I carried his sparkling.
If I were human, I would be choking on my sobs in my room.
Was this the reason for waiting?
I didn't understand how all of it worked. Yes I understood how Jazz and I conceived, but even that in itself was a rare thing, considering how many femmes actually managed to produce a sparkling, and yet Jazz and I unintentionally created one.
Maybe the great force that guided us, by whatever the name, be it God or any other name for that sacred being, knew I would be without him, and gave me a part of Jazz to keep with me and the others bots.
They missed him just as much as I did. Everything seemed to focus on him in my life, even now with the little sweet spark I was carrying. Optimus had given me his Autobot sign that he wore, kind of like the medals given to a fallen hero's widow. Even if I did fall in love again, which I knew was always possible, even if id didn't want to at the moment, I would keep his emblem and the photos Sam had taken of us, before my… evolvement … and after, so that Jazz's sparkling would not go without knowing his or her sire, his father.
With that thought I went straight to Optimus. I wanted any video footage they had of Jazz, and Jazz and I, before his… passing away…
I desperately wanted our spark to know how much its father treasured me, how much its father loved me, and …passed away… protecting those he loved. I wanted our spark to know that its sire's death was not in vain, that he had fought bravely protecting this world, trying to make it a better place for all of us.
Optimus sat in the large chair reviewing all the footage we had collected since their landing, the good times we had shared. One video showed the BBQ Sam and them had while I was still human, and very ill. Jazz had sat on his aft right next to me while I laughed weakly at Mojo, Sams erratic Chihuahua barking and yapping at Ironhide for all he was worth. Ironhide had moved away several times from the ankle snapper, who had categorically decided that he liked barking at the weapon specialist best.
I cried, or rather, my optics leaked. It was such a beautiful day, and Jazz doted on me the entire time. I wanted this video. Optimus promised me that I would have it on a USB so I could watch it any time I wanted to.
Ratchet stood behind me as we carried on watching the video, and I gave into the still very real need to be held. Ratchet towered over my small femme frame, and held me tightly against him, stroking up and down my back and occasionally cradling my head with his massive hands. He was no where near as large as Ironhide or Optimus, but he was certainly bigger than me, which was all I needed.
Months passed and my plates near where my spark rested accommodated the new sparkling, who was nestled warmly within me. Soon I started to laugh at how funny I looked. From once being human who knew she would maybe one day carry her infant in her lower middle half, to a femme carrying a sparkling in her upper half. On a human it would sit just under the bone where the rib cage would join up.
My 'pregnancy' made me realise how truly different humans and cybertronian's were.
Yes of coarse I knew we where entirely different species, but they had learnt so much about being human, it was hard to tell their nature apart from ours.
The day came where I was going to have my scan done. Ratchet asked me who I wanted there to see it. I wanted to share my day with everyone. They had lost so much, they hadn't even had their own kinds children anymore, but they had given me my very life back and became a family to me. I wasn't about to deny them something that would give them such great joy, something I could give back to them.
As I was prepped for my scan, meaning Ratchet would scan each part of me a few times, I wished Jazz was here. But I toughed up and put a smile on my face. I would always love him. Always. But I had to be strong, and I knew that somewhere, somehow, Jazz was watching. He would see his baby growing inside me, and this was enough. Maybe not fully enough, but enough none the less.
The others crowded round the room, human and autobot alike, and watched Ratchet plug me in to a machine that monitored every vital sign possible. The screen flickered a few times then cleared up to show a very human looking sparkling curled up inside me. My sparkling's plates had just developed, Ratchet said, and the rest of his incubation period would be spent hardening those plates.
I stared at Ratchet who smiled at me. He said His! I half laughed, half cried. I was having a boy! He was Jazz's son. I would have a part of Jazz in every way. I would make sure he would grow up to be every bit as kind and loving as his sire. I wanted to here them all say 'that's Jazz's boy!'
He will one day make his father proud, I know he will,
He is, after all, Jazz's Boy.