Sinful
A Fanfiction By Tomorrow_catz
Ivypool heaved a sigh. After a long day of hunting in the cold spectrum of leaf-bare, she was ready to curl up in the warmth of her nest. She dragged her two lonely, lifeless shrews to the fresh-kill pile and let them drop. The pile was so meager, she decided not to choose a piece for herself. There were queens and kits that needed that food more than she did.
Suddenly, her former mentor, Cinderheart, approached with her mate, Lionblaze. "You should eat, Ivypool. You deserve it." She wanted so badly to sink her teeth into a juicy vole, but she knew she had to put her clan first. "Hollytuft needs this more than me. She and Foxleap deserve healthy kits." Ivypool insisted. Cinderheart nodded wordlessly. Lionblaze eyed her, but said nothing. Feeling awkward enough just facing the golden tabby, she bowed her head to her and her sister's former mentors and made her way to the warriors den.
Her sister, Dovewing, was already there, sound asleep, her puffy gray tail curled around her nose. Bumblestripe was next to her, their pelts brushing. They looked so peaceful, snoring softly, no care in the world but eachother. Ivypool was slightly envious of her sister's happy family. She wanted a mate to walk beside, kits to educate on the way of the clans, a family to come home to every day. She sighed and shook the thought away vigorously.
Her silver paws felt almost stuck to the ground as she forged all her strength in each step she took. At last, she flopped down into her nest and closed her eyes. Breathing in a long breath of delight, she let darkness overcome her.
She awoke to the pungent smell of blood and rotting flesh. She instantly recognised this smell. Though the moon was not visible through the thick clouds, her eyes had adjusted to the sight of her surroundings. Ivypool's heart was beating so hard, she was sure that it would burst out of her chest. "No…" She whispered frantically to herself. She couldn't be here! Quickly, she thought of what she could do. She could run, but that wouldn't do very much. It was very likely that she would run into some extremely angry, extremely vicious Dark Forest warriors if she did.
From the corner of her eye, she could see two cats approaching. One was an almost see-through white she-cat, while the other was a dark gray tabby tom with green eyes. She bit back a scream and bolted off in a random direction as quietly as she could.
Her paws trembled as they silently thudded on the dead earth beneath them. Tears streamed down her face as she ran, terrified that she might be caught, killed, and trapped in this awful place forever.
Suddenly, she spotted a pair of ethereal, glowing blue eyes from the overgrowth. She stopped dead, paws trapped by the intensity of the gaze. She knew they looked somewhat familiar, but she also knew that they'd seen her. Shaking her head, she choked back a deafening scream and continued running. She dared to look back and only saw crusted bushes. Panic flooded her mind, and she pressed her legs to push harder.
Something jammed into her side, the impact crushing her. She flew back, slamming into the chipping trunk of a tree. She yowled in pain, heart trembling as she prayed to StarClan that no cat had heard her. Teeth grabbed her scruff and, with obvious effort, dragged her to the shelter of a bush. She blindly swatted, claws unsheathed, hissing. A paw thrust itself inside her mouth. She struggled, but the weight of the cat on top of her was too much.
Her eyes caught a glimpse of the same icy blue eyes that she had seen from the bushes, along with a dark brown tabby pelt with white at the underbelly. She gasped. "But you're dead!" She exclaimed, her words incoherent through the big brown paw that gagged her.
"Sh!" Hawkfrost hissed. She did not listen, but continued to swipe at his muzzle. "I'm not here to hurt you, Ivypool!" For a reason she could not explain, her heart almost felt comforted at his words. No. She told herself. He tried to kill me!
She kicked with her hind legs, sending Hawkfrost flying, but he very cleverly flipped in the air, a move he had taught her many moons ago, and landed squarely on his feet. She jumped, hissing, but quickly dove to the side, attempting to throw him off balance, and tore away at the flesh at his shoulder, claw reaching bone.
Hawkfrost's lean, shadow-like body fell to the ground with a thump. Before he could get to his feet, Ivypool sprang in the air and kicked his spine. "Ivypool, stop!" He growled. She almost did. She wanted to be his apprentice again, to be able to listen to him without betraying her clan, but she knew she couldn't. All Ivypool wanted to know was… why did she feel so comfortable around a cat that almost killed her? That killed a Hollyleaf?
"Ivypool, if you would kindly stop attacking me, you'd know why I am alive! Or don't you want to know?" She paused. She did want to know why he was still here, not already gone off to the other world. Aren't dead warriors supposed to fade away if you kill them? Ivypool thought. "Tell me!" She snarled.
Hawkfrost lifted his chin in defiance. "Sheathe your claws." Ivypool glared at the dark figure standing before her, her claws slowly sinking back into their slits. "How are you alive?" She asked, tone softening.
Standing here, talking beside Hawkfrost, her former mentor, the one that had taught her everything she knew, made her remember her apprentice days, when she had been so naive as to stumble into the Dark Forest and train with them every night. As much as it pained her to say it, she really was almost grateful that she did.
"Even after we fade, a power source so great, stronger than anything you've seen, can bring us back." He explained. Ivypool's eyes widened. "What brought you back?" As soon as the words left her mouth, she immediately knew the answer. "The lightning strike!" Hawkfrost nodded.
"Did it bring back-" she almost couldn't speak his name. Fortunately, Hawkfrost read her mind, somehow standing strong as he spoke of… him. "It did not bring back my father. Why only I it brought back, I don't know, but I am thankful." He took a step towards Ivypool, smiling, but she backed away defensively. Why is he being so… she didn't know the word. Nice?
"Look, if you try anything," Ivypool began, "I will kill you, no matter how many times you come back." Her voice trembled and she struggled to stand on her feet. Hawkfrost made her heart race, but she didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.
The brown tom's iced eyes dropped as he stared at the dead ground beneath his paws. Ivypool felt awkward, just sitting there, watching Hawkfrost stare at his feet. "Do you miss it, Ivypool?" He said just as she turned to leave. She froze, not knowing what to say. She knew what he meant, but still asked, "Miss what?" Her voice was barely a whisper. Hawkfrost appeared by her side, nuzzling her cheek. She didn't resist this time.
"Training with us." Ivypool flinched as the word us left his mouth. I'd like you a lot more if you weren't bad, Hawkfrost. She wanted to say, but she couldn't. Hawkfrost evidently noticed. "Training with… me?" He corrected himself. Ivypool turned her small, white head, her ocean-blue eyes meeting Hawkfrost's.
"Sometimes, when I can't sleep." She noticed a small glimmer of hope in the giant tom's eyes. "I'd rather fight than lay awake listening to Dovewing and Bumblestripe talk about all the kits they're gonna have!" Ivypool snarled mockingly. She expected to see a menacing grin appear on Hawkfrost's face after realizing her jealousy, but he frowned, eyes narrowing. "Aren't you happy for your sister?" He asked, tone softer than she was used to. It felt like she was talking to a real, sincere old friend.
She realized that she was talking about her sister, the one she grew up with, the one she loved, the one she did everything with. She had no reason to be jealous of Dovewing! "Yes, I am. I just feel so-" before she could finish, Hawkfrost sat down, touching her tail with his, and said, "Lonely?" She looked up at him again.
"Yes." Ivypool felt happy to confide in Hawkfrost, even though she was still a little skeptical. "I know how it feels," he began, "the only person I've got to hang out with is Mapleshade," he leaned over to whisper in her ear, "and that's no fun!" Ivypool snickered. She could almost imagine having to sit beside the grumpy old she-cat, always fantasizing about killing the clans, destroying the ones she loves and hates. At least Mapleshade would be gone soon. She was almost completely faded. She was nothing but a glimmering shadow of white, black, and orange fur.
"Can't see why you haven't gone insane yet, having to deal with her every single day." Ivypool joked, forgetting who the joke was directed to. Mapleshade wouldn't hesitate to kill anyone that got in her way, and Ivypool knew that. Her smile faded quickly, and the silver and white she-cat returned to watching Hawkfrost intently as he looked almost through her, his icy gaze boring into her skull. Though his eyes showed more than he was willing to express in words, his smile was inevitable. "I think I may have, actually." Ivypool grinned.
"Let's... go for a walk?" Ivypool then suggested, not knowing what else to say. Hawkfrost's gleaming blue eyes shone until they looked like stars that had come from somewhere even beyond StarClan. She knew he was happy, but she didn't know why. He tried to kill me, yet he's acting like it never happened. Ivypool thought.
As they walked silently through the dead plant life that spread all throughout the Dark Forest, Ivypool noticed a small prick on her tail. She looked back, claws sliding from their slits, but realized that it was Hawkfrost's bushy brown tail. Ivypool gasped. Hawkfrost… has feelings for me?! She was taken aback… literally. She drew her tail in and stumbled backwards. "You… you wish to be my mate?" She scowled.
"How?! You try to kill me, you die, then you come back and… and…" Ivypool couldn't form words at this point. She was fed up with Hawkfrost's playing around. "Or maybe you just want to get close to me so it will be even worse when you manipulate and kill me!" Little did she know that her voice had risen into a full-on screech.
"Who goes there?" A raspy voice snarled. Hawkfrost and Ivypool whipped around, searching for the voice's location. Ivypool instantly recognized it. Mapleshade.
"Hide. I'll handle this." Hawkfrost growled, but some part of Ivypool knew that Hawkfrost would forgive her for lashing out at him. Her anger slowly died away as she realized that Hawkfrost was willing to fight for her. Fear edged its way into her mind as the image of Mapleshade striking Hawkfrost down, killing him with one final blow. She unsheathed her claws and stood tall next to the brown tom. "No! Mapleshade will kill you!" She whispered back. "I… I won't let her hurt you!" Ivypool didn't even mean to say that. She just did. Even she herself was surprised at what she had said.
A completely see-through, white she cat with smudges of orange and black covering her body appeared from the shadows. "Well, well, well, if it isn't the little spy?" Her yellow teeth glowed as she spoke, lips drawing back in a snarl. Ivypool shifted her paws, uncomfortable, as she used to show respect for Mapleshade. Eew. She thought.
"Leave now Mapleshade!" Ivypool would have known not to get in Hawkfrost's way if he snarled at her like that.
Without warning, Mapleshade leapt at Ivypool, knocking her to the ground. Ivypool was beyond lucky to dodge Mapleshade's over-sharpened claws as she swiped at the silver and white she-cat's muzzle.
She kicked with her hind legs, sending Mapleshade flying and crashing into a tree. So overcome with rage and confusion, Ivypool almost didn't notice herself launching at Mapleshade, pinning her to the trunk of the tree, letting her claws bore into the tortoiseshell she-cat's shoulders.
"Time for you to disappear, you rotting piece of crow-food!" Ivypool growled, sinking her teeth into Mapleshade's throat.
Stop! STOP! Ivypool screeched inside her head, but it was no use. Mapleshade's body was covered in blood, until it wasn't. She was gone. Dead. I killed her… The silver and white she-cat slouched down and buried her head in her paws. I don't want to be a killer anymore.
Suddenly, there was a tingling feeling that spread throughout Ivypool's body. She could feel herself slipping away from the Dark Forest, back into her clan life.
Jumping up and shaking her head, she felt herself slowly sinking back into consciousness, being cruelly ripped away from Hawkfrost. Her heart lurched. She didn't want to leave him! "I will be back for you!" She cried, touching her nose to Hawkfrost's as she dissipated into nothingness.
"IVYPOOL!" Hearing her name, Ivypool's eyes shot open. She quickly caught sight of Dovewing, Bumblestripe, Cinderheart, Thornclaw, and Lionblaze standing above her, Dovewing's gray paw rested on her side. "W...what?" Ivypool asked wearily. Thornclaw looked furious. "Ivypool, would you mind taking the afternoon patrol, please?" He asked through gritted teeth. She quickly got to her feet and licked her chest fur embarrassingly. "Yes, of cour-"
"Well, TOO LATE! It's sundown, you bee-brain!" He snapped before she could finish. She caught Dovewing flinch from the corner of her eye. Ivypool gasped. "What?" How can it be sundown already? She thought.
Thornclaw snarled and stomped out of the den, letting his tail swipe her face as he turned. Cinderheart, Lionblaze, and Bumblestripe all disappeared with him. Ivypool sighed and looked at her feet, slumping down until her chin rested on the moss of her nest. She felt awful for missing her hunting; Hollytuft's kits would come any day now, and she needed to eat as much as possible.
"Ivypool?" Dovewing murmured. Ivypool's eyes slowly drifted upward so that she could barely see Dovewing and replied, "Yes, Dovewing?"
"You weren't in the… in… the Dark Forest again… were you?" The gray she-cat asked wearily. Ivypool froze. How could she lie to her sister again? She wanted to say yes, but she knew she couldn't. She sighed, sat up, and looked her sister in the eye. "No." Ivypool didn't know what else to say, though she knew how suspicious she sounded and prayed that Dovewing would believe her. Not knowing what else to do, the gray and white she-cat dragged herself tiredly out of the warriors den and over to the fresh-kill pile.
"Good evening, Ivypool!" She heard a tiny voice squeal. Ivypool looked over to see Bushpaw, one of Fernsong's kits, bounding toward her. The newly made apprentice was carrying a plump mouse, while her brother Cranepaw and sister Hillpaw each held a blackbird. "Greetings, Bushpaw." Ivypool nodded to the pale yellow tabby's siblings and swiftly snatched up a shrew, bringing it back to her nest. She would eat in the warriors den tonight, though she had never done that before.
When Ivypool reached the warriors den, Dovewing was gone, presumably with Bumblestripe, and only Blossomfall was there. "Greetings, Ivypool." She said without looking up. Ivypool and Blossomfall had not always been so close, and Ivypool always felt awkward when they encountered each other. "Hello, Blossomfall." Ivypool replied. Sighing, she let herself flop down and began to eat her shrew.
When the time came for the warriors to retire to their nests, Ivypool felt unbearably restless. She was excited to see Hawkfrost again, which she knew was not right. Not after all that had happened between them. Maybe it's not so bad, he seems like he has turned over a new leaf… what if he is starting over?! Ivypool thought this over; she would like to be friends with Hawkfrost, maybe if he wasn't dead, but, she thought, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if she kept going back to the Dark Forest to see him, seeing as she wasn't doing any harm…
Many Moons Later…
"Hawkfrost… I have something to tell you." Ivypool began, heart racing. Moons had passed now; Dovewing had kitted two lovely kits, Grasskit and Brindlekit. Bramblestar had made Hillstorm, Bushclaw, and Craneswoop into warriors, Onestar had died and the new leader of WindClan was Ashfoot, now Ashstar. She received her nine lives yesterday.
And yet here Ivypool was, older, wiser, stronger, here in the Dark Forest with Hawkfrost once again. They had been mates for a while now, meeting up every night, sometimes practicing their fighting moves, sometimes just sitting and talking about clan life.
The brown and white tom made himself comfortable and sat down next to her, icy eyes boring into hers. "What is it?" Ivypool's stomach danced, she was so excited to tell him the news! She was a little nervous, too. This was the kind of thing that Ivypool had not wanted to happen, she had no way to explain it to her clan!
Sighing, the silver and white she-cat lowered her head, trying to figure out how she would do this. "Ivypool?" Hawkfrost's bushy tail ran down her spine, sending a shiver through her lean body. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."
"I'm always here for you." As Hawkfrost spoke those words, a courage seared Ivypool's heart. Lifting her head defiantly, she stood and turned to face him. "I'm expecting kits, Hawkfrost."
A look of astonishment and confusion spread across the dark warrior's face for a moment, and Ivypool roughly nudged his muzzle with her cheek. "Our kits."
Some Time After That...
"Calm down, Ivypool! Everything will be okay!" Hawkfrost had never felt more helpless in his life, watching his mate, his one true love, lie in pain as she delivered her kits. Dovewing had come with Alderpaw, who had some training about delivering kits, but they had to make do with it.
Dovewing was furious with both Hawkfrost and Ivypool, and Alderpaw refused to speak, unless it was to Ivypool.
"Here is one!" Dovewing exclaimed, a tiny she-cat dangling from her mouth. It had Ivypool's sky-like eyes and a light gray body with brown-tipped tail and one brown paw.
A loud wail came from Ivypool, and Hawkfrost looked away. He couldn't watch her be in all this pain… the blood… the screams...
"Another!" Dovewing screeched. They had all decided to come to the Dark Forest to avoid being noticed by the any of the clan cats. Dovewing almost clawed Hawkfrost's ear off when he told her that she couldn't come. The only reason he let her was because she promised to find a medicine cat to help deliver the kits.
This kit was a small tom. He was brown with white paws and amber eyes. It had dark tabby stripes along its back and one ear was a darker brown than the rest of it. It looked like… like… like it should be named…
Whitekit
"Hello, Whitekit." Hawkfrost scooped up Whitekit and the other unnamed kit "And you… you are Chillykit." He said to the grey kit. "HAWKFROST!" Ivypool wheezed. He turned his attention to the silver and white she-cat, convulsing on the ground, now completely covered in blood. Was that normal?
"Wait, wait, wait… something's wrong." Alderpaw meowed worriedly. Hawkfrost's eyes widened. Fear corrupted his thoughts, flooding his mind. What is wrong?! "What?!"
"I… something… what?" Alderpaw sounded utterly stumped. "What's wrong?!" Hawkfrost noticed the panic in his own voice. His paws trembled, watching Ivypool push out one more kit. It was almost identical to her, with a similar silver and white pattern, one brown ear, and a few small brown smudges on her neck. But there was something… something odd about the small she-cat's eyes. They were so beautiful, like they could light up the entire Dark Forest.
The tiny she-cat stared at Hawkfrost, and he swore he saw an image of that same kit, this tiny soul resting in his Dovewing's jaws. He saw a strong, noble, wise cat leading her clan through tough times and easy times alike.
"Willowkit." Hawkfrost didn't mean to say it, it was just the first thing that came to his mind. That name suited her, actually. He was sticking with it.
"Something is wrong." Ivypool was writhing, wailing, the terrible sound of her blood swishing beneath her squirms. "Well, fix it!" Hawkfrost was dizzy with panic.
"I can't! Jayfeather would know what to do!" Alderpaw looked hopeless. Hawkfrost scowled, marched over to Alderpaw and cuffed him on the ear, growling, "Fix her right now!"
"I can't! Something…" Alderpaw gasped. Hawkfrost couldn't tell if he was angry or terrified, but whichever one drove him to yowl in rage. "What in StarClan's name is wrong with her?!"
"There was a fourth kit, but…" Alderpaw rested his paw on Ivypool's stomach, causing her to flinch and cry out. "I can feel it." Alderpaw's tone softened to a more solemn, almost a soothing whisper.
"It didn't make it."
"So," Hawkfrost retorted, hiding the grief he felt for the poor kit that didn't live long enough to see the light, "shouldn't she be just fine?" He choked back a sob as he watched Ivypool writhe on the ground.
"The kit messed up something… and…" Alderpaw drew back, horrified, and wailed, "It's killing her from the inside!"
Some time had passed, Hawkfrost sat by Ivypool's body, refusing to leave. Dovewing had entered a state of paralysis, the grief to strong for her to comprehend. She stared at the ground, eyes widened, tail twitching every few seconds. He knew how she felt.
Ivypool is dead.
He repeated it in his head, over and over, each time being stabbed in the heart by his own sadness, the pain growing worse as he spoke.
Alderpaw had left, gone home to the clans. That was best, Hawkfrost thought.
The three kits, Chillykit, Willowkit, and Whitekit, sat beneath the warmth of Dovewing's sleek pelt. Hawkfrost had no idea what to do with them; he certainly wasn't a queen, so he couldn't take care of them!
Burying his face in the ground, Hawkfrost sobbed, both out of grief and frustration.
"If… you want…" Dovewing began, voice barely a whisper, "I can… take care of the kits."
Hawkfrost sat up, shivering with the cold outcome of loss, and stared at Dovewing. "You would do that for me?"
Dovewing's blue eyes hardened, leaving Hawkfrost with a glare he had never seen from someone like her.
"Not for you, Hawkfrost."
The brown and white tabby tom knew what was coming next. "Anything I do for those kits, I do for my sister." Her words stung him, crippling his heart into tiny, microscopic fragments of what it once was: hard, evil, black.
Casting Dovewing one last glance, he gently touched noses with each of his kits for one final time, and whispered, "Thank you." and disappeared into the darkness.
I no longer care for what I once wanted, to become leader, like my father. Though I never received the name "Hawkstar", I know now that it was never going to happen, no matter what I did. Brambleclaw had been right to kill me, to save the once and forever noble leader, Firestar. All I ever cared about was pleasing my father, but I never got to see the more beautiful things in life. Mothwing did not deserve to be faked, tormented by me. I wish I could apologize, but maybe I will see her again someday. Just, maybe.
I know that I will never be able to right the wrongs I have committed, but I hope that, in the little time I have left, I can be happy, knowing that Ivypool has changed me forever, that she is the reason why I was born into this world. I am not happy with how I used my life to manipulate and tear apart my sister, to convert my half-brother into something he wasn't ready to be. I didn't deserve Ivypool, or my three, beautiful kits. I never deserved to be happy.
But I am now, and StarClan has blessed me with more than I could have ever wanted. Thank you, Ivypool. Thank you, a million times over.
Thank you.
Closing his eyes, Hawkfrost looked up at the pale sky and smiled. He was ready to be taken. He had done what he was brought back to do. Yes, he had lied to Ivypool. Any dead warrior can be brought back by one great power source, but it is only if they were destined to do something, truly destined, to do something that would change clan life forever. He knew that his kits would be the ones to do that. If Hawkfrost hadn't been brought back, those kits wouldn't have been born.
Suddenly, an explosion of colors, bright, beautiful colors, split the night. Sobbing with joy, he let the light take him, hold him, embrace him. Every pain he had ever felt, every failure, every loss, every injury, any evil that remained inside of him was lifted, destroyed. He felt clean, he felt new, he felt true happiness.
In his last moments, an image clouded his vision; it was all he could see. Three cats, standing alone atop a giant stone. The stars shined in front of them, the shadowy trees waving behind them. And then, he saw their faces. Willowkit, Whitekit, Chillykit! No, that wasn't their names. Not in this time. They were fully grown now, each bearing strong, healthy bodies and stunning features.
Willowtail, Whitewhisker, and Chillystone all stood valiantly on the giant rock and he could see unbelievable wisdom in their eyes. Chillystone's tail lashed, Willowtail's ear twitched, and Whitewhisker lifted a paw. He could see them all glance at each other, then leap gracefully off the rock, and all he could see was the giant rock they had stood upon. Then the image faded, and the blinding lights returned.
Hawkfrost sobbed uncontollably. He was so happy! He knew that his time in this world was coming to an end, but he could not have been more proud of his kits. He would watch over them every second of their lives. "Goodbye." He whispered, and stepped happily toward the light.
"Welcome to StarClan." The voice could not have been more familiar. Hawkfrost gaped at what he saw, joy overcoming him. "Ivypool!" He ran to his mate and together, tails wrapped around each other, they both walked along Silverpelt together, vanishing into the stars.
A Message to the Readers
I just wanted to say THANK YOU for taking the time to read this. I worked really hard on it and hope you enjoyed! I hope I changed the face of Hawkfrost for you all by giving him a good side underneath… everything. Again, THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH FOR READING! :3