He'd almost lost her.
In one moment, it almost happened. All of the memories she'd made, the opportunities ahead of her, her potential, her plans - almost no longer mattered.
She'd nearly lost her life and he had nearly watched it happen. He'd almost seen the Raven enter her body as she'd planned for it to, almost seen the life leave her eyes as she crumpled to the ground.
It wasn't right. It couldn't happen. Clara Oswald deserved so much more.
She was the most incredible, beautiful, impossible human he'd ever met, and she had almost died for one of many on Earth who didn't deserve her sacrifice.
She takes in a breath as she registers what he'd just done, looking up at him from the ground. Her eyes dart up to his, staring into the pain filled blue.
She knows it's not on her neck anymore before she can even see his. Shaking, she watches in horror as he falls to his knees, screaming in pain.
He looks back at her, feeling the Raven penetrate his very soul, twisting and pulling at him excruciatingly. His hearts beat rapidly and his knees dig into the cobblestone beneath them as she scrambles over to him, crying.
She pulls him to herself, her heart breaking at the sight of him in pain. Her small arms wrap around him and pull him against her chest, and he can feel her trembling against his tear stained cheeks as his mind begins to go blank.
"D-Doctor what do I do? What can I do? What do you need? The TARDIS? Your glasses? What?" she spits out rapidly, smoothing his hair back in an attempt to fix it, to make him brand new again.
He shakes his head and lets out a scream as he pushes her back, his hands glowing. She shakes her head and can't accept it as his labored breaths tumble out faster and faster.
"Doctor, whAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?" she screams at him, tears falling from her eyes as quickly as she can think.
"Saving...you..." he groans out, his vision growing blurry as the golden light blocks his view of her. His impossible girl, alive, ready to see another day.
"You...y-you can't change again...Doctor, please," she cries, crawling closer to him before he pushes her back again.
"Get away, Clara," he orders through pained noises, gritting his teeth.
He's done it before, he knows he can do it again. Not regenerate. Stay to see another day as himself.
He couldn't leave her before she knew. Not this time.
He isn't sure what to store it in this time. The last time was too risky, there was another him created, and he couldn't let the woman he loved be stolen away by a human Doctor again.
He shakily grabs his sunglasses, tossing them to the side as he can feel the pain changing. It's no longer the endless the black of the Raven, but the searing pain of a new beginning he knows he must avoid.
She can't stop sobbing now as she sees him fading away into the yellow light, ready to leave her once again. She can't bear the thought of losing him again, her Doctor, her love.
He groans deeply in pain and glances up into her eyes once more, taking in the image of chocolate brown drowning in tears. One last look, just in case. Just in case he can't do it, just in case he can no longer be himself, just in case he changes and leaves her too soon.
Taking a deep breath, he summons up all the strength he can. He envisions himself pushes it out of himself as he did the last time, back in the days of pinstripes and Converse.
The light flows from his hands and into the glasses on the ground, filling them with his power, his potential new self that cannot exist yet.
Her breath hitches as she stares in disbelief, both at what he's doing for her and him doing the unbelievable. She can't explain or comprehend what's happening, her eyes clouded with worry that he's still going to leave her.
With a final push, he sends the rest of his regeneration energy into the plastic glasses. He shakily stands, his body completely exhausted and Clara runs to him.
She's never been so scared to lose him, and he's never been so scared to lose her.
He wakes up in his room, still in his clothes from the last moment he remembers but now in his bed. Looking around, he sits up only to feel his head pound and holds it in his hands.
He remembers it all vividly, the pain of the Raven, the movement of the energy and Clara's terrified expression. His mind immediately jumps to her, wondering if it was her who brought him here and if she's okay.
As if she can read his mind, she opens the door slowly and steps in. Her face is sullen, and she looks as if she hasn't slept in days. He frowns at her condition as she cracks a small smile at the sight of him awake.
"Sleep well?" she asks, slowly approaching the bed. She sets a cup of tea on his nightstand and moves her hair back, sending it in waves that fall to her shoulders.
"Very, thanks," he says groggily. He's not sure how long he's been out, but he definitely hasn't spoken in several days.
She nods in response and pulls her lip between her teeth, sucking on it nervously. Glancing up at her, he can't help but return her earlier smile. Even if she's not in her best condition, she's still his impossible girl.
She's silent for a moment before looking down at him. He can sense the question burning through her mind before she can ask.
"Doctor...why did you do that?"
He hadn't thought about having to answer this. He'd only known that he needed to protect her and that his job had been done.
"I have duty of care," he responds quietly, ignoring the gravel coating his voice.
She shakes her head and furrows her eyebrows, her gaze on him more intent. "No. Why? Why did you save me?"
He doesn't understand why she has to ask this. She should know how important she is. He's told her so many times, explained how she's incredible and impossible and so very human-
"Doctor, please," she pleads, needing to know. She doesn't understand.
"You deserve to live your life, Clara Oswald. You are entitled to a full and happy life," he answers simply, leaning back against the headboard.
"Maybe I do, but you can't be risking your life like that. You need to be here to save worlds. You're...you're necessary, Doctor. I'm not."
His face sinks into a frown again and he gazes up into her eyes that are already starting to fill with tears.
"I've never met anybody that wasn't important. And you...you're especially important. You save lives too, Clara. You save mine," he responds softly, wanting to pull her into his arms so she'll never have to be upset again.
A tear falls down her cheek and he can't resist. He wraps his arms around her slowly and pulls her down into himself. Her gasp shows him her shock but also her dismissivenes as she curls into him.
"You're important. You're impossibly important. Don't you ever think otherwise," he finishes, moving his hand up and down her back comfortingly.
He doesn't know it's going to happen until it does. Not until he can taste the worry and the love in her kiss as her lips crash against his.
It isn't hungry as she closes her eyes, but more reassuring. She's alive and okay and he knows that she loves him. She loves him and cages for him in return, even if he never thought she could.
Her hands move to his cheeks and she pulls him closer to her face almost as quickly as he closes his eyes and tightens his grip on her back.
He can't bring himself to pull away from her. The nagging fear in the back of his mind tells him he won't be able to do this again, that this is the only chance he'll have to be hers, even if only for a moment.
It's her that pulls away, her face flushed, her eyes fluttering open. He moves a hand to her face and rubs circles on her cheek with his thumb.
"Doctor...don't ever scare me like that I again."
He nods, looking at her in understanding, and she can see that he smiles with love.
"I promise I won't, my impossible girl."