He should have known the second they caught wind that Sibyl's drones had been sighted moving as a unit in their area.
He should have known when their first two ambushes against the machines had been too easy.
It smelled putridly familiar. Charred skin. Sulfur baked in stomach acid.
Shinya Kougami's hands shake uncontrollably around the rifle as he absorbs what has happened in his camp. Wailing and screams take up the air, soldiers are bolting in all directions and cradling remnants of people that once were.
The smaller cluster of droids had been a distraction; the larger undetected group had attacked their weakest links. The sick, the elderly. The newly made mothers.
The young.
He is sinking to his knees, the shrieking destroying him to the core. He's choking in rasps, struggling against the thick, nauseating air. She had told him that the droids were unpredictable to even their newfound allies. The guards that were to stay behind and defend the camp were likely outnumbered, but it was impossible to tell the remains apart.
He's suddenly launched into the air by a vice grip around his collar. The tear streaked face of his co-leader enters his vision, but the shrieking is so ear piercing he can hardly make out coherent words. It rises in rapid spikes, until only phrases can reverberate in his skull as loud as gunfire.
MY DAUGHTER IS DEAD!
His world in spinning in a sickly haze.
'I-'
YOU'VE KILLED US ALL!
'It wasn't them, please, blame me', he tries to choke out.
The words dry up and die on his tongue.
WE'LL SLAUGHTER EVERY LAST MEMBER OF SIBYL!
Screams of reprisal rip through his skull. Sibyl knew that its turncoats and his army couldn't win pitted against each other.
AND WE'LL DESTROY THAT BITCH TSUNEMORI!
He's thrown into the ground, and suddenly he can't move a limb.
'IT WASN'T HER! YOU HAVE THE WRONG ENEMY!'
He's screaming until his voice runs hoarse, but no sound escapes his lips.
He can't move. He can't breathe.
The world is spinning and dipping out of control, and suddenly as if it's always been there and he's just realizing, he's face to face with a child's outstretched hand. It reaches desperately, frozen in time, the bones standing out of the melted skin-
"-YA!"
"SHINYA!"
Just like that Kougami is able to move, bolting upright and wheezing for air. It's pitch black, and the smell of rotting flesh has been extinguished. He's suddenly aware of two small but firm hands gripping his shoulders, as one shifts off and a light flicks on. Golden amber eyes wide with fear are staring back into his.
"A-a-kane..?"
"Sssh. breathe. I've got you," she whispers, pulling him into a sitting position, wrapping him in her arms.
Immediately he's clinging to her like a child, rasping and trembling uncontrollably. He needs to hold her, has to know she's safe. Unsuccessfully, he tries to control his breathing, but it feels like he's been running for hours.
"Was I making noise..?" he croaks after a while, suddenly all too aware of the blurring in his vision.
"Only a little." She fibs for his sake. "The same nightmare?" She's running a hand on his back in slow circles, seemingly uncaring that he's slicked in a cold sweat.
"It's not a nightmare if it actually happened," wiping at an eye stubbornly. Responding to the movement, Akane lowers his head gently under her cheek.
"It's okay to hurt, Shinya. There's no need to hide your feelings anymore," She whispers.
Silently, he allows the tears to track down his cheeks as he tries to steady his shaking breaths, his shaking frame.
"I should have known better. Should have moved them to different territory before we even started the counterattack." His voice is brittle and weak.
"You did everything you could have done."
"They couldn't defend themselves, and-"
"The past is the past. Sibyl is gone." She squeezes him tighter. "You've done so much, Kougami. You saved lives, helped protect countless futures."
Gently, she pulls back and cups his face to stare directly into hers. He won't make eye contact in this state, she knows.
"But now you need to let yourself heal. Right now, you need to save yourself." She presses a kiss onto his clammy forehead.
He brings a shaking hand to hers, trying to steady himself in her calming presence.
He won't be able to fall asleep after this. He can't face those memories again.
Pulling up slowly from the bed, he lets go and gingerly peels the sweat soaked t-shirt off his body and stumbles to the washroom. When he comes back from rinsing off, he's surprised to see her waiting outside the doorframe patiently. Taking his still trembling hand, she leads him wordlessly into their small living room, padding him over to the plush couch and presenting him with a warm mug of hot chocolate.
"Sit," Akane orders, draping a throw blanket over his bare shoulders as he takes the drink and settles onto the cushions. She disappears into the kitchen and returns with her own cup, plunking herself shoulder to shoulder with him, and he wraps the other half of the cover around her.
Akane breaks the silence after a while.
"You are a merciless protector, because you love and see what is worth fighting for. Pain shows that you are human." She takes a sip of the cocoa thoughtfully. "You're so very, delightfully human," bumping her head against his shoulder, wriggling closer. "It's my favorite quality of yours, actually."
"Not a dog, huh?" he murmurs, tentatively taking a sip of the drink. It's warm and comforting, but not nearly as much as the woman nuzzled next to him. She bats his shoulder playfully as he cracks a weary smile.
"I believe in you, Shinya." He finally looks into her eyes, shining and beautiful as they always have been. A beacon when he's at his worst.
"How do you do that, Akane?"
"Hmm?"
"You've been through hell and back. You've seen ungodly things like I have." His hands clutch the mug tighter as his voice threatens to shake again. "But through it all, you're a pillar of strength. The strongest I know. I always knew you had it in you since your first day on the job, but..you've grown into someone so amazing I couldn't have ever envisioned."
She was tapping lightly on the sides of her mug as she listened, but the fingers pause and she starts to giggle. He can't believe his ears as her laughing grows.
"What?" He strains, her apparent amusement like a mocking slap to the face.
"Sorry, I'm sorry!" She chokes out between fits as his glare bores into her. "It's just..how could you not see it?"
"See what?" he growls impatiently.
"I..sit here, would you please?" she slides back to the far end of the couch, smiling warmly. Grudgingly, his knitted together eyebrows detangle and he sighs, setting the cocoa on the table and stretching his legs over the armrest, allowing her to cradle his head in her lap. She wouldn't be acting like this if she didn't have something important to say.
"Kou," she hesitates, beginning to run a hand through his hair. "I wasn't that strong. Not on my own, at least." She's trying to word this in a way that won't upset him. "When Division 1 was rebuilding itself after you...well, everything was a mess." He's searching her eyes, but now it's her that doesn't want to meet them. "Everyone was turning to me, and I was still so new, and I..I had just lost my pillar of strength."
Kougami was outright staring now. "I-"
"I mean, you've already heard about the cigarettes. It doesn't get much more embarrassing than that," chuckling nervously. "You still mentored me, even when you were far away and out of sight. Whenever I had a problem, I thought back to how you would act and took that opinion into deciding my own course of action."
All he can do is stare, and she finally meets his eyes, fingers still brushing through his hair.
"I was scared out of my mind, some days. Other days, I'd come home and be able to do nothing but cry. But I grew and I moved forward, because I knew that others needed me. And, who knows.." she moves her hand now to caress his cheek. "There could come a day where I could see the real you again, and maybe, you'd be proud."
He's speechless. "Akane..." He reaches up and smooths her cheek, and she smiles and leans into his touch. "I was always proud. Since the first day I met you, I was proud."
She laughs again. "Well I know that now, dummy."
"But..look at me. Whatever you saw in something like me before is in the past. I can't even get through a week without these night terrors, and..I've become a burden, and you've been holding strong for two now."
She stares down at him thoughtfully for a moment. Then she swats him on the side of the head.
"Ach!"
"Someone, never something," She corrects with a huff. "Just how long is it going to take to drain out Sibyls ideals?"
He doesn't answer, looking away.
"...Even the mighty fall, Shinya." She starts to play with his hair again. "I could never let go of you, not when you were out of reach, not when when I can finally hold you." She bends down and brushes her lips against his to make a point of it.
"No matter what we face from now on, we'll face it together," eyes centimeters from his. "And I'll never have it any other way. Okay?"
Gently he pulls her back down, drawing her lips to his again; warm and safe with a hint of chocolate.
"Okay." He smiles weakly.
"I promise, one day we'll figure out how normal people live." She pecks him on his forehead, reaching over and pulling the discarded blanket back over his body, squirming into a more comfortable position.
Stiffening, panic begins to seep back into his bones. "Akane-I won't be able to sleep after this. Go back to bed and I'll just read until-"
"I'm not asking you to try to sleep," She coaxes. "I want to stay here with you, until this passes."
Staring up at her, he can tell by the soft glint in her eyes that this isn't up for negotiation.
He huffs in defeat. "Alright."
Victorious, she resumes combing her fingers through his jet-black hair. "Shinya..." her tone is as quiet as fresh fallen snow. "Did I ever tell you about the first time I had chocolate?"
Puzzled, he gives her a quizzical grin. "Do you remember that far back?"
"No, but it wasn't until I was 5. My parents were very strict with desserts, they thought the sugar rush I could get would make my hue cloud." She smiles darkly. "Until my grandma whisked me away to a candy shop one day."
"Aah. Your grandmother, the regular delinquent."
She giggles softly. "She lied to my parents and told them we were going to the park-it was an early birthday present, she told me…"
Akane Tsunemori gazes fondly at the man who had fought countless endeavors, safe in her arms,breathing softly in a doze. Carefully, she traces the scars that mark his features; it looks like some of them are starting to fade.
Smiling softly to herself, she dips her head over his and joins him in slumber, as the birds outside begin to wake with the first rays of dawn.