I was reading a book about roman architecture when my phone buzzed.
It was Adrian.
I sighed. We hadn´t talked much after he´d kissed me the other night.
He seemed to avoid me as much as possible and I missed spending time with him.
We used to have fun together and now every time we saw each other it felt tense and awkward.
I used to think being around vampires would freak me out before. But now it felt strange not being around him. Talking to him, spending time with him.
Of course we did meet at Clarence´s every week once or twice and every now and than I had noticed him looking at me and other times I caught myself looking at him.
I wish we could get back to pre-kiss. I really did miss him.
The minute I recognized his number on my phone a wave of excitement rolled over me.
He really was calling me.
"Hello Adrian" I answered the phone.
"Hey Sage" he said. His voice sounded a bit exhausted and I frowned.
"What´s up?" I asked.
He hadn´t called me since the kiss and I was wondering why he did now.
I felt something strange in my stomach thinking about that kiss.
Don´t go there I chastised myself.
He took a deep breath "Well, I´m in L.A. I think I lost my wallet somewhere. I know you don´t have to do this and you probably are in the middle of doing something fun like organizing your closet by color or I don´t know doing quantum physics, but could you... well get me?"
"Quantum physics? Wait...how could you have lost your wallet?" I asked.
"I don´t know, I went to that bar and met some people it got late" he said.
Yea, like that´s some kind of explanation. He probably was so drunk, that he didn´t recall his whereabouts.
I sighed again. I did not approve of this kind of behavior. Especially because of Jill.
"I wasn´t that drunk, I swear" he than said.
I frowned again. Sometimes it was like he could read my mind.
"But you were drunk" I stated. He hadn´t said otherwise.
There was a small silence. So I was right. Oh Adrian...
"Sydney.." he said and for a moment I was surprised by him calling me by my actual name. His voice sounded a bit pained and I instantly felt guilty for calling him out on his drinking.
"Please can you get me? Please. I´ll owe you one. Big time" He went on pleading.
"Okay" I sighed "Where are you?"
He gave me an address and I grabbed my keys and my bag and left my room.
I pulled up in front of a motel and saw Adrian sitting on a bench shaded by a palm tree.
Even after a night out he still looked handsome. His hair was a little more messy than usually and his button down shirt a bit crinkled, but he still looked ridiculously good.
I shoved that thought away. Don´t go there I told myself. He is just Adrian. Good looking, yes. But still a vampire nethertheless.
A moment later he saw me.
A small smile played around his lips and he got up to walk over to me.
My stomach felt a bit strange as he was giving me that half smile.
I didn´t have breakfast yet. That was probably it.
He opened the passenger door and sat on the seat next to me and closed the door behind him.
"Thanks Sage. You´re a life saver" he said and despite myself I smiled.
He buckled up and I started the engine.
Suddenly the car seemed pretty small and his hand on the armrest between us seemed to close, dangerous even.
I took a deep breath. What was wrong with me? We used to be in a car together all the time.
Yes, but pre-kiss
I concentrated on driving, paying attention not to rest my arm next to him.
"You look pretty today. Well you always do, but this pastel blue... it really works for you" he said watching me.
I felt a light blush on my cheeks and hated me for that. Why did he have that effect on me?
He was just being nice and his usual charming self, don´t over think.
I gave him a small unsure smile "Thanks" I said.
I wasn´t used to getting compliments. At least not for my looks. There was something in the way he said it. Something that kind of made me uneasy and a bit self-conscious.
"Did you have breakfast?" I asked changing the topic.
I really needed to fill this awkward silence between us. It felt strange and wrong.
God, I really wanted to get back to pre-kiss.
The kiss... his warm lips on mine, his body close to me...
I straightened myself. What was I thinking. It had been more than wrong and only thinking about it felt like a betrayal to everything I believed in.
"No, but I could eat" he said bringing me back to the here and now.
"Maybe we can get something on the road" I said.
He nodded and looked out the window.
From the corner of my eyes I watched him.
He didn´t look that hungover. Maybe I had been wrong about the drinking after all.
I knew he cared about Jill and he really had cut down on his drinking. A lot.
"So what did you do last night?" I asked curious. Yes, easy conversation. Can´t go wrong with that, right?
He looked at me and the moment our eyes met I had to take my eyes of his. His look was just to intense.
There was curiosity in his eyes, like he was surprised about my question, but also pain.
It was the pain I couldn´t handle. The pain that always seemed to be there whenever he looked at me these days. For some reason it made me feel guilty and I hated that. I didn´t have to feel guilty.
He had kissed me. I stopped it. I had every right to do that.
"You really want to know?" he asked.
Did I? He probably had been with some girls and I really didn´t want to hear about that.
He chuckled when I didn´t respond, but there seemed to be no humor in it.
"Thought so" he murmured more to himself looking back out the window.
"What´s that supposed to mean?" I asked frowning.
He sighed "Nothing, forget about it".
"Okay Adrian, tell me about your adventurous night in L.A." I nearly snapped at him. What was his problem? Easy conversation as if...
"Right. Because all I care about is partying, girls and drinking. I get it" he said bitterly not looking at me.
"I didn´t say that" I replied. Why was he getting so mad at me?
"Isn´t that what you think? That I was so drunk yesterday, that I lost my wallet?"
I bit my lip. He was right. That had been my first thought.
"And I bet you also think that I was whoring around with various girls last night, right?" he went on.
I felt his eyes on me now.
I kept quiet and he nodded slowly "Of course you did, because Adrian Ivashkov is no good" he said in a low voice concentrating on something in front of him.
That for sure was not what I was thinking about him.
Without thinking about it I took his hand and his gaze fell on our hands and shot up to my eyes.
I expected anger in his eyes, but the pained look was back and I took my hand away.
He sighed and turned away. Again.
"I don´t think that" I said after a few moments.
"No? What do you think than Sydney?" he asked.
There it was again. My full name. It was strange to hear him say Sydney instead of Sage. It sounded so serious, distant even.
"I think you are..." fun and a good person and amazing I thought.
I took a deep breath "Maybe I thought you were drunk yesterday. But I don´t think that you´re a bad person. You are an amazing friend and yes, maybe a womanizer, but I don´t think that low of you. And neither should you" I ended.
He raised an eyebrow.
"You think I´m amazing Sage?" he asked amused.
I rolled my eyes "I said you are an amazing friend, yes" I said, but I couldn´t hide a smile.
He smiled as well and relaxed in his seat.
"Thanks for the pep talk" he said softly touching my shoulder and I felt the warmth radiating through my whole body.
Much to soon his hand was gone, but the spot where he´d touched me remained warm long after that.
"Anytime" I managed to say.
God, he really was distracting.
Suddenly the car jerked and I came to a slow hold on the side stripe.
"What´s wrong?" Adrian asked.
"I don´t know" I said confused getting out of the car. Adrian followed me.
"Shoot" I said when I noticed, that one wheel was damaged.
"What is it?" Adrian asked walking around the car. I pointed to the back wheel.
"Shit" he said "Do you have an extra?" he asked "I could try to change it" he offered.
I chuckled "Try?" I asked.
He tilted his head and smiled, knowing exactly that he would fail.
"That´s not the problem" I went on. "I could do that easily, but sadly, I don´t have an extra wheel. I was supposed to get a new one tomorrow. Ironic isn´t it?" I sighed leaning against the car.
Adrian reached for his phone in his pocket and leaned against the car next to me.
His arm touched mine and I slowly moved a bit.
He didn´t seem to notice.
"So I guess I´ll call triple A?" he asked.
I nodded.
I watched him talking on the phone, sighing every now and than and nodding at the end.
"There had been a car accident and the road is blocked. It might take them a while" he explained.
"Great" I sighed.
He nodded.
Suddenly the silence was struck by thunder and I winced looking up into the sky.
I had been to occupied with Adrian in my car, that I hadn´t realized, that the sky had clouded over.
"Seems like it´s going to rain soon" Adrian stated.
"Yea, let´s get back into the car" I said turning around.
I tried to open the car but failed.
"You got to be kidding me" I exclaimed.
"Sage, did you leave the keys in the car?" Adrian asked.
I glared at him.
"What do you think?" I asked.
What was wrong with me? I never ever had managed to lock me out of anything.
He again leaned against the car.
Damn it. How did that happen? The car wasn´t supposed to close by itself.
I looked inside the car through the window and sighed. The keys were resting on the car dashboard.
"Damn damn damn" I whispered.
Adrian chuckled.
"What are you laughing about?" I asked.
My voice sounded angrier than I intended it to be. I wasn´t mad at him. It was me I was mad about. So stupid...
"The irony" he than said.
I frowned "What irony?" I asked.
"Let´s see. We are here trapped in the middle of nowhere. It´s going to rain any minute now, we are shut out of the car and to top all of this, it´s probably your worst nightmare. Spending time with me... here... alone" he said still chuckling.
I watched him surprised. Did he really think I hated spending time with him.
"And still... I think for me, being here with you, will be the highlight of my week" he added in a low voice brushing through his hair.
The highlight of his week? I gulped. He couldn´t just say stuff like that.
"I don´t... and it´s not..." I stalled.
What was I supposed to say? I was lost.
We stood like this for several moments, both staring on the ground in front of us.
The wind had increased and I hugged myself.
My light blouse, Adrian had complimented before now seemed like a stupid idea.
Adrian shrugged out of his jacket and handed it to me.
"Take this" he said and I looked up at him.
"It´s okay" I said.
He tilted his head "You´re freezing" he argued.
"You´ll be cold as well" I said.
"Nah, I´ll be okay" he said giving me a reassuring smile.
Unsure I took the jacket and slipped into it.
It smelled heavenly and I was tempted to close my eyes and take a deep breath.
A deep breath of Adrian.
I nearly blushed when I realized what I had just been thinking.
"Suits you" Adrian said.
I pursed my lips "I bet it does".
He smiled and leaned back against the door.
He brushed through his hair and looked up into the now dark sky.
I hated thunderstorms and this was going to be bad.
"Adrian?"
He looked at me "Hm?"
"It´s not my worst nightmare" I whispered.
He gave me a small smile that didn´t reach his eyes.
He sat down next to the car and I followed him after a while.
"I miss ... us" I said after several minutes.
From the corner of my eyes I saw him looking at me.
I didn´t have the courage to look at him, so I kept my eyes on my feet.
"Us?" he asked, surprise and confusion in his voice.
"You know... talking to you... It used to be easy between us" I admitted.
My voice was throaty and to my astonishment I realized that tears had formed in my eyes and I looked down on my hands.
I didn´t want to cry in front of him. I wouldn´t.
"I miss that, too" he said after a while "I miss you" he added.
My heart in my chest seemed to grow and I bit my lip. I missed him, too.
"I´m here" I said looking up at him.
"Are you?" he asked meeting my eyes.
Another clap of thunder made me wince and than the rain started.
At first only a few drops, that met the heated ground and disappeared nearly instantly.
I watched the drops and pulled the jacket closer around me.
The rain increased and I pulled my legs up to my chest.
After a few minutes I slipped out of the jacket and Adrian watched me curiously.
"What are you doing?" he asked frowning.
"Sharing" I replied putting the jacket over our heads.
"You´re going to be cold" Adrian argued.
But he had slipped right next to me and our bodies touched. No way was I going to be cold with him so close to me.
My feelings were so confusing.
How could I enjoy his closeness so much? I couldn´t feel this way. I shouldn´t.
"I´ll be okay" I whispered.
It would be so easy to lean against his shoulder, feel him even closer.
I gulped. What was I thinking?
I felt Adrians arm move beside me and stiffened. What was he up to?
"Come here" he whispered putting his arm around my shoulder.
It was wonderful to be in his arm. Warm and safe.
I sighed. I could tell myself a hundred times, that this was wrong, but it felt so good and right.
"Are you okay?" Adrian asked and I nodded.
Than very slowly I let my head rest against his shoulder.
This time I allowed myself to close my eyes and inhale deeply. Breathing him in.
His cologne... him.
God he smelled so good.
My jeans and blouse were soaked by now but I didn´t care. All I really realized was him.
I closed my eyes and got lost in the feeling of being in his arms.
We sat like this for some time. Quiet and comfortable.
"I´m sorry I kissed you" he said after a while.
"You are?" I asked feeling a sting in my heart.
"No" he chuckled "It was the best thing I ever did. But I´m sorry it changed everything between us" he went on.
"We won´t work" I said and even I knew how lame that sounded.
"I think we would" he replied.
"How?" I asked.
I moved to look at him and his arm around me shifted to my waist, leaving my skin tingly where he touched me.
He shrugged "I just know we would" he simply said.
"It´s not that easy" I argued.
Was he serious? I was human, he was moroi.
"It is" he said. His eyes on me felt like looking right into my soul.
"No" I whispered, lost in his beautiful green eyes.
"Yes" he replied.
I felt his fingers brushing over my back and instantly got goosebumps.
How could he have this effect on me.
My gaze fell on his lips and I forced myself to look into his eyes again.
This was so wrong.
His arm around me pulled me closer and our foreheads touched. I gasped.
"I don´t want you to freeze to death" he explained whispering with a small smile.
I could feel his warm breath on me and his arm around me.
Just a few inches and my lips would be on his.
"So you´re just caring for my health?" I asked in a low voice.
I felt my heart in my mouth.
He smiled "Of course I am. I always care for you... your health" he whispered.
His slip up was not unnoticed by me nor my heart.
Another clap of thunder made me jump a little and suddenly I felt his lips on mine.
Just for a nanosecond my lips brushed over his.
My heartbeat increased and for a second I completely forgot how to breath.
"Afraid of thunderstorms?" he whispered against me.
I could actually feel his lips moving. He was so close. I was so close.
I shook my head unable to speak or think for that matter.
He cleared his throat and gently pulled away.
Why? I didn´t want him to.
I pulled my lower lip into my mouth and bit down.
I was sure he was going to kiss me and to be perfectly honest, I wanted him to.
Suddenly Adrian moved away, loosening his grip on me.
"I´m sorry" he said crossing his arms in front of his chest.
"For what?" I asked confused.
He gave me a level look.
"I can´t do this Sydney" he than said bitter.
I looked at him, still confused.
"I care to much about you. I can´t... Will you be okay here by yourself? I think I´ll take a walk" he said starting to get up.
I grabbed his hand and he looked at me.
"Don´t go" I said "Please stay. You can´t take a walk now. We´re in the middle of a thunderstorm" I said gesturing around. Was he crazy?
"I know that" he said deadpan.
Obviously he didn´t.
"Will you please stay? With me?" I went on. My voice a whisper now.
Adrian still looked tense but finally relaxed and leaned back against the car.
"Thank you" I said.
He nodded.
He was sitting in the pouring rain again and I felt stupid with the jacket on my head. He was supposed to be here next to me under the jacket. Close to me.
I lifted the jacket and looked at him.
"Will you come back?" to me I asked.
The pain in his eyes nearly overwhelmed me this time.
He looked so sad, so miserable.
"I´m fine here" he said still looking at me.
"No you´re not. You´ll get ill" I said frustrated.
"I´m moroi. I don´t do ill" he said.
I sighed.
"You are being ridiculous" I whispered.
He looked away.
"Don´t you get it?" he than asked heated. "I can´t be that close to you. All I think about is kissing you and I feel that you want that, too but you are so determent to not allow you the things you want... that Sage, that´s ridiculous" he ended.
I looked down on my hands feeling stupid. I knew he was right.
"So please, let´s just wait for triple A and get home" he added.
He closed his eyes and I watched him. Confused and hurt.
I closed my eyes as well. This was a disaster.
I moved my hand and touched his hand. Slowly I placed my fingertips on his.
I kept my eyes shut and felt him move away.
I once again searched for his hand and feeling bold and desperate, I took his hand in mine.
I didn´t want to loose him. Only the thought of loosing him teared me apart.
I didn´t know if he was looking at me or not. My eyes remained closed, but this time his hand didn´t move away.
Very slowly I moved closer to him until our upper arms touched.
I felt him stiffening and so did I.
I was more than nervous. What if he would pull away again?
Please don´t, I thought.
"I don´t want to loose you" I whispered opening my eyes.
His eyes were still closed and he had a sad expression.
"Me neither" he replied.
I released his hand and quickly got on my knees. He opened his eyes to see what I was doing.
"Would you please close your eyes again?" I asked avoiding his gaze.
He sighed but closed his eyes again.
I was sure I was going to loose my courage when he was looking at me.
I took a deep breath and crawled on his lap straddling him.
Of course he did open his eyes than.
His eyes were full of wonder and confusion and he opened his mouth to say something.
"Don´t talk" I said.
He closed his mouth and we looked at each other for several seconds.
My heart was racing. Than ,slowly, I leaned in until my lips touched his.
I closed my eyes and put a bit more pressure into my kiss.
For a moment Adrian didn´t react at all, but than I felt his hands on my back.
His lips moved against mine. Soft, warm, perfect.
My hands were in his hair. Softly tugging.
He sighed and pulled me closer.
My body against his felt marvelous.
His hands were stroking my back and my sides, coming to a hold on my hips.
It was like pure electricity, that was flowing through my whole body, reaching every nerve from my toes to my scalp.
Kissing Adrian was amazing. Even more amazing than I had remembered.
More intense, more right, more prefect than I could ever have imagined it.
I felt his tongue on my lips and opened my mouth to welcome it.
A shiver ran down my spine when he carefully licked the seam of my upper lip.
The world around me vanished. There was no more rain, no more thunder, nothing but him.
Than I felt the water drops running don our faces and I chuckled.
Adrian opened his eyes and looked at me "What´s so funny?" he asked throatily.
"It´s raining" I stated and he laughed.
"Good observation Sage".
Than his lips where back on mine, kissing me. His hands stroking me.
"Is this for real?" he murmured between kisses and I pulled back a few inches.
"Pretend I didn´t say something" he whispered pulling me back.
His arms held me steady against his chest and I was lost in him.
"It is Adrian" I managed to say when his lips kissed down my neck.
"What is?" he asked husky.
I chuckled "Real" I said.
He stopped kissing me and cupped my face looking at me.
"If it wasn´t, you would say that as well" he said with a smirk.
"Probably, yes" I admitted.
I smiled and pinched his arm.
"Ouch, what was that for?" he asked.
"Just showing you it´s real" I said and he started to laugh.
"Maybe that´s just a fantasy of mine, you hurting me. I also could imagine this. And of course there is always spirit, who know what tricks that plays on my mind" he said still smirking.
"Adrian?" I rolled my eyes.
"Sage?" he replied challenging.
"Shut up!" I said laughing, putting my arms around his neck.
We were kissing again and I knew than and there, that I would never again be able to not kiss him.