If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake up from this dream
Don't try to fix me I'm not broken
Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello, I'm still here, all that's left of yesterday
~Hello-Evanescence~
Everything changed the minute she disappeared, the minute I knew she left me here alone. I knew I had to find him for her. I knew that's what she wanted from me. I just didn't know where to start. Her last vision wasn't clear and it didn't help that she talks in riddles sometimes. Gah! Why couldn't I have been like the rest of them instead of being the one infested with human emotions and a soul? I'm different, but I guess I always have been.
I remember the day she changed me; the day where I became the living dead. A year ago I walked home from a hard and long day at school. My life started to fall apart. My friends were abandoning me; my family didn't even know who I was anymore. I became invisible-not literally. I saw the world in a different view than everyone else. I craved an adventure, actually anything, that will get me out there in the world. I wanted to travel and see what no one else has seen. I guess what I really wanted was a life to call my own. She gave that to me, a whole new life and it's mine to live. She found me sitting on a swing at dusk. She found me sobbing like a child. She said she smelled so much humanity in me it made her head swirl with pretty lights. When I saw her walking towards me that night I never thought I have seen such a striking, gorgeous girl in my life, and I'm straight. Her light black hair hit her back midway. She wore the strangest but yet beautiful dress I have ever seen and her eyes were so blue it was kind of hard to look in them. Her skin was pale just as if she were a ghost. I couldn't tear my eyes off her. She stood in front of me holding out her tiny hand. All of my instincts told me to run, but my gut told me to stay. I listened to my gut that day. I took her hand in mine.
"Now my little light fairy it's time to get rid of all that bright whiteness and turn it dark. I can make everything feel better my dear… Don't you want to get away from the structure of living and lead a life full of exquisite wonders?" Her voice held an old English accent I haven't heard before. She sounded so sure of herself. It's like she knew exactly what I wanted. How could I have said no to her? I nodded my head and for some odd reason I knew I was going to die, but I gave a talk to myself and it turns out I was fine with dying.
I did die that night, well the physically me, but my soul is still here-within me. I always thought my soul should have left my body and let the demon take a full ride. No, not with me though. I could feel the demon wanting to come out and play, but my soul defeats it every time. Apparently coming from my sire I am the first ever being born into the dark world with a soul. She told me her daddy got cursed with a soul and her dark knight fought for his. I detected the sadness creeping out of her voice-I wasn't a fool. She lost her family, I get it, and she wanted to start a new one. I guess she gave up, since being her first childe I turned out deformed. I don't really mind though I love my sire the best I can and I know she could not love me at all.
I know I need to find him for her, but I still don't know where he's at. Maybe he's with Angel-Drusilla's sire/daddy-in Los Angeles. She did say she last saw Spike in Sunnydale, but Sunnydale is gone it's just a huge hole now. He has to be with Angel, maybe, God I hope so.
I got inside my beautiful silver Shelby GT500 Coupe Mustang once the sun went down. I knew where to go-my destination. Now what did Drusilla say again? Something about blood being spilled onto streets. My sire is a little crazy-heck she has bucket full of crazy. I don't know much about my sire. Only that she was lonely and wanted a new family. She said she will be the new mommy and make her own pretty children. There is something about her though. Drusilla is an extraordinary being. She saw everything differently –heck she saw stars dancing above her when we were inside. I just wish sometimes I could make her proud of me maybe even love me as her childe, but I know I can't. She left me alone in this dark cruel world and the only thing I could think of doing for her is to find Spike-her dark knight.
The drive took hours just to get to Glenwood Springs, Colorado from Frederick, Virginia. I needed to rest. I know I couldn't drive anymore being sleep deprived and all. I got off I-70 and turned into a parking lot where the cheap motel is. I parked my baby under a luscious tree. I don't like her being in the sun too much or else she will lose the new car look. I sighed, turning my car off. I rubbed my eyes a bit and look at the time. Four o'clock in the morning. Great the sun is going to be coming up in two hours and I'm already beat. I got out of my Mustang and locked the doors. I took the wad of cash stuffed into my pocket out. I cursed. I only have about fifty dollars. That will last me for barley half the day. I walked inside the motel. The walls were covered in disgusting torn yellow wallpaper and the front desk is worn out wood. I put down forty dollars on the desk and hit the bell multiple times. Banging noises were coming from the back room.
"I'm coming god dammit! Stop the ringing!" The door opened and stood a middle aged man who looked like he hasn't showered in days. His eyes flared with anger, but once he saw the sight of me he put on a smile. He looked me up and down, and left his gaze on my chest. "Well, well what do we have here? Hello baby, how are you doing?" He wiggled his eyebrows and winked. I swear I almost felt myself throw up. Why do older men have to be complete pigs? I glared at him, not in the mood for playing around.
"Dick my eyes are up here and I just want a room for a day." I pushed my money towards him. He took it with pleasure. He counted the money and turned around grabbing the keys off the hook. Then he pushed the keys towards me. I grabbed the little key with the number thirty-eight on them. I started moving away from the desk until I felt something grab my ass. I swiftly turned around taking hold of the guy's hand and twisting it behind his back. I pushed him up against the wall. He groaned in pain and I could hear his heartbeat quicken. I wanted to dig my fangs into him and drink him dry. Instead I moved his arm up more to the middle of his back. He yelped out.
"Don't you ever fucking touch me again you pervert or else I will cut off your balls and push them so far down your throat you will choke to death." I let go of him and ran off to my room. That was probably the most descriptive killing I have ever said. I couldn't stay there and see the fear in his eyes, which would have made me want to take his blood more; fear is what gets demons started.
I got inside my room, locked the door behind me, and went straight to the bed. I felt the exhaustion weighing on my shoulders. I closed my eyes for a bit. I slowed my breathing trying to get the adrenaline out of my system. I could hear the heartbeats of everyone in this run down motel. I groaned and covered my face with a pillow. I just need to fall asleep and think about 'food' later. I let my mind wander off somewhere else. My body relaxed and sleep took over.
Blood, so much blood, it's everywhere. Even the sky looks bloody. I walked outside during the day. Apparently I could walk outside during the day since the sun is gone which is weird because it's very bright out here. Everyone's face is messed up and twisted in an odd way. I couldn't stare at anyone without having a bad feeling inside of me. Instead of being surrounded by buildings I was at a camp site by a lake. The lake shined in a silvery light, but I didn't understand it's still day time. I looked up towards the sky and the moon was out in all its glory. When did it become night time? My mind tried to make sense of it, but I got distracted by something humming. I stood right where I was at, since I knew the humming will come to me. My sire came out of the forest wearing her favorite white dress. Her hair was down with white clips at the side. She smiled gently at me.
"My little fairy what have you done?" She waved her hand at the side of me. I glanced down at my side and saw a pile of dead bodies. One of them looked eerily familiar. I sniffed the air by them and they were all human. Oh God what have I done? I looked at Drusilla trying to find the answers. She shook her finger at me.
"Tsk, tsk. Naughty little kitten killed all the pesky birdies. The stars are dancing again and they're whispering melodies to me. They tell me your light will be gone and filled with complete darkness. Another thing fairy…they're saying you will bathe in the blood of the Slayer and make her organs your decorations. My light fairy is turning dark, my beautiful childe." She pulled me into a hug something my sire wouldn't do. I can't turn evil what does she mean? I got out of her embrace deciding I should ask her. When I gazed at her she wasn't my sire anymore. I stared into chocolate eyes. I could almost swear I felt my un-dead heart beating. How is he here-alive?
"Jarred?" My voice cracked. I felt the tears forming in my eyes. He smiled sweetly at me showing the dimple on his right cheek. I put my hand on his cheek where his dimple is at. I was afraid if I touch him he would disappear. When he didn't I smothered my face into his light blue shirt. I smelled his familiar woods scent. My body shook with longing. "I missed you so much." I whispered in his shoulder.
"I know. I came back here because you missed me. I came to tell you to let me go-want to know why?" I nodded my head like he had all the answers in the world. "Because I can't stand the thought of a creature disgusting as you should be missing me. You're pathetic and I hate your guts." I cried. Why is he saying such horrible things?
"Jarred, please." I tried begging him to stop. He pushed me away. I hugged myself feeling the coldness and hurt rush through me. Hate and disgust covered his eyes.
"Fuck you! You did this to me! I am dead because of you! Now tell me this how can I possible still love you when you destroyed everything about me? How can I possible love someone so low in life? You are an evil bitch. I don't understand how you could sleep at night knowing you killed me." I saw something shine from his right hand, but I didn't know what it was. My eye sight was blurry from the tears.
"I am so sorry. I didn't mean to. I didn't want to hurt you. Please try to understand me that-"He cut me off.
"You didn't mean to! Ha! That makes me laugh! You had every intention to take my life and dance on my grave. Now I have this incredible opportunity to get my revenge." He spat at me. Then he moved closer towards me. He plunged something inside me. My stomach shot up in pain. He stabbed me. I looked up at him while falling towards the ground. I didn't see any guilt or love on his face. All I saw was hate just hate. What have I done? I landed on the ground feeling my life draining.
"I hope you burn in hell." He whispered in my ear. I closed my eyes letting the tears fully fall.
I gasped for air and sat upright on my bed. I pulled my shirt up looking for the wound, but it wasn't there. Right it was a dream, only a dream. I told myself trying to calm down. When my breathing finally went back to normal I went to the bathroom. I turned on the sink and splashed water on my face. I looked in the mirror and jumped a little when I didn't see my reflection. Right, vampires don't have any reflections. I keep forgetting about that. My memory is blurry in the fact of what I even look like anymore. I sometimes loathe not having a reflection. Not being able to see the flaws on me or getting stuff out of my teeth. I guess that's the price I have to pay being a vampire and all.
I took a nice long hot shower trying to wash away the nightmare. After my shower I got dressed and walked out of my room. My tummy growled at me. I cursed under my breath. When was the last time I ate? I racked my brain for something. I sighed two days ago. It has been two flipping days since I've ate anything. What am I trying to do to myself? Starve to death? That's not the way to go down. I threw my room key on the front desk and went outside quickly. I really didn't want to run into that pervert or else I might kill him this time. The night air breeze hit me. The cold breeze did nothing to my already cold skin. I scanned the parking lot trying to find any stray animal to drink from. I did. I found a cat-my least favorite animal-walking towards my car. Well isn't this my lucky day. I crouched down by my baby and whistle to the cat. The cat walked slowly towards me not knowing if it should trust me. Finally it went under my hand. I grabbed its neck and snapped it in half. I felt my face change into my hunting one. I don't know what this face looks like, but I know it is monstrous. I sank my teeth in the cat's neck and I felt its bitter blood going down my throat. Animal blood doesn't taste anything like human blood, but I just have to deal.
Welcome to Los Angeles. The sign taunted me. The city of angels lovely. I didn't know where to go. This city is huge. Never been to a big city before. I turned left just guessing where to go. I pushed on the brake and I heard my car screech. I rubbed the headboard telling my baby I was sorry for the abrupt halt. I stared in front me seeing hundreds of monsters out in the street. Just follow the army of demons to the center of battle. I sighed. I am defiantly going to regret this. I lightly pushed on the gas pedal and followed the crowd. Once they stopped I got out of my baby.
"If I don't come back…make sure you will find someone who loves you like I do." I told my Mustang and patted her hood. "Bye baby." I turned around facing the battlefield. No wonder Drusilla said the streets will be filled with blood there's a fricken war going on here. I went inside a building and came out of the back door into an alley. The building next to the one I came out of was a hotel.
I never been present in a war before heck I never saw so much violence other than movies. I saw about four people fighting against all kinds of demons. I ran towards them getting my pistol out of the waistband of my jeans. I pointed my handgun at a demon who was about to slash out at the human. I shot and the demon backed away. I run towards the human boy and knelt by him. I checked him to see if he were alright. His side had a deep stab wound and his shirt was filled with blood. I pressed my hand hard on his wound trying to stop the bleeding.
"It's going to be okay." I reassured the boy. I lied. His wound his too big and he lost a lot of blood. He is not going to make it. I looked more closely at this boy's features. His skin was the color of chocolate and he had no hair. His brown eyes look into mine curious.
"Who are you?" He searched my face for anything that will make him remember who I was. He doesn't know because I don't even know him. I put my hand on the side of his face.
"It doesn't matter who I am. What's your name? I might need to get your friends to tell them you got hurt." I calmly said. I put on a small smile trying to make his death easier. He coughed up blood and stared at me again.
"Gunn. My name is Gunn." He coughed again. I rubbed his shoulder and put more pressure on his wound.
"Okay, Gunn listen to me. Everything is going to be okay. After this battle you will be patched up and running around." I am lame at this, but nonetheless he smiled up at me. He nodded his head. He couldn't speak since it's getting hard for him. I made shush noises and rubbed his shoulder some more. He coughed much roughly now. His eyes didn't show any fear, but he look peaceful.
"Hey. Tell Angel he is one of my best friends and to make sure he will destroy Wolfram and Hart…"He coughed a little more. "…and tell Spike I had the pleasure of getting to know him and fighting beside him. Just tell them they were my family and I will miss them." I didn't notice I was crying until I saw something hit his cheek, but then again it's raining outside. Gunn's heartbeat slowed down and then I heard nothing at all. No breathing, no heartbeat. I laid his body on the ground and closed his eyes.
"Goodbye, Gunn." I whispered. I felt I needed to say some last words before I go straight into the war zone and forget all about him. I turned on one foot and faced the chaos before me. I put my PT 917 pistol (my other baby) back into my waistband and decided not to use a weapon to fight. Why should I anyway? What best weapon is there to fight a demon other than another demon, which is me. I felt tiny pinching around my forehead and cheeks. I let my tongue go over the sharpness of my fangs. I sometimes wish I could know what this face looks like, but then again I would also be afraid of myself.
Battles were washing over each other in waves. I saw a tall man with black spikey hair taking down a dragon while stabbing it through the head during flight. He got off the dragon's back and pulled out one of its tooth- I guess to prove he took down a dragon. I know him. I saw his faded picture in Drusilla's stolen items. He has to be Angel. I started making my way towards him until a demon stepped in front of me. I didn't get a good look at it, since the demon clawed at my face. I stumbled a bit, but I got back on my feet and whipped around him in a second. Its head looked side to side and when it was about to turn around I grabbed his head, and turned it until I heard the sickling crack. The demon dropped lifeless to the floor turning into green goo. I gazed back to where I saw Angel, but he wasn't there anymore.
"Fuck." I mumbled under my breath. I ran into battle taking down demons left to right. I have to admit I used my gun a couple of times.
I got pushed into a brick wall by my own kind. Thank goodness though because I actually know how to kill them. She grinned mockingly at me. I could tell she is a fledging like me, but unlike me she turned a couple of weeks ago. I already knew killing her would be easy as making pie. I let the vampire slut have her share of fun. Now it's my time. She put her hands around my neck trying to break my bones. She let her guard down thinking I'm going to be dead soon. Please. I felt the stake sliding out of my jacket sleeve. All I need to do now is grab it and stab her. My fingers brushed the point of the stake and I bit my lip, since I am still a little sensitive to pointy wood-no pun intended. My skin slightly gets scratched by stakes. I personally hate it. I finally got a hold of the stake and thrust the wooden stake into her un-beating heart. She fell to the floor-oops I mean her ashes fell to the floor. Through the particles of dust remaining in the air I saw him. The one I have been looking for all this time. His peroxide blonde hair was tousled by the battle. His black duster hung on him loosely and he is winning a fight against a demon. I can't believe in midst of an enormous war going on I found him right there in front of me. I started walking towards him ignoring the demons coming after me. I could only see him. He killed the demon in a matter of seconds and went to another one. At that moment I saw it. The most beautiful light I have ever seen; golden white light glowing inside of him. Do all souls look like his? I really hope mine looks exactly similar to his.
Spike sniffed the air and his nostrils flared. He looked up and locked his eyes on me. From far away I could tell he has very intense blue eyes. If I wanted to I could drown in them, but I didn't allow myself. I couldn't. Have to get him because my sire needs him-his sire needs him. When I opened my mouth to speak my chest burst into torturous agony. I fell to the ground clutching where my heart is. What is this? I looked up and saw Spike on the ground doing the same thing. No, this is bad. He's left vulnerable. I slowly started crawling my way towards him, but every time I simply move my body doubles over in pain. An image pressed against my head-a memory of Drusilla. Why am I having a memory of my sire at a time like this? Unless… She's dead. That's right isn't it. My sire runs off and goes gets herself killed while leaving me here to defend myself, and going on this stupid mission to find her dark knight. My anger washed over me and I didn't feel any more pain. I stood up and put my attention on the man in front of me. He still kneeled on the floor starting off into the distance with complete grief showing on his face. I feel kind of bad for Spike losing her has to be taking a toll on him.
A tan demon with long spikes sticking out all over the place went behind Spike. I stared in horror. I can't lose Spike he's my only hope to survive in this world.
"No!" I roared. Spike didn't hear me at all. How could he not? The demon got a long piece of wood. I sprinted with all my might, but I was too late. The demon plunged the piece of wood into Spike's heart, and all that stood was Spike's ashes. This cannot be happening. I repeated those four words in my head. I turned in a circle seeing so much death before me. What do I do now? I failed my sire and I failed my vampire kin. I have nowhere else to go. I might as well fight more demons, and hopefully one of them will kill me so I could join Drusilla and Spike.
Blue hair caught my sight. She stood in front of millions of demons. Her red leather suit darken by each drop of rain. I swear I saw blue cracks going all over her body. She caught me staring and she cocked her head in confusion.
"I've seen you before. Not here; in another time." She screamed in pain holding her sides. I walked closer to her worried. "No stay away! You don't belong here! Somewhere else-I've seen you somewhere else. All these human emotions are washing over me. I hate them. I can't stand them. You!" She pointed at me. "I know you." Her skin crackled showing blue light. She threw her head back and screamed. Blue light erupted out of her throwing me backwards. I covered my eyes from the blue light and my head hit something hard causing me to black out.
Something wet hit my nose. I rolled over and groaned. Again the wetness hit my cheek.
"Five more minutes." I slurred into the hard cold floor. Wait a minute floor? I sat upright in panic. I rubbed my head from the blow I've taken. I scanned the room I was in. Everything look cement. I stood up and slowly walked towards the door. Once I put my hand around the handle everything that happened a couple of minutes ago rushed right back into me. Where did the blue hair girl go? And what the hell was she rambling about? I opened the door and faced a cemetery and the night sky. The most important question is: Where the fuck am I?