Clip on Stranger.
Big Time Rush.
James Diamond.
Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time rush.
"Are you guys seeing this?" I questioned in a bewildered whisper.
"I'm not seeing this. It's insane." Logan breathed.
Carlos smacked his helmet and rubbed his eyes. "It's actually happening. Kendall's a...Goth?!"
I had never seen this emotionally charged black clothed Kendall before. It was frightening and new and had thrown my world on its axis. How long had this been happening? Kendall's usually bright plaid shirts had been replaced with bleeding skulls. His jeans were impossibly dark and tight around his hips and thighs. The thick biker boots insured that we never missed his presence around us. But the one thing that captured my attention every time I looked at him was the ebony black his blonde hair had become.
Kendall stretched out on the orange couch, bobbing his head along to a song that I could hear screaming through his headphones; suddenly I was worried about his hearing. My remaining, unchanged friends and I hovered close together and tried to digest this new situation. Logan's eyes were wide and focused almost unblinkingly on our leader. Carlos' actually looked afraid of this stranger in Kendall's body. And I missed my reliable best friend who was my rock.
"So...what do we do?" I finally ventured.
"Maybe he's got Hollywood Fever." Carlos supplied.
"No, we were at the rink yesterday." Logan argued. "I...don't even know what to do."
"Perhaps we should talk to him?" Carlos inquired.
"Good idea!" I agreed "Go for it Logan!"
Our genius stepped forward one tiny step and tugged on Kendall's jeans. Jade green eyes snapped open in a silent question. Logan inched forward until he was perched on the couch beside Kendall's side. He reached forward and eased the headphones out of Kendall's ears gently. Kendall frowned but allowed his friend to take away his music.
"Something up Loganator?" Kendall asked, even his voice seemed deeper and older.
"Uhm...yeah...Kendall, the guys and I were talking and we're...a little concerned about you." Logan stammered and I wanted the ground to swallow me up. I thought Kendall was going to shut down on us but he only frowned and pushed himself up onto his elbows.
"Why?"
"Well...you know..."
"Uh...no I don't."
"The sudden black clothes. It's weird!" Carlos exploded suddenly.
Kendall's eyes jerked to ours and narrowed dangerously. I swallowed in response and Logan cowered back to my side.
" 'The sudden black clothes'?" He repeated slowly. "I've been wearing these clothes for weeks. You didn't notice?"
He suddenly sounded so hurt and disappointed that my heart dropped passed my feet and withered into ash. But I couldn't take back the words and I knew he hadn't lied. Kendall's eyes were venerable and pained, defiant and deadly.
"No...No, we didn't. Sorry Kendie." Logan apologised.
"Don't call me that." Kendall growled.
Logan squeaked and slapped his palms over his mouth loudly. Kendall rolled his eyes and pushed himself away from the couch. A spiked collar glittered in the light as he moved and a skull and cross bone earring dangled as he moved his head. This wasn't my Kendall, I couldn't see him in there.
"Whatever." Kendall rebelled. "I'm going to the pool."
He shoved ruthlessly past us and stomped across the floor and out of the door, it slammed moodily behind him.
I stared unbelievably at the empty space beside us and finally caught my breath. Outburst of anger really weren't that uncommon for Kendall but they were always provoked. We had done nothing to upset him in the few moments he had allowed us to talk to him. I turned to Logan in disbelief, silently begging for his help.
"I...a few weeks? We hadn't noticed?" Logan sounded horrified.
"We're terrible friends!" Carlos wailed.
I wandered over to the window and stared down at the pool, quickly locating Kendall on the deck chairs. His knees were pulled up to his chest, his face buried in them and he was ignoring Camille's worried words. He looked suddenly so small and I didn't know why. I was oddly angry with him, was it really so hard to tell us what was wrong? I suppose that had always been Kendall's greatest flaw. His inability to let others help him. He would bleed for one of us but never expected us to do the same for him.
"Something's really wrong, guys." I deduced.
"But what?"
"You guys are idiots." The sharp female voice of Katie rang out.
She looked like a tiny lioness, all bared teeth and spitting rage. An expression so often seen on her older brother but never on her. Once again I found myself shaking in the presence of a smaller Knight.
"What does that mean?" Logan sounded insulted.
"You've had three weeks to ask him about his clothes and why he's so upset and you only notice now! No wonder Kendall would rather be at the pool with The Jennifer's than you."
"That's not true! He hates The Jennifer's" I declared.
Katie scoffed and folded her arms across her chest. "I saw him hanging out with Jett yesterday. There were laughing! When was the last time you hung out together?"
"Last week!" Carlos exploded his answer.
"Really? What did you do?"
"I...erm..." Carlos looked to me for help.
"We didn't do anything last week. Or the week before." I finally answered.
"See!" Katie hissed. "I was kidding when I said I would take him to get new friends. But I think he's actually gone and done it. You've got no idea how close you are to losing him."
"New friends?!" I squeaked and threw a panicked glance back to Kendall outside.
Jett had appeared, lounging happily in a chair beside him, his head thrown back in laughter. Kendall was smiling, warmer and brighter than he had in a while. As I watched The Jennifer's sauntered past him and waved their manicured hands at Kendall, something Carlos hadn't been able to get them to do. Jett spoke again and I saw, broken heartedly, Kendall wrap his arms around his stomach and howl in laughter. The Jennifer's paused in their stride and looked back at him fondly.
I pulled away from the disturbing scene below me and sank to my knees on the carpet. It was unfathomable, Kendall willing leaving us, forsaking us. He had always been the one to hold us together, when we fought and screamed at each other he remained us we were best friends. Everything was wrong and the world felt odd. My heart was crumbling and crashing into small pieces around me and I was sure I could hear Logan's and Carlos' joining the wreckage.
"He's...replacing us." I uttered.
"NO! He wouldn't do that! Not Kendall!" Logan denied violently.
"He is. Think about it...we thought he hated Jett and The Jennifer's...now he's best friends with them."
Carlos lowered himself down beside me and buried his face in a stolen cushion from the couch.
"What will we do without him?" He asked in a tiny voice.
That was the biggest question I had. How would we function without Kendall? How could we live in the same apartment as him, knowing we hadn't been enough? Would he move out? Quit the band? Fly solo?
"We've got to get him back." Logan sobbed.
I reached up and pulled the tiny genius down to my side and tugged Carlos closer to me. Katie shuffled forward and curled her hands around my knees. I knew she wanted her older brother back.
"Why is he like this Katie?" I questioned.
She glanced down at her nails and bit her lip. "You hurt him." She whispered.
I died a little inside and the world fell away momentarily. Logan whimpered his denial and Carlos' frame shook, I hugged them tighter to me.
"How?"
"You stopped seeing me." Kendall answered.
We all glanced up at the striking boy in the doorway, the familiar stranger in the wrong clothes. Finally, I looked at Kendall, really looked and saw the dark bruises underneath his eyes and the grief that seemed to pull his shoulders down.
"It's that simple. You had other friends and I didn't. Not since Jo left." He explained. "I thought...maybe I should find someone who wanted me around."
"We want you around." I confessed.
Logan detangled himself from me and shot across the room. He collided with Kendall and wrapped his arms tightly around him. Surprise rippled across Kendall's face and his arms reacted awkwardly, finally curling around Logan's back.
"Don't leave us." Logan begged. "Please...we're sorry!"
"Logie...don't cry...please don't."
"You're leaving us! Stay with us." Logan wailed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't replace us with Jett."
"Replace you? I'm not replacing anyone." Kendall denied and tried to pry Logan off him.
"Yes you are. I saw you, you're happy talking to Jett, aren't you?" I accused.
"Once you get passed the name calling, Jett's an OK guy. A bit obsessed with himself but everyone's got their quirks."
"So you are replacing us!" Carlos gasped.
Kendall's face dropped and his eyes glistened. "I'm only doing the same as you guys. You haven't been there and I missed you."
"We miss you." I breathed. "Our Kendall. Not this Goth."
Kendall raised one hand to drag it through his hair. "I thought you hated my outfits."
I shook my head. "No, they're you."
His mouth quirked into a small smile. "The jeans are a bit tight."
Logan giggled. "So...will you change back?"
"Suppose so."
Kendall eased away from Logan's grasp and stalked into his room. I bit my tongue and knew that really nothing had been fixed. When Kendall remerged he looked like himself but was still missing that spark in his eyes. The earring swayed from his ear, a disturbing remaindered that he still wasn't back yet. He sat down on the couch and picked up the remote without looking at any of us. I sat down beside him and pulled him into my arms. He didn't struggle against me, seeming willing to curl himself against my chest and hideaway his face. I couldn't remember the last time I had seen Kendall embrace comfort.
"What else did we do, Kenny?" I whispered.
Kendall stiffened and looked stubbornly away "Nothing."
"Don't do that, Kendall. Tell me."
"It's silly really. It's just...last week...Gustavo called me a worthless idiot...and you all agreed."
I could barely remember the comment that had chipped away at Kendall's heart. I pulled my brother closer to me and tried to squeeze out the hurt I had unknowingly inflicted on him.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."
"But it had to have come from somewhere. You've hated me since we first came here."
"What? No I don't!"
"You said you did."
"When?"
"Back in Minnesota."
I had. Through hazy, angry memories I remembered saying those words to him and never apologising.
"I don't hate you. You are my best friend Kendall Knight. You're the reason we're here right now. So I suppose, what I really need to say is, thank you."
His head shot up so violently it startled me. "What?"
"Thank you Kendall for convincing Gustavo to let all of us come with you. I've never met another person like you. You were offered the chance for a solo career and you turned it down so you could bring three hockey players with you. We owe you everything."
"You owe me nothing." Kendall argued softly.
"We owe you everything." I repeated. "You will never be a worthless idiot ever."
Kendall studied my face silently and then he smiled his golden smile and settled back into my arms. Logan curled into his side and Carlos rested back against his legs.
"You're welcome guys." He whispered and his hand reached up and pulled the earring away from the skin.
He offered it to me and I stared down at the magnet that had kept it held together.
"It was fake." I breathed in relief.
"Duh. The tattoo's enough."
That startled me. "What tattoo? Kendall?"
But the rebel just laughed and focused his attention on the television screen.