Felinis: for my birthday I wrote angst
You got used to being alone on your birthday after a time. Everyone has their own lives and unless you're a child or ever present it's easy for people who cast aside and it all devolves into empty gestures and a day spent with nothing to do. Rita's used to the loneliness of a day that's supposedly special simply being another mundane experience where she works and maybe thinks of eating sweets.
It's not a feeling that hurts actively but is closer to a numbness that's ever-present but more at the forefront. She used to bring up her birthday when she was younger but these days she finds there's no point. None of them actually care. Nobody knows what she likes to do for fun. Nobody talks to her unprompted. Nobody understands her. Nobody likes her.
They'll smile and praise the genius but that's it.
When she was first brought to Aspio they would dote on her and give her gifts but slowly the affection waned away as her skill became something to fear. Those who did would steal her research and try to pass it off as their own leaving her to go throw a tantrum about the unfairness. Rita learned at some point it wasn't worth it and just kept away from people who would always betray and focused on her blastia. Blastia never betray or lie.
Blastia need her unlike everyone else.
Rita sighs as she works through another birthday with no intention of leaving her house because nobody is waiting for her. Thirteen… It's supposed to be a big year but she doesn't feel any different and she doesn't care. There's no point in mourning for company when it never comes.
Her own parents stopped sending letters after two years of living in Aspio. Maybe they're dead, maybe they just forgot her and aren't coming back. Whatever the reason she knows that nobody is ever going to knock on her door today unless it's for her research.
She rubs her eyes to get rid of the sickening sadness trying to seep out that she can't fathom. There's no point in her being sad. This is just the way it is… Her eyes drift to the bookshelf and she opens up a storybook instead of a heavy research tome. Just something for her.
You are a person who lives in loneliness, Rita. You were born alone. You'll die alone and you've accepted that fact. You don't need friends or humans. She doesn't even need light as she's used to the dark of Aspio but from time to time she heads out for field research.
She knows how to survive and work in a group and that's enough for her to function through life. There's no need to travel around the world. There's no need to waste time with others when she could be working.
She is the lone genius mage Rita Mordio and that is fine. She is fine. Rita rubs her eyes again.
Is this really how getting older is supposed to feel?