AN: Hello again! I had so much fun writing my one-shot I figured I'd go ahead and dabble in a multi-chapter fic. Hope you enjoy it!
Annie puts on her big girl voice and announces she has a date.
Nobody responds.
Jeff continues to bless Bejeweled with his amazing dexterity; Shirley shows a less than interested Pierce pictures of her sister's mission trip; Troy and Abed watch a preview clip of the latest Kickpuncher movie on youtube, and Britta puts her Radiohead CD in her discman and becomes nostalgic.
"Ahem," Annie clears her throat. She stomps her foot repeatedly on the carpeted floor until Jeff looks up. "Isn't anyone listening to me?"
"You said you're late," Pierce bellows in annoyance. "Who cares."
This gets everyone's attention. Jeff drops his Blackberry as if it's infected with an incurable disease and gets to his feet.
"I'll kill him," he seethes, reaching over to smack Britta's arm when she's still lost in the music. "Annie's late."
"No!" Annie tries to cut in with a whine.
"Late for what?" Troy asks in confusion. He tilts his head to the side and contemplates Jeff's statement. "For an important date?"
"Her period," Abed informs him. "Which means she could be pregnant."
"Spoiler alert," Pierce throws his hands up in the air. Abed shakes his head.
"Oh, An-nie," Shirley whimpers, rocking back and forth. "How could you be so careless?"
"I'm not-"
"Oh!" Troy shouts, just getting it. "She's late for her…" His eyes immediately slant into anger as he stares at Annie, making a fist. "What's his name?"
"You guys!" Annie pouts petulantly.
"I'm a little surprised," Pierce pipes up and Jeff's waiting for him to reach in his bag to pull out a prepared statement. "I figured no man would be able to penetrate Fort Knox until they put a ring on it."
Jeff stops himself from banging his head on the table. "Stop talking. Now."
"Are you going to keep it?" Britta asks skeptically. "Because you have options, Annie. You didn't get pregnant to end up on Teen Mom, did you?"
"No!"
"You're not thinking about abortion, are you?" Shirley butts in with her "holier than thou" voice. She glares at Britta. "A child is a blessing from God, Annie. You best be thankful you're able to conceive a child. A lot of people-"
"What if she did want an abortion?" Britta argues defiantly.
"You wanna go there?" Shirley bites back darkly.
"Nobody wants to go there," Jeff says with a touch of superiority in his tone.
"When are you due, Annie?" Abed asks quizzically, flipping through his notebook to pull up the girls' period chart.
"That's a dumb question," Troy chuckles. "Everyone knows a baby takes nine months to grow. Then the stork has to fly it to Greendale and drop it on Annie's doorstep. Or…Dildopolis I guess." His eyes widen back to saucers. "What if someone tries to kidnap the baby? What if they mistake the baby for a vibrator?"
Annie is practically crying. "I'm not pregnant!"
"You're not?" Jeff looks at her in relief. "Thank God. I wasn't ready to be a grand…" He hates himself for even thinking that thought.
"So what are we squawking about then?" Pierce rolls his eyes.
Shirley reaches over and squeezes Annie's shoulders. "You had me worried!"
"I said I had a date," Annie babbles. "But no one was listening. As usual."
Jeff doesn't like this revelation either. "What's his name?"
"I'll kill him," Troy follows suite with a head nod towards Jeff.
"Are you sure you're not pregnant?" Pierce questions. "Because you look-"
"Pierce!" Britta yells. "No more talking."
Pierce guffaws and puffs his chest out. "You can't talk to me like I'm a child!"
"One more word and no dessert at lunch," Britta threatens with a terrifying glare. Pierce attempts to argue back but slumps back in his chair instead. "Good."
"Guys," Annie complains with a pout. She crosses her arms and look back and forth between Britta and Jeff. "I'm going on a date and you can't stop me."
"What's his name?" Britta asks genuinely, kicking Jeff under the table when he still looks rabid.
Annie brightens up immediately. "His name is Dylan McKay. I met him-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Jeff interrupts with a laugh. "Dylan McKay? You're going out with someone named after a Beverly Hills 90210 character?"
"Huh?" Annie whispers in confusion. "Don't you mean Dixon? There's no Dylan on 90210, Jeff."
Jeff feels old because he has no idea they remade Beverly Hills 90210. "Abed?"
"Beverly Hills 90210 premiered October 4th, 1990," Abed clues everyone in simply. "Dylan was the quintessential bad boy who dated Kelly and Brenda. He also turned to a life of drink and drugs."
Annie wrinkles her nose. "I wasn't even born then."
"Of course you weren't," Britta groans, commiserating with Jeff.
"Dylan's twenty six," Annie defends her date stoically. "So in retrospect, Dylan McKay was named after my Dylan."
Jeff snaps his head towards Annie. "Oh, so he's your Dylan?"
"N-no," Annie counters nervously. "I'm just saying."
"Don't you think twenty six is a little too old, sweetie?" Shirley asks sweetly.
"Oh, for hell's sake," Pierce laughs a little too loud. "In my day, girls Annie's age married forty-year-olds."
"No dessert," Britta snaps, banging her hand on the table.
Pierce glowers. "What? Why?"
"She told you to stop talking," Jeff informs him matter-of-factly. "That's what you get for not listening."
Pierce mumbles some curse words and sulks childishly.
"So is this guy named Dixon or Dylan?" Troy wonders aloud. "I'm so confused. Dixon is a funny name," he adds in with a giggle. "It has the word dix in it."
"Real mature," Annie glares before turning back to Jeff. "I don't see what the big deal is, Jeff."
"There is no big deal," Britta begins calmly.
"The big deal is," Jeff cuts in, "you're too young to be dating a twenty six year old."
"Oh, but I'm not too young for you to kiss me?" Annie fights back with her big girl voice firmly in tact.
Jeff falters. Pierce gloats, "she's got you there, Winger."
"Go wait in the hall," Britta demands while pointing her finger towards the door. "I'm serious, Pierce. Three strikes and you're out."
Pierce makes a point to throw his chair across the room while storming out. Troy watches on in amusement while Abed frantically scribbles down notes. Jeff pouts and reminds himself this is exactly why he doesn't respond to Annie on Facebook chat. He's still afraid she's going to invite him over one day and there will be a camera crew with Chris Hansen there, asking him to take a seat in a corner where he will be tarred and feathered. He shudders and reminds himself that while she is legal, she's still a kid. A hot one nonetheless.
"Are things official between you two?" Shirley prods inquisitively. Annie's too busy trying not to cry to answer.
"Let me check," Troy says, taking out his phone. He looks at Shirley and shakes his head. "Nope. It's not Facebook official."
"Facebook Official?" Jeff scoffs. "Are we in the eighth grade?"
"Uh," Troy gets offended. "Nothing is official until it's on Facebook, Jeff."
"I'm sorry," Jeff says sarcastically. "I must have missed the memo."
"I'll forward it to you," Abed tells him, clicking away at his computer. "Okay, sent."
Jeff rolls his eyes and looks back at Annie. "So where is he taking you?"
"I'm not telling you," Annie finalizes with a sniffle, gathering her things. She stands to her feet and holds Jeff's gaze firmly. "From now on, I won't be sharing any intimate details about my personal life! I'm not a child. Why do I have to keep reminding you that?"
With that, Annie storms out, realizing all too well that walking out with a pout is exactly what children do.
"He's taking her to The Red Door," Abed tells everyone nonchalantly.
"How do you know?"
"It's on Facebook."
Jeff throws his hands up in the air. "Is everything on that damn website?"
"Pretty much," Troy nods his head. "Including pictures of you from high school. Nice mullet, dude."
"I thought I untagged those," Jeff grumbles in embarrassment. "Well guys, get ready. It looks like we're going to The Red Door tonight."
"Oh, Jeffrey," Shirley sighs. "Leave Annie alone."
"No," Jeff shakes his head. "Who takes an underage girl to a bar? A BAR?" He looks to Britta with his late statement. "This is your fault."
Britta's mouth opens in offense. "How?"
"You got Annie that fake ID in the first place."
"Only after you suggested it."
"It's still your fault."
"Real mature," Britta rolls her eyes. "Nobody goes to The Red Door on Thursday nights except for…"
Jeff gets nervous when Britta trails off. "Stoners and ex-convicts who want to turn their life around by joining a garage band."
"Say what now?" Shirley asks in confusion.
"It's open mic night on Thursdays," Britta explains. "It's just an excuse for a bunch of nobodies to get up and sing and pretend like they're not over the hill."
"There's a band of registered sex offenders that play there every Thursday," Jeff adds in with a shudder.
Shirley starts rocking back and forth. "Oh, no."
"Dylan's friends are in a band," Abed pipes up from his computer. "They're called the Sex Mad Clintons."
"Oh, no," Shirley repeats.
"How clever," Britta complains with an eye roll. "Of course Clinton got off looking like the man and Monica Lewinsky was forced into a life of shame."
"He was impeached!" Jeff points out.
"But then acquitted," Britta counters. "Which goes to show how much unjust power men have over woman."
"Duh," Troy shakes his head. "He was the president, Britta. Of course he has all the power. He has to run a whole country!"
"Troy, don't bother," Jeff warns, making a crazy gesture towards Britta. "Besides, this is 2011, Britta. Not 1996."
"And nothing has changed!" Britta fights back. "Do you see a woman president?"
"Are we spying or not?" Abed butts in before Jeff can respond. "I've got three pairs of binoculars in my room. If we get to the bar before Annie, we can all hide in different places. Who wants my plant hat to blend in with the bamboo plant?"
"What?"
"I googled a layout of the bar," Abed continues. "There's a bamboo plant in the corner by the bathroom. The stage is directly across from it. Annie will probably be sitting at a small table. We'll have perfect access for viewing their date."
"This is wrong, guys," Shirley tries to reason with the group despite wanting nothing more to throttle this Dylan guy. "I love Annie but I can't spy on her. It's not Christian."
"Think of Dylan putting his hands all over Annie's breasts," Jeff says before pausing. He lets the visuals soak in and continues when Shirley's face becomes angry. "That's not very Christian, is it?"
"Jeff," Britta scolds defiantly. "What is the big deal about Annie going on a date?"
"He's afraid she'll leave the nest," Abed shrugs simply.
"I'm not her father, Abed," Jeff scowls. "Despite what you may think."
"I know," Abed agrees with a nod. "But we're a family. And since Annie's the baby of the family, it's hard to see her branch out and do things on her own. You're afraid she's going to run off with this Dylan character and rebel."
"Huh," Britta muses. "I think Abed's right."
"I know," Abed nods.
"Obviously," Troy adds in, looking at Britta weirdly.
All eyes are on Jeff as he nervously rocks in his seat. "Are we going to The Red Door or not?"
Everyone but Shirley nods enthusiastically.
"Hands all over her breasts," Jeff whispers. "Thoughts of pre-marital sex brewing in his mind…"
"Aw, hell," Shirley gives in. "One wrong move and I'll crucify him."