TITLE: Big Or Small?
AUTHOR: VIDZ
TIMELINE: post S10, Mac doesn't exist
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the TV show JAG are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this fic. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
SUMMARY: is this big or small?
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"This is big, right?"
"Sir?"
"What do you think, Lieutenant? Is this big or small?"
"Uh, sir..." the aide looked around helplessly, while the kookie Captain, USN, gestured vaguely towards a British Army woman's breasts.
"Major Townsend!" the nuthouse candidate called out.
"Sir?" a female Major stepped forward, saluting and standing at attention.
"Could you please step here for a second, please?"
"Yes, sir." she stepped towards the first woman and turned to face the guest.
The Captain squinted at the first woman's chest, then at the Major's and then back again, before nodding to himself.
"Thank you, Major, you've been a big help."
The aide's eyes were inevitably drawn to the Major's front at that comment and he was only glad nobody had heard his instinctive mental comment.
"Yes, sir." The Major stepped away, her face a mask of confusion mixed with amusement.
The deviant delinquent then turned his blue eyes on the woman still standing at attention in front of him, by now so red she resembled a lobster. Having gotten his answer he could now confidently say the rank.
"Thank you Sergeant Major, carry on."
The fiercely blushing female British Army Warrant Officer saluted, then turned on her heel and walked off.
As the small procession finally moved on the leader looked towards the heavens and sighed "God, I hate this small crown/big crown crap!"
"Yes, sir."
Explanation: in the British Army, Major (officer) and Sergeant Major (Warrant Officer) have very very similar insignias (Queen's crown). Literally the ONLY difference is the size of the insignia and this difference is not that big what with the limits that rank slides impose. Certainly, someone who's seeing this rank for the first or the second time in real life would have trouble guessing who they're looking at (okay, Harm's reaction is unrealistic and merely for humor purposes). Heck, even BA personnel sometimes have trouble differentiating on the quick glance.
In fact, on a forum of British Army members (called ARRSE - The Army Rumor Service) there's a thread where they were complaining over and trying to figure out exactly this: how to quickly determine whether you are approaching an officer or a NCO. Some comments were pretty funny in fact.
To top it off, contrary to the US military, on the British military uniforms the rank slides are mounted among the buttons of the shirt/smock, as in in the middle of the chest AND in the height of nip-ples (the misspelling is deliberate, to avoid making this fic NSFW). That was why Harm trying to figure out whether he was dealing with an officer or a warrant officer, was so disquieting to the onlookers. Imagine a high ranking guest bending towards a female soldier's chest with such concentration... ROFL. And Harm being his usual oblivious one.
Okay, maybe it's not that funny... :P