Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, they belong to Hollyoaks!
Summary: Brendan is having doubts about whether Ste should be with him after their reunion on the bridge in Dublin.
Afterglow
Brendan sat in a chair and stared for a very long time at the sight in front of him. Steven curled up in bed, legs wrapped haphazardly around the covers, limbs everywhere. His hair was sticking up and there was a little drool on the pillow. He was wearing one of Brendan's jumpers even though it was far too large on him. Brendan couldn't sleep. It could have been down to the city life buzzing around him but it wasn't. He loves it here, loves how he feels at home amongst the Irish culture and the familiarity of it.
He didn't feel that way yesterday though. He felt empty and alone before Steven had shown up, like some miraculous mirage. He never would have believed that Steven would come here, would say what he did, open himself up to Brendan for the final time and lay it out on the line. But he did. It was only now after they'd had sex and fallen together beneath the covers that Brendan had been struck with dark thoughts. He'd waited until Steven had drifted off to sleep before he'd slipped quietly out of bed and taken residence in this chair.
It wasn't enough that Steven had called him out on his bullshit, had called him every name under the sun for thinking that hitting him was the way to shut him out for good. Brendan couldn't accept that Steven was his, that he could believe in him and choose him. It wasn't right, Steven deserved far better.
As though hearing his thoughts, Steven rolled in the bed, his eyes squinting open. Brendan hurried forwards, attempting to soothe him back into slumber. It didn't help that he was fully dressed with his shoes on.
Steven sat up groggily, staring at Brendan accusingly. "Where do you think you're going?"
"Steven-"
"You get those shoes off right now and get back into bed!" Steven crossed his arms indignantly.
"I can't…" Brendan muttered uneasily.
Steven pushed the covers off of himself and strode across the room to switch the light on.
"Right, sit down."
"I am sitting down-"
"Fine, shut up then."
"But-"
"No, let me speak." Steven took a deep breath, glaring at Brendan. He looked adorable all stern-faced and angry with his hair still mussed and sleep in his eyes. "If you're gonna fuck off again because you can't handle this then I'm not gonna have it."
"Ye deserve better, Steven."
"I told you already! I want you. Why don't you get that?"
Brendan stood up, beginning to pace.
"It isn't enough that ye want me, how can ye trust me? After everything we've been through."
Steven sighed, switching the light off again and walking across the room to stand in front of him. Brendan hesitated before he wrapped his arms around his middle, powerless to resist as always.
"You once told me that love is a leap of faith, and that's exactly what I'm doing."
Brendan sighed, nuzzling his cheek against Steven's soft hair. "But ye could be happy without me."
"Could I?" Steven pulled back a little to stare up at him. "Hasn't it always been about us, Bren? Is that not the whole point of me being here?"
"I thought it was because ye love me, like ye said on the bridge…"
Steven rolled his eyes, patting him lightly on the chest. "Oh no, that was all lies."
Brendan cocked an eyebrow. "Is that right?"
"Yup, can't stand you really. Came here for the sex, which was great by the way."
Brendan chuckled low under his breath. He felt some of the tension ease in his chest. He suspected that was Steven's intention.
"Ye aren't gonna let me go anywhere, are ye?"
"Nope. I'll just keep stalking you till you get it into your thick head that I want to be with you."
Brendan pulled him closer, placing his hand on the back of his neck.
"I love ye."
"Don't leave me then." Steven said quietly, all bravado lost. Brendan pulled back to look at him, thumbing his cheek gently.
"Hey, that's not what this is, ye know that."
"Then start acting like you want this. Stay with me."
"Ye know I want to, Steven."
"Then stop being a bloody, what is it? Marty or something?"
"Martyr." Brendan sighed.
"Yeah, that. Just stop it. I'm here, I'm yours for keeps. Doesn't that make you happy?"
"Ye have no idea how much…" Brendan murmured, already feeling the resistance drain out of him. "If I say yes, will ye promise to keep yerself safe? My life, as ye know, not a basket of kittens."
Steven sighed, leaning against his chest. "Fine, I promise. Will you promise to start letting me in? When you have these moments of doubt you need to tell me. We're done with secrecy, okay?"
"Okay." Brendan agreed, moving his hand to rest against Steven's cheek, tilting his face up to capture his lips.
"Will you come back to bed now? Please?"
Brendan kissed him all the way there, slipping beneath the covers with ease and taking Steven into his arms.
"I'm sorry." Brendan breathed after a few moments of silence.
"I know you are." Steven tucked his head underneath Brendan's chin.
"I just can't believe ye came here."
"Sometimes I can't believe it either." Steven laughed a little breathlessly.
"What made ye decide?"
"It's a long story," Steven murmured. "But I think I was always meant to end up here. Is that weird?"
"No, not weird." Brendan began stroking against his spine, his hand underneath his shirt.
"Can we stay here forever?" Steven sighed, not really meaning it.
"The kids would love it."
"They would actually. Amy might not."
Brendan ducked his head, smiling to himself. "Amy will be thrilled."
"I'll bet." Steven didn't sound concerned, in fact he sounded sleepy again. "I'd love to go for round two but I'm knackered. All that journeying and making up for lost time. You're exhausting."
Brendan barked a laugh, ruffling his hair. "There's always tomorrow."
"You'll be here when I wake up?" Steven asked suspiciously.
"I never would have gotten the strength to leave, ye know that."
"You still have your shoes on." Steven accused. Brendan kicked them off, along with his socks. He wrapped his feet around Steven's ankles, warming them.
"Ye are freezing."
"Better keep a hold of me then." Steven said silkily, his eyes half-closed. Brendan kissed his eyelids so gently he could feel the eyelashes brushing his bottom lip.
"I plan to, now I know ye would just follow me anyway."
"Always." Steven murmured, drifting into unconsciousness.
"Ye will always be the very best of me, Steven Hay." Brendan whispered to the sleeping man. He laid his head against Steven's, breathing in the scent of him and knowing that this was it, they were finally together. He knew now that no matter what doubts he had about whether Steven should be with him, it was down to Steven to decide. He would stay with him as long as he wished. He hoped it would be forever.