Disclaimer: I do not own Tracy Beaker. That honour goes to Jacqueline Wilson.
At 40 years old Carly had many secrets. The biggest one ,was that she hadn't seen her daughter for 10 years. She never meant the gap to get so long,when she said she would visit she meant it. She always told herself she would go and see her tomorrow, next week or it's her birthday soon I should visit her. Before she realised, another 10 years had passed, her little baby daughter was 23 and she hadn't seen her since that disastrous 13th birthday party. She could say that it was a desire to protect her from more harm but she knew it was fear. Fear that Tracy had a mother and it wasn't her. When she had passed her daughter's custody to a stranger and saw the relief on Tracy's face she knew something had changed. Cam was someone, something she could never be. She was Tracy's mother.
For a long time her first name was all she knew about Cam, and Carly deliberately didn't delve deeper. She could have looked into her daughters chosen mother but she couldn't. She couldn't live with the comparison to a woman who within 6 months of meeting her daughter had fallen in love with her and treated her better than she ever had. She only met her twice but in those two meetings she saw a mother's love, a mother's worry and a mother's protectiveness.
That moment taught her just how badly she had treated her daughter as she had never felt that, not truly. She played it when it was appropriate but she had never seen Tracy as a child, someone to look after, she was there as a distraction, a hindrance, something shiny to play should never have been a mother. So, when her daughter asked her to relinquish her parenting duties. she took the opportunity to hand her daughter over. She should say she regrets it and perhaps a tiny part of her does, knowing that her daughter will never see her as a mother again but she knows Tracy has had a better life without her in it.
Her previous and current partners knew nothing about Tracy and she ensured it stayed that way. She enjoyed her life the way it was, free to fly wherever and whenever, free to live life in Hollywood. As a working stunt performer there were always amazing moments but once in a blue moon she wished she could share them with Tracy.
Carly would have missed that Tracy had written a book if it wasn't for Cam.
Cam used to send letters, pictures, updates on Tracy's life. She looked at them but never replied. When they eventually stopped Carly never asked for more. Then yesterday, she received a package sent from the UK to her agent's office in LA. Very few of her contacts lived in the UK and the ones who did sent packages to her home address not the office. That's why when she saw it on her desk she knew it was about Tracy.
When she opened it and saw a book authored by her daughter. she almost put the book down, not willing to read about the past trauma caused by her own hands. However before she could do so a page of A4 that had been tucked in the inside cover of the hardback book, fell out.
C Beaker, Carly
You need to read this. It is not a story about mistakes, it contains no blame, it is a story of childhood rivalry, of friendship, of resilience and of love. There are no recriminations. You will always be the glamourous movie star who has the ability to whisk her away. I just get to be the ballast that will bring her home again.
I'm writing to you again because of Tracy. She only did one hand written declaration. She never told me directly why but I know she would want you to have this copy. You are her mother and she will always love you. Never forget that. Read this book, see just how similar you are and be proud. She grew up as a Beaker and will always be one no matter what. She always loves you and as always her address is included.
Cam Lawson
Rather than taking the note and ripping it into tiny pieces Carly Beaker instead picked up the book and read:
To my mother
My first stories were about you and you will always be my film star.
Thank you for giving me my imagination.
Then Carly sat and read the book cover to cover entranced by the adventures of a young girl growing up in a world of imagination. She never spoke of her daughter again but, once in a blue moon, she thought of her and though she had no right to it, she felt proud.
A/N This has been saved on my laptop for a while but after finding out there is a new Tracy Beaker book on the way, I thought now would be a good time to post it. t