. Damn Inu, just like his father." he muttered bitterly, knowing full well Sesshomaru would hear him.

Sesshomaru almost rolled his eyes and exited the sound stage. He was going to kill Jakken for scheduling this commercial. The green amphibious creature probably planned everything as retribution for when he melted Jakken's filing cabinet last week. Well, he wasn't getting away with it, that was certain.

Stepping out into the gray morning dawn, Sesshomaru decided that it was going to be a very good day.

Sesshomaru decided that it was going to be a very bad day.

"What do you mean, we don't have any pens! I have to run a board meeting in two minutes, and you don't have any pens!" Sesshomaru slammed his fist down on personal assistant's desk, successfully breaking it in two.

"My desk—!"

"Might as well not even have a board room without any pens. What are we supposed to write with, saliva?"

"—That's not—"

"Of course not, saliva is a translucent liquid, you can't write with that. Plus—" Sesshomaru flipped his long silver hair, "—it's disgusting."

Cowering behind his crippled desk, (and furtively hoping that he wouldn't die) Jakken wondered giddily why he had even applied for this job. Surely not for the pay… or the car... the sleek, shiny, bat-out-of-hell fast, company car.

But five broken desks in the time-span of a month was a bit much. Jakken needed to consult better desk makers. Maybe ones that made them out of solid adamant? Somehow, Jakken figured that even that wouldn't survive Sesshomaru-sama's tantrums. Such was the problem working alongside overzealous and slightly sadistic demon businessmen.

Maybe if he stuck to a cardboard box, he wouldn't have to worry about finding a new desk every time Sesshomaru-sama let his temper get the better of him.

Or he could always nonchalantly mention a few anger-management therapists—

"Jakken."

"S-sorry S-Sesshomaru-sama!"

Sesshomaru glowered impatiently. Out of all the applicants, Jakken was the only one who had the requirements to double as both an attorney and a clerical assistant. Unfortunately, the scaly lizard demon wasn't as voluptuous and sexy as Sesshomaru would like, and thus often became the subject of his abuse.

"Because of your obvious inadequacy, I have no choice but to cancel all of my appointments and reschedule them for a day when we have all the necessary equipment."

"W-what!" Jakken stuttered. "B-but, I-I…you c-can't—"

"I most certainly can." Sesshomaru sounded as if it was the simplest thing in the world. "I'm Sesshomaru, I can do anything."

Jakken winced. "Even the meeting with DextroCom?"

A dark look passed over Sesshomaru's face. "Especially the meeting with DextroCom." He frowned.

Jakken gulped and, sensing danger, decided to blurt out something stupid. "Your brother called again."

Sesshomaru rolled his eyes. "Screw my brother. Send a squadron of assassins to kill him." and with that said, he swished out the door.

Jakken heaved a resigned sigh and scrambled out from under the desk. He wouldn't put it past Sesshomaru to suddenly break something because he found out his brother wasn't dead. Or break things because his brother was dead. Jakken eyed the phone warily and contemplated whether or not he should hire a hit team. Did the Mafia accept long-distance calls?

Once outside the lizard demon's joint office, Sesshomaru smugly tossed a small, metal key and caught it midair. He had to admit, locking seven crates of industrial ballpoint pens in a supply closet was a bit much, but wholly requisite. As an added bonus, he had conned Jakken into canceling all his work for the day… again. It was only fair, after assigning him that stupid commercial. Jakken would be going through the entire day being yelled at by angry corporate businessmen demanding the reason as to why they had to change all their hard-pressed schedules.

With any luck, the slime ball might just cry.

Now, to pretend that he was actually doing something…

Passing a clerk's cubicle, Sesshomaru grabbed a pile of papers as well as other worky-looking paraphernalia and—without breaking his momentum—pretended to sift through them importantly. Experience told him that employees were less likely to approach or make him—God forbid—actually do things, if he looked busy. Not that any worker in their right mind would approach him otherwise, but formalities were taken into consideration.

The long corridor that the businessman was walking down was presently empty, but Sesshomaru had a feeling that it had nothing to do with having a devoted staff. Because he didn't. A more optimistic employer would credit it the fact that they were so dedicated and thus had no time for such menial things like traveling through the building. Sesshomaru knew better. His acute senses could pick up the hushed whisperings of frightened employees, "Wait—don't go out there: he's on the rampage…"

Rampant was an excellent word to describe it. Well, actually, it would be more like bored, and thus looking for ways to make peoples' lives difficult, but rampant sounded more epic.

Over the years, Sesshomaru had learned to pick up the meaning behind certain connotations in peoples voices, especially the different tones of distress. From a dreaded hush to a fully alarmed shriek, he could tell exactly who was afraid and why. A rather convenient skill when one was looking for the exact way to make someone cry.

Purposefully, he twitched a pointed ear in the direction of the most panicked voices, and then grinned. (It was just as well that no one was in the corridor right then, or else they would have found themselves in need of drier pants.)

Room 333: his favorite.

"Morning, Ladies." Sesshomaru said.

Immediately all the women in the room froze. Everyone was obviously thinking the along the same lines: 'so it was going to be one of those days.'

He hadn't even done anything yet and they were already shaking in their stilettos.

"Mizuki, Myumi, Makari—" Sesshomaru nodded to the appropriate cubicles "—Chuck."

"It's Christy!" Christy burst into—oddly manly—tears. "I'm a woman!"

Sesshomaru waved a dismissive hand. "Could've fooled me." Christy bawled louder.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw another girl furiously trying to complete some sort of color-coded filing. Sesshomaru took the opportunity and strode over, making a show of being exasperated.

"What are you doing?" he barked and snatched a puce-colored folder from her shaking hands. "I specifically remember telling you to put the yellow forms into the cerulean folder and the white forms into the manila folder, not the puce!"

"You—I... I—"

"It's so easy, my brother could do it!" Sesshomaru slammed the folder on the desk and sifted through more paperwork. "Blues with the greens, reds with the purple…what are you, color-blind?"

Then as though suddenly realizing something, Sesshomaru made a point of staring at her orange and purple blouse.

"My God, you are."

The girl looked down at the offensive blouse and sniffed wetly.

" If I were you," said Sesshomaru, " I would definitely think about seeing a fashion consultant…"

"You—" he jabbed a finger at an obscure worker, "Come help Bozo the Clown with her filing."

Sesshomaru was about to head over to his next victim, (someone whose new shampoo was making his nose itch) when the girl muttered something that, had it said to anyone else, would have been too soft to hear.

"Who stuck a pole up his ass?"

The entire room collectively winced as Sesshomaru abruptly whirled around and backed the dissident against a cubicle. On the outside, his features looked calm and impassive, but it was the sort of calm like the calm before a storm. He seemed positively dangerous.

"You're the new girl, right?"

New Girl nodded, and gulped. She should have listened to the stories. At the time, she could didn't believe a the cock-and-bull about Sesshomaru burning an entire cabinet into gooey metal, or Sesshomaru crushing a swivel chair with his fist, or Sesshomaru throwing a cubicle straight through a wall and out into the street. But now, she found each and every wives' tale to be as tangible as the fact that she had ten fingers. Which, she fervently hoped that by the end of this escapade, she would still have a few left.

"Humans—" Sesshomaru began, "—have got to be the most pitiful creatures on earth. They are not profitable, all they're good for is… well, nothing, at all… whatsoever."

The girl looked confused. He was just going to rant at her? So, he wasn't going to pummel her brains and drink it's fluids?

"One would think there couldn't be anything possibly lower than a human. But there is. Do you know what that could be?"

She shook her head.

"Human girls. They smell weird, they cry, they talk too much, they get hurt too easily… At least demon women can take care of themselves, but human women…"

Sesshomaru looked at New Girl straight on, his golden eyes glinted darkly.

"… Are weak."

She shivered. His eyes were so cold. Slowly, Sesshomaru swiveled halfway around, and then stopped. Almost too suddenly, the inhuman darkness was pushed away and replaced by a more fiendish form of malice.

"And by the gods, do you at least remember what you were doing on the day they passed out common sense?"

She gaped. He wasn't done? How much more of her self-esteem could he possibly bash?

"I can't even begin to fathom what sort of crazed reasoning passes through that pea-brained skull of yours, never mind the parasite that must have possessed you to even consider the possibility of bad-mouthing the most influential, respected enterpriser this side of world--heck, this side of the solar system. I can only assume that you were raised by wild gorillas and thus did not have the opportunity to learn important life skills such as discretion. Naturally, this is just one hypothesis, but one thing is blatantly obvious: you are an incompetent imbecile with little hope to survive in the modern world, let alone reach my stature, granting you no authority to scarcley say a 'good morning' to me."

New Girl blinked. She could feel her legs start to go like jelly.

"Oh, and by the way." Sesshomaru smirked. "You're fired."

Wow. She collapsed to her knees, shocked. The other women in the room gave her sympathetic looks. They had warned her. Never let it be said that anyone out-bested The Sesshomaru.

Hmm, thought Sesshomaru, It's not even noon, I've already fired someone and reduced two girls to tears. I'm on a roll. He directed his attention back to Shampoo Girl. Make that three girls.

Then his mobile rang.

Damn. Just when it was getting exciting, too. He couldn't possibly imagine who in their right mind would call him now. Few people had his number and even fewer actually used it. The only person who it could conceivably be would be his father, which he very much hoped it wasn't. Fervently, he checked the caller ID. He didn't recognize the number. Then who…?

"Hello?" he asked warily.

"Yo."

"How the HELL did you get this number!" Sesshomaru roared into the receiver.

"Aww, come on. You should be happy to hear from me," the familiar voice teased.

"It was Jakken, wasn't it?" Sesshomaru groaned. "There goes my day, straight down the tubes… stupid, green, unsexy, miserable piece of sh—"

He could almost hear the smile on the other line. "I'm sorry, brother, what was that?"

"Inuyasha, whatever it is—No."

"But you haven't even heard what I have to say—"

"I swear, Inuyasha," Sesshomaru yelled, " if I have to give you sex advice ONE MORE TIME I am going to kick your castrated ass to Cambodia and enroll you into a service of monk hood!"

Judging by the odd stares, he had said that one a little too loud.

"Believe me, I have a friend: let's just say monk hood didn't do him much good." Inuyasha snorted. "Anyways, that wasn't why I was calling…"

"No." Sesshomaru stormed out of the room. He was going to wring his hands around that toad's scrawny little neck.

"Come on, I haven't even—"

"No."

"Look, I need a job…"

Sesshomaru snorted derisively.

"Don't be like that, man." Inuyasha tried to sound diplomatic. "Look, with your connections, all you have to do is pull a few strings, it doesn't have to be anything big, a recommendation to a local burger joint, even. As long as it has your signature—"

"Right, and as soon as you blow up said burger joint, my accreditation instantly becomes a complete joke."

"Hey, I only blew up a restaurant once." Inuyasha said tactfully.

Sesshomaru was nearing the end of the hall and almost to Jakken's joint office. The reptile was going to pay very dearly. He charged through the door and noticed gleefully that the toad had been crying, if the red blotchy color around Jakken's eyes was anything to go by.

"Yo, Sesshomaru, are you even listening to me?"

"Excuse me, little brother—"

Jakken's already bulging eyes widened,

"—I have yet another employee I have to…" Sesshomaru paused, "…take care of." he snapped his phone shut dramatically.

Jakken nervously sifted the papers on the half of broken desk that he managed to keep upright and ran his hand across his runny, red nose. Sesshomaru noted that he looked like he was about to cry again. That was good.

"Sesshomaru-sama, I can explain—"

Sesshomaru's glare said, 'five seconds.'

"—I had to call so many people, and then your idiot of a brother kept holding up the lines, so I couldn't get through to the people on the other side and the people on the other side didn't like that and said that they thought I was being rude and inconsiderate, especially after that ridiculous cancellation—I mean—not ridiculous, not at all, perfectly reasonable, I could say, because we all know that pens are very crucial to the function of board meetings, really, and I completely understand—"

"Jaken." Sesshomaru said warningly.

Jakken gulped. "What I mean to say is, that… I gave Inuyasha your number to shut him up and leave me alone."

Sesshomaru rubbed his temple and frowned. "What happened to giving him Chuck's number? It worked last time."

Jakken sighed dejectedly. "I know, but he wouldn't buy it. He said Christy's voice sounded too manly to be yours."

"And the squadron of assassins?"

Jakken looked panicked.

"Never mind," Sesshomaru looked bored and scratched a little doodle onto the side of Jakken's already mutilated desk. "Maybe next time. I'll probably have to do the job myself." Jakken let out a small breath of relief.

"Oh yes, I almost forgot," he added conversationally, "I fired another secretary today. You'll have to set up an interview for another."

Jakken's relieved expression slid off his face and he slammed his small skull on the desk. "Sesshomaru-sama, why do you even have that many secretaries?"

Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes. "They are all very crucial to the success of this company." and my anger ventilation plan.

"Right." Jakken shrunk a little in his seat and hastily scribbled something on a little planner near his computer. "Anything else?"

" I want you to go out and buy me some strawberry Jell-O. They come in individual cups now, did you know?"

"Right." Jakken repeated and pressed the speed-dial button for MalWart. "I'll have them send the box to your office. And here's the order form for the new pens." With his free hand, Jakken handed Sesshomaru a clipboard.

But that would mean he actually had to sit down at his desk and do something. He snatched the clipboard and stomped off to his office.

"Drama Queen." Jakken muttered.

"What was that?" Sesshomaru growled from the next room.

"Nothing."

"Thought so."

Sesshomaru wearily sat down in his high-backed, leather chair and set the clipboard on his great mahogany desk.

In all it's contemporary luxury, his office itself was elegant in it's simplicity. Other than a floor rug with an intricate pattern of cherry blossoms, there was little decoration. In actuality, the feature that made the room truly breathtaking was the tinted glass window that covered the entire expanse of the back wall and towered over all of downtown Tokyo, four floors up. On occasion, he would watch as pedestrians swarmed across the street, pouring into a massive crosswalk. Other times he would throw things out the windows and watch people stop running to shriek and scurry out of the way. Sometimes they were too slow and got brained with a glass paperweight.

Windows were very fun things, Sesshomaru decided.

Someone knocked on the door. Oo, MalWart sure delivers fast.

"Come in.," he said.

Sesshomaru was then disappointed when, instead of a uniformed deliveryman, a smelly other person poked into his office.

"Go away, Koga. I'm busy."

Koga looked impatient. "I'm sure."

"No really," Sesshomaru complained. "I can't decide to get clicky-tops or twisty-bottoms…" he waved the clipboard with the pen order form. "Clicky-tops are naturally easier to use, but the twisty bottoms look so much sleeker…"

Koga leaned against the door with his security guard uniform pressing against the doorframe and, for the first time, Sesshomaru noticed that there was something different about his demeanor. His mouth was pulled into a serious line and his eyes looked almost worried.

"Sesshomaru-sama, we have a problem."

Upon closer inspection, Sesshomaru realized that he had been wrong in assuming that the disgusting smell had come from the wolfish security guard. He also became cognizant of the fact that not only one person was deigned with his presence, but two. And the second person was quite small.

He covered his hands over his nose. "Who is that?"

Koga pulled the little girl from behind him with reluctance. Had Sesshomaru been a lesser man, he would have winced.

The girl's brown hair was matted with drying blood and she had scratches running up her arms. Her right eye was swollen shut from a deep purple bruise smashed against her cheek. When she staggered forward, Koga had to hold onto her arms for support because she looked like she was about to topple over.

The hand covering his nose clamped down harder. Human.

"We found her outside the building." Koga said. "She wouldn't let any of the human security guards near her, let alone touch her. We didn't think bringing her to the local hospital was wise." he dropped his voice lower. " 'Cuz of Kagura, you know?"

"So you brought her… to me."

Koga nodded hopefully.

" Out."

Koga winced. "But you can't—I mean, just look at her! She's practically dying!"

"Humans die. It's what they do." Sesshomaru glared coldly.

Koga narrowed his eyes and glared back. "Bastard." he spat. "You're probably too scared that she'll get human cooties on your pretty fingernails. That's all you kennel breeds are good for: prancing around and showing off."

Unfortunately for Koga, Sesshomaru knew exactly what the wolf demon was trying to do. However, unlike his brother, petty insults would not work as means for persuasion.

"I don't see you doing anything about it."

He shrugged. "I guess I figured you could do something, is all. But whatever, I'm sure you couldn't help this girl even if she had a paper cut."

A provocation of authority, on the other hand, worked very well.

"Is that a challenge?" growled Sesshomaru.

Koga looked him squarely in the eye. "Might be."

Snappishly, Sesshomaru pushed back his chair, slamming it against the window, and strode over to the girl, wrenching the child away from Koga.

"Fine." he said through clenched teeth, "Now go."

Koga lumbered out and Sesshomaru threw the door closed behind him, seething.

Throughout this exchange, the little girl didn't seem to be upset in the manner of which she was being manhandled and haggled over like a piece of festering meat. She was even starting to show the characteristics of a piece of festering meat, but that didn't seem to bother her either. In fact, (if her droopy eyes and deadpan expression were anything to go by) she appeared positively bored.

Sesshomaru looked down at the child wobbling at his side, albeit slightly confused as to how Koga had talked him into taking care of her. Koga had always been one of the more persuasive of his personnel.

Stupid wolves.

Surveying his room, Sesshomaru realized that surprisingly for an office so obviously violent, he was lacking in any sort of bandaging. He wondered if he should ask Jakken to go get him some.

That was when the girl began to sway dangerously, her eyes fluttering closed. Then she toppled over and passed out unto the floor, unconscious.

A/N: So that's the end of this chapter! Next one should be here by the end of this week, so check this space! Please review! Anything from "You freakin' suck" to "Holy #!, why the hell were you even born!?" are totally welcome.

Edit: No, I'm not dead. Third chapter will be coming up, I promise…