Hello! My name is Sinfullburden, and thank you for choosing to read my story! ^_^

This is my first time writing a story about Sekaiichi Hatsukoi, so I defiantly do not own it! This is also my first yaoi story, so this will be interesting! I'm actually currently working on one of my old stories pertaining to Vampire Knight, and I am starting a new story on Kuroshitsuji(Which will also have a yaoi theme, hehe…). Just a heads up, but I have dyslexia and a small disability that affects my grammar and writing. So please forgive me if you notice the numerous grammatical errors! I tried my best! Anyways, enjoy!

"Death is not the greatest loss in life.

The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live" ~Norman Cousins

I was 8 years old when I saw my first dead body.

I was 8 years old when I saw somebody die.

I was 8 years old when my mother cried.

And I was 8 years old when my sister died.

It all happened on a simple, average day. The sun was out. The birds were chirping. And my older sister, Suzu, and I were walking home after a long day of school. My sister was an 8th grade middle school student, and was the smartest in her class. She was also the prettiest. She looked just liked my mother, only younger. My mother had to be the most beautiful lady I ever laid eyes one. And just like my mother, Suzu treated me with the same tender kindness mother gave me.

Suzu was usually the only person who walked home with me. My 4 other siblings had after school activities and team sports. It was because of Suzu's asthma and wok ethnic that made her unable to do any sports or other activities. But she said she didn't really care.

"I'd much rather be with Takafumi-kun, then hang out with those other silly kids" she would say. She would say many things like that to me. And she always did it with a smile. I loved her. I considered her my best friend. So I not only lost my sister that day. I lost my best friend. It happened when we were crossing the street and Suzu's cell phone fell out of her bag into the middle of the cross walk.

"Onee-san, you dropped your phone in the street" I cried, when we had made it to the other side of the street.

"Oh my goodness!" she cried, and she ran back into the cross walk to get it. And then it happened. The cross walk light had already been off for 15 seconds, and the light had turn green.

"Onee-san!" I screamed.

And then I saw her face look at me one last time. Her eyes were filled with confusion, but then she came back to the realization as to where she was standing and what was around her. But it was too late. Going over the speed limit while on their phone, a business man on his way to work crashed his company car right into my sister. After that, everything felt in slow mo. I screamed, but I can't even remember how loud I screamed. All I could hear was a sharp ringing in my ear. I saw my sisters motionless body go into the air for a few seconds, but to me it felt like 5 minutes. She came back down to the ground and skidded multiple times across the street, her body already bruised, bleeding, and mangled. She finally lay still on the ground, her eyes and mouth wide open. But no words came from her mouth. And those glassy eyes stared at absolutely nothing.

I remember running into the street to go after my sister. I remember the adults on the side walk who tried to hold me back so that I may not get hit either. But I didn't care. I ran into the street next to my sister. I dropped to my knees when I took in the horrible damage the car had done to her once beautiful body. I heard car door's slams, people yelling to get help, and other people running over to help.

"I-'I'm so sorry! I didn't see her!" cried the businessman. I looked up at him. He was a man in his mid 40's wearing a dark purple suit. He was also the man who killed my sister. And because I was young and immature, I stood up and pointed an accused finger at him.

"MURDERER! MURDERER!" I yelled at him while tears streamed down my face. I felt a pair of hands go onto my shoulders, and I quickly turned around to see an unfamiliar man.

"Son, you need to calm down" said the man.

"Calm down?!" I said, breaking free from his hands, "He killed my sister! HE'S A MURDERER!"

"What the hell were you thinking?" said another man nearby.

"How could you not see she was standing right there? Are you blind?!" yelled a mother who held her young sons hand. The man at this point was flustered, speechless.

"It-it wasn't my fault! She was standing in the middle of the road when the light was green! It was her own fault!" said the man.

"You bastard! You want to put the blame on this dead girl?! You really are sick! Has someone called the police yet?" said a young college student, who came up to hold the businessman by the collar.

At this point I didn't care what others had to say. I numbly went back to my sister's side, and hugged her mangled bloody body to mine. Nearby, I could hear sirens of the approaching ambulance and fire truck. I then felt my body begin to shake tremendously as I held her lifeless body to mine. And finally I couldn't hold it in any longer.

"SUZU! SUZU! SUZU!" I sobbed.

….

… Why do such horrible things fall on the shoulders of good people?

…If there is a god, why does he allow this?

…

… Why couldn't it have been me? Why her?

… Why?

I always ask myself these questions when I relive this nightmare in my sleep. But _ years later, I still have not answered any of them. I am just as what my father once called me.

A disappointment.

A failure.

My friends would beg to differ, but they don't understand. They don't understand the pain and guilt that I live with everyday. They haven't lost everyone they are close to. There is only one person who has ever understood my pain and suffering. And he himself is dead too. I have thought numerous times if I should join him in the land of the dead. But I know that is not what he wants for me. That he would want me to live my life, and somehow find happiness in it. I find this impossible. How can one be happy, if the people who made him happy are gone? I see no other solution in finding happiness.

"Meow" said _, who laid on the pillow next to my head. I scratch him behind the ears and he purrs.

"Well, at least I am not entirely alone" I mummer. But right after I said this, he jumps off the pillow to walk into the living room.

"Remember the one who feeds you" I say after him. I sigh. I'm talking to a cat. Am I really that pathetic? I know if I don't get up now that I will be late for work, so I heave myself up to head towards the bathroom. I look in the bathroom mirror and I let out another long sigh. I look like shit. Well, that's what you get when you're reliving your own personal hell. I know I don't have enough time to shower, so I just splash some water on my face and comb my hair before heading to my closet to pick out my suit. After getting dressed I fill up _ bowl with food, and make myself a quick cup of coffee before heading out the door. I really do not want to go to work today. I have two meetings today, 80 proposals that I have to review, then lastly I have to argue with Masamuni about the number of books he wants to publish on the last shojo book he edited. It's going to be a long day. By the time I get to the office I am already running 5 minutes late, so I sprint to the elevator as it's just about to close.

"Oi! Wait!" I say, pushing the doors open so I can get inside. And then I realize I am not the only one late today. Leaning up against the wall of the elevator is Kirishima.

"My my, this is a rare sight to see. Looks like the grumpy bear is running late today" chuckles Kirishima.

"Can it, Kirishima" I snap. I am not in the mood to put up with his bright, optimism for work. How can anyone be excited to edit manga?

"Someone didn't get enough sleep" he said, noticing the fatigue on my face.

"Yeah, no kidding" I sigh.

"Why not just take today off?"

"Baka, you know I can't do that. My boss would grill me, and I would get behind on my work" I reply, slightly annoyed.

"Ah, you worry too much Yokozawa" he chuckled.

"More like you don't worry enough. I don't understand how you can be so carefree" I mummer.

"Well, just the sight of my daughter puts me in a good mood. So that helps me deal with stress" he sighs, happily. Finally after what seemed like another 10 minutes, I reach my floor.

"Well, I'll see you later" I say as I walk out of the elevator.

"Yokozawa" he says.

I turn around, "What?"

"Just the sight of you, also puts me in a good mood" he says with an easy smile.

I blush furiously and walk back to press the close button on the elevator.

"Baka, go to work!" I say just before the doors close. But before the doors close I can see that he continues to smile at me.

What's with him?

Why can't he act like a normal work colleague?

But most importantly…

…why is my heart beating so fast?

…

… Like I said before, this is going to be a long day.

Well, what did you think? I know it's sort of short chapter, but it's because I want to piece the story together right. Comment to give me your thoughts, and subscribe if you want me to continue! Thanks again for reading, and see you next time! ^_^

Luv,

SinfullBurden